#tobytrashoftrash

He cast a glance at the clock mounted on the wall behind him. The hour hand was gradually approaching the 3, although the minute hand was lagging behind between the 8 and the 9. Eh, what the hell, he thought. Close enough.

"Okay, it's time to head home," he said, clapping his hands together and putting on a big theatrical grin. "Remember what I've taught you and, uh, don't party too hard? Nah, scratch that, party as hard as you want. See you on the flipside!"

At that, he heard a faint whoop from toward the back of the classroom, although he wasn't sure which one of his students it was. With a bemused smile, he tucked his prop wand into his purse, which he slung over his shoulder while his students gathered up their own supplies and jumped out of their seats. He hung back for a moment, giving his students the chance to file out first, but didn't lag behind for too long. He had places to go too, after all.

Immediately upon stepping outside, Taako was caught off guard by just how low the temperature had already dropped. It had been hovering around zero degrees celsius earlier that day, but judging by the way the wind nipped at his ears, that number had significantly dropped since then. Fighting back a shiver, he zipped up the winter coat which Kravitz had insisted he wear despite how dorky it looked and stuffed his hands in the pockets. The hood was a little cumbersome to fit around his ears, but he put it up nonetheless. He then scurried down the walkway away from his school as fast as possible. Kravitz was still at work, which of course meant that Lup and Barry were still working as well, and Magnus was probably out doing some shopping of his own, so this would have to be a solo mission. It was more convenient that way, really; shopping alone meant that nobody could peek at what Taako was buying for them.

A few metres down the sidewalk, his stone of farspeech crackled to life in his purse, broadcasting a loud but muffled voice. Without slowing down his brisk pace, Taako took the stone out and held it up to his ear to hear better.

"Hey, Taako," Magnus's projected voice greeted him. "I've finished carving Kravitz's present, so if you wanted to come home and put some enchantments on it or whatever, this would be a good time."

"Sorry, Mags, it'll have to wait," Taako replied. "Making friends was a mistake, because I've got a billion fucking people to get gifts for and today is the last day before all the shops are gonna be closed for the holidays. I'll get home as soon as I can, though," he added. "Love you, bye."

He turned the stone off and tucked it back into his purse just as he approached the store that would be his first place of interest: HMV (the store name, of course, stood for "Handy Magic Valuables"). Inside, the shelves were looking pretty bare as a crowd of shoppers milled around, filling the shop with a dull rabble that thankfully drowned out the chipper holiday tunes playing over the intercom. He made a beeline for the Kenny Chesney records and selected one he was pretty sure Merle didn't already own, then perused the selection of kid's movies, scanning the shelves for the flick Angus had mentioned wanting to own. The kids' section in particular was already pretty thoroughly picked clean, and for a moment he was afraid that the item he was after was already sold out, but upon glancing one aisle over his eyes landed on a copy of Detective Pikachu haphazardly tucked in amongst a bunch of remastered classic horror movies. While he was looking at that particular selection, he picked out the cheesiest-looking one he could find (something about a ghost shark that looked like it had been made on the budget of two cents and some pocket lint) as a gift for Barry. In the checkout line, he picked out some novelty socks with a rude saying on them for Lup.

After leaving HMV, he headed over to Fantasy Home Depot to pick up some stuff for Hurley and Sloane. On the way, he got another stone of farspeech call, this time from Kravitz.

"Hello?"

"Hi, babe, it's me," Kravitz said--he insisted on introducing himself that way no matter how much Taako made fun of him for it. "The Raven Queen is letting us off work early for the holiday, so I'm calling to let you know I'm coming home a bit early."

"Can she do that?" Taako asked.

"Well, she is a goddess, so she can do whatever she pleases."

"Yeah, I guess that tracks. So," he said in his least suspicious tone possible, "Are you home yet, or…?"

"Not just yet, but I'm about to head home." Kravitz paused, and when he spoke up again, there was a teasing note to his voice. "Why, are you and Magnus planning something you don't want me to know about?"

Taako bit back a string of curses, instead setting for grinding his teeth even though everybody and their goldfish told him it was an unhealthy habit. Yes, in fact, Magnus had set aside a half-hour every day for over a month to carve Kravitz a brand-new piano. Taako, meanwhile, had been scoping out all the local pet stores, planning to surprise Kravitz with a new cat and Magnus with a new dog (in addition to the Candlenights feast he cooked for both his boyfriends every year). Sure, it was a pretty big investment, but Taako's financial situation was better than his younger self could ever have dreamed--and besides, even if that wasn't the case, it would still be worth it to see the looks on his boyfriends' faces. He had no idea what if anything Kravitz was planning for Magnus, and what either of them were planning to do for him; his boyfriends were surprisingly adept at keeping secrets from him, probably because they knew him better than the average person.

"Um, no, we're not planning anything in particular," he lied. "But I'm actually out doing some shopping, so if you want to come rendezvous with me at Fantasy Home Depot, maybe we can pick out some gifts together. How's that sound?"

As soon as the words left his mouth, he bit back another even louder string of curses. Shit, no, he can't be with me when I head over to the pet store!

"Um, scratch that," he added before Kravitz could say anything in response. "I actually just remembered that I left my, er, my scarf at the school. So if you could pop over there and see if you can find it, that would be great. Okay, love you, bye!"

He cut the call off in a hurry as he headed into Fantasy Home Depot. On previous years, this had been his destination when it came to shopping for Magnus, and for Kravitz he had usually gotten some sort of novelty item shaped like a skull. It was amazing how the same goof landed every year; he almost wondered if Kravitz would be disappointed not to receive a skull-shaped drinking glass or lawn ornament or whatever this year.

He had already bought a new compass for Davenport and a glitzy novelty ornament for Lucretia, and Ren had insisted that she didn't need any gifts (although he still planned to prepare a special tray of sweets as a gift for her, that still meant he didn't have to buy anything for her aside from maybe a couple of baking ingredients). Once he had picked up the power tool and canister of engine oil that the battlewagon racers had requested, the only shopping he had left came in the form of two fuzzy little companions for the men he loved.

~~

When Magnus had taken it upon himself in mid November to start carving a grand piano from scratch, he had been pretty sure he wouldn't get it done in time for Candlenights. Two weeks into the project, when it had just been a big old block of wood hidden away in his workshop with what barely seemed like an indent in it, he had made a secretive late-night trip up to the Fantasy Bargain Shop and bought a skull-shaped lamp as a backup gift in case things fell through. Now, though, as he stepped back to admire the product of his work--a flawlessly carved grand piano, varnished and freshly painted black--his chest swelled with the pride of a job well done. Now all he had to do was check on Taako's gift to make sure everything was in order, and they'd be good to go.

Just as Magnus turned to leave his workshop, he heard the distinctive ripple noise of one of Kravitz's portals opening upstairs. He scrambled for a sheet big enough to cover the piano and hastily tugged it into place, making sure the gift was sufficiently hidden before heading upstairs to greet him.

"Hey, Krav! How was work today?" he asked, running up to Kravitz and giving him a clap on the back. "Taako is out doing some shopping right now, so he probably won't be home for a while."

"Yes, so he told me," Kravitz said, a note of something like irritation in his voice. "He also told me that he had accidentally left his scarf at his magic school, but I looked all over the place and didn't see any such thing. And wouldn't you know it…" He swiveled his head towards the dining room; Magnus followed his gaze to see Taako's scarf draped over the back of a chair. "Do you suppose he was trying to delay my coming home for some reason?"

"Could be," Magnus said with a shrug. It was only after he had spoken that he realized that was definitely Taako's motivation, probably to prevent Kravitz from seeing the piano. He repeated his shrug with a little more emphasis, then laid a hand on Kravitz's shoulder and gently guided his line of sight towards the fridge. "So, I was wondering if those liquor candies Merle gave us were any good," he said. "Why don't we get into them and see for ourselves?"

"Your restraint truly knows no bounds," Kravitz said, flashing him a teasing smile. "But I really would like to know why Taako wanted me out of the house so badly."

"Um, could be that he was embarrassed by how dirty it is," Magnus said. "We haven't had time to do much cleaning, you know. So we're gonna be real busy tomorrow if we want to have anyone over."

Even as he spoke he internally winced at how unconvincing a lie it was--if only Taako himself was there to think of a good cover. (Or he could just tell him the truth, he supposed, but that would ruin the effect and he really did want the piano to be a surprise.) Sure enough, Kravitz didn't exactly seem convinced; he crossed his arms and arched an eyebrow at Magnus.

"I live here, darling. You think our boyfriend would lock us out for such a reason? Back when I first met him and he was more guarded, maybe, but even then--"

"Or it could be a different reason," Magnus interjected, blurting the words out a bit more loudly than necessary. "We just don't know! But, for real," he added, "Don't worry about it. I promise you, it is nothing to worry about. On a completely unrelated note, welcome home, but please don't look in my workshop."

"Why, what's in the workshop?" Kravitz asked. "Other than that piano you've been carving, of course. Tell me, is it a gift for someone? Of course you know that I don't play piano, only the violin and the occasional woodwind instrument, but…"

He kept talking, but his words didn't reach Magnus's ears; his brain completely shut down for several seconds upon hearing the piano mentioned in such casual terms. When all of what Kravitz was saying caught up with him, his blood froze over. Shit. Fuck. Goddamn it. He knew about his surprise gift? Had known about it basically the whole time? And what's more, he didn't even want it as a gift--wouldn't have any use for it! Even beyond the matter of Magnus's hard work potentially going to waste, what was he going to get for Kravitz now? (He still had no clue what Taako was planning to get for either of them, so even if he did run out and get something now, it may well end up being the same thing Taako had bought for him and he really didn't want to repeat the fiasco of two years ago, when he and Kravitz had both bought Taako the exact same brand of confectioners' sugar.)

"Um, if you'll excuse me," he interjected, grabbing his stone of farspeech off the coffee table in a swift and hopefully not too obvious motion. "I need to go check the mailbox."

With that, he darted outside into the cold winter air, slamming the door shut behind him before Kravitz could respond. His back pressed against the door, he bent over to catch his breath. The cool air stung at his throat as he panted, and his exhales curled up in front of him in little puffs of white, the same colour as the snow. Once his heart had settled back down into its proper spot in his ribcage, he dialed Taako's number on his stone. Luckily, Taako picked up almost immediately, answering with a casual "Yeah?"

"Oh, Taako, this is bad," Magnus hissed, glancing through the window to make sure Kravitz wasn't listening in. "Kravitz knows about the piano I carved for him, and he says he doesn't want it as a gift! Well, he didn't directly say that, but he told me he doesn't play the piano, so he couldn't use it even if we did give it to him. What should I do? Are you almost home?"

"Oh, shit, that's tough," Taako said, letting out a low whistle. Magnus could picture him wincing and adjusting his hat, if he was wearing it--although a glance inside through the window revealed his signature wizard hat hung up on a hook next to his cloak of the manta ray, so perhaps he was going hatless that day. "Um, I'm still not gonna be home for a few minutes, so hang in there 'till I get back, okay?"

"Wait, babe, don't hang up yet," Magnus pleaded. "He's your boyfriend too, remember? Don't you want him to be happy with the gift he gets?"

"Course I do," Taako replied. "That's why I'm out picking up something for him right now. And listen, Maggie, I'm sure Krav won't hold it against you if you just end up giving him a hairbrush with a skull decal on it."

"You know, that's funny; I was just about to ask if I should give him the skull lamp," Magnus said.

Then he paused, listening to the background noise on Taako's side of the call. It sounded like he was in a pretty busy shop--of course, all the shops would be busy right about then--but the weird part was that he could hear what he swore was barking. Quite a lot of barking. And maybe some meowing and other noises too? Brows furrowing, Magnus pressed the stone directly against his ear so he could hear better.

"Hey, you're not at a pet store or anything, are you?" he asked.

"Just here to admire the exotic birds," Taako said. "Listen, though, I've really got to stop lollygagging around here at this pet store that I'm not buying anything from, and head on into the other store next door, which sells other non-pet stuff that I'm gonna buy. Catch you later."

Although Magnus grumbled to himself, initially discouraged when Taako ended the call, his boyfriend's words quickly gave him an idea. Tucking his stone away in his pocket, he stepped off the back porch out into the yard, where Taako and Kravitz had hung up several birdfeeders (he had carved some of said birdfeeders himself, and yet the storebought ones always seemed to be the most popular, which plagued him with irritation). It was too cold out for the yard to exactly be bustling--for once there wasn't a squirrel to be seen--but a few ravens were hopping around at the bases of the birdfeeders. Locking his eyes onto one of the birds, Magnus dropped into a crouching position. It was time to put some of his rogue training to use.

~~

By the time Taako finally got home, Kravitz was anxious enough that he jumped at the sound of the doorbell. From downstairs, he heard Magnus yell "I'll get it!" followed by the sound of his footsteps thundering upstairs. In that time, Kravitz had already come to the door; he held it open for Taako as he walked inside without even stopping to kick the snow off his boots first. Taako carried two shopping bags in each hand, and he was balancing a large box with holes in them under each arm. Kravitz regarded his boyfriend with mild concern as he staggered inside and set down first the boxes, with an unexpected gentleness, and then the shopping bags. Stooped over all his purchased goods, Taako's torso heaved with the weight of exhausted breaths.

"Are you alright, love?" Kravitz asked, unsure whether to chuckle or be worried. "It looks like you've done a lot of shopping."

"Yeah, no shit," Taako wheezed. Then, straightening up and wiping sweat off his brow: "So, have you got everybody checked off your list yet? Cause judging by how the shops were looking, you've got about ten minutes before the whole city is completely sold out."

"No, I've already got all my holiday shopping taken care of," Kravitz said (he had given his fellow reapers their gifts at a holiday party the week before, and the presents he planned to give his boyfriends weren't exactly the kind of things you could find at a store). "Do you need help putting these away?"

He cautiously bent down, reaching for one of the shopping bags. Taako made no move to prevent him from grabbing it, so he took it as a sign that the contents of the bag (a large drill tool and a vinyl record) weren't for him. He set about putting the items away while Taako caught his breath. Nothing in the bags was particularly heavy, so he guessed that the heavy things must have been the boxes. He circled back to try to grab one of them, but Taako's gaze snapped up at that and he moved to stand between Kravitz and the boxes.

"Sorry, Krav, this stuff's off-limits right now," he said. Then, glancing over his shoulder at the two boxes: "Although… hmm, how would you and Maggie feel about opening your gifts right now? That's probably make a few things easier."

"Oh, that's a great idea!"

Magnus's exclamation from behind them made Kravitz jump; he hadn't realized he had come upstairs. Turning to look at him, he appeared to be hiding something behind his back, and was hopping from foot to foot with a big nervous grin.

"I mean, only if you guys want to, of course," he added quickly.

An odd noise almost like a squeak sounded from somewhere in the room, although Kravitz couldn't tell where it was coming from--behind Magnus's back? From inside one of the boxes? Maybe even… no, surely not both. Kneeling between the two boxes, Taako glanced between them, making a soft anxious clicking sound. Kravitz raised his eyebrows but didn't comment. He had a building suspicious as to what at least one of the gifts Taako and Magnus had was, but he hoped he was wrong considering what his own gifts to then were. It would make it rather redundant, and more pertinently, they simply couldn't afford to support that many…

"Yeah, that sounds like a plan," Taako said, interrupting his train of thought. "What do you say, Krav?"

"Er, yes, that's fine," Kravitz said, flashing Taako a smile. "Let's get right to it, then."

"I've actually got my gifts for you two right here," Magnus said--yep, definitely hiding something behind his back, and there was an odd strain to his motion as he stepped forward that suggested he was having trouble holding onto it. "I was originally going to give Kravitz something else, but that didn't work out, so I kind of had to improvise, but considering your whole grim reaper deal I think you'll like it."

"Didja get him some skull trinket?" Taako asked. "Cause, hey, that's my job!"

"Huh? No, this is something different," Magnus replied. Neither of them seemed bothered by the fact that this exchange was transpiring directly in front of Kravitz himself. "Anyway, um… on three?"

"Hold on," Kravitz interjected. "I need to open a portal to the astral plane first."

Ignoring the others' bewildered reactions, he summoned his scythe into his hand and swished it through the air in a broad but purposeful stroke. A rippling hole in the fabric of space-time opened up before him, through which he could see the vast expanse of the world beyond. Bending down, he patted his knee and whistled into the opening. Somewhere amidst the inky blackness, two undead being perked up their heads and scampered over towards him. It hadn't been easy talking the Raven Queen into letting Kravitz give his boyfriends undead creatures for Candlenights, but he was certain that the payoff would all be worth it once he showed them the skeletal pets.

"There, now," Kravitz cooed to the skeletal dog and cat standing before him. He gently scooped them up into his arms, then closed the rift so as not to let anything else in or out. "Alright, on three, you said? Three, two, one--"

He turned around, skeletons in hand, to see Taako opening the boxes and Magnus revealing what he'd been keeping behind his back.

There was a beat as the three men stared at each other, their initial expectant grins at each other quickly fading. In Taako's corner, a greyhound puppy waddled out of the box on the left, and a sleek tuxedo cat stepped out of the box on the right. Magnus, meanwhile, held a raven in one hand and what looked like some kind of a strange weasel in the other. He and Magnus both slowly lowered their acquisitions to the floor, where the skeletal animals and the living ones all scampered toward each other and began sniffing each other--aside from the raven, which hopped over to Kravitz without wasting any time. He recognized it as one of the ravens who frequented their backyard; those corvids always had taken as interest in him, and the feeling had been mutual even before Kravitz had begun serving under the Raven Queen. The flesh cat trotted over towards him as well, while the skeletal one gravitated towards Taako and hopped up onto his lap. The weasel-like creature (maybe it was a mongoose?) followed it, albeit with a bit more caution. Both dogs practically charged towards Magnus, and he let out a delighted laugh as they jumped up at him. He fell back, allowing himself to be bowled over; Taako looked up from scratching the skeleton cat behind its spectral ears to give him a fond smile.

"Well," he sighed, "I guess we should've checked with each other first."

"Indeed, this is certainly… well, it's a lot," Kravitz agreed. The cat headbutted his leg as if to agree, or maybe to argue. "Although I must say, I do appreciate the thought."

They looked over at Magnus, who was rolling on his back with laughter and letting the dogs clamber on top of him and slobber all over his face. Taako grimaced at all the dog saliva, and the mongoose (which had now hopped up onto his lap) chittered with disapproval.

"Gonna be hard to look after them all," Taako went on as the mongoose scurried up his arm and onto his shoulder, and the skeleton cat curled up into a ball in his lap and started purring. "I mean, I bought food and supplies for the flesh boys, natch--" He nodded toward the cat at Kravitz's side and the greyhound pup, which was now sitting down directly on top of Magnus and licking him on the nose. "--And I dunno if these bone babies of yours are gonna need much upkeep… but still, it just seems like a lot, right?"

"It is a lot, is the thing," Magnus agreed from his position underneath the dogs. His hands didn't falter from petting them for even a second. "Probably impractical to keep them all, right?"

"Not to mention how dirty the house will get," Kravitz agreed. "Cleaning will be a nightmare with six animals running around…"

He looked down at the raven perched on his leg, and was met with a pang of surprise at the discovery that he was stroking its head. A glance to his side revealed that he was stroking the cat as well, and it seemed to be thoroughly appreciating the gesture; it repeatedly rubbed its head against his leg, purring.

"Yeah. Mm-hmm. Right. For sure," said Taako, in the distinctive tone he slipped into when he got distracted. "We really shouldn't… I mean, we messed up, good goof and all, but…"

He trailed off, and they lapsed into silence save for the purring of the cats, the sound of the dogs licking Magnus's face, and the soft shuffle of the mongoose making itself comfortable in the crook of Taako's shoulder. None of them stopped petting the animals even for a second--Kravitz wasn't sure he could bring himself to pull his hands away even if he wanted to. Finally, after what felt like simultaneously the most relaxing and the most stressful two minutes of his afterlife, Taako let out a heavy sigh and broke the silence.

"We're keeping them, aren't we?"

"Yep," Magnus replied without a moment's hesitation.

"Oh, we absolutely are," Kravitz agreed, breaking into a grin at the confirmation that the others were on the same page as him.

Taako grinned too, and although Magnus's position in relation to the dogs blocked the view of his face, he laughed again--less giddy now, but with just as much joy. Moving carefully so as not to disturb the pets, Kravitz scooted forward and laid his hand atop Taako's. Then, holding his gaze with an affectionate smile, he brushed back Taako's hair and leaned forward to kiss him.

"Joyous Candlenights, love," he murmured.

"Aw, geez, Krav," Taako mumbled, lowering his face as a furious blush spread over his cheeks. "No need to get so sappy…" He darted forward to kiss him back, then pulled back with a grin, still blushing even though they had kissed a thousand times before. "But, yeah, same to you, babe."

"Hey, what about me?" Magnus asked in mock offense. He gently lifted the dogs off of himself and sat up, edging over toward Taako.

"Sorry, dear, no kisses for you until you wipe all that fucking dog slobber off," Taako told him, giving an exaggerated shudder. Despite his words, though, he raised himself up off the ground to give Magnus a kiss on the top of his head. "And happy Candlenights to you, too. To both of you."