#tpn rant

(haha... Life was so much easier before I knew what The promised neverland was... Now I have adopted like 60 children or more... Not that I'm complaining :'))

First of all, Emma I know it was the only way, I know you wanted your family to be happy... BUT OMGDS YOU COULD HAVE SAID SOMETHING TO THEM!!! (even though that probably would have ruined the plan still they were so scared... I was so scared😢)

(omgds she looks so cute while sleeping... Ok now I feel like a creep😂😂) And this part brought me We Bare Bears vibes (if you have watched the show you probably still don't know what I'm talking about so I'll just say "Polar's Past"... Yup that's it😂😂) And Yay!!! New Character!!!!! Another member to Emma's really big and beautiful family!!! (that she doesn't remember omgds the tears again...)

Okay but here me out, that look in her eyes... It teared me apart, okay?? I know she's just a fictional character but I'm in this point where I don't care anymore she's just fictional, that hurt my heart, I cried while reading it, she looks so lost and afraid and seriously it's been so long since the last time we have watched that kind of look on her... I think I just got used to her always-in-my-face smile:'(

She looks so sad omgds, Emma!!! 😭😭😭 (also can we take a moment to appreciate the kindness of "the sir"?? He literally didn't know anything about Emma, he just found a helpless 13 year old girl and took care of her like a decent human being and I wished we had more of that kindness in this world, things would be so much better❤️)

Nope this doesn't hurt me... Not at all... She looks so happy in her dreams, she just wants to be back with them but... I won't say it's impossible cause I believe in my children!!! (still hurts... A lot😢)

And I don't know you but I have already grown attached to this old man over here, I will protect him with my life and he has this kind and wise aura that I've been needing since Lucas's death... (and Yup you're right sir, wars are stupid, you hear that government?!?!?)

Omgds she's crying... Emma is crying... She has suffered so much and now she's crying cause she can't remember her family at all, she misses them so much... She loves them so much... Omgds I just want to hug her but I can't😭😭

NEWS: Old man loses his adopted child while shopping and finds her trying to let free the cattle from a community farm of a little town.

(Jokes aside I know this is the right thing to do, to move on but... Emma, no, they are searching for you... JUST WAIT A BIT MORE!! 😭😭)

And this... This Is What Brings Me Hope!!!! It says "Next" no "Last" so probably, chapter 181 is not going to be the last one!!!! They're searching for her and aghh they were so close!!! Emma!!! You're family is right there!!! 😭😭😭 (and omgds the last frame... Ray, Gilda and Phil look so determined to find her, I need to know what have happened with then in the month they were apart from her...)

So yup that was my rant, I still don't have any theories cause my mind is trying to process everything but I wanted to rant and vent a bit so sorry if you expected something more elaborated😅😅 but... THANKS THE GODS MY BABY IS SAFE now I can sleep in peace😌

(Emma? Where are you bab-? Oh, nevermind we have found her!!!)

At first, it had been nice you know. A little romantic even and so so cuteee to see how deeply he cares for emma and ray and their siblings that he's willing to utilize his life for their sake.

And we see that he delivers. In Gracefield he chose to give up his LIFE to make sure that noone else dies.

Even though...

He wanted to live. Wanted sosososo much to be able to escape with everybody. To live. To adventure. To see the outside world.

But my boi has 0 self love that he thought it was PATHETIC to even feel that when that might mean doom for everyone else.

So he does what he does best: Discard himself.

We know the rest. He gets shipped out. Goes to Lambda. Escapes. Reunites with the fam.

And now he's back. Having all these problems that parallel with the past. But the weight is greater. Heavier. Now instead of gracefield children, he wants to save all the cattle children. And instead of mama, he wants to save them from all demons this time.

Instead of escape, he wants complete freedom.

And this time as well, he must sacrifice something to save everyone.

Before it had been his life. Now with the stakes heavier, of course the sacrifice must be too.

And like before... he delivers.

But instead of his life what he sacrifices this time is...

HIS HUMANITY.

AND LET ME TELL YOU HOW WORSE THAT IS COMPARED TO WHEN HE DECIDES TO GIVE HIS LIFE BACK IN GRACEFIELD.

Giving away your humanity means SACRIFICING YOUR SOUL. YOUR VERY CORE. YOUR WHOLE BEING. IMAGINE HAVING TO NEED TO CORRUPT YOUR SOUL. TO DIRTY YOUR HANDS WITH SOMETHING YOU CAN NEVER EVER EVEER CLEAN OFF. AND MY BOI DID THAT. HE DID ALL THE DIRTY WORK. DID THE UNTHINKABLE. THE HORRENDOUS. DID WHAT HE HAD TO.

EVEN THOUGH...

HE STILL DESPERATELY WANT TO CLEANSE HIMSELF. TO GROW PURE WITH EMMA AND RAY AND GO BACK TO WHO HE WAS BEFORE THIS. HE WANTS TO BE WITH THEM IN A WAY THAT HE WON'T HAVE TO FEEL THIS TREMENDOUS WEIGHT ON HIS SHOULDERS. THE GUILT. THE SHAME. HE WANTS WANTS WANTS.

But like I said... this child has 0 SELF LOVE.

And again for the sake of everyone else...

He does what he does best...

He discards himself. Again.

How much. How much is this boy going to utilize himself till he can finally be satisfied and realize that he is worthy enough to get what he wants. That it isn't criminal to think about yourself every once in a while.

Because this boy can't seem to get that in that big brain of his.

0 self love. I swear. I'm so done with dis. Just Wanna protecc this precious gem.

We've only known Ayshe for, like what? 2-3 chapters?

I spent day after day with every chapter that came out and every panel that had Ayshe just fangirling over her character design and holy shit do I love those robes

But that's not the point. Every new chapter has a damn cliffhanger that has me biting nails when I go online every friday just to read a new chapter.

This chapter, unfortunately, has made it worse with Ayse saying, "Oh, I was told to do something else." And then you have the last page.

The last page

I'm counting on the wolves and Ayshe to find Mujika and Sonju first.

I definitely want to see a showdown between all three sides, y'know?