#traitoroussmile

Flesh monsters roamed the Garden, each with a smile of their own and a green light on their collars. They were happy. Were you happy? 

You didn’t know. 

You scoff and turn to the first person you see, a human with short, black hair and round glasses. They are holding something in their hand, you don’t know what it is.

“Scum.”

They look up at you, squinting as the sun shines behind you and blinds them.

“Yeah, you heard me. Human scum. Everyone here is human scum. I’m sick already, I feel gross.” You look away and at some tree in the distance.

They continue to look up at you, not making a sound. This intrigues you.

“Don’t you agree? That all humans are scum?” You turn to them, waiting for them to answer.

They look around at all the scum before looking back at you. “I mean… I slightly agree, most of them are just out for chaos and are an annoyance.”

You find clarity in his words as the smile on your face turns truly genuine. You hold your hand out, “Theo.”

They take it, “Pale.”

“How old are you?”

“Eleven.”

“Eleven? I’m only six.”

Pale nods. You nod back, a funny feeling in your chest as you sit down next to him, still holding the sign in front of your face. Pale doesn’t question it, eventually understanding its purpose.

You soon find out that the object in Pale’s hand was a paintbrush. You stand over his shoulder as he moves it across a canvas, painting out a beautiful scene in front of you.

“So other wastes of space enjoy this? .. Painting?” You ask as he dips the paintbrush in a pretty green, “I don’t understand it .. but I’m not … mad about it …”

Pale hums as he continues painting. “Some paintings are truly worthless, absolutely meaningless. I paint for myself.”

“And that’s what gives it meaning?”

Pale nods.

You try to imagine yourself painting, putting your emotions onto a piece of paper and showing it to the world. But, as hard as you try, you cannot picture yourself doing that. It doesn’t benefit the purpose all humans have, so you can’t think it's anything but meaningless.

You and Pale find yourself sitting under the big tree at the center of the Garden quite often. Pale likes to watch, taking in everything around him and filing it for later. You hate it. You hate the idea of wasting your time watching trash do trashy things. 

But, Pale is your friend, and you remember overhearing Orlar say that this is what friends do. So you sit, trying as hard as you can to pay an ounce of attention to a single human.

You do this at least three times a week. It’s torture, absolute torture.

Until one day, a certain someone spots your attention. Blue bangs covering the right side of their face, which is displaying a frown. They’re the most beautiful person you’ve ever seen.

You feel your face flush and press the sign with a neutral expression on it closer to your face, trying to hide behind it. Normally your signs convey the emotion you’re feeling, but you don’t want everyone around you to know how flustered you are. Pale notices but doesn’t say anything, simply watching how things turn out.

You hear footsteps as someone walks towards the two of you. “Hey.”

You look up and see the beautiful person from earlier, staring down at you two. You blush more and hide more behind your sign. 

The person makes a face before turning to Pale. “You two are the only one’s here without any bruises” they comment, looking the two of you up and down.

You can’t help but let out a scoff. “‘Course we are, we know our place” you mumble.

The person makes a face at you, and you blush more. “Um … ok …. Well … I’m Vic.”

‘Vic’ you repeat to yourself in your head, ‘a pretty name. A short name.’

You lose yourself in his name and presence, not paying attention to what Pale and Vic are discussing.

It turns out, all you needed was a push. Ever since Vic came up to the two of you, you made it your mission to seek him out. Another human on your list. You can’t help but feel excited, intrigued. You feel … something … when looking at the two of them. Something different … something … good …. Your smile is the most genuine it’s ever been.

You stand over Vic’s shoulder–well, you try to–as he works, trying to complete the work for tomorrow’s class. You shove the smug sign in front of your face. 

“Still having trouble scum?” It’s so ingrained in you to call any human you see scum, but Pale and Vic know you don’t genuinely mean it when it comes to them.

Vic signs and turns to look at you, a look of boredom on his face. “I’m not having trouble Signs, I just … this is all so meaningless.” He puts the sheet music onto the desk in front of him, sighing deeply.

You switch the smug sign for a sign with a frown. “‘Meaningless’? None of this is meaningless, we are here to serve a purpose and right now we’re learning how to achieve it.”

He sighs and glares a little at you. You can tell he doesn’t agree with you, and you can feel yourself starting to get angry. You can feel the familiar hateful words rise up in your throat. But before it flies out, you push it down. You can’t say that to Vic, as much as your body tries to spew the words out of you.

The more time you spend with Vic the more desperate you are to change for him. Change your mindset, change your looks, change everything. You want to change for him.

That’s why it hits so incredibly hard when you wake up to find his bed empty. For the past two years, the three of you lived in the same dorm together. You woke up five minutes later than Pale and ten minutes earlier than Vic, his sleeping presence comforting you as you plan your day. That’s how it’s been, every day for two years. Your entire flow is off when you turn your head and see his bed empty and made, as if he was never there at all. Gone without a trace.

You sit up and turn to Pale, who is looking at you back. “Where is he?”

Pale is silent for a few seconds, before replying “I don’t know-”

You grab your panic sign and rush out the room before he finishes, looking all over the Garden for him. Segyien chase after you, shouting “get back here 035799!” But, for the first time in your life, you ignore them, continuing to run around looking for Vic.

You get punished for this, as you should. You take it well, as you should. Because you’re normally very well-behaved, they go easy on you. There aren’t nearly as many welts on your back as other humans might have, but any lingering pain is overshadowed by the loss of Vic.

You feel yourself start to spiral. Everything reminds you of him: trees from where you first met, music from all the practices you shared, the water from the color of his hair.

Seeing other pathetic humans smile with the ones they love fill you with an uncontrollable rage. The cherry on top was the Wanted poster left on your bed from Orlar, who had to visit because of your mental health. Your fingertips ran across the paper before ripping it into pieces. Tears fell down your cheeks as you cried and ran out the room.

You start to lash out at the scum you’re forced to be surrounded with. It started with words, berating people until they burst into tears. But that wasn’t enough. You overhear something about escaping and what life outside the Garden could be like from a little girl’s mouth, and it triggers you. You dig your knife into her chest, watching the light fade from her eyes in real time. You step on her orange hair as you walk away, the glee from her death momentarily distracting you from the Vic-shaped hole in your heart.

You get punished for this, as you should. You take it well, as you should. The segyien go harsher on you than the last time, but it still isn’t too bad. There aren’t nearly as many burn marks on your arms as other humans might have, but any lingering pain is overshadowed by the loss of Vic.

Pale is your anchor throughout all this, helping you snap out of it when you need to and perform the best you can in your classes. You cling onto his arm as you stand with the rest of his class, ready to receive their Diplomas. 

You turn to him, your smile wider than it’s been in years. “I can’t wait to join you at AREPH.”

Pale hums, a small smile forming on his face. “You have to win first.”

You scoff, almost offended he’d say that. “Of course I’m gonna win, I’m the best one here.”

Pale chuckles before the head of the Garden starts talking. You and Pale stop talking and turn to face her, listening to what she has to say.

Pale’s absence is another blow. Orlar gave you a phone so you two could stay in contact, but it doesn’t feel the same. You lash out every now and then, your mental stability as stable as a roller coaster. Soon enough, it’s time for you to graduate. You receive your Diploma and look at it, ready for what comes next.

You go through the preliminaries with a confident grin. You know your talent, you know your drive. You know you’re gonna get in. And you do.