#tovallis

Wren sat down in the grass beside her, crossing her legs and mirroring Tov’s position.

“I figured I would find you out here.”

Wren’s tone raised her hackles.

Tov furrowed her brows, turning to look at her, “What’s that supposed to mean?”

Wren shrugged, but kept her eyes on the sky, unbothered by the slight edge in Tov’s voice. Her white hair seemed to glow in the moonlight. Even her roots were white.

“You seem to like the stars, and they’re awfully pretty tonight.” She said.

Tov couldn’t argue with that, so she didn’t.

“They are pretty.” She nodded, looking back up at the constellations hanging overhead.

The two were quiet for a moment, before Wren spoke again.

“What was it like performing on stage?”

Tov tried to think back to Round 10, but her mind drew a blank. She couldn’t recall much of anything.

Only fragments of that night remained scattered around the void in her memories.

The stars.

The heartache.

The first line of her song.

The gunshot.

The smell of blood.

The way Nyx hugged her like she was something fragile.

Everything else was gone.

“I don’t remember much.” She said quietly. It almost sounded like a confession. “I wasn’t really thinking about the stage, or the crowd, or the cameras.”

“Then what were you thinking about?” Wren asked, “That emotion in your voice didn’t come out of thin air.”

Tov’s eyes found Tallis’s constellation instinctively.

Was she really about to spill her sorrows to a stranger?

Regardless of how friendly Wren behaved, they didn’t know each other.

But… who else did she have in her life to talk to?

Cassio? No.

Nyx? He had enough on his plate preparing for his upcoming round.

Himei? Tov didn’t know if she would ever talk to her about this; about what she and Tallis said and did.

She’d already been isolated once because of all this grief they found themselves neck deep in.

Tov wasn’t going to add to that, or make things worse. It would just make the situation more confusing.

She briefly closed her eyes and sighed, “Did you watch Round 7?”

Wren nodded in her periphery. “Of course. I watch every round.”

How can you stomach it all?

Tov didn’t ask that thought aloud.

“The contestant that lost…”

“Tallis?”

She almost winced at the sound of his name. The wound was still too raw.

“Yeah… him.” Tov swallowed around the growing lump in her throat. “He… he meant a lot to me.”

Andromedas, why is this so painful?

“He was a friend of yours?”

She shook her head immediately, “No.”

The word “friend” was far too reductive to encompass everything that Tallis meant to Tov.

But how else could she describe their relationship?

Even with her face placidly neutral, Wren still managed to sense Tov’s internal frustration.

“Ah, more than a friend.” She mused. “Did you love him?”

“I did— I do.” Tov amended. Nyx’s words came back to her then.

“Just because he's gone doesn't mean he doesn't still love you.”

Guess that meant she didn’t have to stop loving him either.

“When I was singing, I was thinking about him.”

“I see.”

This time, the ensuing silence bordered on comfortable. Tov’s chest felt a bit lighter too. Maybe talking about it isn’t so bad.

“You named a star after him.” Wren said it like a statement, not a question. It startled Tov.

“How did you—” Her eyes snapped to the odd grey gaze staring back at her, expectant but already knowing.

“You keep looking at the same spot in the sky.” Wren explained. “You kept looking up at the stars when you performed too.”

Tov felt strangely exposed, like Wren could see through her skin and straight into her soul.

It was different from the way Tallis looked at her, though. But she couldn’t put a finger on why.

“It’s a constellation.” She conceded, finally.

Wren smiled a little, almost giddy, “Ooh which is it? Wait, wait, wait— let me guess!” She scanned the stars intently and her brow furrowed in concentration.

It made her look much younger than she probably was.

How old is Wren anyway?

She pointed upwards with one eye closed for accuracy, “Is it that one there? The one shaped like a cresting wave?”

“No, that one’s for Azure.” Tov said.

“That guy from Round 1? With the sea green eyes?”

Something about Wren’s description of Azure made Tov huff out a chuckle.

“That’s him,” She nodded. “The song he performed was called Nouvelle Vague, ‘new wave’. I thought it was fitting to name a wave shaped constellation after him.”

“It fits him well.” Wren nodded, then pointed to another constellation nearby, “What about the one that looks kind of like a thought bubble?”

“That’s Moran’s.” Tov said.

“Ah, the redhead from Round 2!”

“Yes, she was a good friend of mine. A great friend, really. She taught me a lot about philosophy; always thinking.”

Tov took over from there, pointing out each constellation she’d named after those she cared for.

Stasya. Minori. Flor. Even Min.

Min protected Himei when she didn’t have to. She was the only reason her closest friend was still alive.

For that alone, Tov cared about Min too.

“That one,” She said finally, pointing to the cluster of constellations in the shape of a harp, “That one is for Tallis.”

“I believe in you.”

“I know.”

“Good.”

For once, Wren quieted first.

Tov felt her eyes on her, but she didn’t break the silence; content to simply look at stars.

It still hurt. But it was better than the numbness from before.

“You know…” Wren started, “You look at everyone else’s constellations the same way you look at Tallis’s.”

Really?

“Really.” Wren said.

She paused for a moment. Then two.

“If you ask me, it seems like you loved all of them.” Wren murmured.

At that moment, something in Tov’s heart clicked into place. A gentle warmth unfurled inside her rib cage.

Oh.

Oh.

Maybe… maybe I do…

The realization brought tears to Tov’s eyes. Her heart ached in a new, novel way.

Bittersweet. Melancholy.

It made her laugh for some reason. She hadn’t laughed in a long time.

As she stared up at the celestial memorials of everyone she’d lost, Tov found herself smiling ever so slightly.

What a terrible time to realize it was all love.

————————————————————

We love sisterly bonding, even if one of them doesn’t know it yet 😌

Plus a little feelings realization and healing, as a treat!

Tov has a lot of love for others, even if she doesn’t think she does. Only now is she beginning to realize how deeply her relationships have affected her as a person.

Tov’s current thoughts about Wren are like: “this girl is kinda weirdly friendly, and there’s something odd about her aura, but I would rather die than talk to anyone else in my life about my problems, so I will continue to trauma dump on her since she’s cool with it”

My girl probably needs a therapist, but we don’t have time for that lmao

Next up: End of Round 16!!

Jae belongs to @kofeedoggo.

Min and Vii belong to @starry-skiez.

Nyx belongs to @rockwgooglyeyes.

Tallis and Himei belong to @lookatmysillies.

Azure belongs to @azureitri.

Moran belongs to @geospiral.

Stasya belongs to @billwasnot.

Minori belongs to @minori-dash.

But what kind of instrument could produce gentle music like that?

It doesn’t sound like Nyx’s bass, or Khoi’s violin.

Tov steps closer to the open door and peeks inside.

In the middle of the room is a large, curved wooden frame, with dozens of strings pulled taught across its hollow center, like the inside of a piano standing straight up.

Tallis sits on a small bench at the base of the instrument, plucking the strings with deft fingers and closed eyes.

She lingers in the doorway, watching him play with rapt attention.

The song was beautiful, captivating even. But there was something… else that kept her attention; an unfamiliar feeling in her chest.

Tov didn’t have a name for it.

Maybe it’s for the same reason that her gaze lingers on his face more than his hands.

Tallis suddenly stops playing, his eyes fluttering open. He shifts in his seat and moves to look over at the her.

She quickly steps behind the door to hide, holding her breath.

Waiting.

“I know someone’s there.” He calls out.

She doesn’t move.

Tallis sighs, “It’s okay to come out. I don’t mind.”

It’s Tov’s turn to sigh. She comes out from her hiding place, hands tucked behind her back.

Tallis’s eyes widen as they meet hers.

“Oh.” He says, “Hi.”

“Hi.” She says back.

Normally, this is where Himei would take the reins of the conversation, sweeping both of them up in her endless, energetic chatter.

But Himei’s guardian had taken her out of The Garden for the day.

Now it was just the two of them.

Tov enjoyed silence, unlike most children her age. Though she detested silence in the presence of others.

It was different with Tallis.

Silence between them was always comfortable.

Only Tov’s seemingly endless want to learn about any and everything that catches her attention compels her to break it, “What kind of instrument is that?”

“A harp.” He says, “It’s a string instrument, like a guitar. But it has pedals like a piano.”

Tov turns her attention to the harp, tilting her head slightly to the side as she examines the instrument with new insight.

It looks far more complex to play than a guitar or a piano. More strings. More pedals. And Tallis had been playing with his eyes closed.

“Do you… want to come and sit?” He asks.

Tov blinks free of her thoughts, looking back at him.

The offer catches her off guard. She can’t remember if they’ve ever intentionally spent time together without Himei.

She nods, “Sure.”

Tallis moves over to one side of the bench and she sits down beside him.

The harp is much bigger up close.

“What were you playing earlier?” She asks. “It sounded nice.”

“Just a practice piece. I’m not that good at it though.”

Tov frowns at that.

She just watched him play a complex instrument twice his size without even looking at the strings or missing a note.

It would be incongruous to think Tallis wasn’t good at this.

“You’re very talented.” She says, matter of fact.

Tallis stiffens, looking away from her and bringing a hand up to rub the back of his neck.

His cheeks turn pink.

It makes his freckles stand out more.

“Uh, thank you.” He says quietly.

“You’re welcome.”

“I-I can play something else, if you want?”

Tov doesn’t hesitate to answer, smiling a little, “Sure.”

————————————————————

Tov awoke the next morning on top of her covers, clutching her tablet to her chest.

The battery was dead.

In the time it took to charge, Tov wondered if she imagined everything that had happened the night before.

The nightmare.

The message.

The song.

Was it real, or was it some sort of coping mechanism her mind concocted to keep itself from spiraling?

How could Tallis be alive?

Tov watched him get shot not once, but twice. She watched as they carried his body off stage.

Based on everything she’d read, alien technology far outstripped anything humans accomplished back on Earth.

But they were still fragile.

There were still ways they could be beyond saving.

Tallis surviving would’ve been a miracle.

Too much to hope for.

The tablet’s screen powered on again, displaying the same sheet music Tov saw before she fell asleep.

Her heart leaped forward, straining against her ribcage, trying to escape, to get to something— someone.

Tallis was alive.

He had to be.

There was no other explanation for why she would be looking at sheet music for a song only one other person knew existed.

He was out there somewhere; still able to communicate with her, albeit not directly.

That only raised more questions.

Was he with the rebels? Had they saved him after his round?

No, that didn’t make sense.

Solei had just rescued Aurien the round before. Security was tight.

They wouldn’t have risked going back to save another contestant so soon.

Could a guard have saved him? Maybe as a favor for someone, like her secret benefactor?

She thought it was unlikely, but didn’t rule it out.

If she could corner one of the medics again, she’d ask them.

Between the two, Elias probably had more information. But he was tight lipped.

From their conversation, she gathered that he hadn’t even shared much with Prem.

Tov still wasn’t sure if she could trust them either. A topic for another time.

But if Tallis really was alive, and he was trying to signal to her, then she needed to figure out a way to convey that she got his message.

A call and response.

He used music to call out to her. It would only be fitting for her to use music to respond.

Maybe she could use the song he wrote somehow.

Final songs were due at midnight. There was still time to change her selection to include a coded message.

With a new fire burning in her chest, Tov grabbed a pair of headphones off her dresser and got to work.

Can you hear me?

Loud and clear.

————————————————————

The flashback took me forever to write, but I love how it turned out 🥹

It was the start of Tov and Tallis’s friendship independent of Himei, so it would be something Tov remembered easily.

Full disclosure, I know next to nothing about harps, so everything in this log is gleaned from a few cursory searches.

But yippee!! More Tovallis!! *cheering*

Also, I talked more about Tov and Tallis’s relationship dynamic in this non-canon AU of them singing Cure together, if you want to read that.

Two guards came to her door sometime around sunrise.

They said her presence was required for some kind of interview.

Tov knew better than to ask questions.

It never resulted in any answers.

She was granted a few minutes to change, before being led out of the dorm.

The guards took her to the main Alien Stage complex and through a series of underground tunnels; twisting and turning, this way and that. She didn’t even try to keep up with how many lefts or rights they took.

Finally, they reached a heavy black door with a keypad next to the handle.

The guard on Tov’s right entered in a passcode, while the guard on her left obstructed her view.

The keypad made a short beeping noise and the door unlocked with an audible click.

“Inside. And sit down.” One of the guards instructed.

She shuffled into the room and sat in the metal chair closest to the door.

There was a metal table in front of her and an identical chair on the other side. Fluorescent lights lined the ceiling. The walls were white and bare.

The door shut firm behind them, locking in place.

Tov was all alone.

She wondered if this was how isolation felt. It wasn’t padded and there was some furniture, but it was quiet and windowless, with no way to keep track of time.

After an unknown amount of time, the keypad beeped, the lock clicked, and the door swung open again.

Tov looked up to see two AREPH agents enter the room. She immediately recognized one of them as Agent Pol, the same agent that interviewed her after Solei disappeared.

Agent Pol walked in with a determined look pinched in her brows, her eyes set behind black sunglasses.

But the other agent, taller with a bulkier build, looked hesitant.

“Hello, Tov.” Agent Pol said her name like a curse. “I’m Agent Pol from the AREPH. Do you remember me?”

Tov nodded.

“Good, that makes things easier. This is my partner, Agent Irin.” She said gesturing to the other agent.

“Hello.” Agent Irin nodded. He looked to be sweating under the bright lights.

Agent Pol took the chair across from her while Agent Irin remained standing, tense in his shoulders and stance.

“We have a few questions about what happened to Subject-012864.” She said.

“Lark.” Agent Irin added.

Tov already knew Lark’s identification number. She knew all of her classmates’ identification numbers.

“Let’s start with some background. Did you know Lark well?” She said his name like a curse too.

Tov shook her head. “No.”

They’d only interacted a handful of times in Anakt Garden. She couldn’t remember them speaking at all during the competition before their round.

“Do you know who he associated with?”

“Noora.” Tov said immediately. She knew there was something or other between them.

She couldn’t imagine how Noora felt now that Lark was dead.

I should say something next time I see her. Maybe I could apologize?

Aside from Noora, Tov couldn’t remember who else Lark spent time with. “I don’t know of anyone beyond that.”

Agent Pol scribbled something down in her notebook, writing in a language Tov couldn’t read. Likely on purpose.

“The day of your round, when did you see Lark?” She asked.

“I saw him first at breakfast, but we didn’t sit at the same table.” Tov recalled. “After that, I didn’t see him again until right before the round started. We left our dressing rooms at the same time and walked to the stage together.”

More writing.

“And what was his condition like when you saw him before the round?”

Tov wasn’t sure she’d ever be able to forget it. Those hazy golden eyes were burned into the back of her mind.

“He was… sweating… and his eyes were unfocused.” She said.

Agent Pol raised an eyebrow, “You didn’t think to say anything?”

The question hit Tov like a punch to the gut. Her eyes started to sting again.

I’ve asked myself the same thing so many times.

I still don’t have an answer.

Agent Irin sighed wearily, “Agent Pol…”

“I’ll withdraw the question.” Agent Pol said, her words clipped. “Let’s get to the reason we’re here then, shall we?”

Her smile was sharp. Tov resisted the urge to narrow her eyes.

What’s this all about then?

“The AREPH has opened an investigation into Lark’s death.” She said. “Although we’ll have to wait for a full toxicology report, his preliminary autopsy suggests he was poisoned.”

What the—

“Poisoned?” Tov echoed, bordering on disbelief.

“Yes. We believe he was poisoned.”

No.

No no no no no.

How could this have happened?

We’ve been watched like hawks since Round 15.

Was it a guard?

A member of production?

Another contestant?

Tov mentally shook her head at the last thought.

No, that couldn’t be it.

Lark was docile. Harmless.

But what if Lark wasn’t the intended target?

What if it was me?

She sucked in a breath, a sinking feeling blooming in her stomach.

What if Lark died because someone wanted to kill me?

“—Tov?” Agent Irin called.

Tov stumbled out of her thought spiral, looking between the two agents, “Yes?”

“Agent Pol asked you a question.” He said. She could hear a tinge of concern in his voice.

Tov looked back at the other agent who was already lookin at her. She could feel the weight of her scrutinizing gaze, even behind her glasses.

“I asked if there were any of your classmates that could’ve wanted to harm Lark.” She said.

No one came to mind. Not even Daiki.

For as much as Tov was loath to admit it, Daiki was a strong singer. Lark wasn’t a threat to her.

“No.” She answered, sure for once that she was right.

“I assume that includes you?”

Tov furrowed her eyebrows, “I beg your pardon?”

She tried her best not to sound indignant, but the question was asinine at best and insulting at worst.

There was no way Agent Pol just asked her if she wanted to hurt Lark.

Tov hadn’t seen footage from Round 17, but she probably looked like a fucking mess after he collapsed.

He practically died in her arms and she was asking if Tov was the reason he did.

“Were you confident that you could beat Lark?”

Ah, that was it.

She wanted Tov to say she was better than him. More talented. More worthy of living.

Tov wasn’t going to play that game.

“You saw the scores.” She said in lieu of a concrete answer.

Agent Pol’s forehead wrinkled briefly, before smoothing out as if nothing had happened.

“Answer the question.” She pressed.

Agent Irin interrupted, “You don’t have to—”

“She does.” Agent Pol cut him off, not breaking eye contact. “And she will.”

They were at an impasse, neither side wanting to concede.

But only one would be punished for it.

Tov couldn’t afford that. She couldn’t be isolated when Nyx was performing.

What if he needs me and I’m not there?

She set her jaw, muttering through gritted teeth, “Yes.”

It felt horrible to even say.

But Tov knew she’d be called a liar if she said no.

77 - 22

69 - 31

They weren’t rounds won by slight margins.

There was a reason everyone kept calling her the “Star of Season 39”.

She hated it.

She hated it more than anything.

Minori… Lark… Forgive me…

The room fell silent while Agent Pol wrote. The growing length of her paragraph mocked Tov.

She wished her glare could burn a hole through the paper.

“What about that other contestant your close to… Himei?” The way Agent Pol said her name almost made Tov’s eye twitch. “Is she confident in your ability to win?”

She thinks Himei had something to do with this?

Not possible.

Himei wouldn’t hurt anyone who didn’t deserve it. And Lark didn’t deserve it.

Tov didn’t hesitate to answer, “Himei knows I can win.”

Her tone left no room for further discussion. She was tired of the agent’s bullshit tactics.

Agent Pol seemed to find her response amusing. It set Tov’s nerves on edge.

“Very well,” she said, closing her notebook. “That’s all for now.”

For now? Oh joy.

Tov looked to Agent Irin, “Am I free to go?” She asked.

The agent seemed surprised by being addressed directly, startling at her question. “Uh, yes—” He straightened his posture, “There should be a guard outside to take you back to your room. Follow me.”

Agent Irin entered a passcode into the keypad and the door unlocked.

Tov rose from her chair to follow him out, but Agent Pol spoke again before she could.

“You should know, for the time being, every contestant will be restricted to their dorm rooms.” She said. “Any and all interaction is prohibited. Punishment for those who disobey will be severe.”

Tov simply nodded and followed after Agent Irin.

Divide and conquer. She thought as the door closed behind her.

They’re trying to make someone crack.

————————————————————

Tov dreaming about Tallis, but not in the way she wanted 😔

Lark and Tallis are so similar that Tov’s unconscious is melding together the grief she feels about each of them.

And with the new restrictions, there’s no way for Tov to talk to Noora about Lark before her round. It’s a repeat of Flor and Minori all over again.

She can’t even call Wren now, probably when she needs encouragement the most *deep sigh*

Wren: “Just hang in there.”

Tov: “I’m really fucking trying, girl.”

Lark and Noora belong to @kamersona.

Tallis and Himei belong to @lookatmysillies.

Solei belongs to @solei-eclipse.

Nyx belongs to @rockwgooglyeyes.

Minori belongs to @minori-dash.

Tov knew now.

She knew with the same certainty that she knew suns were also stars. That humans bled red and warm. That she and all of her classmates were doomed from the moment they entered Anakt Garden.

Tov knew she was in love with Tallis.

It wasn’t a world altering realization, like in the films Cassio watched all the time.

There were no fireworks or chiming bells or fluttering hearts.

Instead, it felt like laying beside him under the warm sun in the fields of Anakt Garden.

Like not having to speak to be understood.

Like reaching out to grab a hand you know is always there.

It felt like home.

But how could she tell him all of that?

Tov wasn’t even sure she had the words to explain it properly. It was all tangled up in her chest.

Maybe she could kiss him on the forehead, like that time Tallis had gotten really sick when they were younger.

She’d been trying to comfort him.

His skin was hot to the touch. He probably couldn’t remember it at all.

Or.

Maybe.

Tov’s gaze fell to his lips.

Characters in Cassio’s shows kissed all the time. It was a common expression of romantic love.

Maybe Tallis would understand what she meant by it.

She looked back up at him, and found him doing the same.

Was he just—

Tov’s thoughts screeched to a halt at the look in Tallis’s eyes.

Sick of these nights to come

To be engulfed in silence

In your gaze, where I'm seen

Consume me, yes, me

“I love you too.”

All of her nerves settled then. The chaos in her mind quieted for the first time in days. Tov was certain.

She closed her eyes and leaned in.

Tallis met her halfway.

He always did.

Back and forth.

Push and pull.

Take a piece of me and I will keep a piece of you.

The kiss felt like home too.

It wasn’t much more than a simple press of lips together, but Tov’s stomach flipped anyway.

Tallis’s cheeks were even warmer than before.

His hand curled around her wrist, and his thumb brushed over her pulse point.

Tov’s medical band beeped in response.

She wasn’t sure which one of them pulled back first, but Tov didn’t let him go very far, still cradling his face in her hands. He still had a loose hold on her wrist. They were both still alive.

“I believe in you.” She whispered.

Tallis gave her a shaky, but genuine smile. “I know.”

Tov smiled in return, “Good.”

————————————————————

Tovallis kiss!! We won!!! (purposefully ignores what happened during Round 7)

This is a follow up to Before Round 7 and is 100% CANON!!! @lookatmysillies and I decided it would be and no one can stop us 😁

I included Cure lyrics in the log because it fits Tov and Tallis’s relationship during Alien Stage well. One of them will leave the other first, but it’s hard to come to terms with that.

Sick of these nights to come? To be engulfed in silence? In your gaze, where I'm seen?? Consume me, yes, me???

It’s all very Tovallis coded.

I actually wrote a whole post and lyrical breakdown of Cure in the context of Tov and Tallis’s relationship overall, if you want to read that.

Chronologically, End of Round 7 comes after this. Though it’s probably even more of a devastating read now knowing that Tov not only told Tallis that she loves him for the first time, but also just realized she’s in love with him. Oof.