Truth be told, she didn’t owe him an explanation--she could have left without telling him anything and while it would hurt, it would be fair. They weren’t together. He broke her heart. He hadn’t barely talked to her since they broke up. The person he once entertained the idea of growing old with, had become a stranger to him in the past month. And she had no obligation to tell him she was leaving school. But she did.

She also had no obligation to forgive him, but she did that too. When he got to that point in the letter, he just about fell to the floor, reading it over and over again, ignoring Indy when she came over to lick his cheek. Kalei was always so understanding, so forgiving. He had taken advantage of that, even long he cheated. It would probably take some time and distance for her to look back and realize that--realize there were things before that incident she should have been upset with him for, but let it instead by swept under the rug. She deserved so much more than him. She deserved someone who wanted all the things she wanted, someone who understood her better than him, someone who didn’t want to fix so much about her but learn to love and accept her for everything she was.

He had loved her, truly. He did love her still. But it wasn’t enough. And it wasn’t the right way. And it wasn’t what either of them needed--at least not now. There was a moment, last summer when they met and they were right. They were perfect, magical. She helped him in ways he could never fully explain to her to piece together the broken boy he had come to the academy as. 

He understood her leaving. School was never her scene. And honestly, because of her alien genes, it was an insult to her intelligence to make her waste anymore of her life in a classroom. She was off traveling now, painting her way around world. With any luck their paths would cross sometime in the future. They would meet for drinks in a far off land and reminisce on the good times and discuss what had happened in their lives between now and then. And he was almost certain, it would make it all worth it. She was following her heart, pursing her dream. She was happy. And so was he. 

He read the letter over a few more times--taking note off all the people he had to tell that she wasn’t coming back and that she loved them--before tucking it away in his desk drawer, right beside a broken kaleidoscope he had fished out of the trash a few months earlier. 

Kalei Pelekai was not the love of his life. She wasn’t his first love either. But she was the one responsible for showing him it was possible for him to love again. And for that he was thankful. So thankful. 

Troy was kneeling in front of the granite marker, brushing his fingers over the letters etched in cold stone, when she found him. He didn’t care how cheesy it would sound, if anyone asked he would say in total honesty that he had a feeling she would come to him, find her way to him. They always found their way back to one another. It was just that, for the first time, he didn’t want her to come looking. Because he knew that this time it wouldn’t end in kisses and sweet nothings. He couldn’t see a way for this to end and for things to fit his definition of okay. He brought his hand to his mouth, pressing a kiss onto his fingertips, before touching Phoebe’s name one last time. He took a deep breath and stood up. “So, did Tony or my dad direct you here or are you just that good?” He turned around and smirked at her, trying to ignore the pit in his stomach. When he saw her he felt his heart dropped. Boy, was he a dumbass. A vision of perfection stood before him, gentle curls framing her face, complimenting her chocolate brown eyes.  "Nah, Tony told me.” He missed her voice--he had wanted to call her but he knew the next time they talked, it had to be in person. “I don’t think I could be that good if I tried.” She chuckled, crossing her arms over her chest. “So..are you alright?”

It was a loaded question. One he wasn’t sure he was able to answer honestly--mostly because he wasn’t sure what the truth was anymore. “Not really...I think I can be. But now...not so much.” He took a step toward her, almost as if he was going to pull her into an embrace, give her a kiss on her forehead, tell her he loved her, make her feel okay–but then he remembered he couldn’t do that. He had no right. So he took a small step back, shoving his hands in his pockets. He had to tell her--like ripping off a band aide.  He glanced at his feet, took a deep breath and looked back up at her. She was so beautiful. And he was going to break her heart. He hated himself. “Kalei…I’m so sorry. And although I deserve no right to tell you this…I love you. I loved you before I knew you and I will love you long after you inevitably leave me. I don’t want you to think that what happened was a reflection on you…because I know, I know you always want to think you aren’t good enough–but it’s not true. And you can’t believe for a second that you did anything wrong or anything to deserve. This was all me. This was completely me, fucking up one of the best things to have ever happened me….I’m so sorry.” He could feel the hot tears already threatening to spill over his cheeks. How did he get here? A few drinks, a pretty girl, an argument with his friends--is that all it took for him to become this horrible person?

 “You’re worrying me, Troy.” Kalei tried to smile but he could see just how nervous she was. He opened his mouth but nothing came out. “What it is is, whatever you did--you can fix it, I’m sure. I’ll help you if you need me to. I’m here for you, I--” 

“I hooked up with someone. The night I got in that fight with the kid...right before...I kissed someone. And she kissed me back and then we did a little more--we didn’t have sex, though. I swear. And as soon as my head was clear I stopped it--” The words came tumbling out one after another, until eventually he wasn’t making sense. Just jumbled explanations mixed with apologies. She just stared at him, a small smile still present on her face--as if she was too shocked to wipe it off. He had never hated himself more. Eventually he gave up trying to paint her a picture of what exactly happened. He took a deep breath and looked at her, waiting for her to respond. “Kalei?” 

She did the last thing he had expected--she laughed. Shook her head and laugh, like this was all some big joke. He wanted to reiterate, make sure she was understanding him, but he couldn’t find it himself. After what seemed like a lifetime--but was in fact only about a minute--she calmed herself down and averted her attention to just past Troy, staring off in the distance.  She blinked and several tears began to roll down her cheeks, staining her perfect skin. “I should have known--I wasn’t good enough--that I wasn’t what you needed or wanted--” 

“No, no. Kalei, it’s not like that, not even a little bit--”

 “Yeah, sure.” She looked back to him, glaring at him through her tears. “I should go.” 

He didn’t know what to do or say in that moment. Beg her for forgiveness? No...that would be wrong. And there was always the chance that she may give him and actually forgive him--he didn’t deserve that. “Yeah, maybe you should...”