HARU : Â â you actually hate me, right? â souharu đ
                                 @tochisuruâ / fe: three houses / accepting
sousuke wants to laugh. he wants to make a sound thatâs more derisive than joyful, something that could encompass the struggle thatâs been wound around his throat since he was seventeen and filled with nothing but contempt for haruâs existence because he had somehow convinced himself the other boy was just in the way of rinâs dream (not his dream, but rinâs. somewhere along the line, sousuke had created the idea that their dreams were joined, but that was a conversation for a different sousuke; one that wasnât irritated at haru and his inability to see how head over heels he was).Â
sousuke wants to laugh, because that contempt has shifted into begrudgingly accepting haruâs existence, and then that acceptance had turned into a crush he had avoided so persistently until it had shown up at his doorstep and punched him in the rib.
he has been stupidly in love with haru for a while now, and he wonders what god heâs angered this time for his feelings to be seen as hatred, or hate. maybe heâs cursed someone in his past life and the karma is finally catching up to him. youâll end up alone with a broken shoulder and a tiny apartment made of the dreams youâve lost the chance to achieve is what the pain whispers to him, the one that crouches on his torn-up shoulder and makes a mess of everything he touches.
âi donât,â sousuke says. he doesnât hear anything convincing in the words, but he also wonders if itâs just the process of overthinking. is he overthinking?
âi donât hate you,â he repeats. âi did. once, but itâs not like that was a fucking secret.â he shakes his head and sighs. squeezes the bridge of his nose until the thin skin tingles and tells him to stop. tells him to just be honest. confess, if you want!
but he wants to confess in a slightly more romantic setting -- not when heâs trying to convince haru that he doesnât hate him. which he doesnât.
âif i hated you, do you really think iâd go out of my way to spend all my free time with you? do you really think iâd be hateful enough to do that? think a little harder, haru. i like spending time with you. i like hanging out with you. i donât hate you, and at this point, i canât even believe i did. you mean a lot to me and it    â it what? sucks that you think i hate you? sucks that you canât see how much i like you? â     i donât fucking hate you. i like you. a lot, in fact.â