Binder
(Trans masc Adrien, 1093 words)
There are a few things you learn about a person when you date them and no time else. How they snore like a little baby owl when sleeping on their stomach and insist it's the most comfortable position. How they kick their feet and shake their fists when they’re happy with a design before ultimately scraping it. How she trusts him with all her heart and he can’t trust her. Not with this.
The one thing Adrien should probably tell Marinette because they’re dating is perhaps the hardest to admit.
It's sickening in his stomach just thinking about it. He can’t exactly poke her in the back right now and say ‘Oh you know your boyfriend? What if I told you he’s not actually a boy.’
He can’t let her know he’s wearing a binder or that he has to inject himself every few weeks or that he stuffs a sock down his pants because that would end with her staring at him like he’s an alien and ending the only good thing in his life. Besides, in a couple years she wouldn’t even be able to tell. Not that she’d wait a couple years.
Adrien stops his hand short of tapping her shoulder and turns onto his back, breathing through the strain. Marinette continues to snore, unaware her ‘not actually a boy’ friend is tossing and turning beside her.
It’s different when he’s Chat Noir. Something about its magic makes him realer than he is as Adrien. Plagg explained it all between bites of camembert. The suit can’t exactly out him, that wouldn’t reflect his true self, so it adapted him instead. Chat Noir can run without running out of breath because his binder is constricting his lungs because Chat Noir isn’t wearing a binder. Chat Noir is him fully realised.
He can’t transform into Chat Noir right now just because he wants to fall asleep beside his girlfriend. And he can’t take off his binder without Marinette noticing. So he’s stuck pretending as he always does.
“Adrien?” Marinette mutters through a yawn.
“Yes?” He pretends to just wake up.
“Sorry.” She flips onto her back. “Did I wake you?”
“Yeah, but I don’t mind. What’s up?”
Her face tenses slightly as whatever she wants to say passes through a mental barrier. Then it settles and she turns to him in the beginning of morning light. “Do you want to kiss me?”
He’s taken aback for a moment. It's strange for her to go so off script. Another thing he knows about her, she likes to plan. It’s nearly reminiscent of Ladybug if only for the fact that Marinette plans every interaction while Ladybug plans insane ways to defeat akumas.
“Yes, I always do. Why are you asking?”
“I had a dream.” She explained simply, leaving a gap for him to fill in the rest. “So are you going to kiss me?”
Adrien nods and kisses her bottom lip. Every touch is soft, being so early in the morning, and leaves his skin tingling. There’s a faint trace of the peach lip gloss she’s worn the previous day but Adrien loves the fact he can kiss her when she’s less than perfect. That she’d allow him to taste her lips against his when only a few weeks ago she’d worry about something as small as the lighting.
Marinette sighs into it, dropping her arms around his neck. She manoeuvres onto his lap between breaths. There's a need between them to be as close as possible.
The kiss deepens and then her mouth moves elsewhere. She kisses and sucks on his neck. Adrien shivers against her and he can feel her smile.
“Do you like that?” She asks.
“Yes.” He gasps. She presses another kiss to a sensitive spot near his ear.
He’s an idiot that he lets it go further.
His hands run up her body, taking her shirt with them, which she graciously removes so he can see her. She is beautiful.
And this is getting dangerous.
She bends down again, capturing his mouth. This is where it should stop. This is enough.
Her hands touch his chest.
Adrien doesn’t stop her.
He feels the exact moment she pauses. The exact moment her lips stills against his and he pathetically tries to continue. The exact moment she notices something is wrong and there’s a reason they’ve never gotten this far.
That her boyfriend is lying to her.
“Adrien?”
He doesn’t answer, refusing to look up from his lap. He doesn’t deserve to look at her now while she’s so beautiful and he’s nothing but a freak.
“Adrien?”
Her hand touches his cheek and he flinches away.
“Are you wearing a binder?”
He’d been told when he first got one that physically no one would ever notice it. That as long as he didn’t let anyone touch his chest for an extended period of time they would never know. He was safe.
Marinette gazes down at him, waiting for an answer.
“I am.”
“Oh.”
Oh. That’s all she could say. Oh, my boyfriend’s actually a girl. Oh, he’s been lying to me, tricking me. Oh-
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
Adrien looks up, confused.
“Aren’t you mad at me?”
“No. Never.” She moves off of his lap and slides in next to him. “I’m just wondering why I don’t know.”
“No one does. My father doesn’t want anyone to find out, in fear of the backlash.”
“Is he supportive?”
“He accepts me.”
“But he doesn’t support you.”
“Yeah. Mom was the one who did the supporting.”
She’s silent again but still beside him at least. He can hear her think everything through. Deciding if this is a dealbreaker.
“So would you prefer to keep the binder on when with me or take it off?”
Adrien is surprised to say the least. He’s always been told that if anyone found out they’d leave him. No one could love a liar.
“You’re fine with it?”
“Of course I am.”
“Oh.”
Marinette laughs quietly and then traces her finger down his cheek.
“I just want you to be comfortable.”
Adrien rests his head on her shoulder. The reaction he’d constructed in his head seems almost dumb now. Of course Marinette, kind and compassionate Marinette, wouldn’t hate him for being different.
“Then, I’d prefer to take it off.”
“That’s alright. Anything else?”
“You can touch me. Just not there, not yet.”
“Okay.” Her head turns so she can kiss the top of his head. “Thank you for trusting me. I know this isn’t probably how you wanted me to find out."
It’s nice to trust her.
(i wanna right trans fem, gender non conforming and non binary Adrien now too. Nothing can stop me!!!! I hope the kissy scene was okay!! I don't usually post them)
((I hope this is good and please reblog with your thoughts because fan interaction blah blah blah.))
