#trans-spec

Soooo I’m having a lil bit of a discussion with myself here. If this gets flagged I s2g.

Recently I decided I don’t really want to have too many labels because they’re confusing to both me and others. Once I loved finding new labels that fitted me better and better but eventually I got tired of it. So for now I’ve settled on just calling myself an a-spec non-binary queer person that uses they/them pronouns, and that’s that.

I identify as non-binary regarding gender. I don’t identify as male or female.

As far as presentation goes, it varies. I love being feminine some days, wearing makeup and dresses and heels. Other days I love being masculine, in button-ups and jeans and no makeup and slightly tighter crop tops. Sometimes I wear stuff that makes me look androgynous.

However, when it comes to my body, I am physically female and proud of that. I am proud of my boobs and my hips and my legs and everything else, even if my boobs get annoying. I find myself identifying as female and a woman when it comes to my body, and I honestly don’t mind if I’m misgendered (she/her). Sure, some days it makes me feel really uncomfortable but I’ve learned to live with that and most of the time it doesn’t bother me.

I was raised by supportive parents that love me and support whatever decisions I make regarding my identity. They’ve supported me dating a girl and a boy. They accept my queerness, even if they don’t understand it all. I love dancing and performing and flaunting my body on stage, and I love dancing in both feminine and masculine ways - mostly feminine in ballet and contemporary, and masculine in hip hop.

I’ve come to the point where I’ve confused myself. I don’t mind my body (even if I’m a bit more overweight than I’d like to be, but I blame a long-term injury for that) and I love being seen as a woman that’s not afraid to stand up for herself. I don’t mind being misgendered because I wasn’t raised in a family or a place where being a female was a bad thing. Being a female is different from being a male, yes, but I’ve never been treated as less because of it.

Maybe that’s it. Even though I don’t identify as female in regards to gender, I do identify as female when it comes to my body. Not just AFAB, but female. A woman.

I understand that my life regarding my identity has been much, much easier than others, even taking into account my mental illnesses and such that are mean to me when others aren’t. But even though it’s been easier than others doesn’t mean it hasn’t been hard in its own way, right?

Right?

I’m proud to be female and I’m proud to have a female body, even if I don’t identify as such. Even if sometimes I hate it and sometimes it doesn’t agree with me nor I with it, I’m trying to come to my peace with my body. I don’t want to change it. I’m happy with it.

So yes, I’ll introduce myself with they/them pronouns and put they/them on my resume, but I don’t mind if people see me and automatically assume I’m female, because that’s just how people are raised and I’m okay with that. Why would people assume I’m non-binary? It’s totally fine by me.

I don’t encourage active misgendering, of course. If I tell you my pronouns I’d like you to use them properly. If it’s an accident and you forget and use the wrong ones, but apologise when I correct you, no harm done. But if you actively ignore my pronouns - or other people’s - then you need to take a good hard look at yourself.

Genitals don’t always equal gender identity, that is true.

But sometimes, they are a part of someone’s personal identity. My body is certainly a part of who I am, and I embrace that.