#treating illness

The tests were not what Dr. S. had thought they would be, white blood count still too high, hematocrits still too low (which is troubling because it's hard to know if it's because of an internal bleed or my iron being fucked ect.), my sugars are off the charts bad along with my a1c. Insert first new medication here - thankfully it's not Metformin because that shit made me sick for years. Other tests that weren't what she expected at all were my pancreatic enzymes (they were normal and she thought they would be bad), and my thyroid is still wonky so... more pills.

The one shining moment in this whole thing that has made me not want to curl up in a ball of despair is the fact that she feels like I am strong enough now, in a good enough head space now, to see their nutritionist - who doesn't just do nutrition but deals with food issues on the whole. Dr. S. promises that she would give Miss. L. a heads up that my anxiety and general distrust of medical professionals makes me more vulnerable - which I was almost really sad about until Dr. S. followed with "I see a change in you, you're ready to face this head on, but it doesn't mean we shouldn't be gentle with you, that you should have to go somewhere you don't feel safe". It's really weird to feel like your doctor not only understands but like cares that your issues feel insurmountable to you.