#tncshiki

So here I am, clearing Shiki’s route (whatever of them) and reflecting over things.

It’s quite annoying how he is plucked in the story. I mean, other main characters are kind of scattered throughout it, but Shiki – bah – he is everywhere. Like as if he is substituting every character. Akira met went out of the hotel – he met Shiki (but yeah, ok, that one comes with almost every route), then he met Keisuke – right, let’s plug Shiki after that. Akira found what’s left of Takeru – Shiki again. Wtf? Sure it’s his route, but it irritates me that the story thrusts him upon me. I want story – not characters only. Give me a break of him, uh?

But I must admit, he’s a troll even if he doesn’t know about it.

—–

Upd.

For the first time in the game I see how lonely Akira could be. How sad he could be. How sorrowful may his voice be. The last thing almost made me cry. This seclusion from other characters (except Shiki all right. But he doesn’t treat Akira as a person, so they couldn’t even have a normal talk like Akira does with almost everybody else, so there is nothing to develop).

And it’s the first time Keisuke actually… dies in front of Akira. This is very painful. But why? Why didn’t he run away as before? There were no other causes to this outcome. What a mystery.

And Shiki’s attitude is both intriguing and… pissing off. I fully understand Akira’s feelings about it, thus I just… was at a loss when Akira started to surreneder. I may get the reason, but the fact itself is so horrible, especially if comparing to his -former- self. Yeah right, I understand that he behaved like that only because before he was facing only the things he was familiar with and thus was confident about them (more or less at least), and it was about 5% of the things he could get from the world thus making him innocent and pure as a lamb. The guy knows neither world nor life, so I suppose his unstable mind and will are similar to a child’s one which in turn is similar to plactiline, which in turn could be formed whatever you like with not that much  effort. That is terrifying to tell the truth.

Guh, Shiki, don’t like you.

—–

Upd.

Oh now I feel disappointed. Greatly. In Akira. I like him so much as a character because I saw so much in common in him with me and I admired his strength of will. But then Shiki came to break that shortly. I just couldn’t believe I saw how easily Akira was giving in under Shiki’s pressure. I just couldn’t understand and didn’t want to believe in what I see with my own eyes. Was it really happened to be that Akira’s will is not as strong as I thought it was? Or is it just Shiki’s aura and mental pressure, ruthless and methodical actions mixed with his adamant self-confidence that affect everybody he picks? I couldn’t but recall that guide in the beginning of the game with that piercing. Seems like Shiki’s work too, but I’m now so sure about it. But back again, I was so hundup with all this Akira’s “somehow I can’t run away” it almost made me cry. Seriously. What the actual fuck was that? A case of Stockholm syndrome? Because Akira’s mind was so untrained and not experienced in things like that? Because he was simply like that? Submissive somewhere deep inside him and stuff? A masochist? Because he understood well that he would die from the inside if he stays beside Shiki. Though he also understood that if he runs away, Shiki would chase him and kill, so there is not much room to fear death and stuff… I didn’t want to believe even though he himself was telling words like “I’m not gonna be put under someone’s heels”. Are you? And you say that in Shiki’s presence after he raped you several times? After you did as he said? After all that “I’d better die than obey you”? After saying these words many times and doing completely opposite things. My mind was at a loss, truly. And when he said to Nano that he had to go, I really wished he specified that it would not be toward Shiki’s direction. Because as I mentioned before, he clearly understood what would mean staying near Shiki. Yes, I recall that he said his emotional state and all that was unfocused and in an abnormal state, but could it be the real excuse for all that? I’m not sure, to be honest. It’s like to be shocked to the point of understanding and comprehending nothing. I know how it feels when one lacks strength to do anything because one’s emotional state sucked all your energy. The confusion is so strong one cannot force himself just start to do something. Was that the case? I can’t decide whether it is so or not, I’m not sure about it.

 —–

Upd.

“He had tormented Akira and controlled him against his will. Because of that… Akira didn’t want to see him fall at the hands of another, right in front of his eyes, now of all times. If Shiki fell, Akira himself would be too pathetic to live.”

WHAT. AKIRA STOP IT. Would someone please explain me why the hell is he saying this? How could be his life be pathetic if Shiki dies? I would understand that if he was a victim of a far less strong person – and there is zero possibility that could’ve happen – but what about that? Did Shiki hit his head that much that Akira’s brain started working like a baked potato? Or is he really just a masochist?

What about Shiki? To me he just used Akira to work his frustration off, to keep the fire of his ego alive and pure. Not only to amuse himself, but that is so as well… Why Akira? Because, I suppose, the previous “cases” were weaker than him, and here he fished a new type of… drug? He doesn’t need Line. He needs other stimulant…

Though that his moment of tenderness or whatever it was with Akira is a complete mystery to me. Or it was just another part of his cruel plan to make Akira obeying him by giving him extremely good emotions after painful ones. Things on contrast work well, especially if the one experiencing them is in no position to think clearly. Victim then takes it as granted and his way of thinking may change making him believe in what the doer wanted him to believe. Horrible. Clever. But still horrible.

About Nano. Oh well that was unexpected. Quite… At all. Never though he could speak so fast. And laugh.

—–

Upd. Result – Shiki’s good ending

So I suppose now I see some kind of sense in all this. The two main questions that nagged at me were: why does Akira follow Shiki and why does Shiki keep him around and etc. These two questions were openly asked by two of them to each other and neither of them gave a clear answer. Well, but as the narration goes from Akira’s perspective, we can get a little bit more from him than from Shiki.

So perhaps the most obvious answer– and kind of openly made by Akira to himself – is that he was hypnotized by his power, by his extreme determination, perfectionism that draws everything from a person, that guides him to his limits. And as a person reaches its limits then something unimaginable – in both senses – may happen. This purity reached by Shiki blinded Akira to the point he saw nothing more fascinating around him. And preferred to swallow everything he had done to him… as a punishment for his previous actions? As a stage of a path to Shiki? Yes, he was uncertain himself, but there should be a reason anyway might he not know about it.

Well, somehow… I can understand that. But still… I never experienced that kind of… situation (and I hope I never will) and I cannot fully get the emotions and motivation of all that, so I can only grasp it on the intellectual level and from my life experience. I’m not sure if I could forget about all mutilation and disdain Shiki was giving Akira when he was doing what he was doing. But perhaps it is quite possible since there are many cases when people, for example, suffer from domestic violence, but still stay beside people who press on them. And they stay not always because they fear them, but because there is something in these people that fascinates them. Not sure if it is some form of a masochism or something else. I suppose sometimes one has to go through the subject’s worse to get their best. But still – not sure what I would do in a situation like this. My mind tells me that Akira betrayed himself my obeying, by succumbing, but it also says to me that I’ve said above. Ugh. These fictional life situations that have their analogs in real life.

What about Shiki? I was dumbfounded when he said Akira could go everywhere he wants… yet he said “I came here to take what’s mine”, “you’re mine and it’s simple as that”. Of course he’s covering his motives with ambiguous phrases. But now I think Akira was not just a play doll for him. Or rather – he became more than that afterwards. He became more important to him, he started seeking Akira as a… person? Because he let him go. And before that even helped him (more like “forced his help to him”, but it’s just because Shiki is Shiki) escape from Toshima. And as Akira said – he perceived him just as Akira and nothing more or less, that is – not like a being with tainted blood, but just as a human being that lives in this world. Just as he sees him with his eyes. That is of course only natural for usual people and their relationships, but not for Shiki. For him to see people like that – one has to win this. So again, I suppose that Akira became just a kind of raison d’etre for him. Of course the primary one was Nano. But one tiny little part that keeps him sane and abstract from Nano was Akira. Maybe it also reminded him of his past self at some extent or maybe he was just drawn by Akira’s way-of-not-fearing-him. At least he said that himself. And as we know, there is a grain of truth in every joke. In any case, Akira gets some place in his heart. And this place has value.

Thus, I still don’t like him as a character, but I can admire his own strength, determination, will and how fully he throws himself to reach his goal just to be drained completely of everything afterwards.

As for Akira – I’m now a tiny bit less disappointed in him than before, but I still don’t like what he had become… Even his manner of speech, his tone, his voice changed and a player can see that he gave an impression of weaker self, as if he became oppressed and became perfectly fine with it. Like… of I don’t want to say this word in regards to Akira, but it’s the one that is glittering in my head – like he became a typical canonical uke. Guh. I just assume to myself that Nano’s route is just called “true” because you can get only when you get all others. Because it’s Nano. As people from Bioware said when they were asked about Dragon Age canon – have your own canon and think as you please!