Nov 3, 2024
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I can’t get him out of my head. I fucking love him so much. This is the man I want to spend the rest of my life with. He has one problem. And sure it’s a problem I can be blindsided by. Though it is still a problem that can prevent us from ever being financially stable. It can cause a lot of problems. So far it has not. But when should we stop? When we’re homeless [again]? He makes me happy. Secure. Safe. Although I’m 26 in 2 days. I want to be financially stable. I love my boifriends family, though I would love to VISIT his family, no longer live with his family. His dad is a control freak, his step mom is great, his brother is nice, and I love his grandpa. Though... with our choices in habits, we really need to be living somewhere else.
Travis THomas. I’m sorry I’m not the best girlfriend. I do love you. Ugh. Boy. You’re fucking perfect in my eyes. All besides your habit. Besides that. You don’t lie to me. You’re the farthest thing from a cheater. You make me so beautiful. I fucking love you.
Joshua Saona Loves Travis Thomas
He really does. While forgetting he himself is human, he often under appreciates his relationship with such a beautiful and kindred soul. He would love to blame the drugs, which of course influence a lot of the negative thoughts and and outcomes to situations, though who went along with supporting, purchasing, and the ingestion process of such unstable properties of mental and physical destruction. The lack of trust is there on both parts, though I feel after a certain amount of time being completely sober would relinquish that disdain, we both need to realize that we could obtain everlasting satisfaction in one another, if we just put our faith, hope, and trust completely in each other, and in Christ. We lack patience. And we want instantaneous entertainment, and gratification, and with how cheap, and easy, it is to obtain such substance, in which we spent years of our lives too, which weren't all bad... Yet we know and accept, yet willingly surrender our sanctity, and freedom, to self medicating. He thinks I'm always looking to get out of this relationship, which is quite the opposite. I fucking love him. He's great! Amazing! Though we do influence each other, and lately it has been more in a darker light. Destroying one another, while ultimately destroying ourselves, and anything we want and are striving to achieve for the future. I'm so subdued to my whole mentality, which I blame my negative conditioning to either from the people who raised me; my past significant other; to the peers who helped shape me. Im constantly worrying about possible outcomes, and hidden agendas, that I don't see, nor appreciate, the beautiful soul that has been bestowed upon me. Things seriously need to change. In me. In my lifestyle. I seriously hate myself. I really need to get my relationship with Jesus back on track. Plus I really think it'll help both Travis and I stay on a more positive track in life.