Eurovision 2010s: 325-321
325. John Karayiannis - “One thing I should have done”
Cyprus 2015
Sigh. Do I need to repeat my distaste for the sentimental “love” ballad which engages in borderline concern-trollery? This one isn’t *as* bad, but still: the one thing John should have done is *withdraw*. 🙄
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324. Basim - “Cliché love song”
Denmark 2014
It’s like SCOOBY-DOO-DOO-WHERE ARE YOU????
Aside from ruining one of your favourite childhood tv shows, I think Basim’s sucktitude is pretty obvious, no? Denmark probably thought that just naming their entry “Cliché love song” would absolve them from getting the blame for all the cringeworthy cliché’s present, but nope, it SUCKS. NO forgiveness for the songs which shamelessly rip off Bruno fuckin’ Mars and are doused in poo-brown lighting!
(that said, I would have totally bumped this up by about 20 spots had Denmark kept the original banner which featured a close-up of Basim’s face 😂 So tacky <3.)
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323. Tooji - “Stay”
Norway 2012
Much like Basim, Tooji is *almost* tacky enough to facilitate ironic appreciation, but he falls just short and I’m forced to rank him in the Orange Dislike Zone instead.🙄 Not to mention Tooji has the blood of Sofi, Joan AND Litesound clining to his hands!!!
However, there are two lowkey hilarious things about Tooji that make me rank him higher than Basim (1) Tooji’s desperate charm offensive during which he would lurk backstage, looking for the other delegations, gifting them ~a single rose~ if they accidentally passed him in the corridor (2) the act Norway are ripping off is ERIC SAADE 😂.
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322. Brendan Murray - “Dying to try”
Ireland 2017
Brendan used to be my last place of 2017. 😂 In all fairness, he’s not *that* bad, but he’s still solidly not good. Also, eres tu, Daniel Rapecliffe?
Since this is the update of where I murder lame knock-offs, I’ll also point out the terrible song which served as the inspiration for this terrible song is the even more loathesome “spousal abuse LOVE ON THE BRAIN” by Rihanna. UNEXCUSABLE!!
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321. Franka - “Crazy”
Croatia 2018
Stanka Franka thought she was fierce / good / unique enough to carry her anonimous song (which was plagiarized even before its official release because the composer put the melody on fucking sale on a music peddling website - I repeat, BEFORE THE RELEASE DATE!!!) into the finals without any staging. She was wrong. 🤗 #BadKarma