#tneil

A series of one-shot Tneil AUs. When they start the “engagement”, it seems like a good idea.

make up your mind, let me leave or let me love you/while you’ve been saving your neck i’ve been breaking mine for you

tom’s convinced himself he doesn’t feel anything for neil, he never has, he is 100% Completely Heterosexual and his denial is sending neil deeper into the end of a bottle.

you were found out and had to walk in darkness without the only thing you care about

sunsets, stolen kisses, the shouting that pierces their eardrums as their door is knocked down. they should have known they’d never deserve to be happy.

and i returned to my beautiful city, black skies change into blue/and though my love is so wise and so pretty, some nights i’ll still dream of you

the war is over. years pass. lives are rebuilt. tom still wakes up and finds himself wishing for a different person curled up beside him.

leave me at the altar/knowing all the things you just escaped

neil leaves in the middle of the night, not even leaving a note. he doesn’t deserve excuses. tom doesn’t deserve a curse like him.

that night’s a familiar taste in my mouth/i’d still be waiting seven years for one moment just to try

there’s one night, after too much whiskey and sexual tension and too little inhibitions. one night they try and forget. and then it’s a year later where tom has a fiancee, and she doesn’t know about his preferences, no one can know - it was a mistake. a stupid mistake a year ago that meant nothing. he ignores the way he can still taste neil’s lips every time he closes his eyes. he’s fine. he’s fine. he’s going to be fine.

i’m afraid to sleep because of what haunts me/now it’s like the night is taking sides with all the worries that occupy the back of my mind/could it be this misery will suffice?

back in america, tom is haunted by the nightmares, the memories - he left because france held too many old horrors not even neil could keep away. he didn’t realize they would follow him back home.

can we ever get rid of the whats and the ifs/i was caught between the weight of everything i couldn’t say

they both know they’re in love with the other. it’s weighing down like the world is caught on their shoulders, but it doesn’t matter. they’re with other people. they’re in different countries. it never would have worked out, anyways.

i will go if you ask me to/i will stay if you dare

i'M NGL IT WEIRDLY REMINDS ME OF TOM AND NEIL AND I HAVE NO IDEA? LIKE NOT TO MAKE EVERYTHING ABOUT X COMPANY BUT THAT'S WHY I BOUGHT THE SONG AND NOW IT'S WAY MORE THAN THAT BUT STILL MAKES ME THINK OF THEM

P L E A S E MAKE EVERYTHING ABOUT X COMPANY THOUGH

OKAY BUT FUCK NOW THIS IS GIVING ME A LOT OF FEELS

like just imagine after the war, tom goes back to america and neil goes back to london ((if you want to get really angsty, throw in a ‘so, you’re going?’ ‘give me a reason to stay’ conversation))

and they’re both focused on putting their lives back together and dealing with the ptsd and just coming to terms with the fact that the war is /over/, they don’t have to keep a knife under their pillow, they don’t have to fight for their life at any second

but beyond all that they can’t stop thinking of each other in between waking nightmares and memories that appear behind every corner, every casual conversation

‘you must be somewhere in london, you must be loving your life in the rain/i’m in a los angeles cathedral, minor singing airheads sing for me’ is 110% what tom is thinking all the time

and the line ‘afraid of the house, stay the night with the sinners’ just sends me this picture of neil strolling through the streets in the middle of the night, a cigarette in one hand and a bottle in the other - because he can’t forget everything, can’t stay in the same four walls that is consistently feeling like his own version of hell - and one night he gets a little too drunk and dials tom’s number at 3 am and he hears tom pick up the phone (he’s up, of course he’s up) and say ‘hello?’ and neil just waits and listens, frozen, and he remembers how far away tom is (put an ocean and a river between everybody else) and how he’s probably got his whole life back up and started and he can’t change that, he /can’t/, so instead he just holds the phone until tom hangs up with a sigh. and then he finishes his routine of walking the streets except this time he feels even emptier than he normally does - he doesn’t know if it’s because of the gin, or the phone call.

“I WILL NOT STOP UNTIL EVERYONE IS PICTURING TOM AND NEIL SURVIVAL...”

BECAUSE I NEED TO TALK ABOUT TOM AND NEIL IN AS MANY FIC TROPES AS POSSIBLE. Plus lmao imagine Tom making it so awkward he's the worst person to be survival cuddling with.

YES OH MY GOD

‘so, uh . . . do you come here often?’

‘tom for christ’s sake we’re in a safehouse and you’re bleeding out of your stomach you don’t have to try and flirt with me’

Siobhan isn’t the only spy within the ranks.

A collection of Tom/Neil AUs.

AO3  ff.net