#torchclancy

This happened sometimes. Sometimes Clancy was cautious and untrusting, sometimes he needed more convincing to go with the Banditos. Torch didn’t mind it. He would do and say what was necessary every time.

“East is up,” Torch said. Code words usually did the trick. “You want to get out, don’t you? That’s the only way out. We can help.”

Clancy’s eyes widened. “You are him…”

Torch stepped forward and held out his hand. “We don’t have much time. They’re patrolling the city.”

“Yeah… Yeah, alright.” Clancy hesitated for a second, but he ended up taking Torch’s hand regardless.

“I’m Clancy, by the way,” he said as they hurried down the streets of Dema.

Torch knew the script by now. Things weren’t always the same, of course, but he knew that each time he needed to introduce himself and pretend that he didn’t know Clancy’s name.

“It’s nice to finally meet you,” Torch said with a smile.

He stayed alert. Despite it usually going smoothly at this stage, there have been times when Torch had lost Clancy long before they ever got to the battle. He wasn’t going to risk it this time.

To his dread, however, he suddenly got the overwhelming feeling that he was being watched. The others noticed as well and a few heads turned along with Torch. Just down the street, a flash of red.

Torch turned to Clancy. “The Bishops can’t see yellow.” He took off his hoodie since it had the yellow tape on it, he had an olive t-shirt underneath, and handed it to Clancy. “Take this, follow the others. I’ll catch up with you.”

Clancy took the hoodie, but he didn’t put it on just yet. “Are you sure? Will you be okay?”

Torch nodded. “Go. I’ll be right behind you.”

Clancy nodded, put the hoodie on and followed the other Banditos towards the eastern wall.

Torch took a deep, controlled breath, and turned around. He stood in the dark as the torches carried by the Banditos grew more and more distant. When Torch opened his palm, a flame ignited in his hand. He looked around, waited. Now that he wasn’t wearing yellow, he could be seen and it was only a matter of time before he would be spotted.

There it was again, that feeling. He spun around and found himself face to face with Nova.

“You’ve gotten him out of the city, haven’t you? But you must realize you will fail, just like every other time,” Nova said.

“That’s what you think,” Torch bit back.

“Have you not proven already how futile your efforts are?”

“As long as there’s hope, none of this is futile. You used to understand that.”

Nova smiled wickedly. “And you think you are that hope?”

“I have been so far. I will continue to guide them as many times as it takes for you to finally be defeated.”

“Your stubbornness is misguided. You can’t break the cycle. He can’t break the cycle, no matter how much you believe in him. Perhaps it’s time to admit to yourself that you only keep doing this because of your undying love for the person he could be. The person I could have been.”

“You two are not the same,” Torch said.

Nova chuckled condescendingly. “I don’t think you believe that. You can’t possibly be that delusional.”

“I don’t know how many times it will take, but we will succeed. When that day comes… I just hope I’ll be there to see the look on your face.”

“And how do you plan on getting out of this predicament?”

Torch closed his fist and the fire in his palm went out. A second later, the nearest parked car set on fire. A diversion. Enough for him to slip into the darkness and make a break for it.

He ran with tears in his eyes. Torch needed to keep reminding himself that Clancy and Nova were not the same. That there was still hope. As long as he was alive, as long as he had the strength to keep trying, there was still a chance.

The Banditos were waiting in the tunnel, agitated, waiting for Torch to catch up. They couldn’t stay below for too long. Despite the tunnel being hidden, staying there could put them in danger. They were all relieved when Torch finally showed up, closing the tunnel up behind him.

He was still shaken up, but he needed to put on a brave face for the sake of the others. Especially…

Clancy walked up to him, still wearing Torch’s hoodie. “Are you okay?” He asked.

When Torch looked at him, he saw hope. He would need to earn Clancy’s trust again, he would need to get close to him again, and he might just lose him again. But whenever he went back into the city to get the new Clancy out, whenever they met all over again, even if Clancy had no memories of their previous meetings, Torch felt the same warmth he always did as each time he was washed over with new hope.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” Torch said and smiled. He held out his hand again. “Shall we?”

Clancy nodded and took his hand.

Torch smiled. “Sorry, stupid question.”

Clancy sighed. “No, it’s okay, just…” He didn’t end up finishing that sentence at all. The usually chatty Clancy was now speechless.

Admittedly, he hadn’t been as chatty since his last escape and Torch couldn’t fault him for that.

“You’ll do well, Clancy,” Torch said. He believed it. No matter how many times he did this, he still believed and he always would.

“How do you know that?” Clancy muttered.

“Because I know you.”

Clancy pulled out grass they were sitting on in a continuous, fidgeting fashion.

“You won’t fail,” Torch said because he felt that that was what Clancy needed to hear.

“But what if I do?”

“Then we try again,” Torch said confidently. “Like always.”

“What if someone gets hurt? What if you get hurt? What if I don’t make it, how will we try again then?”

“Hey, stop, stop… We’ll be okay. And I won’t let anything happen to you.”

“I can’t stop thinking about everything that could go wrong…It just keeps repeating in my head, over and over again.”

Torch hesitated to do what he wanted to. It could easily go wrong. Although all he wanted to do was to comfort Clancy, what had crossed his mind was rather risky. Clancy kept pulling out the grass and tossing it off the cliff, but the wind carried it instead.

Torch was brave. He had to be. He was brave enough to escape the city, he was brave enough to go back, to defy the Bishops, to fight… But he hadn’t been brave enough to confront his feelings. This was the first cycle he had finally allowed himself to stop and think about his feelings for Clancy, and to even think about the idea of it being love. However, he definitely wasn’t brave enough to do anything about it.

At that point he was silent for too long and he hadn’t come up with any other way to comfort Clancy. And anyway, it didn’t need to mean anything. Torch reached out and took Clancy’s hands in his own. His skin was cold.

“There’s no use worrying about it. You’ll be okay, I promise you that. We always have the next day. You’ll always have me by your side, making sure that things go well. We’ll be alright.”

Clancy didn’t move. He stared at their hands, Torch’s thumb mindlessly brushing the back of his palm. He wasn’t even aware he had been doing that. He stopped eventually, growing wary with Clancy’s lack of response.

Just as Torch stopped, Clancy leaned in and almost tackled Torch with a hug.

“Oh—” Torch slowly wrapped his arms around Clancy. “Hey… It’s okay. You’re okay.”

Clancy was shaking, but Torch couldn’t tell if he was crying, if he was simply cold or both. Either way, Torch held him close, stroking his back in hopes of comforting him.

“Promise me you’ll be there,” Clancy said, voice muffled with the way he was hiding his face.

“Of course. I promise.”

Clancy nodded. He pulled away and cleared his throat. “Sorry.”

Fuck. If there was a time for Torch to do something about those feelings of his, it was now. The sun was setting, painting Clancy in a golden glow. The sea below the purple and red sky was shimmering in the last minutes of sunlight.

Torch took a deep, bracing breath. “Clancy?”

“Yeah?” When Clancy met his eyes, Torch broke. He believed in Clancy, of course he did. He continued to have faith that things would finally go well, but… Just in case they didn’t… Again… No. He would tell him after they’ve defeated the Bishops.

“I just… You have nothing to apologize for. That’s all.”

“Oh. Alright.”

“Come on,” Torch said, quick to change the subject. “Let’s head back to camp. It’s almost time.”

“Yeah… Let’s go.”

* * *

When Torch’s head was no longer spinning, he picked himself off the floor and burst into the room and the sight that awaited was beyond heartbreaking.

Clancy had fallen yet again.

They were so close.

Torch had been sure that they would get it this time.

And there was Clancy, with half his face blackened, wearing the Bishop red.

Each time it felt like his heart got ripped out of his chest and crushed to dust, while his chest was left open and bleeding. Each time Torch had a lump in his throat and he had to hold back tears, because he couldn’t appear weak in front of the others.

They were so close this time.

Torch was zoning out the entire time Clancy was handing out the robes. He only came to when Clancy was standing right in front of him.

Torch slowly lifted his gaze. “You don’t have to do this,” he said. Clancy wasn’t looking him in the eyes. Torch wondered if he could still see him. “Clancy.”

He seemed to react to this, but still wouldn’t look up.

“I love you,” Torch said in a last ditch attempt to snap him out of it.

“It’s too late for that,” Clancy said in a distorted voice. And then, he simply moved on.

Before this moment, Torch had thought that he knew heartbreak. Each time he failed, he thought that was it. This, however, was far worse than anything he’d ever experienced.

Torch stepped back. One more time. And once more. He watched former Banditos, his brothers and sisters, dawn the Bishop robes. He took one last look at the person who was once his Clancy before turning around. On his way out, he bent down and picked up the mask Clancy had discarded before the battle.

Torch descended the steps in a haze, one hand braced against the wall to keep balance. He made a decision, then, never to confess his love to Clancy again, not until they succeeded.