#todo-shotoroki

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“....Return to my parents’ home.. my old residence...find my little brother, Senjurō...tell him...to follow his heart....and to walk down the path..that he feels is right.....and..my father...”

He stopped..should he go on..he loved his father, so why was it so hard to continue with his next words.

“....tell my father that...that I want him to take care of himself....and-”

Rengoku had so much more to say...but he could feel his life quickly draining from his body...he had to make this quick..he had to make it count..

“Ren-Rengoku-San..please don’t talk anymore” Tanjiro didn’t want to hear anymore...he didn’t want to believe this was happening...how could this be happening...he..he fought so damn hard..he can’t die...he’s ..the hero...he can’t die..not now...h-how-

“Young Kamado, I’m going to tell you all I can while I can still talk so I need you to listen..” with only so much strength left..he needed Tanjiro to understand the passion he was putting into each of these last words...before it was too late.

“There’s someone else I need you to seek out...”

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It was a normal day for her..as normal as it could get in a world of blood-thirsty demons. She didn’t leave her work in the village until late in the night so she wasn’t able to see Kyōjurō off on his mission that morning, like she wanted...but this time was like many others. He would go off and fight, she would work through the night and they would reunite..soon enough, to be together again.

Kyōjurō didn’t like that she worked so late in the night though..its dangerous, you never know who lurks and stalks in the shadows waiting for that perfect opportunity..she used to think he was trying to scare her, but everything he said held true, there were no grounds to doubt his words...he never gave her reason to.

She’d always reassure him that she was safe though..walking on the path with the most street light..staying in populated areas as much as possible until she had to duck off through the forest because “It’s the quickest way”... he was always protective of her nevertheless, no matter how tough she tried to prove herself to be.

It was just his way of expressing his love for her..and she gladly excepted it.

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It was 12:17 in the afternoon when she finally opened her eyes to greet the rising sun..Kyōjurō..of course that would be her first thought as she is welcomed into the new day..He informed her that it wouldn’t..no..shouldn’t..take no more than 2 days...it was a well-planned mission...he didn’t want to worry her with the details that people were always going missing on the train that he would be boarding...that all the swordsmen that were sent to investigate, fell silent..and that initially, he would be fighting alone. No, there was no need to worry her with the obvious factor that dying was not an outlier in this mission.. He would do what he always did...He would fight for what’s right, she would work past daylight and they would reunite..soon enough, to be together again.

She expected Kyōjurō would be returning soon, and she didn’t have to work until much later. Surely she would be able to see him before she left. She did light cleaning, and prepped a meal for his return, although she hoped there wouldn’t be too much eating, she was prepared to hear all about his mission, from the moment he boarded the train right down to him stepping out the train and breathing in the fresh, crisp air of his home town.

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Maybe he could finally take her to see Senjurō after so long, hope he’s doing okay..and she wishes to see Rengoku-San again..even though he didn’t bless her and Kyōjurō’s relationship from the start..she still wishes to know how he’s holding up, that’s just who she was, and how she’s always been. So caring and passionate; that’s one of the reasons Kyōjurō fell in love with her. Just one.

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It was nearing 4:30 in the afternoon when the food continued to sit on the stove and the small pile of trash sat in the corner of their small common room; she remained positioned on the cushion, legs aching as it has been folded for some time now, awaiting the arrival of her Kyō.

She mentally cursed him because in 2 hours night would be approaching, she would be leaving for work and a new day would be among them, which would make 3 days he would have been gone. One day more than it would’ve..no, should’ve taken.

What exactly could be prolonging his trip. She searched her brain over the details that he had run by her that day, trying to recall if he had mentioned anything regarding his time immediately after his mission.

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“....-and there may be injuries that would call for immediate attention...file reports and-“

Injuries. Of course. Patrolling a train packed with over 200 people, and the awareness of a possible demon attack, there were bound to be some injuries, right? Surely he would do what he had to do and return to her.

This pondering was going to drive her crazy, as many times as she’d done this, as he had told her not to worry for him, it was completely inevitable. She loved the man, her man, he was hers, and it was alright for her to worry. But every time she approached the point of too much worrying, he would appear in her view, into her arms, once again..

Maybe she could go for another plate as she waited.

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It took Kyōjurōu a while, longer than he would like to admit to formulate the right

collection of words that would carry the same passion that he intends it to hold, even coming out of someone else’s mouth.

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How could he find the perfect words for the perfect woman..the woman that came into his life when he was not aware of the need of her very presence..he loved her...he loved her..and now he was leaving her..he remembers every little detail about the last time he’d seen her..2 days ago, 5:45 am, he remembered her complaining about not wanting to go to work that day just the night before, but knowing the small dining shop was already understaffed, it would be painfully difficult to get this day off on such short notice.

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He watched as she slept on their shared mattress, not making too much of an effort to take his leave quietly as he knows her to be the heaviest sleeper..he would be back soon enough, she should get her rest.

The early morning light, little that was, did no justice in capturing all that was her beauty, he knew better though.

He did what he had always done, he kissed her..her forehead..her nose..her cheek...he pulled away and smiled..he loved her. Yes, he would be back soon enough.

At the time he couldn’t pinpoint the moment that it suddenly hit him, he felt smaller in their room; it was rare, to say the least, their room was only so big. He gazed at the composition his mind had laid before him..it was like he was looking in on someone else’s life..he summed it up to be detachment, he was leaving, leaving her...of course it felt a little weird. He just didn’t know why it felt weirder now than any other time he’d left for a mission.

With a smile on his face, fire in his eyes he said to himself with confidence, “I’m off, but I’ll be back, so don’t miss me too much”

Something soft inside him almost persuaded him to turn to look at her again, kiss her nose again, cheek, forehead, lips. But, with his wide, bright eyes and passion in his heart..he continued out the door.

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Now more than ever he’s glad she wasn’t awake to see him off. To see the fire in his eyes as he walked out of that door that early morning, prepared for any and everything that was to come with this mission.

He’s trying to keep himself from thinking of her right now, but it’s proving to be damn near impossible. He did a good thing today. So what is this feeling in the deepest pit of his stomach?

He didn’t act irrationally. But what if there was something he could have done differently, could there have been a different outcome?

He kept the damage to as minimum as possible...and nobody died. Not yet anyway. He knew he was going to die. No amount of breathing techniques nor mental strength could stop the outflow of blood rushing from the hole in his body.

It was getting cold. Which seemed funny to him, given that he is the Flame Pillar...was..was the Flame Pillar. He needed to talk fast..his mind was both moving too fast to grasp anything and not fast enough....time..he was running out of time.

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“There’s someone else I need you to seek out...”

What do I say? He knows she would be sad. Broken, Devastated. Angry? At him for not returning to her like he had promised that night..his last night with her..their last night together...NO. What does he say?!

“...tell her..I’m sorry..”

She would know that he loved her...should he say it.?

“and that I love her..I’ve always loved her..so so much”

It’s really cold now..getting harder to breathe..the feeling in my legs is completely gone. My vision..I..I can’t-

“and..tell her”

Gods, he was going to miss her. Her smile, the way her eyes always lit up when he returned from a long mission, just to get tangle within each other in a hug that felt like it was never meant to end, the mere fact that they were created for each other, there was no doubt that she was made for him, and he for her..they were supposed to spend the rest of their precious lives together, get married, have kids. He wanted lots of kids, a big happy family, one that he never had. He deserved it. He deserved you.

He’s realizing that it was not going to happen..he hoped that you would forgive him..even if you say you aren’t angry with him...he hoped you knew he wanted to return..not only for him..but for you..to get to you.. he needed to return to you..hold you, kiss you, feel you..one.last.time..

before he could never do so again..

More than anything he wanted her to be happy.. because she deserved that..He wanted her to be happy with him of course, and only him..but-

“tell her...to be happy....to live on...head high..no matter h-how devastated she may be..”

..but just as his heart ached, and he wished it would continue to ache..it being the only thing tethering him to this life..just as it ached......his mind slowly became blank..he saw flashes of your smile, he heard the ring of his brothers’ laughter...his father was at his side..smiling..and...his mother?

Yes, his mother was there...looking upon him with the softest, most gentlest smile..

“You did well my son. I’m so proud of you”

As much as he wanted to long to be in your arms again.. He did the right thing...he fulfilled his destiny. He could go now.

and so he did.

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The wall clock read 5:16, it was well past the time she had planned to start getting ready for work, as she sighed for the 37th time since she woke up, she knew she had to get ready soon.

She pushed her body off the mattress, she guess she could take a shower, trying to prolong her time until she had to leave for work was stressful... especially when you’re waiting for someone to arrive..

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Startle by the sudden tapping at her door, her heart fell in her stomach and she was snapped out of her mental dreaded thinking.

See! All that worrying for nothing. He’s here.

The breath that she didn’t know she held was released and forgotten as she made her way to the door, swinging it open, making sure not to hit the swinging bulb above. Kyō said he would fix that.

She wasn’t met with sunshine, however..it was suddenly grey out, gloomy even..she looked at the boy in front of her door, and noticed two others in the distance, with their backs, turned away from her. Hm.

The boy tries to look her in the eye, but it seemed to be a struggle, he opens his mouth to speak anyway.

“Um, a-are you-“

She recognized his attire immediately. Just like Kyōjurō, he had to be a demon slayer. Younger though. She welcomed the young boy in.

He didn’t look like her Kyō however, not as bright, confident..happy? Was something wrong?

She started to think about saying something, but the boy began to talk. A heaviness hanging on each of his words.

“M-my name is Tanjiro Kamado. I am a member of the Demon Slayer Corps.”

She could tell he was holding up an act, but why. And where was Kyōjurō?

“I was sent to partake in a mission on the Mugen Train, along with 2 other swordsmen to join and assist-”

They were...on the same train? That can’t be right though...why haven’t Kyō come back...did something happen? where was -

“-Kyōjurō Rengoku, Flame Pillar of the Hishira.”

Wait.

“I am saddened to inform..y-you....that-“

Wait. WAIT.

“Rengoku-san....Kyojuro Rengoku...was killed in action...”

All at once, her body was frozen over and set ablaze by the worst of flames...was she falling? She has to wake up. This-THIS is a dream-a NIGHTMARE. No. She was snatched out of her body and forced back in..back to being in front of this..person. What did he just say?

“what?..” she asked with half a brain, not even sure if she was the one that asked it..it was so soft, she probably only thought it, but then she saw his mouth begin to move...were those..tears? He was crying. Was she crying? She can’t feel anything. She’s telling herself that somehow this isn’t real...but it is.

This isn’t happening right now...but it is.

This can’t be happening...it is..

This...it was unimaginable..that he could leave..me..he..Kyō..he would never leave me..what was this boy even saying?!

She knew all too well that she wasn’t hearing things..this was all too familiar to her..

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you say your goodbyes, wish them luck...and you hope like hell you see them again. Because if you don’t...something got screwed up. You’re stuck...alone..replaying every moment to see if somehow you messed up. Did I miss something?... Breaking down every detail, to find the one thing you could’ve done differently. You become obsessed over finding that mistake..

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Obsessed over that ONE mistake that could have changed this.. all of this. It’s not right! Not FAIR!

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Until it drives you out of your mind..because life comes with pain..but times doesn't stop and wait for you to pick yourself up when you’re ready to move on.

She’s alone again..she’s going to have to grieve alone again..pick herself up...and fight for a way out..again..alone...without Kyō ...

But she’s falling...she can feel it...she’s falling fast..

“Kyō...”

it was barely audible..but she felt the words leave her mouth...the sting of where the sentence was headed..she wished she could take it back, but it kept forming..

“Kyō..please..n-no..“

Was any of this real...was she real..She sure as hell felt real..this pain? Was real.. more real than she could ever think was possible..

“d-don’t..go..Kyō..”

Her voice was trembling at this point. That..boy, was turning into a fuzzy green..figure..she’s sure the floor had disappeared.. her legs too..and she could hear wind..loud wind and..leaves?

..yea..leaves..

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It was the first day of Autumn, September 22nd..

Initially, it was her plan to take a walk through the park to see all the pretty leaves scattered on the ground. It wasn’t like she hadn’t seen it before, she loved Autumn, ever since she was a kid. She and her brother would argue over who got to rake up the leaves first, so they could be the first ones to jump into the freshly fallen leaves, to welcome the new season.

She wanted to walk with Kyō through the park..hand-and-hand, taking in the beautiful scenery. She looks up at him, but he was already gazing down at her...his face was so lovely.

She watched as he let go of her hand, and grabbed a handful of fallen autumn leaves, throwing them into the air with joy..

“I love this girl!!”

This hadn’t been the first time he had said this to her, but this had been the first time she felt more prepared than ever to say it back to him...with that same burning passion that he held in his heart. Her heart swelled with happiness; she didn’t think it was possible for a person to be this happy. It felt..wrong. Like she had just figured out the key to life.. its purpose...and she didn’t want to share it with anyone but him...she love him. She loved him.

“I love you too Kyōjurō!!”

Her body disobeyed her, and tears formed at her eyes and gliding down her tremble cheeks. It was the beginning of Autumn, she wasn’t cold..the excitement was to blame, she was so filled with euphoria that it almost made her dizzy.

The way he looked at her, like she was the only girl...no, the only person in the world..nothing else mattered but this moment, here.

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She couldn’t feel anything..not anymore, even the pain was like a distant memory..she felt..empty..she was empty..how was she going to get through this..what was next...Kyō ..

She can’t...It’s just...her mind isn’t working...she needs him..why... Kyō ...

Kyō ..

She wants to drift..off of whatever surface she currently depending on...and float off into where ever...where ever he was....she wanted..more than anything..to be with him..

to see him...

to hold..

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Kyō ..

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She was always drawn to him. He was the most alive person she had ever known. He was good, he was kind.. and so gentle with her. She had lost her brother and father to the hands of a demon, and Kyōjurō carried her through and out of that pain. She still thinks about the family that she lost, she missed and loved them every day and every night but....she didn’t have to go through it alone anymore. She had Kyō.. He was her Pillar...of light...of warmth...the fire she needed when she surrounded herself by thick, icy walls...He was her flame that got her through that darkness....

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but now...

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Go ahead and live with your head held high. No matter how devastated you may be by your own weakness or uselessness, set your heart ablaze.

Grit your teeth and look straight ahead. Even if you stop and crouch down, the time won’t wait for you...or snuggle you and grieve along with you.