#tricky kid

I’m a writer. That much is a given. I keep this blog, and I’ve written a couple of books. Well, I’ve written a few books, but a couple of them I’ve actually self-published here on the internet. 

I’m thinking about my next project now. Doctor Destroyo, my 2nd novel, is almost completed. I’m doing some final edits on the hardcopy edition, and then it’s done. It’s out. It’s on the go. 

So what comes next?

Well, I’m thinking about beginning to edit my next book, The Long Dark Road. But rather than just sitting with it while I edit it, I’m considering publishing it online as I go, perhaps as a tumblr account. A chapter a week, every week, until it’s done, and then I’ll put it out as a book as well.

I think this might be an interesting way to build up my audience a bit. Have a small bit of writing come out once a week that slowly tells a larger story. I know a lot of people don’t really want to sit down and read an entire ebook, but maybe just a chapter a week, or thereabouts, would be a good way to bring people in on it? 

I worry all too much about “fame” and “fortune” especially for a guy who’s goals are to be a writer/actor. You don’t get into the arts to get rich and well-known, y’know? I’m not stupid. I know that. You do it because you have a drive, a need, to be involved in the process of storytelling. Because you can’t not do it. 

I feel a little scared lately, about my path & my progress. I feel sometimes like I’m deluded into thinking I deserve success. I’ve felt that way about love, previously. I was comparing success as an artist to success as a lover yesterday, saying how when I was single & unloved, I couldn’t imagine ever being with somebody and loved by them. And I am single again now, but I don’t feel unloved. And I’ve been not-single a number of times. I guess what I’m awkwardly saying is, I’ve overcome seemingly unsurmountable obstacles before, so there’s no reason to think that I won’t be able to do it again. I have to remember how big those mountains looked before I climbed them, and how small they seemed once I was atop them. 

I just want to put out some books that people fall in love with so they can give me some money and then I can quit my day-job and get a nice place on my own where I can just work on further projects. Hell, I don’t even hate my day-job these days, I just want more time to put into my true pursuits, reading and writing and staring off aimlessly for hours at a time. Going for long walks and talking to cats and watching a lot of TV.

I dunno. I dunno for sure what comes next, what happens down the road, who comes along, who care, what matters. It’s all just kind of gel on the lens, blurring everything out of focus.