#tristeciolfo

Rodolfo woke up in the middle of the night. This hardly happened but something was tickling his face and as soon as he opened his eyes he found out It was Lucrécia’s long hair that had find its way to his face. He put the strands away, blinking in the darkness of the room.

He looked around to his bed-mates. Tristão had a firm arm around him and holding him closely, keeping him safe even on his sleep. Lucrécia was facing away and looked like she was about to fall down.

Rodolfo reached for her, pulling her closer to his body. Now it seemed right, to have both his lovers surrounding him in a way he could actually feel their warm.

More than that, he could feel Tristão’s breath on his neck, as well as the very soothing beat of his heart against his bareback. Placing one of his hands on Lucrécia’s waist, he could feel her body moving with each breath.

There was something magical about feeling them around that made him feel happy and safe. Like he could sleep and when he woke up, they would still be there. And so they would on the next day. And the next.

If once the Idea bored him now he was feeling quite dependent on that. On knowing he wouldn't be alone. Not anymore.

He thought about his lovers and the blatantly differences between them. Tristão was the tallest and biggest men Rodolfo ever remember meeting while Lucrécia was the tiniest woman he knew - and that was probably the first thing anyone noticed on both of them.

Rodolfo haven’t ever been involved with many men. He could count on his hands. Maybe that’s why he always kept coming back to Tristão. When he desired a men, Tristão was the safest choice and his favorite one.

He had had many women and Lucrécia wouldn't be on his list if he had chosen her based on the same things he choose others. Women were easier to get, on his eyes. He knew how to seduce them. Lucrécia just found her way into his life in a weird way he couldn't really explain.

He had known Tristão since forever. Had been in a non declared relationship with him for longer than he could remember. It seemed like Tristão was part of his routine. There was no important memory of his that Tristão wasn't part of.

He knew Lucrécia for a lot less time. He decided to marry her in an impulse. There was a lot of her he didn’t know or didn't understand. But now she was there and she was to become his routine, a big part of his life as well.

Tristão was steady. He was like earth. Like a tree. A strong and high tree, always there, to support you, to give you shadow, to protect you from the sun. A tree that when you were lost, you just had to look up and find It and you’d know your way home. Calm, gentle. But so, so strong. A reliable presence.

Lucrécia was the unknown. She was like rain, like wind. A force of nature that could be a bless but could also mean destruction. He didn’t know what would come next from Lucrécia, and while It seemed to worry some people, It didn't to him. He could understand some of It, in some level.

They were… Completely different people. And yet he loved them both and choose them to give the only thing he never thought he would - his heart. He gave them the power to hurt him now. Like he had hurt them, several times before.

The thought they could have used It against him was terrifying…. But they didn't. Maybe because they were better people than Rodolfo himself. It was easy to confess that in the middle of the darkness, only to himself, with no one to hear his thoughts.

He had messed up so many times, specially with them… He couldn’t even say anything about his fear of them leaving, as that would be unfair with how much he did to push them away. But maybe they did know.

If Lucrécia decided to leave, for sure and forever, Rodolfo’s wouldn't let anyone new come to his life. No, he would forever maintain the distance, to never believe in someone else again.

If Tristão left him, Rodolfo didn't even think he would survive. Tristão had been there all this time. What would be left of Rodolfo? In what could he believe If that happened? No, Rodolfo would be left in pieces, to never recover any more.

Love was really a dangerous thing. Something that he tried to avoid at all costs, but ultimately couldn't. Because he didn’t want to be alone, after all.

So he prayed they would stay.

And meanwhile, he’d memorize their warm, the way their skin felt against his. Every kiss, every moment. Every detail. 

Because he couldn’t remember a moment where he had been happier in his life. And he didn’t think he could be happier than that.