#transferee

I usually do not make personal posts regarding myself or what and/or how I feel in most certainties. However, I have dug enough courage to be transparent about my own personal thoughts and feelings with this one.

When I first got informed that I was going to be switching schools, I honestly sobbed right after hearing about it. It was something I did not expect to happen, nor something I thought I will never be used to. Just the idea of leaving the people I'm used to be around with behind simply because the previous school I was in was a financial pain still made me sad. Then, remembering that I do have old classmates in the school I would be enrolled to, I simply tried to be optimistic about it. What could go wrong, right?

Note: If I am being precise, there are so many things I want to share, however I will only share things that I personally deem to be remarkable, or things that really stuck me in the head. This will still be really long though, so buckle up for some eye-wearing paragraphs.

Fortunately enough, I did not experience anything bad on the first day, in fact I felt a little better seeing two of my old classmates in the same room as I am, though unlike them I am not a part of any friend groups for obvious reasons. Still, in a way, I did not feel like a total stranger. I will be honest, I had some first impressions about some of them; I mostly thought that they might have certain attitudes or personalities that I knew to myself that I will not like at all. I thought some are simply chill and composed, and the remaining I just did not have any first impressions with.

At first, I did not know that students were required to bring their books for the first day (which was the orientation day), so I am pretty much the only one with a small bag in a room of like, 27 people. I was used to bringing a small bag during the first day, considering that I did come from a school that does that on their first day. It was honestly embarrassing for me, but luckily the teachers understood where I was coming from and got me quite off the hook for that one.

I will not lie, I felt pretty anxious and a bit frantic on the first weeks. I am pretty sure that everyone, in a way, has felt these mixed emotions whenever they are surrounded with people they are not familiar with. I had several thoughts, like "What if I keep forgetting their names?" or "What if I end up as a loner in this class?" Also, I knew to myself that I also have certain issues with my attitude, so some of them have probably seen me back in a time where they only knew my face because I was (and still am) a tindera. It really made me anxious considering that they might think of me as some sort of bratty, short-tempered girl with no control of her emotions.

Ninth grade was honestly a blast. I do not know how else to describe it, it just kind of is in many different ways, especially with my own academics. Making myself transparent with this part, I did not expect to tie with someone else when the first quarter rankings were released. I guess the power of being the consistent 2nd honor does not stop, even as a transferee. I was able to maintain being the 2nd honor throughout the school year, and that came along with being the 2nd high honor on the 4th quarter. Maybe 2 is my number, who knows?

I also didn't expect that I would be chosen to try out for the school's journalism team. Making myself transparent once again, my best skill comes down in writing. I have a very long history of joining essay contests and taking the crown at most of them, so half of me wasn't too surprised. Of course, I was still surprised considering the fact that again, I just transferred in the school and there's already something big knocking on my door. It did take me a while of thinking because I thought my writing skills are not good enough for journalism, but I took the offer and became a late photojournalist (who has never touched a camera throughout the rest of the year).

I had many memories throughout the school year, some that I cherish, and some that I wish to never remember again. I did feel at some times that I simply did not belong with anyone, that I could not establish myself in any group of people whatsoever, which led me to becoming quite lonely at certain times. One of the most stressful and honestly, one of the moments I had to cry was all the way back with the camera and/or photography report for Computer class.

To summarize that experience, everyone was given a chance to work with who they want to work with, and I ended up working with people that are usually not that favorable to work with. Just the thought of having to report with people that I knew are either unreliable or uncooperative made me stress out.

The worse part is that I had to carry most of their parts on the report, while I myself was already tired from making the entire presentation with no one willing to assist. There were moments where I honestly cried, especially on the process of making the presentation. There were times where I felt I was going to fail because the report included an overall group grade, and as someone who absolutely fears failure, it made me really stressed out. I guess the only good part is that I managed to survive through it with a high individual grade anyway.

Another really remarkable experience for me is something that has to do with making friends and stuff like that. In actuality, I didn't expect myself to be something as close to a best friend (but not entirely, I'm very sorry) with a boy, and I just know he knows I am talking about him. I do not want to put any label on the dynamic we have as I personally think it could be awkward between us, but overall it is my first time with actually gaining trust to someone of the opposite gender.

For a little background, my best friend in elementary was a girl, and most of the few friends I had were girls as well, and I didn't have that much trust to have boys as friends. I know it seems weird, but understand where I am coming from for this one. Most kids would be friends with people with the same gender as them, and in a way I'm glad I broke myself free from that small social stereotype.

I didn't expect those few times where I would reach out to him back when I was at my lowest points, and I didn't expect I could trust him with those things, and eventually our dynamic became something between the lines of sarcastic jokes every now and then mixed with genuineness. One of the other things I want to say about all this is thank him for suggesting me to listen to "Feel Special" by Twice. Sadly enough, I don't want to talk about the context as it is a personal moment for me.

Overall, I had a fair share of fun and painful experiences with being a transferee. From a few embarrassing moments, the moments of doubt, how I managed to thrive and establish myself with new people - all of it and many other things are things I would not experience if I did not transfer at all. Maybe if I can go back in time to talk to myself from a year ago, I would tell them that there is nothing to worry or cry about. There were bad moments, sure, but it will never overshadow the good parts. I am very fortunate to experience this, and I would not have experienced this if it was not for the people around me who helped me adjust and overcome. That is all I want to say, and thank you for reading this worthwhile blog.

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