#trsof

 So, my life has been quite intense recently. I’ve just returned from an exchange student program that changed my life. I became stronger, I learned how to handle myself and how to love myself there. I felt good, safe and for the first time I could dress up (I can't do that in my country because nice clothes are seen as targets for robbery) and feel beautiful. The country was made for me and for my growth. I came back around October simply because I missed my family. Well… The thing is, I came back for a family I don’t have. My family fights all the time and I end up caught mid-fire. They are usually kind to me, but it’s hard to live with people that hate each other. I’m caught in the gossips, the complains and it makes my anxiety and stress levels to go higher than I can possibly handle. If that wasn’t enough, my thoughts and feelings are completely ignored by the people I love most. And if I express my feelings I get shouted at. I also noticed, more than before, that I have no friends. I have people who tolerate me, but I’m irrelevant to their lives. If I’m not there, it’s just the same. Basically no one really cares and I don’t fit in anymore. Just as my family, I get treated as a child despite being almost 25 years old and I catch myself having to shout to be heard. (I haven’t once raised my voice last year, because I was in a place where people actually respected me and listened to what I had t say.) Above all, I came back to a country in crisis, in which you have to be careful 24/7 due to violence, we have shitty public… Everything. Safety, health, transportation, everything is awful and expensive. Not only that, the people are SO aggressive, ALL the time. Even the simple things are solved by shouting, fighting, etc. People seem unable to discuss something without shouting and getting angry as if you have offended their mother! And that includes people who live with me. I can’t express my feelings or thoughts because I fear they’ll get angry. Basically, I’ve never been happy here, but now that I feel even more left out. So, due to all that, my depression has been hitting me like a fighter. I’ve been trying to do stuff, to work, to go out, but it’s been hard. My usual coping methods seem to have lost efficiency and I honestly lost the will to live. I just keep surviving. Which, finally, leads to TRSOF… Well, I give my whole heart to this fic. I love it with all my heart and it's one of the works I am most proud of. But it’s heavy and sad, so I don’t feel like writing it right now. Before, I got sad writing it, but I was in a good state of mind, so it was okay. I still felt good writing it. Now it's just hard, because I can no longer focus on the characters and their lives. Bottom line: This is why I’m putting it in a (hopefully) minor hiatus. I’ve been working on something else, which mixes angst and humor, but since it’s mostly humor I can handle it. (I might post it if I feel comfortable enough, but for now I'm having fun just for myself.) I’m really sorry about TRSOF because I absolutely love that story, but that is why I don’t wanna write it in my current state. I hope you understand and thank you for reading so far.