Steam kept rushing out when the bathroom door opened. You didn't realize it as the cold air from the aircon was surrounding you. You were lying on the sofa holding your phone. Sometimes you kept silent, at other times you swore.
He came out from the shower with a towel around his neck, just when he wanted to rub his hair dry he noticed that your position was still the same as that before he took a shower. Some tufts of your hair were still dripping wet.
He wanted to tell you off, but before words came out from his mouth, he placed his towel over your head, then rubbed your hair gently and carefully. "Why are you so busy? You keep talking on the phone." He frowned, but his hands were still gentle on you. You looked at his focused expression, and doubted whether to swallow back the words at the tip of your tongue.
He thought he hurt you when he saw your frown, so he smiled and patted your head, then continued rubbing your hair dry with more tenderness. Just as if every strand of your hair was his priceless treasure.
You are just too nice for your own good.
You kept this to yourself, because you know he was truly hurt this time.
In the program a few days ago, or even previous schedules, it was not the first time. Those unfair treatments... You couldn't find him in teasers and promotions, just as if Kim Jongdae existed only as a set. He would just smile and nobody cared about his screening time, nobody would care about his reactions.
And no one ever paid attention to his emotions.
Damn. They didn't care BUT YOU ALWAYS DID.
Not only you, Kim Jongdae is loved by so many people! Why did they treat him like that always!
You really wanted to cut open the producers' skulls and see if their brains were working alright. Why did they repeat such mistakes again and again.
Or maybe these were not even mistakes, rather an insult, or a look-down.
You didn't want to think like this, but reality always brings you to think more extremely. "Dazed?" He waved his hand in front of your face, and you suddenly realized that your hair was dry, but his hair was still slightly wet.
You sadly and angrily snatched the towel from his hands, threw it over his head and ruffled his hair just to vent your frustration. He didn't stop you, he let you lose your temper, he just stared at you silently.
You looked straight into his eyes, the eyes that curve into crescent moons when he smiles. You understood, and knew more than enough that this was an expression he makes whenever he is truly disappointed.
Yes. Kim Jongdae is like this. The kind of person who is the first to offer encouragement and give consoling hugs. Even if there was a child losing his temper crying on the streets, he would buy candies to comfort him.
But when he himself is hurt, he never cries.
You told him a few times, “Cry when you want to, don’t worry about me. I get anxious even when you are not crying!” Yet he always replied with a light silent smile, gazing at you. After some time, you finally understood, that was his most dejected expression.
Your frustration kept building up these few days, like a volcano accumulating its energy. At this particular moment, under Jongdae’s silent gaze, it erupted. “You fool! Cry when you are depressed! Are your tear glands out of order?! You can scold those people in front of me! Backbiting isn’t a thing, you are too good to go to hell okay? Those bastards! I will treasure my Jongdae!”
You hugged him, and cried so hard that you couldn’t even speak. Tears dropped with every word you spoke. But there were still no evident emotions on his face, he just gently patted your back and comforted you.
After a while, he pushed you away, looked into your eyes, and asked you while smiling, “Do you want a drink?”
xx
Stars should fill the night sky, but light pollution in the city was too severe, you could only see the moon high up on the sky now.
You and Jongdae didn’t discuss about the unhappy issues while drinking beer, but joyfully talking about the two’s childhood memories. Some stories like you falling flat on your face on the bus, or his mother dressing him up as a girl to take a stroll around a mall…
Although there were nothing hilarious, sharing and chitchatting without any pressure, just smiling could also make one relaxed.
You knew this was a way Jongdae seeks comfort. Every time when there is a situation, he never asks others why, he just questions his own abilities in his heart. While talking random things to diverse attention.
Some people are born like this, who dislike opening up emotionally to others. It was not that he did not love you, he just thought that sharing these would do no difference. Keeping these emotions to himself wouldn’t do too much of a harm, so he would rather not tell anyone.
He didn’t want you to worry after all.
Look, such a great person, the sweetest Kim Jongdae. Why couldn’t people notice him? “Thank you babe.” Suddenly, he turned his head to look at you, his slightly drunk face made him look unguarded. But his smile made you more intoxicated than the glass of alcohol in your hands. “Why are you thanking me?”
He turned his body around, and laid down on your knees, with his face facing you. “Thank you for calling the broadcast company non-stop, thank you for dissing on their official weibo account. Thank you for everything.” “You… you knew?” He must be drunk, he laughed nasally and scratched your nose with his finger. These didn’t seem enough, so he sat up and pecked your cheek, and laid back down without acknowledging your reaction. “I am… truly depressed this time, maybe this has accumulated for long, it is so tiring. There might be many reasons… to allow this to happen… All in all, it is because I am not popular and strong enough.” “Bullshit. You…” “Shhhh… Let me finish, you have spoken so much today, let me do the talking now.” Jongdae shook his finger, slightly playful `but very serious at the same time. “Popularity is very objective, I can recognize this. Look… if EXO is a starry night, I might just be the smallest star among all… No one remembers, or maybe the sky's too bright… and nobody could notice me.” He smiled and continued, “But my fans remember me! I am really grateful that they put so much effort in a person who doesn’t have any relationship with them. Even when they let out their emotions through posts and words on SNS, every one of those are proving my existence.” “Jongdae ah… Are you a bit too... optimistic…” You sniffed. Then he smiled again. “No I don’t! Didn’t I tell you I am truly depressed this time?” You sighed, and stroked his hair.
He permed his originally straight hair for this comeback, but every time when he was at home, his hair felt soft and fluffy in your hands. Just like Jongdae, whenever you were worried about him getting hurt, he would return and tell you that he is fine.
How could you not love him dearly?
“Every occupation has its ups and downs. Even students can fail an exam after working hard. I am in such a situation right now, although I put in a lot of effort, after I took my exam, it turns out that my paper was stolen, and the teacher marked me an F.” Jongdae sat up and embraced you, patting your shoulders. “At least it is not my mother’s punishment that is waiting for me, it is you, and my fans’ warmth and passion.” Thank you.
xx
You forgot how you returned to your room that night. When the alarm went off in the morning, you helped yourself up half-consciously, to found out that Jongdae had already changed, ready to head out. “I have a schedule now. There is coffee in the thermos cup, sandwich in the fridge.” He pinched your cheeks, saying, “I need earn a living for us!” He smiled and you followed suit. You didn’t recall any of the unhappiness at this moment. You only knew that Kim Jongdae is Kim Jongdae, a pure blessing.
He kissed your lips and smiled. “The first person who spot the star has the right to name it. Although the name Chen was not chosen by you, I know enough that you are the first one to discover me. I am willing to overcome everything even if it is only for you. So don’t be sad, cheer me on! The heart can heal, don’t worry.” This might sound pretentious, but who lives a life without hardships? He thanked you again silently. You understood immediately and waved at him with a smile on your face. “Kim Jongdae fighting! Chen fighting!” “I will, my Chenmi, fighting too.”