#tochange.

You also give them the power to be the death of you, and if she's the death of me so be it... I just know that she knows I love her, and I would drop everything for her... Cause when I said no matter what I meant it.

Here is how I see it, but considering she thinks I'm crazy it might not mean much to anyone. I spent the last few months of my life trying to pick up the pieces both of us broke, and now I think I've done a pretty good job at it. Sure I've been through some shit these past 8 months, mainly with relationships. Someday the people who don't get what I mean by "I just can't have the same connection with anyone else like I did her" will understand just that. Once you love with your whole heart, and they go away... Everything feels off. I tried to move on with like 3 other girls and only really ended up hurting myself more. If I honestly can't find a connection with someone, then why try?

I have two people inside me, The strong girl who knows that if she ever lets someone back in to her life like that again it will fail. So why bother? Then there is the girl who is still in love, the girl who waits... the girl who is "crazy" who thinks that just like all this summer something will go wrong, and noah will be right back where he left off... Back with her. In a way I want to be this girl... I want to wait for her to come back... but as you are reading this you are saying "are you kidding me?" and I think I am saying that too as I type this damn blog...

I've seen the stuff she says to her current girlfriend, and this might be the crazy talkin but I've heard the words before... It isn't love if you have to repeat it to someone just because you think you fucked up so much with the person who the words really belong to, and you do not want to be alone. Now I will be the first to admit I have no idea how happy she is, or damn it even who she is now. That's what I'm trying to say here... I don't know this girl that you speak of... The one that will be the death of me isn't Jordie... It's Jordan... The smoker, The partier, and yeah I just said her name on my blog... big fucking woop. The one that thinks I'm crazy. Oh yes... I have no doubt in all my mind that she will be the death of me, but here's the thing... I'm already dead. The girl who you speak of that Jordan will be the death of died when Jordie went away. When India ruined her, When her friends ruined her... When everyone made her do these awful things, they made me do some fucking awful things too. Because when you are truly and honestly in love... One goes, and so does the other. "If you go then I go." as Jordie would say. Well she went, and so did I.

Thanks for reading.