#toji core

He can act like such an old man sometimes, grumbling up a storm if he’s pissed off. Forgetting all the time. Or taking a nap anywhere he felt suit in the middle of the day. And of course, if Casual!Toji was napping he’d have you right there in his arms telling you to ‘go the hell to sleep.’ You two were on a joint schedule.

Casual!Toji isn’t a chain smoker, but he needs at least one throughout the day. Whether it be on the back porch, while he’s making a quick trip to the confer store, in the bathtub or right before he joins you for a nap on the couch.

Loved bickering with you, loved seeing you get flustered or annoyed, your eyebrows knitting together and saying some bullshit from your pretty fucking lips. Casual!Toji couldn’t help that stupid smirk that would form on his face and you’d get more pissed. You were so fuckin adorable to him.

He didn’t expect to want you so badly, you were adamant on just staying fuck buddies, but the green eyed monster slithered into your life. If you didn’t want him, Casual!Toji would fuck your brains out until you had to stay over. And suddenly, you’re feeding the dogs while he’s making breakfast. Your doing the laundry together, going on lunch dates, coming back to his place after work—

When the hell did that happen?

Of course he has tattoos, a large black, grey and red back piece to be exact of a dragon. He had some other tattoos around his body too, angel wings right behind his ear for his deceased wife. He’d get one for you as soon as he put a rock on your finger.

Casual!Toji knows you hate when he takes “jobs”, you never know if he’s going to end up completely beat up, or without a scratch. Or worse, not coming back at all. But he needed the money. It was for reassurance, stabilizing your joint future. He didn’t want you to worry about money with him, he’d provide for you, even if he died. You hated when he talked like that, you’d leaving for a couple days. Maybe a week. And he’d be right there in front of your apartment once his gut told him to got see you, food in hand, going back to your usual routine. He understood your anger, the worry. But he couldn’t comfort you properly because he wouldn’t quit. Only thing he could do is stay by your side.

You’d been forced to learn how to sew up a bullet hole or stab wound (with the help of delirious Toji barking at you to get it right the first time), knew how to clean up blood that would stain the floors, calm the dogs as they barked for their owner to get proper help, and knew above all else the silence that would fill the house once you finished playing surgeon. Toji’s soft shallow breaths filling the air, chest rising and falling slowly. And you’d sit and keep watch. As if you were stronger than him, like you could protect him from all the bullshit that he’d just endured.

You thought of leaving once or twice.

But it led you to dead ends. You loved Toji. Toji loved you. And no matter how many times Toji told you. Baring himself naked before you, giving you everything, and I mean everything, he had, no matter how you looked at it; you were each other’s life lines. There was no one without the other. Soulmates. So you’d sit, for hours upon hours, making sure he was alright. Padding away the sweat that would build up on his forehead as he slept. Until you felt his large calloused hand stoking the curly baby hairs at the back of your neck. “Come on baby, go to sleep.”

And you did.

The man wasn’t a fan of music. Hed listen to whatever you put on and enjoy it. He’d listen as you rambled your pretty little head off about your favorite artists, even memorizing the songs you had on constant replay. But Casual!Toji loved listening to The Smiths, Mac DeMarco, Tame Impala, Nirvana, Frank Ocean, Brent Faiyez, and Najabes. He’d tickle underneath your chin as he’s sing along, ‘Now your lost, lost in the heat of it all.’

Casual!Toji who isn’t a dirty bastard. He loves taking a shower and a bath with you after a long day of work, even going to the public bathhouse so ease his mind. He made it his mission to book a private onsen with you during the holidays because he knew that was really the only time you had off during the year.

Prefers to do things together. Laundry, cooking, errand runs, watching whatever you watched— had to be in your vicinity like Clifford the big red dog.

Casual!Toji who has to fuck you atleast twice a week, whether he has your pretty wet cunt in his mouth, your hand softly squeezing his cock as you rubbed him off, your face pressed against the bathroom tile as he drills into you from behind or he’s fucking you right against the kitchen table right before you two had dinner.

Casual!Toji who doesn’t mind cursing you out no matter where you are. Unless he’s already told you once, he won’t hold his tongue when he needs to correct you. “watch your fuckin mouth.” “ ‘nd who the fuck are you talkin to?” “keep it up.” “You never shut the fuck up, do you Doll?”

Despite your playful bickering and your real arguments, he’s learned to properly communicate. Even if he has to write it down, he wants to get through to you. Casual!Toji wants to be better for you. He wants to be the best man for you and your future kids.

Casual!Toji, who doesn’t understand why it takes so long to do your hair but keeps his mouth shut about it because he’d rather not piss you off when your already annoyed to no end. He’ll go back and forth between the bedroom to the living room. Watching as you angled your head a certain way to detangle and style your hair. Then going back to the living room to watch whatever reality show that was on. When you were finished and cleaned up, you’d come and throw yourself on Toji. Who’d only acknowledge you with the grunt.

Then he’d place his hand at the back of your neck, gently rubbing it with a thumb. Giving you a much needed praise after all your hard work. “Good job baby.”

Casual!Toji, who loves Westerns. John Wayne, Django, Magnificent Seven— you name it. He’s watched it. There are even some cowboy posters and cowboy dog toys laying around. Also liked watching Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman. He caught you watching it alone and got hooked.

The man stays in sweatshirts, gym shorts, sweatpants, wife beaters, plain t-shirts, leather jackets, black jeans sweatpants or a yukata. No in between. You had to beg him to add a few graphic tee’s to his attire. There’s a singular black suit that’s too small in the very back of his closet with a matching pair of wedding rings that were once used by Casual!Toji.

On the shelf above it is a pink tattered shoe box. A few pictures of Toji, ones of him smiling like an idiot, a few of a beautiful woman with short black hair with some silly faces, one or two marriage photos, a handkerchief, an old shirt, and a death certificate. It dropped on your head one day, right as you two were about to bathe for the night. Toji found you on the floor, hurriedly trying to put everything back in the box. But he’d simply bent down, neatly folding the shirt and the handkerchief, putting it in its place. And then reached for one of their marriage photos and turned it towards you.

“She was real nice. Kinda stupid, like you. But real nice.”

It was odd, seeing Toji so- so melancholy. He’d put the box back, grabbed the pack of cigarettes that was on the night stand and headed towards the connecting bathroom. You could hear some shuffling, the bath water running, and then he called out,

“Come on Doll.”

A silent Toji was never a good one.

Least, that’s what you had made up in your mind.

Toji’s head was in the clouds, the shower was quiet, the bath was quiet, something by Radiohead played softly from the speaker. The pitter patter. squishing of moving water, the crackling of Toji’s cigarette dancing between his lips and his fingers.

You shoved yourself at the end of the tub, pulling your knees to your chin— almost trying to hide yourself.

“Sorry.” You squeaked out. You felt as if something was on your shoulders, weighing you down. Maybe you were trying to compensate for the silence.

Toji cracked his neck, head falling back as he took another drag of the cigarette, “What are you apologizing for?”

He scuffed, how tense things had gotten annoyed him. Memories of his deceased wife annoyed him too, but he learned to live with the loss. Learned that everyone else moved on while he was left stranded, forced to find his own way to continue living. Years had passed, and you coincidentally fell into his lap, right in the middle of purgatory. And you created a little heaven despite your pasts.

“And why are you over there, come ‘ere. Practically burned holes in tuh me all night” His voice was gruff, his green eyes finally meeting your brown ones, but he was motioning you over.

You hesitated, before you could try to find another out, Toji pulled you by his arm. Settling you in between his legs, your back to his chest. Just like you were supposed to be.

Toji wasn’t one for serious words, not in situations like this. But he held you close, trailing his fingers from from your shoulder blades, down your arm to your hand. Taking his large hand in your smaller one and bringing it to his lips.

“I love you, you know?”

On days when it pours and pour rain, or when the snow meets your calfs— Toji is right on the porch, in his dark blue yukata that’s half open showing his chest, despite the cold, cigarette in between his pink lips, journal in hand and writing away. Who knows what he writes in there. It could be essays or simple notes and you wouldn’t know. You just knew it’s best to leave him alone to his thoughts when he’s like that. And when he’s done, which could be in 5 minutes, 30 minutes, 2 hours— there’d be hot tea waiting for him, two dogs who wanted head pats and a woman ready to give him as much love as he wanted.