#tomokooc

Two days ago, I got a call fairly early in the morning as I was trying to fill out, of all things, an initial survey questionnaire thing for trying to get me into pro-bono counseling. My mom, tearful, had barely managed to choke out that my grandpa had died - not of natural causes, but (again, of all things) a goddamn loose bull goring him to death in the city limits of the small town they live in.

This should not have happened. The bull, who had basically been smuggled under the pretense that the owner was “bringing livestock temporarily into a friends’ pasture” had gotten loose once before, and afterwards they were given one week to get it out of the city limits. The whole treatment was grossly irresponsible on the owner’s part (who is now in jail, thankfully, although for unpaid ticket charges? christ this person was extremely irresponsible), and on the sixth of those seven days, it got loose once again.

By the owner’s word, Grandpa was assured that it was a ‘nice, adolescent bull’ and was asked to come out and help lure him back into the proper pasture. The owner was trying to lure the bull (and a couple of cows that got out too) with grains, and almost as soon as Grandpa got out of his yard and onto the street where it was, the thing immediately whipped around and started charging at him. He took cover behind a tree, and for a minute it seemed like the bull had lost interest, heading back for the grain.

Well, Grandpa tried crossing the road back to his yard to go into his house afterwards, and sure enough, the damn bull immediately went for him. As fast as she could, Nana grabbed a .30-06 rifle, but by the time she got out there, it was too late. He’d been flipped off the ground, cartwheeled in midair, slammed, gored, and shoved under a fence by the bull, and at this point it wanted Nana and the owner as well. They ran back, and thankfully in the nick of time the owner closed the gate to prevent the bull from coming any closer, and Nana took that chance and shot that fucker dead a good four or five times.

...from what I understand, the scene was really, really ugly. My nana’s had to relive it over and over from people wanting to know what happened from her, and they were together for nearly three decades. This was my mom’s dad, so it was extremely hard on her. He was very well liked in the town they lived in, and Nana’s the mayor of said small town as well, so everyone knew both of them quite well. It’s heartwarming to see the whole town be behind her on this, but heartbreaking to see her have to relive it over and over again.

The main reason for the sort-of hiatus call is twofold. One, more tangibly, I’m going to be looking after my Nana for a week. She’ll have to come to grips with having the house to herself at some point...but it doesn’t have to be right now, right away, when it’s this soon. I’ve pushed a lot of my college assignments back, informed my professors of this, they all seemed chill with it and willing to work with me thankfully, but my time is probably going to be helping around the house a handful for the next week. I’m the only one in the close immediate family that can really pull that off, as I currently have no hard workplace obligations, and more so than that, I want to.

Because dammit, she’s my Nana.

Two, and this is why my title is filled with such uncertainty, is that this is the first time I’ve ever experienced a loss this close to me. I’ve never lost a grandparent before, one of my closest ones, and I’m also painfully aware that I came very close to possibly losing both of them in one go. I have no idea how I’m going to react over time. As far as I’m concerned, there’s an equal chance of me going dark with no online activity at all, or me staying here fervently writing to distract or cope, or anywhere in between.

This is an extremely new experience to me and, while there’s no way to really prepare, I’m aware of the numerous possibilities and scenarios that could play out as far as my own stability is concerned. I’m trying to closely monitor myself to see how exactly I’m reacting at any given time.

So, yeah. That’s pretty much it. I have no idea how active or inactive I might be. There’s a good chance you won’t see me for a while. There’s also the possibility I might be here all the time nonstop unlimited roleplay works. There’s a very good chance I’ll probably not get around to drafts for a while and just want to dink around with askbox stuff, memes, and silly little things to make me feel better. If I’m on your Discord server, I can’t promise I’ll be active for a while - or, I might be extremely active and stay on there all the time just to distract myself or something.