I want to ask trans men who feel like transandrophobia is a good word because they wouldn't be trans if they weren't men, so the oppression they face must be specific to being men, rather than being trans to listen and just good faith come with me for a second because I genuinely think there's a big piece of trans solidarity in this framework. Because it's different from other groups of trans people, and I understand what you're saying... But in the interest of solidarity, we need to be speaking consistently and I understand part of your frustration is that no one else is using your language and they're telling you your framework for your language is wrong. I just want to explain why we use the framework we use.
I'm an intersex afab unaligned nonbinary person with visual facial hair, awaiting medical clearance to go on T, is out at work, and fully not closested to any family members. I experience a great deal of transphobia and have seen a lot in the 13 years that I've been out. I've seen a lot of change for the good and the bad. I've been out at every job I've worked at. Literally told every employer I ever have had that I will not get rid of my beard because I am transgender and am legally allowed to keep it. My presentation is otherwise pretty feminine. Tank dresses are my autism safe clothes, and pastels are my favorite colors. My hair is long and luxurious and I am damn proud of it. My favorite music is women and nonbinary people, I'm a staunch feminist who makes it a big part of my personality. AAANNDDDDD I am unaligned. I am very loud that I am NOT a woman. No way shape or form am I EVER to be considered "basically a woman."
I would not be trans if I were not nonbinary, just like you would not be trans if you were not men. When I speak about the exorsexism I face, however, I'm not speaking about transphobia. I'm speaking about oppressive expectation that everyone be categorical in the two binary genders of "man" and "woman." That's what that word means. I don't have a word that means "transphobia - but faced by nonbinary people." Similarly, trans women are discussing the oppression they face on the basis of being women as it intersects with the oppression they face on the basis of being trans when they speak of transmisogyny. That word also doesn't mean "transphobia - but faced by trans women," that's not a good understand of the word. It's more like "misogyny faced by women who are trans as it intersects with transphobia faced by trans people who are women."
So trans women and transfeminine people don't have a word that is "transphobia - but faced by trans women/fem" and unaligned nonbinary people don't have a word that is "transphobia - but faced by nonbinary people."
The reason these words don't mean "transphobia - but faced by [gender group]" is because they're about specific systematic oppression based on our gender groups in addition to transphobia. The reason we can separate "men" from "trans" when we speak about you is because we have to speak about "women" and "nonbinary people" apart from "trans" when we speak about ourselves. We have to because there are specific systematic forces that are working against our gender groups in general that are not working against people outside of those groups. Exorsexism is the specific systematic oppressive force against nonbinary people. The patriarchy is the specific systematic oppressive force against nonmen and since it is an exorsexist institution, women are the primary targets. So these system exist outside of this specific conversation.
That's why we keep saying "but androphobia isn't real" and y'all keep getting frustrated "but I can't separate the trans from the man so it is transandrophobia." I get it. I do, I understand what you're saying but what we're saying is that we have to separate the trans from the [gender group]. The fact that you can't separate the man from the trans is evidence of your privilege. We have systematic forces that are affecting our specific gender groups, on the basis of their existence, which is why we keep saying that you don't. You want us to understand you, and I do... But I need you to also understand us.
We're not your enemies. We don't want to be.
