#tolose

My heart!!! My soul!!! My king!!!!!

I love them so much and so dearly and i will gladly choose them again and again every day!!

They make me feel so fulfilled and happy and they show me every day that true love is real and exists!!!

Im truly proud to be so in love with and committed to them!!!

            @tolose​ said :  “  i can’t promise you it’ll get better. but i can promise                                     you i’ll be here with you.  ” ( hi! 🥺 )

                                                     comfort starters 

                living and learning . that’s the mantra of getting through this world isn’t ?? his own words MOCK him in these moments and it would make him a hypocrite to be so downtrodden .  doesn’t take away from the fact that he’s had a TREMENDOUS LOSS yet again .  his knees are shaky , at best , as he stands over the grave with flowers in his hands . he’d never let himself get close to many women after his wife took off and left him with sarah .  hell , he never really had the time . 

finding jackson and reuniting with his brother , having ellie there . it made joel CONTENT in a way . finding esther was just another piece to a puzzle that he hadn’t known he was missing , but now she was gone just like so many before her . the texan stands there stone faced . there are no tears or sobs , but the tired sadness weighs on his features so heavily . 

It is often said that those who love you can hurt you the most. Well ain't that the understatement of recorded history. To love is to welcome death into your open arms and maybe it will take you and maybe not but holy freaking guacamole it is worth it because for a second your own heart was residing in another's body. For a moment it was worth it because you were theirs and you were safe and wanted and they said it was forever, he promised it was forever but he didn't love you for forever. He didn't even love you for a year. And so you watch him leave your heart still beating in his chest. 

Two days ago as I lay in bed crying, phone pressed to my ear, you said to me, "I just don't want to date anymore" . As I muted my phone, my spare hand covered my mouth to hide the pitiful whimpers that were uncontrollably bubbling up and out from in between my downward bent lips. For what felt like an hour but was probably thirty seconds I curled up into fetal position and tried to rock it all away. It wasn't real it couldn't be, I love you I love you I love you. Why can't I breathe. I had forgotten to, as I gave up on any chance of composing myself my lungs pushed forward violently desperately trying to inhale between the tears and more tears and more tears. I distinctly remember letting my aching limbs fall back against the bed as I picked up the phone again, you were mumbling something about how you didn't have to talk to  because I guess that I wasn't anybody, or whatever.

 "I just need you there for me as a friend." My eyes clamp shut, tears spill over down the sides of my face onto the sheets. I wonder exactly what it was that I was doing all of those hours I spent on the phone with you assuring you and reassuring you, and begging you to tell me what was wrong so I could make it better. Guess I must have imagined those late nights and good morning voice mails because...

 "I just haven't felt connected to you lately". I completely give way to waves of sobbing as one after another rapidly roll over my body you tell me that you've been praying about it because you don't  know what to do and you are so alone, well isn't that adorable. I finally found my voice and riding the momentum of of the waves that were still swirling around my body I flooded the phone speaker with all of the pain you had ever caused me. " THEN TALK TO ME", I have beg, half demand at the not-so-top of my lungs. "I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN THERE FOR YOU, YOU NEVER LET ME IN, YOU KEEP EVERYTHING FROM ME!".Three seconds pass without any sounds being exchanged between the two of us, I truly thought that I had gotten through to you. I also thought that you weren't a rat with a human shaped body, I was wrong. You, you perfect freaking douche bag with the beautiful eyes, you broke the silence and my heart all in one short sentence. Just as I regained control of my breathing.. 

" I don't love you, anymore." The waves come back except this time I cannot feel as the crash over me and over me over and over and over. I am numb. Okay, You don't love me, "I'm sorry" you say in your best I'm-not-actually-sorry voice. You win, as I laid in bed unable to process the tsunami that just ripped through me, I could not move, I could not think. I could only hear your voice that once sweet voice of yours playing in my head, "I will always love you." I replayed your promise over in over in my head just like I did every time I had felt unsure of myself that past month. You hung up the phone and you were gone. 

Cause you weren't mine to lose.

but clementine hated feeling useless.

sometimes aj would stay the night with her despite her own protests, keep her company while sharpshooter eyes kept a close watch on the surrounding woods to their camp. he had grown so much in the past couple of months, slowly becoming a leader into his own (with clementine’s guidance of course when needed) that sometimes there was just no convincing him. he was stubborn, and it makes her crack a small smile when she thinks he takes after her.

she’s alone tonight though, relaxing in the lawn chair as she watches for walkers or any stragglers who found themselves lost in the woods. most nights are uneventful, a walker here or there that’s quickly taken out before they can reach the gates. it’s boring, but it’s work.

clementine begins to think this night will be just like the others, hand flipping a pocket knife open and closed a couple of times before she hears the unmistakable sound of branches breaking and leaves crunching. it’s footsteps. she perks up, shoving the now closed blade into her jacket pocket and reaching for one of the guns that are spread out in front of her on the ledge. she angles it down towards the gates as she searches for the source.

before long a woman appears and it makes clementine quirk a brow.

“i suggest you turn around,” she starts, voice loud and clear. “there’s nothing here for you.”