#to30

If today is your last day

Smile and laugh whole heartedly

Cry as if your heart is broken into tiny little pieces

Love because right now you're conscious

Pray for yourself at most and your loved ones because you hope they will remember you even when you're gone

Forgive and it is time to forget

All the things you thought you will miss in the after are no longer of concern. Then maybe confess to a person, if there is one person, taught you happiness is real even when its unrequited

November 28, 2012. I remember this day so vividly. I remember it was a Wednesday, I had done my #wiw for the week and it was sitting at 160.5. I remember being so close but so far to that "150 mark".

My mom came down that day, we went shopping. That dress was a size eight. It was the first time I had worn an 8 in about nine years. I remember sitting on the floor of that changing room and crying because I was so proud of myself. I had worked my ass off. I had eaten right, and worked out daily. I posted this picture on Instagram and Facebook, all the comments were praising how great I looked since I "lost all that weight". I felt pretty.

Today is February 12, 2017. I'm 29 years old. I have 189 days left of this decade. On Friday I weighed myself in at 221 pounds. It pains me to type that, to have that out in the public. But, it's the truth. So much has happened over the last four years. So much heartache and heartbreak and stress eating. And damn if I'm not trying now more than ever. But it just takes time.

The stories of success are intimidating. Persist through them, surely one or two things will inspire you. And as always, be in the present. You are your own person.

Love with actions, less with words. Read between the lines and don't let you get hurt. Rely on God because you are his subject, and everything related to you is in God's will.

Magic shop. The significance of your existence is directly proportional to others. Yes, you may falter, questioning everything along the way, but you know that deep down, you just need a little affirmation that you are needed. You are important. You deserve to be comforted. So you'll give you the best of you.

Train of thoughts is such a beautiful sentiment. One day, you'll sit in a moving train and your mind full of thoughts, good and bad memories entwining, the connections finally crystal clear. The weather will be great and you will be eye feasted with nature at its best. A smile now dancing on your lips. You then close your eyes and goosebumps starts prickling on your arms especially. I hope you know that you are in that moment, content.