#toshir

The date for Bash’s and Toni’s anniversary was closing in rapidly and Toni finds himself on a super tight deadline with still no idea what to do after weeks of trying to unsuccessfully plan something, anything. Bash’s schedule is an unwieldy, inflexible one and trying to get Bash on board, low-key, for a date had proved way more challenging than he thought. Maybe he took it too lightly. Now the day is here and he’s staring down the barrel of a gun. If he doesn’t think of something, anything, Bash will feel unappreciated and he just can’t let that happen. Preemptively, the day before, he sent a message Bash’s way: <Tomorrow’s our anniversary! Can’t wait to see you. I’ll make you glad you came home.> It almost sounded as hollow as he felt inside. What does one do for a second anniversary? Toni pauses, staring blankly at the empty corner of a wall and lets his mind wander. Going out to dinner and a movie seemed so cliché. Everything else, like a getaway or weekend spa retreat, had been out of the question due to the scheduling. He’s got no idea what to do. Restless mind and feet lead him out onto the balcony to stare into the city scape. The smell of Boston rushes into his nostrils. Even uptown, it had it’s own unique smell. He hadn’t noticed until he and Bash went up the coast for a little getaway when they’d first gotten together. Too bad they couldn’t just repeat that trip… So, why had they gotten together?

Initially, it all started when Bash had run into Toni at a coffee shop. Literally run into. A full force colliding. The door opened just as Toni was departing, coffee in hand, and he hadn't been paying attention because Rees was non-stop messaging him over a petty argument they'd had. Before he knew it, he'd plow into the guy coming in. The canister of coffee he'd just paid for, went into the floor, splashing unceremoniously and without much notice. Maybe because Toni noticed Bashir more and was more concerned about his safety. It was just a couple of seconds of standing there staring at one another. Toni recalled himself.

"H-hey, sorry. You okay? I didn't spill any coffee on you, did I? It was hot!"

"No, no, I'm okay. Sorry about your coffee. Can I buy you another one?"

"Nah, this was my fault. It's not a big deal. Glad you’re okay."

A simple enough trade-off, apology delivered, accepted, and amends made. No harm, no foul. Toni leaned down to pick up his coffee canister as Bashir passed him. Another buzz from his omnitool tells him he's got another message and before he can even think to have his coffee refilled, Rees is calling him. He didn't even look back as he tore out of the cafe to answer the call.

It wasn't just because of the impending breakup with Rees that he’d found himself drawn to Bashir. It also wasn't due to Bashir offering him a shoulder to lean on when things got rough. Though Bash constantly telling him he deserved better certainly helped. He even offered a place for Toni to crash when the nights got rough. So Toni would curl up on his couch, safe from the threats of Rees and catch up on much needed sleep. Since Rees had no idea where he was at, all he had to do was turn off his omnitool for awhile. Rees never did find out either. All Toni would tell him was he hung out at a friend’s for awhile. And like clockwork, that conversation would break into a whole new argument, full of Rees’ insecurities and need for control.

The magic between them had occurred a few weeks after Bashir had moved into town for school. It had been a night a lot like the one now. Warm air. The city streets sprawling out below. The flickering lights of the skyscrapers with their intrusive and constant digitally displayed advertisements flashing, reflecting off the glossy asphalt. Toni had climbed the fire escape up to Bash's window to hang out for a little while, unannounced. He was always unannounced but he immediately came up when he saw the light on. They sat together, Bash half hanging out of his window and Toni perched on the banister of the fire escape. He'd had half a cigarette in his mouth when Bash crawled through the window and drew closer. He reaches out removed the cigarette between Toni's lips. Toni initially thought he was taking a drag himself, looked at him a bit surprised but said nothing. Then Bashir drew close and closer still, so close he could feel the heat of his body. It was hotter than the summer air. There was a moment between them, a simple kind of uncertainty, or so he thought. Bash's mouth, those lips a deep shade of mauve, lingered just an inch from his. Toni's back straightened and he leaned forward, craning his neck in automatic response. Something dark and hungry rose in the pits of his stomach and the pleasant feel of being fully attentive and drawn in crawled its way through his body, surging like a shot of adrenaline. He lets out the softest whisper of breath in want; a noise he had no idea he'd been capable of. Yet Bashir had laid the bait that drew him in. All Bash had to do was claim Toni, and he did. Just like that. No questions. No false pretenses. No hesitation. He'd simply acted. The kiss had come as a pleasant shock but very welcome. Bash drew back after the initial contact, his lips pressed together. He'd looked shy, then, eyes averting to scrawl against the brickwork of the old building.

"I, um," he muttered, "I've been wanting to do that awhile." Then he places the cigarette between Toni's lips again as if nothing had even happened. All Toni could do was just stare, eyes wide as he takes this incident in. He'd forgotten all about the cigarette. Instead, he slips from his perch, pulls the cigarette away again, and draws Bashir into him, eager to feel those lips against his own. The kiss had awakened something inside him, something curious and aching, wanting to know love the way it was being offered by the other man. They'd talked deeply about relationships enough to know all the things Bashir thought were important to share. And honestly, Toni wanted all the cute, romantic shit other couples had: watching movies together, eating each other's food, holding hands, waking up the next morning in the same bed, skin-to-skin... He'd gotten none of that from Rees.

He sucked in a breath as he retreated a bit to measure it all up, see how the world felt after that, if he still had equilibrium. He did and more. "Damn...," he exhaled, surprised by how he'd felt deep down. He'd not really realized it with all the fuss over Rees just how close he'd become with Bash. Now there was an ache, a burning deep longing to advance whatever this was. Being with Bash would go places. "I think I've been waiting for that... I dunno how long even..."

Was it just the chemistry? The chemistry was pretty damn good. But the chemistry with Rees had been just as good. It wasn't the chemistry alone that kept him coming back. Bashir offered so much more on levels Toni knew existed but hadn't recognized in their forms, things that were intangible and hard to explain that he'd observed in other relationships. He can name those things now, but back then, they'd been hard to put into words. And having these things strengthened the chemistry, created a level of arousal he'd never experienced before. He can lose himself with Bash and have no fear of being lost.

Was it the conversation? They'd talk a lot about the day, the week, how the month was going and when that part was over, they'd talk some more, about the deeper shit, the shit Toni loves the most—life, loss, dreams, hope, failure, where they'd be in a month, a year, what goals were looking like, what the face of love looked like and would they recognize it, if soulmates exist, if reincarnation was a thing, thoughts about deities and religion, about food. Especially about food. Christ, the take out from their favorite restaurant had this amazing fried rice that they both loved. It had become a guilty pleasure and a joke.

"Damn, I really wish I could make the rice taste this good. I'm gonna' steal their recipe," Toni laughed.

Bash retorted with, "You might have to fight the owner first. She's pretty guarded about them."

They both laughed as Toni went over the top with some incredible scenario about fighting the restaurant owner for her cooking secrets. He'd been silly with lousy ideas but hearing Bash laugh and seeing his bright smile left him feeling like they were just a bit less lousy. That kind of feeling is the stuff home is made of. He'd never expected to feel at home and have this warmth with anyone. Bash had proved him wrong and refreshed his mind and heart. He's really understanding and taking it into his head that he's just as much a gift to Bash as Bash is to him. It's a thought he's struggled with for a long time.

It wasn't just because Toni makes him laugh, the late nights hanging out, the chemistry, or the constant conversation and rants... It's everything. The simplest thing he can think to do is somehow pay homage on their first kiss, what brought them together. It occurs to him then. A bad breakup, a few beers, a pack of smokes, and take out from a restaurant they both fancied. Maybe open the window, have dinner out on the balcony like they did when Toni used to climb the fire escape at night just to get away. Bash had been his comfort back then. Toni aims to be his comfort now. He knows it's been a hard road with work and school and balancing their relationship on top of that. This entire time, Bash had taken it like a champ, still making time for Toni in messages, getting better with communicating and urging Toni to do the same for the sake of their relationship. He'd been so mature the entire time, it shamed Toni a little to be so damned needy for him.

Maybe all this is the draw to why they work despite the distance, because having the bond they have, trusting someone that much so deeply is a beautiful blessing in itself. He is home with Bash, no matter where they live or where they will go and end up. So long as they are together, he doesn't mind. He knows Bash won't leave him or take him for granted, either. And he's loyal right down to the skin of his teeth. It'd take something serious at this point to detour him from laying it all on the line for the guy. Something in his smile, in the light of his eyes, in the way he talks, what he cares about... Toni knows he's in good company.

Now, does he cook or does he go out of his way to pick up food at their usual place even if it's on the other side of town? What if Bash didn't feel like a heavy meal? He takes the jet lag and exhaustion into consideration. Maybe both, because there's no telling how Bash's appetite is swinging. He'd make something up that's light and easy on the belly and also grab the take out for old time's sake. It's just too iconic at this point to leave out of the equation.

----

Finally, it's all prepped. He sets the mood on the balcony. A set of colorful hanging lamps dangle from the overhang giving it the inner city feeling. He can't stir up the bad smells of inner city life but this all works. A bucket of ice cold beers sit on the table. A pack of unopened smokes next to it. The takeout is still in the bag, covered and waiting, and the small dishes of easy stuff sat covered beneath a small dome. All he needs now is to change into a pair of sweatpants, a tank, and his hoodie, ruffle his hair a bit, and he's good.

----

When Bash comes home, Toni's there immediately, dragging in his bag, taking his jacket, pulling him in for a few quick kisses, surprising him but then again, not entirely surprised because it's Toni and he always has a penchant for affection.

He could barely get a word in edgewise. "Hey, hey!," Bash laughs, "Toni, slow down."

"Sorry," Toni mumbles between kisses to Bash's cheek. "Been too long."

"A month isn't that long..."

"You kidding?," Toni scoffs, smiling. "Without you, it's the longest. C'mon. I'll take your bag to the room and unpack it. Why don't you get a shower?"

----

"You... I thought you forgot," Bash smiles and locks his fingers behind his head, impressed by the spread. "We hadn't time to plan anything, but I should have known you planned something on your own."

Toni shrugs and pops open two bottles of beer. He passes one to Bash as they both sit on the balcony. They'd forsaken the chairs for the deck.

"It took me awhile to figure out what to do. Wanted it to be meaningful and... since you always felt like home, I thought it was a nice reminder."

Bash elbows him in the ribs with a nudge. "It's exactly what I needed. And you even dressed the part."

Toni laughs, "Yeah. All except the hair."

Bash reaches up and sweeps a hand through his blond locks. "It's grown out so much since. I like it."

"You seemed to like running your hand over my scalp back then."

"Yeah, don't get me wrong. It felt nice and I thought you were hot with the shaved head but it's much better this way."

Toni gives him a wry smile.

"I remember the first time you climbed up to my window..."

"What did you think?," Toni asks.

"I kept asking myself why this hot guy was climbing up to my window when he could have just knocked on my door."

Toni barks a laugh. "Hot guy..."

"What? You were then and you are now," Bash insists. "The only thing that could have made that moment more perfect is if you had brought up pizza with you."

"You wouldn't have eaten it!," Toni exclaims. "You have always been a conscious eater."

"Please," Bash grins, "I remember pigging out with you on a few occasions when you were close to tears. It wasn't always the healthiest junk either. I remember some kind of pasta with a ton of cheese in it. A rich decadent cake from the bakery a few blocks over. French fries."

"Oh my god, those fries with the seasoning," Toni sighs. "I miss them."

"Well, you're no longer miserable and you've better comfort foods."

Toni takes a drink to that. "And a better boyfriend. The best boyfriend."

"I love you, too, Antoni," Bash holds his gaze. "Now, pass me that rice. I'm feeling pretty hungry after all."

----

"I thought you were pretty hot, too," Toni smiles over his open box of rice.

“Obviously,” Bash grins as he takes a bite. “Why else would you have kissed me?” “Did you know I was attracted to you?” “I thought I saw signs, initially,” Bash shrugs,“but some of that was wishful thinking. You always hope someone is into that you’re interested in. I felt a kinship with you, too, a strong bond. It’s easy to deceive yourself into thinking someone is interested when they’re not and I thought maybe that was the case. Maybe it was just the bond I felt with you. At first.” “So…,” Toni takes a deep drink of beer. It’s a dark ale, a little smoky and robust. “How did you know when to kiss me?” “You came up here half drunk, Toni,” Bashir’s smile grows wide. “You had this look in your eyes. You said something about being horny and you wish you had a guy like me. How do you not remember that?” Toni almost drops his beer. He makes a clumsy grab for it, ends up fumbling it against his chest. The dark ale sloshes all over the arm of his hoodie. “W-what?!”

“Wow,” Bashir shakes his head. “You don’t remember… Why am I not surprised?”

Toni just stares at him, shaking the spilled liquid from his hand.

“To be fair to you, you were pretty upset about the fight you had with Rees. But I’d had enough teasing and decided to go for it,” Bashir shakes his head and leans back against the balcony banister. “And I was right. You wanted me. Remind me to send a thank you card to Rees. ‘Thanks for fucking up, buddy. I love my boyfriend.’”

“I actually told you I was horny…?,” Toni says after a minute.

Bashir laughs. “Yeah. You did. Verbatim. ‘I’m horny and all I want is a boyfriend who will treat me right so we can have steamy makeout sessions in the shower.’”

“Oh my god,” Toni groans. “I’m so glad I don’t drink as much anymore…”

“What?,” Bashir continues chuckling. “I thought it was a candid glimpse into your mind at the time. I found it more appealing than I did repulsive.”

He sighs and looks Bashir over. “Well, if it helps, I’m pretty horny after not seeing you for almost a month.”

“If it helps you any, I’m extremely horny and open to any ideas you have for relieving me of that pressure.”