Till trauma exploration, sexual/abusive Lukatill, romantic Ivantill, reincarnation AU, angst
tags : ooc (till fucks but for sad reasons), till w a pussy, underage substance abuse, unhealthy coping mechanisms, luka and till hatefuck while drunk and ivan sees the very end of it, ivan kinda suffers too, heavy ptsd, past sa/sexual abuse (in the alnst universe), just more sad the dove has been shot and its not coming back, also mizi suffers a bit too, could also be abo for added suffering (as in when till and luka hatefuck till could be in heat, gets pregnant, and then erases it all while ivan is losing his mind), undealt with trauma
everyone was reincarnated, modern times setting.
the main four grew up as childhood friends, no memories of alnst, till still has a crush on mizi as a child but realises pretty quickly she's very much into girls when they were all around 13 and found mizi and sua kissing
everything goes by fine, nothing out of the ordinary. not until one night when they were second years in high-school where till and mizi both remember everything, and not just remember, they can see it as if it was yesterday. they can feel the sensations. specifically for till, he can see ivans death, smell the rain and feel the kiss he and ivan shared, and worse than that. he can feel what urak did to him, every sensation and smell and touch is fresh in his mind.
during alsnt everyone was so on edge wondering if they would make it to the next day, dealing with traumatising situations everyday, so they never really had the time to sit down and process their emotions or trauma. that meant that till was immediately sent into a downward spiral.
it starts with cutting class (ivan notices but doesn't comment), then moves on to worse things fast, smoking, drinking, getting a fake id from luka due to his rich kid bullshit privilege (in exchange for the id he gave luka a blowjob, luka said it as a joke but till ended up doing it).
till uses the fake id to go to clubs to try and numb his mind enough to not have thoughts, he loses his virginity to a guy probably old enough to be a slightly young uncle in a dingy bathroom stall. he without realising it sought the horrible feelings arak gave him during his abuse, it was all he knew and it was so fresh in his mind it felt like everything he ever experienced before he remembered immediately disappeared. he continues to sleep around, with both men and women, he felt actual pleasure more so with women as they had the same downstairs equipment so they were able to please him a lot better. he became good at sex, he never fully enjoyed it though, it was simply to numb himself further.
ivan notices things pretty quickly, from tills breath smelling like nicotine and cheap booze, to marks all over his collar bones and neck that he tried and failed to cover with bandaids or concealer. the heavy eyebags under his eyes and the biggest thing, him distancing himself from everyone and everything.
time skip something something they make it to college, tills behaviour doesn't stop and his friends (mainly ivan) have had enough bystanding and want to stage an intervention. that intervention ends in a lot of yelling, fighting, mizi being completely silent the entire time due to her having a pretty good understanding of why till is doing this (she probably would've spiraled too if she didn't have mizi), hyuna and ivan are having the biggest reactions, ivans mask fully gone and his worry and anger at such a bad breaking point he cant control his emotions. hyuna is pissed in a big sister like way, she's over protective of till and basically is his big sister. somehow some way till ends of physically fighting ivan, hyena tries to get him off and ends up getting elbowed in the face. and luka is just standing there, looking down on till.
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