Swindle tried to go through a random box just to see what he could find and Vortex had to smack him on the helm for it, lol. Blast Off is a bit prissy and tried to say some of your stuff really wasn’t good enough for you and you should replace them, to which Swin immediately tried to get you to make a deal with him for new things, it went nowhere but he still tries often. 

This base is loud. Like- extraordinarily loud all the damn time. They like to fight and spar randomly, brawls (ha-) breaking out in the middle of the common rooms everyday, shit gets smashed constantly. They just find it fun. It’s mostly Vortex, Brawl and Blast Off. Swindle doesn’t really physically fight as much, but boooy is he a shit talker. Onslaught only gets involved if he’s really having a fun time or if he needs to separate the others. Brawl bodyslams and Vortex likes to suplex lmao

Fighting isn’t the only noise. They play loud music too. You host a karaoke night and dear Primus did they go balls to the wall with it. They had a blast. Although they did get absolutely hammered during it. 

Sounds of metal working in the background often fill the base halls, repairing whatever damages they caused this week. Cackling laughter when one of them falls flat on their faceplate or aft.  Groaning and paying up for bets someone lost. Brawl accidentally broke down a door by forgetting to open it one time. This base just reeks of noise, lol. 

The interior design sense of this group needs work. Again, frat house. Swindle and Blast off value nice things for their various reasons. But the other three? If it works, it works. 

Vortex once decided to be nice and found you a human couch so you didn’t have to be uncomfortable. Nice! Thanks guy. Problem is, it’s the ugliest thing you’ve ever seen and you’re pretty certain bleaching your eyes and then setting the damn thing on fire still wouldn’t fix it. If you tell him, voice filled with laughter and no real malice, he’s still gonna pout, lol. 

There’s broken autobot badges on the wall, a dart board that’s torn to shit. The paint job is peeling on the ceiling and it’s literally repaired with scrap. A bunch of gigantic bean bags. 

They do bring you some human stuff without even asking though. An arcade machine Vortex stole cause he thought it was cool. Onslaught brought in some chairs and blankets for the common rooms. Blast off bought you a plant. He doesn’t know how to take care of it in the literal slightest but it’s basically your shared child now. He loves that little guy. Swindle buys human stuff all the time even if it’s random. They hung up a bunch of those little colorful string lights humans often have in their berths because Brawl said you’d feel more at home, aww. 

Speak of ‘aww’, these mechs spoil and protect you like it’s their job. Admittedly, Swindle does most of the materialistic spoiling, bringing you random things he thinks you’d like simply cause he can. Don’t ask who or where he got it from. “A good con never shares their secrets!- or whatever the frag humans say.” 

Brawl would literally rip anyone apart for you. If someone makes you even mildly uncomfortable it’s a battle just to get him to not rip their helm off. Human, bot, he doesn’t care. He likes destruction but he’s not okay with someone hurting you. 

Vortex is a hardaft, at first acting all tough and honestly a bit tsundere until he warmed up to you. It was all for show anyhow. He offers to take you on flights with him now. He is happy to indulge in his expertise of interrogation if someone upsets you. Please stop him-

Blast Off is a gossip buddy. Talks shit and often Swin joins. He will absolutely tell you if something or someone isn’t good enough for you. He’s the best to watch shows with too, btw. He gets super invested and will let you lay on him while you watch, commenting on the actors and story telling throughout. Yes of course he brings popcorn cmon are you crazy? 

Onslaught is the team leader and he embodies that. He’s very protective of you, they all are. Ons is the most likely to be your shoulder to lean on. He’s not as destructive as the others, though probably still more than Swindle but that’s only if he gets mad. He actually enjoys hearing you rant while he’s working because it helps him not feel super bored. He’s a good listener. Pretty calm all things considered but will literally put a hole through someone if he finds out they hurt you. 

They take care of their little human. Need a ride to work? They’ll handle it. Need help putting together a new piece of furniture or something? Consider it done. Boss pissing you off? You’ve got five massive mechs offering to ice the guy, please tell them no- 

They listen to you, which is already surprising because they hardly listen to each other unless they’re fighting other bots. Then they work like a seamless team, absolutely and 100% in sync. It’s a crazy switch to see. 

They actually got really good at not talking over you. Their much louder voices make that pretty difficult so it took some time but now you’re as seen and heard as anyone else. You’re part of the team and they kind of need you to feel sane. You provide them a place that resembles home and that’s not something any of them are willing to let go of. They would never force you into anything though, other than like, sleeping when you need to or taking a break from work, lol. 

Brawl is clingy. He’s the type to flop in your lap randomly or pull you into his just cause he wants contact. For a mech known for his destruction, he sure looks a lot like a big ol teddy bear when he does that. 

Onslaught let’s you lay on his lap if you want, Vortex will NOT let you touch his rotors because they could cut you it’s because they’re sensitive. Blast Off always asks to touch your hair because he thinks the texture is nice. Swindle also flops in your lap and just immediately starts blabbering about his day without so much as a greeting lol. 

Cooking??? Babe they don’t eat human food let alone cook any Cybertronian cuisine. However, they are fascinated watching you cook and they try any food you offer them. Onslaught and Blast off are the only ones who take normal fucking bite sizes, the other three literally take half the sandwich every time. Vortex thinks it’s funny, Brawl doesn’t mean to and Swin is a gremlin. Vortex will offer to give it back. Blast off is the most hesitant to try human food and drinks, he just doesn’t think he’ll like them but he’s been pleasantly surprised. 

Yes they will ask you to cook for them on special occasions but they’ll help. Dishes? Done, also some are broken whoops. Need someone to chop the vegetables? On it but they might look like a toddler did it, still tastes fine though. 

Look, they like you, but that won’t stop them from digging through your snack stash. “Onslaught will restock- pssh, it’s fine!” Punch them. They deserve it. Don’t break your fist though. Vortex is the resident medic and he finds pain funny so- Swindle buys some wild vintage alcohol though so that’s cool. 

Playing video games with these mechs is fun. Mario Kart? They’re screaming. “THAT IS NOT WHAT DRIFTS ARE LIKE!” “FUCK THIS GAME!” “THATS IT- BRAWL, WE’RE FIGHTING NOW” Super smash bros is a common one too, just as bad. They will start physically fighting. 

Monopoly is banned. Onslaught had to literally throw out the board because Swindle kept winning and nearly got his head ripped off, he was talking shit the entire time too, cackling his aft off even while getting the scrap beat out of him by Vortex and Brawl lmao 

They’re all way too good at shooter games, it’s unsettling. They’ve got sixth senses, can shoot through walls and smokes perfectly, land shots from 100+ yards away like it’s nothing, etc. They all immediately switch into military mode on comms too. What a sight to see, lol. They’ll carry you if you bottom frag, tease you a bit, but if you do well? They’re all over it, literally screaming with glee lmao they’re so proud especially if you’re better than them 

Brawl is the most likely to just knock on your berth door and ask to nap there. Just likes the comfort, but sometimes has violent dreams/nightmares and wakes up in the middle of recharge. He won’t hurt you, but he might hold you extra tight to his chassis. Please remind him you need oxygen because he does not know his own strength. 

Onslaught and Vortex and both going to remind you to take breaks and get sleep. Vortex is also incredibly likely to just chuck snacks at you randomly, silently and then just walks off. 

Blast Off just walks straight into your berth to hang out. Like he lives there. “Haven’t you heard of knocking?” “I think we’re past knocking.” “I don’t???”

They don’t let you take part in the gruesome parts of their work, especially Vortex and Brawl. You’re not seeing that, period. Onslaught might let you help with datapad work if you want, it’s nice to have help. Swindle and Blast off try to pawn their work off lol. Vortex is the second most likely to actually do his datapad work after Onslaught. Will let you sit with him quietly and appreciates just working in the same space. 

They’re all very likely to hype you up, just in their own ways. Onslaught is honest and calm. Swindle finds giving praise to be second nature. Vortex is straightforward and smooth. Brawl is sweet and really doesn’t understand why you need hype, have you seen yourself? Blast Off is the best at giving genuinely advice. Yes, that shirt looks good untucked, I think this color suits you. That sort of thing. 

Self indulgent but I really think they’d all be head patters. Greeting you? Head pat. Going to bed? Goodnight head pat. Said something funny? Affectionate head pat. 

Most of them are the type to just grab something off a shelf for you and hand it to you without saying anything, like it’s second nature. Also the type to “politely” take something out of your hands to finish it for you. Like chores or work. 

They’re each affectionate in their own way too. Aside from the head patting. Brawl likes to hug you and hold you close to his chassis. He smashes his cheek against the top of your head and vents, lol. He will recharge right there he does not care. 

Swindle will let you sit on his lap or on his knee, showing you new valuables he’d acquired while he works. Swin calls you babe, like all the time. Likely to just throw an arm over your shoulders and stay that way. 

Onslaught let’s you sleep on him if you don’t want to be alone. Also let’s you sit on his desk next to him and just chat. Will lean back in his chair with his arms behind his helm while you ramble away. Also let’s you sit in his lap if you want. 

Blast Off will play with your hair or fingers, they’re so tiny compared to his. Likes to lay his helm in your lap, and especially likes when you scratch his helm. He will literally start purring, engine revving the entire time. 

Vortex pinches you, smooshes your cheeks together with one of his servos, and honestly will probably bite you. Not probably, definitely. Also very likely to tug you closer to him by your clothes randomly and catch you, pressing you against him while giggling like a little maniac. If you do touch his rotors he’s not letting you move for a while. Yes he purrs just like Blast Off.

If you ever pursue a romantic relationship with any of them/all of them just know that if you thought you couldn’t be more spoiled you’re about to be proven so so wrong. It increases ten fold. Also their protectiveness increases too. 

Swindle and Blast off are the least outwardly protective, but they’re still not strangers to laying a servo on your back or standing between you and another bot if they feel you’re not entirely safe or respected. Swin will blackmail anybody to keep you safe. His threats are feared by many many bots. 

Onslaught exercises restrain, but if someone seriously makes you uncomfortable or has you feeling unsafe, his ability to restrain himself dwindles greatly. You can see the mesh under his plating flex because he’s holding back from just decking the bot. 

Vortex and Brawl will just straight up ask you in front of whoever’s bugging you if it’s cool for them to beat the slag out of em. They do not care. They have no chill. Someone bothers you? Makes you uncomfortable? These two are the most physically protective by far. And also the least likely to restrain themselves. 

Now when it comes to jealousy- wooo boy. 

Onslaught is the least jealous, honestly whether it’s platonic or romantic he’s the most self assured. He’s the most conjunx material in that regard but also just a good bestie to have. He doesn’t get fussy about you spending time with others and he’ll only intervene if he senses you’re uncomfortable with whoever is talking to you. He cherishes the time he gets with you though, so he might laugh a bit when he pins you under his chassis instead of letting you go. He won’t keep you though if you really wanna go, he’d probably even drop you off if you wanted. He’s chill. 

Vortex and Swindle are both not super jealous, they’ve got a level of confidence in themselves and you that just means they don’t really think about it. You’re hanging out with other bots? Shrug. As long as you’re safe they have no reason to worry. That said, they may get impatient to see you and have you to themselves. If you’re uncomfortable with whoever is talking to you, and Primus forbid they flirt with you, then they’ll step in and probably be pretty rude to the bot lmao. These two are known for their forked glossas, words are their strong suit. They’ll make sure the bot knows not to mess with you again, period. 

Brawl definitely feels jealousy, but it’s the clingy protective kind. If you’re safe, he more so just misses you. Jealous that he can’t have more time with you. He won’t say anything about it though, just appreciates his time with you by pulling you in to cuddle for hours, lol. If you’re uncomfortable with someone you’re probably gonna have to tell him to chill so he doesn’t start a fight. Not that it’s much of fight, that poor other bot is about to quickly figure out why his name is Brawl, and then promptly meet Primus, lmao. 

Blast Off is the most likely to feel jealous but it’s just because he doesn’t want to be lonely and kinda has low self esteem that he poorly masks with arrogance. He’s not anything extreme, a simple hug and some reassurance is really all he needs, but if you praise him? He’s preening, nuzzles into you with a “yeah I know-“ and a big >:) on his face. 

When it comes to how they show affection, they each have their own preferences. Brawl is very physical. Wants to hold you, let you sit on his shoulder, cuddle you or have you in his lap. 

Onslaught and Vortex prefer quality time. Just chillin in the same space is good enough for them, but having contact with you is nice. Lean on their arm or lay in their lap while you read or do whatever and they’re happy. 

Onslaught also appreciates acts of service, especially if you’re offering to help him with planning or datapad work.

Swindle prefers gift giving, who coulda guessed. He loves showering you in presents, likes to see your reactions and hear your sweet thanks. 

Blast Off prefers words of affirmation. He’s got self confidence issues, and he never wants you to feel that way ever, so he lays the praise on thick. Tells you how much he cares and how much you mean to him constantly. 

Again, all of this can be romantic or platonic in my opinion! 

Celebrating holidays and birthdays is super fun with these mechs. Once you explain certain holidays to them, they’re all over it. Birthdays especially. You’re waking up to decorations and someone bought a cake and you aren’t gonna ask how they got it. 

Weirdly enough, they come to enjoy the calmness of holidays. It’s nice to just have fun, maybe spar a bit, eat some food and not worry about work. None of them really enjoy working anyway, and prefer to just chill all day like a bunch of frat boys lmao. It’s nice just getting to hang out on the couch or bean bags and play Mario kart or something, engex and energon being passed around and yes they make sure you have snacks too. Of course they do cmon now. 

Overall, living with them is super fun. Never a dull moment. Yes, someone is going to just waltz in one day with a pipe lodged in their chassis, but that’s normal round here. Swindle getting death threats? Eh, that’s just Tuesday. Brawl broke another table by simply standing up? Typical. Onslaught barely masking his headache? The headache has a name and it’s name is the Combaticons. 

They’re protective, rowdy, loud and love to fight. But they like you, and you’re part of the team now<3 

Bonus! How I see these little goblins, the incredibly simplified version: 

Brawl: violent teddy bear

Vortex: tough guy act but softer but still likes violence, ya know? 

Blast Off: spoiled rich brat but softy with self esteem issues masked by arrogance

Onslaught: protective leader type but on a hair trigger 

Swindle: little shitty gremlin w grabby hands 

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Note: have anyone in particular you wanna see me write another roommates post for? Please lmk:) I had so much fun with this!