#trigger subjects

please i need to know

I like to believe that I mingle and blend well at social gatherings.  I can be fun, playful and willing to listen and engage. (I once sat through someone explaining how their daughter wanted to be a dolphin trainer.  Found out she was attending college in Iowa.  Don't see many dolphins in that state.)  With the holiday party season, nearing I was given a talking-to from the wife about dos and don'ts and how behaving is important.  I explained I'm fairly confident that I know what is proper party banter.  Of course,  we're all aware of trigger subjects, I won't get into sex, religion or politics.  She said "Exactly".  I asked about animal experiments would that be conversation fodder?  I got probably not on that subject.  Would a news story I heard about a blind surgeon be interesting?  Of course, it would she said.  How about a blind hooker? (The devil made me say that.)  You can guess the response I got to that.  (It's a beautiful story with an amazing ending.  But I guess a blind hooker tale is too intense.)  I brought up how I couldn't remember the last time I mentioned something at a party that made anyone uneasy.  She threw out; "Do you recall the discussion about the appearance of men and women in the morning when they first get up at my co-workers' holiday party last year?"  Okay, that did get crazy, but not from me.  This was the discussion I initiated. (I was totally innocent here.) I mentioned how it's funny how most men wake up and look as good as when they went to bed.  But most women seem to deteriorate during the night.  It takes a lot more effort to get back to that before bed look in the morning. (Be honest with yourself, it's true.) Some people are way to uptight.  I won't say any more about that but things got lively.  I'm poor at sitting still and being quiet when I hear something I have a line for.  Someone was talking about how technology is just taking off.  They said in twenty years all our appliances will talk.  I mentioned how I really don't want to hear what my appliances have to say.  I tell my vacuum cleaner something and what's it going to say?  "You want me to suck what?"  Who wants to deal with that?  I promised my wife I will make her proud at any of her co-workings parties.  She suggested counting to five before throwing out something weird.  I told her don't worry.  She can count on me.  I've already decided to not count calories this holiday season.  I'm going to spend all my time counting my blessings.