#todayinanutshell

Welp, this sucks. I'm just surprised I found an accurate gif for once...

I'm writing this so that I remember.

Tonight was beautiful. It was difficult at first, because you were all over the place. Last night you had to call a few people that you really didn't want to talk to, and it hurt, and you knew it would but it had to be done. And while you thought you were alone in it you weren't. You stayed up crying at night wondering if you were ready, having more doubts than usual and it scared the hell out of you. The whole day was a struggle because of the way you felt, because you thought you were alone. Until you saw him, you were still worrying, but all you needed was to see him. You were happy, you were smiling, and you went out to eat with him. It was lovely, until you had those worries again, and you felt the need to share something that was bothering you. His reaction also scared you, as it usually does. You left feeling once again, alone. You sent him a few messages that you thought were necessary in order to let him understand how you felt, even though you knew that he was trying his best. You teared up, you wondered why it was so hard to be with him, why these doubts couldn't just disappear. He started calling, and because of the way you felt, you didn't want to fight over the phone, you didn't want to answer and have to get yelled at or have to try and defend yourself, you were tired. You wanted to give up for the night, but the fourth time he called you knew you should pick up, that out of all the people he did not deserve to be ignored no matter what you felt. And what did he say? That you should come outside? How stupid did you feel? You rushed outside, angry at yourself, and at him for showing you how silly you were being about the whole thing. All you wanted was to feel his arms around you, holding you. He came back to be with you, to show you how much he loves you. He tells you and it's hard for you to understand. But when you thought you were alone you weren't. He loves you, and right now, you can feel it. You know you want to be with him, you know he makes you feel safe. He wants you, he loves you, he held you and that was enough. You have a habit of forgetting the good things, so here's a reminder: tonight he tried to prove it to you, and he succeeded. He is the most amazing person you've ever known, and he deserves more credit. You love him and he loves you. Don't forget it Vanessa.