#tml imagine

xx

Auston’s P.O.V

  Each day you couldn’t play was a day you felt like you were going crazy. You’d spent more of your time as Captain on the injured list than on the ice and you weren’t ready for everyone to say you weren’t ready. You were trying to be patient, trying to take care of yourself, so you could be the best for your team but sometimes it was hard to know what that meant.

  That’s when you saw it.

@marybrightly: Never a dull moment when the Christmas lights are up and I’m with @(Y/I/H)

  Seeing (Y/N)’s smile come up on your Instagram feed, even if it wasn’t on her account, brought back every feeling you’d tried to bury over the last year. You were happy to see her so happy but angry that she was living her life just fine after she pushed you aside. Or maybe you were just jealous that you couldn’t be the one to make her smile, especially at her favourite time of year. You liked the picture but quickly scrolled past so you didn’t go down that rabbit hole but seeing her made you even more eager to get back on the ice, so you could feel normal again. 

  Going out to lunch with Tessa and Mo was supposed to calm you down. They both knew how you were feeling, so they weren’t gonna harp on when you were gonna get better, and they also knew how complicated your feelings for (Y/N) were, so they weren’t gonna get into that. The only problem was… they were a happy, healthy couple. It came so naturally to them that you wondered why it had never happened to you. 

  “What are you thinking about?” Tessa asked

  “Christmas” you replied

  “Christmas?” Tessa and Mo said in doubt

  “Yeah,” you continued, “it’s coming up quickly”

  “Yeah, couple weeks…” Mo scoffed, trailing his words slightly

  “Right” was all you could say

  “Oh my god,” Tessa laughed, “either reach out to her or forget her!” Mo just about spit out his drink at Tessa’s statement, laughing as he watched your face shift into defensive mode

  “What?” you exclaimed

  “You know exactly who and what I’m talking about. It’s (Y/N)’s favourite holiday, you’re thinking about her. That’s fine,” Tessa said gently, “it’s normal. But you’re sulking”

  “I’m not sulking about her” you said

  “So you’re sulking about not getting to play?” Mo added and you shrugged

  “You’re sulking either way” Tessa said

  “It’s not like I want to sulk,” you replied, dropping your face to your hands, “it’s just.. if I was playing, I’d have my focus on something other than her. If I had her, and I wasn’t playing, at least… at least I’d have her”

  “That’s so cute” Tessa cooed

  “So cute,” you said, rolling your eyes, “I just wish I’d have some clarity or some closure from her…”

  “So ask her!” she said

  “She’s avoiding me!” you replied with as much exaggeration as Tessa

  “Let’s be clear, you’re avoiding each other” Mo chimed in

  “The point is,” you continued, “how am I supposed to ask her anything when she doesn’t want to see me? When she’s trying to avoid me?”

  “There’s always a chance you’ll run into her” Mo said

  “I really don’t think so” you scoffed

  “It’s Christmas,” he said, “anything is possible.”

xx

  When your dad called, saying he wanted to visit you, the last thing you expected was for him to show up at your doorstep 10 minutes later.

  “Dad!” you exclaimed, trying to veil your confusion with excitement, “what are you doing here?”

  “I told you I wanted to see you,” he laughed, “I don’t know if we’ll be in the same place for Christmas so… here I am”

  “Here you are,” you scoffed lightly before going in for a hug, “come in!” It was nice to see him. You didn’t get to spend a lot of time with your dad since you moved out of your hometown, so whenever one of you found an excuse, you always tried to make the most out of your time together; even if he sometimes did take you by surprise. “So what do you want to do today?”

  “Well…” he started, fidgeting with his fingers as you sat beside him at the kitchen table, “isn’t there a hockey game tonight?” 

  “Uhmm,” you hesitated, not wanting to answer questions he didn’t even know to ask, “yeah,” you finally said, “but we don’t have tickets”

  “Maybe Mo has extras?” he said, shrugging his shoulders. To appease your dad, you texted Mo to see what he could do, not holding your breath, but Mo got back to you suspiciously fast and said he’d put two tickets aside for you and your dad. 

  “You’re lucky,” you smirked, “he said he’d put 2 at the will call desk.” He jokingly squealed in excitement and said that he was going to have a nap until it was time to leave. When you remembered that Auston was injured, you took a sigh of relief knowing that you wouldn’t have to see each other; you couldn’t help but be nervous that he would see you, somehow, someway, and he would spiral again. Your dad woke up spritely a few hours later and was already in his jersey, ready to go when he came into the living room. 

  “Well, look at you,” you teased, “did you sleep in that?”

  “No,” he laughed, “I just didn’t wanna waste any time so, as soon as I woke up, I got dressed.” You forgot how adorable he was when he was going to a game ‘in person’ as he loved to say, and you were happy to be able to give this to him - like an early Christmas gift. At the end of the game, you and your dad made your way through the crowd to the parking lot when all of a sudden you noticed you’d lost track of your dad.

  “Dad!” you called when you finally saw him staring up at a big screen, “dad, what are you doing?”

  “Just watching the highlights” he admitted

  “Dad,” you scoffed, “we were at the game… you don’t need highlights. What we need is to get to the car before it’s easier to walk across the city than drive.” He shrugged before wrapping his arm around your shoulder, your face brightening with a smile, your attention only going elsewhere when you heard a small noise echo and you noticed Auston creeping behind a pillar. Suddenly, your mind raced with thoughts of him.

xx

Auston’s P.O.V

  You saw (Y/N) laughing with her dad in the arena as the stands cleared out against Chicago. It took you by surprise, just seeing her there, and you followed them, watching them move through the crowd before (Y/N) lost her dad as he stopped for a moment, staring up at a TV near one of the concessions. You continued to follow as the two of them reunited, watching her smile grow wide as she chuckled at her dad’s short attention span. (Y/N) had a way of always drawing you in and this was no different. You couldn’t stop yourself from following them further, eventually hiding behind a post to stop (Y/N) from spotting you; but a button on your jacket pinged off the tin of the garbage can and she looked back, face falling slightly when she finally caught you. 

  “I uh..” you said as you walked toward her, knowing you couldn’t hide anymore, “I didn’t think… I didn’t think you’d be here”

  “Yeah,” she replied, “my dad is in town for a bit and he really wanted to go to a game while he’s here” 

  “I hope you had a good time sir” you said, noticing (Y/N) furrow her brow, as if to say ‘what are you doing?’

  “I did!” her dad exclaimed, “great seats, a win to add to the books, great time. And to top it all off, I get to spend time with my beautiful daughter.” Your eyes wandered to (Y/N) who was, at least in your eyes, trying to plan an escape

  “I didn’t realize you’d come out this way… with all the crowds, you know?” she added and it was the first time you realized you probably had been pushing fans aside as you tried to follow (Y/N) through the building. “We really have to go,” she finally said when you didn’t respond, grabbing her dad’s attention by nodding toward the exit. You cleared your throat before saying goodbye and the small hint of sadness that you had when you first saw her was replaced by a sudden urge to punch someone in the face. You knew the feelings you had for her weren’t going anywhere and her inability to admit she had the same feelings for you pissed you off but, yet again, you tried to push it all aside and move on with your life. 

  She was still on your mind, even after two weeks, and it was starting to mess with your game when you finally came back to the team. You were able to control it most nights, focus on what was in front of you, but tonight, you weren’t paying attention and you paid the price.. twice. One hit and then another and you felt a ping in your shoulder. You tried taking it easy the rest of the game, being cautious, but you didn’t want to give the media anything to talk about, so you didn’t back down. By the time you talked to the press, you knew you’d have to take another few games to heal, you knew that’s what they’d say and you knew it was probably for the best. The frustration and anger it left you with though, lead to your fist flying into the wall and shattering your hand. 

xx

  Someone had told you that Auston punched a wall and you thought they were being dramatic. Why would he punch a wall? you thought to yourself, that’s so stupid. But you couldn’t deny it when it was right in front of you 

  “What the hell are you doing?!” you yelled at Auston as he stood outside your door, the sight of his cast making you scoff in frustration, “what do you want?”

  “Every time I tell you what I want, you shut me out,” he countered, pushing his way inside, “I want you but you won’t admit that you want me too”

  “So you just go and get yourself beaten up?” you said harshly, practically slamming the door behind you

  “I mean..” he smirked, as if some kind of plan was working, “if you hadn’t said what you said… that I was too complicated for you, I wouldn’t have gotten into all this mess”

  “Are you fucking kidding me?” you cursed, “you’re such a fucking child”

  “And you’re a mess!” he shouted

  “Oh I’m a mess?” you scoffed, pointing at yourself as you followed him to the couch, “you’re the one with a broken fucking hand but I’m a mess?”

  “Yeah,” he said simply, “you think you know what you want but you’re just using me until you fully figure it out”

  “That’s not true at all!”

  “Oh really?”

  “Yes, really,” you mocked his mocking tone

  “But you fucked around with me because it was… fun?”

  “Just hold on a second,” you finally said, trying to get your bearings, “you think you know what you want? You think you’re ready for what you think you want?”

  “What is it you think I want?” he asked, moving slowly toward you

  “I think you think you want a relationship,” you replied, “but you’ve been wasting your time with girls for so long that I don’t think you know what it’s even like to date anymore. I mean, take our ‘date’ for example.” Your use of finger quotes set him off in a way you didn’t expect

  “Jesus fucking Christ” he scoffed, head falling back and he rubbed his hands over his face, “why are we STILL doing this?”

  “I have no idea, Auston,” you replied, “maybe it’s because you’re STILL acting like a manipulative, childish –”

  “Me?” he interrupted, “you’re the one who sabotages everything?”

  “What are you talking about?!”

  “Every single time we.. do anything, you run away,” he shouted and your eyebrows crinkled together, head shaking as you listened to him, “the first time we had sex, ‘it was just one time’ you said. The next, ‘it can’t happen again,’ after that ‘I don’t want to feel anything for you,’ and then…” he hesitated for a moment, composing himself before clearing his throat, “‘I want uncomplicated and that’s not you’”

  “I–” you tried to say something but he kept going, 

  “And the date, the FUCKING date,” he scoffed, gesturing wildly, “I don’t think you even tried to try. You went in thinking it was going to be awful so it was awful. You have this idea in your mind that I’m a certain way and you’re doing everything in your power to make it true”

  “You can’t say that it’s not true,” you challenged, “you have no idea what goes on inside my head. You have no idea what I think or don’t think”

  “AND WHOSE FUCKING FAULT IS THAT?!” he yelled, veins popping out of his neck in exasperation

  “YOURS!” you yelled back and his eyes went wide in disbelief. You couldn’t lie, you didn’t expect to say it, but the words were out there now and you couldn’t take them back; you had to recalibrate. You brought your hands to your face before shaking your head, “you make it so incredibly difficult to feel… normal. Everything that’s normal to me, is basic to you and everything that’s basic to you is overdone, like you’re overcompensating for something. You can’t get to know me because I can’t get to know you”

  “That’s fucking bullshit and you know it” he returned, “I’ve always been honest with you. About how I feel, I’ve never tried to be something I’m not…”

  “Then why don’t I know anything about you?” you asked plainly, “why don’t you know anything about me?” You waited for him to come up with some slimy remark like ‘we know each other biblically’ or ‘I know the way your body reacts to mine’ but he was pretty silent, though his eyes wanted to say something. “I’ll tell you why,” you finally said, “because we fight, we fuck and we go our separate ways,” the words you said nearly a year ago clicking in your mind and you couldn’t help but repeat them. “Neither of us try to ask about the basic things. What’s your favourite colour? What movie can you watch a million times and never get tired of? Do you love your parents? Have you ever been in love? What’s your middle name?” you continued, “Nothing. Because we’re not here to get to know each other. You think you love me? You want me to fall in love with you? Then tell me who the fuck you are! Don’t have a year long breakdown and get into fights or almost get arrested. I can’t do it. I’m too fucking tired to keep doing it.” You sighed after your last statement, finally walking away when Auston reached out to grab your arm

  “Admit it,” he said softly before he caught up to you, “admit that you sabotaged the date”

  “Why?” you asked

  “Maybe you’ll finally believe it”

  “Auston…” you sighed, pulling your arm away slowly and looking at his broken hand. “Look at yourself,” you gestured, “this isn’t all on me. You want me to admit that I sabotaged the date, fine. Maybe I was scared that you’d change my mind or that I’d fall too quickly,” you admitted, “but you were there every time I said things couldn’t go further and you decided not to take it seriously. Now all the fighting? The broken hands and the almost-charges of public indecency? That’s not on me, that’s on your ego”

  “I wanted you and you sabotaged it,” he repeated, “I am in love with you and I don’t know how to stop myself”

  “I don’t know how all of this hasn’t been a sign to you that we’re not supposed to be together…” you said as he moved closer to you, wanting to be as close to you as possible, and you didn’t realize how much you craved his breath on your skin after all this time – like a question you’d been asking yourself for the last year and he was the answer. 

  “If you don’t love me, tell me and I’ll leave,” he said and you shook your head

  “We’ve done all this before,” you sighed, “had this conversation…”

  “Then it shouldn’t be hard to repeat” you met his eyes and the entirety of your time with him flashed through your mind. You thought about how scared you were the first time he gave you butterflies, how you pushed down your desire for him time after time, how you wished that this hadn’t started the way it did, that you could’ve done things properly, how you wished you would’ve stopped it after the first time to stop it from getting this far. You wouldn’t have had to sabotage anything if there was nothing to sabotage but you couldn’t stop yourself; whenever he was around, all you could feel was him, all you could see was him and all your common sense disappeared. It took all your strength to move away but when you finally did, you felt Auston’s chest against your back and your breath hitched in your throat in that all too familiar way and you leaned back into him ‘damn it,’ you thought to yourself, “Auston…” He moved his lips to your neck, kissing up the nape first before travelling to your jaw and you lobbed your head to the side with your eyes closed. It wasn’t long before his hands found themselves on your hips and yours traced down his arms until they reached his, your eyes opening when you felt his cast under your fingertips. 

  “It doesn’t hurt” he whispered as your fingers moved to his exposed skin before pulling his hand to your lips, wanting to fix his pain even if he said he wasn’t in any

  “You need to stop,” you whispered in return, kissing each digit of his hand as you spoke, “settle down, relax, calm down.” He chuckled, gripping your hip with his other hand and kissing the crown of your head gently; these were the moments that surprised you. How quickly he could go from being so intense to so tender

  “If that’s what you need,” he smirked as you turned around and wrapped your arms around his neck, “I’ll be so zen you won’t even know what to do with me.” You giggled at his statement, knowing he probably couldn’t get more zen than his usual personality but the thought was cute. You hesitantly pushed yourself up on your tiptoes to kiss him, starting out gently before it turned heavy and he fell onto the couch, pulling you onto his lap, kiss not being broken even as you straddled him. Your hands clutched the sides of his neck as the kiss intensified and his arms wrapped around your waist, bringing you closer to his chest. Your hands moved to the nape of his neck, fingers curling in his hair as your breathing slowed and your heart raced just as your mind did the same before you finally decided it was best to talk this out first

  “Wait,” you said between heavy breaths, eyes opening slowly, “maybe we should talk… I don’t know if– I think we’re just falling into the same patterns if we do this”

  “What do you wanna talk about?” Auston said quietly, trying to distract you by kissing your shoulders, “how the date went? I think we did that already. Should we talk about why we fall back into the same patterns?” You locked eyes, hands on his shoulders, playing with the seam of his shirt as you tried to come up with any string of words that wasn’t too wishy-washy

  “We probably should,” you admitted, “but I don’t know where to start…”

  “I can,” he smiled, clearly having had thought of what he might say if this moment ever came, “if that’s okay?”

  “Of course it’s okay,” you scoffed playfully

  “Okay,” he inhaled, in a playful way, and kept his hands lightly on your thighs, “on my end, I think we fall back into this, into each other, because we’re comfortable with each other. That first time was surprising and unexpected but that’s what made it so… like made me want to come back time after time. Also,” he added, emphasizing the word as if his statement was going to be one he thought you’d challenge, “I always thought you were amazing. I know you thought I thought it was all a game but I wasn’t chasing you. I wasn’t playing hard to get either but I always thought you were beautiful and sexy,” he grinned, the two of you laughing playfully before he continued, “you’re smart and you’re driven and all of that had me hooked. Did I think we’d ever have sex on your dining room table after an argument? No but I’m glad we did. After that, I couldn’t get you off my mind so when it happened again in Vegas, I thought it was the start of something - maybe that’s crazy to you…” 

  “No, okay, but see,” you said, in a hyper kind of way as you finally moved off his lap, perching on your knees as you continued your thought, “you never said any of this to me. You never made it known that you had any… positive feelings for me before we had sex. There was no way for me to know that you thought I was beautiful or amazing or whatever because you always acted just as annoyed as I was when we were around each other, so.. yeah, it all felt like a game because I had no reason to think otherwise.” Auston jokingly patted his lap and you scoffed in return before shaking your head

  “I guess I didn’t know how to say anything because I knew that you weren’t a huge fan of mine,” he admitted, “and I guess I didn’t want to embarrass myself. So I tried to play off you, so when you were annoyed, I was annoyed. When you were mad, I was mad”

  “Uh huh…” you replied, confused

  “Look,” he smirked, placing his hand on your knee, “maybe it wasn’t the best plan but it was all I had at the time. Then things just started to happen and my feelings got the best of me.” You were happy to have a little bit of clarity, it made you appreciate how confusing things might have been for him when you kept running away only for you to be the one to break every time the two of you were pulled back together. It took a minute for you to do anything, trying to be careful not to cause any more confusion, and when you finally did begin to trace your finger across his tattoos, you couldn’t help but smile

  “I’m nervous,” you whispered, avoiding his stare by keeping your eyes down, “relationships have never been my strong suit. Sex was easier, less chance of hurt feelings, but I don’t know,” you admitted, finally looking up at Auston, “I don’t know when it happened but at some point it wasn’t just sex and that scares me…”

  “You don’t think it scares me?” he asked, and your eyes darted back and forth between his as he spoke, “I didn’t expect any of this and it scares me that I’ll be embarrassed or that I’ll hurt you - or that you’ll hurt me. I’m not really used to being vulnerable.” You smirked at his confession, understanding now that both of you were in the same place, and straddled his lap once more; kissing his neck as you did so

  “I liked when you were vulnerable” you said, whispering into his ear as you kissed the sensitive skin there

  “But you never wanted anything from me,” he questioned, “it always seemed like it was just a string of one night stands”

  “I know,” you sighed, still kissing around his neck and collarbone, “but that’s only because it felt like the softness, the vulnerability, was a lie.” Your words caused Auston to stop your kisses, making your eyes meet his to explain what you meant, “you’d start off all cocky, like you’d won a game because I was in the room with you, because I was in the bed, or the bathroom, with you,” you admitted, wrapping your arms around his neck as you carefully crafted your words, “then we’d fuck and you’d be gentle with me… until I put my clothes back on and it was like ‘until next time then?’ That’s why it always felt like a game. And look,” you huffed once, “I get it now. I see it from your side but you have to admit, you never said anything about how you felt until you realized I wasn’t going to say the same things. You’re not used to being vulnerable, I get that, but you were and I saw it and I appreciated it. But it was like you couldn’t sit in it for too long, you couldn’t let yourself just be vulnerable unless I was immediately vulnerable back”

  “Why was it so hard for you to be vulnerable then?” he questioned and your eyes went wide before returning to normal

  “Because I was protecting myself maybe,” you said, “the way we were going about things was always the same and if I couldn’t see you being vulnerable for more than five minutes then why should I?”

  “I was vulnerable in the bathroom”

  “Yes,” you smiled, laying a light kiss to his nose before pushing your body closer to his, “and so was I… but I knew that it was a bad idea”

  “So you sabotaged the date? That’s when all of that happened”

  “I made a choice, yes,” you scoffed, “because screwing it up was easier than getting hurt. If it never went anywhere, if nothing real ever started, then it wouldn’t have to end and no one would end up with a broken heart.” He finally looked at you with sensitive eyes, letting his guard down just enough for you to smile and lean in for a kiss

  “I’m not gonna break your heart” he smiled against your lips before parting them for a slow, passionate kiss

  “Okay, cowboy,” you joked, poking fun at his country-lyric response and melting deeper into the kiss with each breath you each took. Your hands trailed down his torso, slowly lifting his shirt up and pulling it over his head, catching sight of his cast one more time before crashing your lips onto his, “just do me a favour okay?” you smirked, as you tore off your shirt, feeling his hands cup your breasts over your bra, 

  “Sure,” he said happily, “anything”

  “Stop punching walls and getting into fights at bars”

  “I don’t usually do that” he replied, his hands pressing against the small of your back to bring you as close to him as possible,

  “I know,” you said, pecking kisses jokingly over his eyes and forehead before getting back to his lips, “but just keep the fighting to the ice.” He nodded, pushing a strand of hair behind your ear and kissed you gently. Your hands roamed his bare skin slowly as the kiss deepened and your head felt like it was filled with stars; any decisions made now were done purely out of instinct. You ended the kiss, reluctantly, to stand up and take off your leggings, falling to your knees to pull Auston’s pants down and freeing him from his briefs, your hand teasing his shaft as you looked up at him. Auston smiled back at you as he moved the hair out of your face, holding it lightly in a ponytail and you finally took him in your mouth, your tongue guiding your path as you moved up and down his length. You could feel him pull your hair slightly, so you looked back up at him and noticed that his head had fallen back, leading you to smile to yourself and try to take as much of him in your mouth as possible.

  “Fuck” you heard him moan, his hand now gripping your hair tighter. You kept your movements steady, not moving any faster than you had been, wanting to keep him from bursting too quickly, “fuck, baby, fuck” he moaned again, his hand releasing from your hair and you put your hands on his knees to steady yourself. With your mouth still wrapped around his member, you looked up at him with wide eyes, watching as his hand fell onto his forehead in pleasure, leading you to finally increase your movements, your hands moving alongside your mouth until Auston’s thighs began to tense. You moved your mouth away just for a moment, to catch your breath, to salivate, to give your neck a tiny bit of rest, but your hands continued their motion

  “You almost there?” you asked with a smirk and he nodded, seemingly unable to speak and you took him in your mouth once more; his cum pouring into you shortly after. You giggled to yourself as you swallowed and Auston picked you up from the floor, kissing your hips as you stood in front of him, a chill rushing over your arms, causing you to shiver and goosebumps to cover your skin

  “Come here,” he said lightly, extending his hand to you to guide you onto his lap, “let me warm you up.” Your eyes locked onto his as you lowered yourself, straddling him once more and hands firmly gripping his shoulders when the intensity of the stare became too much. He moved his hands to your waist and the heat from his skin radiated right to your core

  “I want you,” you moaned, “I need you.” The words were barely out of your mouth before he started ravishing your neck. His hand snaked inside your underwear and his fingers began circling your clit, leading moans to escape your partially opened lips. The more you moaned, the more he pulled your body close to him and the stronger the sensation his fingers were giving you was. “Fuck,” your head fell back as your back arched into him, words beginning to come out as fractured syllables, “j-e-s-us chr-i-st.” You moved your hand down his body until you had him in your hand, moving your hips just enough to ease him gently into you

  “Fu-u-ck,” he moaned loudly, his fingers moving away from your clit to grab your hips, allowing you to bounce freely on his length. You couldn’t help it when your fingernails ripped into his skin, only noticing when a pinhole of blood appeared, and you smirked before apologizing. “It’s nothing,” he returned your smile as you continued to ride him, “it’ll heal.” The pleasure he’d already given you had put you close enough to the edge that you were already almost to your climax

  “Fuck,” you repeated, the moans echoing in your quiet apartment, “right there, fuck, yes, right there!” Auston seemed to slow down your movements, pushing your hips down until he was deep inside of you, guttural moans coming from him

  “Fuck, you feel good,” he said breathlessly, “where do you want me to cum?” You couldn’t focus on anything other than him inside of you and you started to bounce a little bit until he stopped you and asked the question again, “where?”

  “Don’t stop,” you moaned, “cum inside of me” and you were finally let loose, bounding up and down quickly until your climax hit you like a train and Auston’s followed with a quieter impact. You stayed there like that for a minute, with him inside you, as you waited for your heartbeat to come back down to normal

  “I want you,” he whispered before kissing your collarbone, “I want you to try”

  “What?” you giggled, barely taking in what he said as you lobbed your head to the side

  “Try me” he repeated, hands gripping your waist while his lips traced across your skin, taunting you with small kisses

  “Try you?” you finally shook yourself out of your trance to look at him, “what are you talking about?”

  “We can make this work,” he said, “I want us to make this work.” The look in his eyes was so sincere, it made you want to protect him - as if he couldn’t protect himself. Your thumb gently swiped back and forth on his jaw as your eyes never left his gaze, until you pressed your lips against his and your fingers twisted through his hair; his tugging on your hair being the only thing to force your eyes back to his, “(Y/N)...” he insisted, loosening his grip on your hair

  “I don’t want to get hurt,” you said honestly, your eyes dancing across his features and bouncing back and forth between his eyes, “and I don’t want to hurt you”

  “Then don’t,” he smiled, kissing your lips gently, “and I won’t hurt you.” It took you a minute but you started to picture it, what being with him might be like. It looked like a lot of ups and downs but it also looked like that thing you’d always wanted but kept missing

  “Okay…” you whispered

  “What?” he said, surprised

  “Okay,” you repeated, “I want to try, too.” His eyes went wide and a smile started to grow on his face, “BUT…” you interjected, “if you embarrass me or I’m made to look like a fool in anyway - if you cheat on me and everyone else knows but me, if you’re saying things about me to ‘fit in with the boys’ - I’m out. I don’t have energy to deal with any of that and I value my peace of mind to waste my time”

  “Understood,” he agreed, slowly parting your lips so his tongue could dance with yours, “I wouldn’t have it any other way…”

  “We have to go slow,” you said quietly in between kisses, “I might be a little scared…”

  “So am I,” he admitted, “so we’ll do it scared, together.” You nodded in agreement, entangling your fingers with his as a smile began to grow on your face and he pressed a small kiss to your forehead. For the first time in a long time, you felt a kind of calm that you hadn’t realized you’d needed until this moment and your mind began to wander. ‘How long would this last?’ you thought to yourself, ‘was this really a good idea?’ ‘would your fears become reality?’ Your face must have been shifting between your thoughts because Auston brought you back, “hey,” he smiled, “don’t shut me out of that mind of yours. We’re in this together”

  “Trust me,” you smiled shyly, “it’s a mess in here”

At this point, you had probably spent at least an hour each day thinking of excuses. Lots of excuses to text him, but even more excuses not to. Ever since your Vacation From Hell, your go-to ‘I don’t even have his number’ excuse had been eradicated. Now that you thought about it, you probably spent even more time thinking of all the things you could have done. It was as perfect of an opportunity as anyone was likely to get. But alas, your self-preservation instincts (or was it just glorified emotional masochism?) had taken priority over your heart.

In your defense, he hadn’t called either. Granted, you hadn’t really left him in a position to feel comfortable doing so, but you kept telling yourself if it was meant to be it would find a way to happen. Although, you had said that before The Vacation and look what happened. The irony was anything but lost on you.

It wasn’t even your best excuse. Bad days had come and gone almost as much as good days, and this particular day couldn’t really be described as one or the other. You weren’t feeling exceptionally lonely, and you didn’t miss him any more than usual. It wasn’t like you were drunk, or the night a few months ago when you had gotten high. It was a regular, normal, mind-numbingly mundane September Sunday sunset and you had come to the conclusion that you just couldn’t take it anymore.

In the past, Snapchat memories had been more of a pain in the ass than anything else. In your head, you knew that you weren’t nearly as happy as the pictures made the two of you seem. But damn, if it didn’t come in handy right about now. It had been the night before the first preseason game of 2017. On a whim, you had decided to clean out Auston’s car because, honestly, it was kind of disgusting. In the midst of sandwich wrappers and empty protein shake bottles, you had discovered a stash of mini smoke bombs that had undoubtedly been there since long before the Fourth of July. There hadn’t been anything good on tv, and the secret arsonist within Auston was more than happy to spend an hour sitting in the driveway with his legs splayed out like a kindergartener. After going through the rainbow at least twice, you had somehow ended up laying diagonally with your head resting on his upper thigh, tracing innocent circles across his lower stomach and twirling his baggy t-shirt between your fingers. The tranquility had prompted you to reach down for your phone, resulting in the very video your finger was hovering over at this moment. Every other smoke bomb had lit and been extinguished perfectly fine, with little to no complication— not including the bit of blue smoke that was still raining your vision. This specific smoke bomb, however, had done the exact opposite. The moment you had panned down from the beautiful view of the sunset, your screen had suddenly been overwhelmed with images of red and orange hue, despite the distinctly purple color of the sphere itself. It was only after Auston had yelped and begun pulling you out of your position that you realized that the object in his hand was not, in fact, smoking, but instead had lit completely on fire and was now singing both the tips of his fingers and the tips of your hair simultaneously.

It was anything but the most romantic memory you had stumbled across in the past few months, but it was here and your self-control was not, so there was really only one thing to do. Honestly, you couldn’t even imagine what had gone through his head when he had gotten the notification. You had woken up every morning, trying to remember what it looked like when his name lit up your screen. Instead, all you had awoken to was an increasing number of days since the last time the two of you had been together. You had taken that from him as well. As heartbreaking as it was for you to realize that he had been doing that to himself, you had taken up the same habit the minute you landed back home. You understood why he did it. It was equal parts a punishment and a break-your-own-heart-so-no-one-else-can situation.

It had taken him longer than usual to respond. Granted, there was a very real possibility that he had not received the notification, especially given that you knew for a fact that his Do Not Disturb was perpetually turned on. Once he did though, you were positive that your heart had skipped at least two beats. It felt even better than you had imagined. Granted, you had to sacrifice a significant amount of your pride in order to reach the point that you were at now, and you weren't entirely sure if it was worth it or not, but it was something. It was a chance. An opportunity to see what could happen if you let your guard down. Worst case scenario, you had cut him off once and, realistically, you could always do it again.

The only issue with that, of course, was that you didn’t want to. You were so fucking exhausted and so fucking tired, and so fucking numb, and so fucking sick of being all of the above. Sick of shutting everything off, and shutting everyone out. So this time, you were all in. There was no barbed wire or protective walls around your heart this time. It was what it was, and the two of you could absolutely choose to crash and burn just as you had in the past, but you’d be damned if you didn’t deserve at least a fighting chance. If you had to go through it all again, if you had to steel yourself again, you would. But you had come to terms with the fact that you would never be able to do it again. It was your last chance, and you couldn’t imagine giving it to anyone else but him.

Here goes nothing.

 She smiled at Jake, “I think you and I can make something. B, would you like to help too?”

 B quickly nodded and grabbed her hand, letting her lead them out of the airport. You talked with Auston and his dad, mostly about what your plans were for the summer. Auston’s sisters Alex and Bre were waiting on all of you when you got home.

 Watching the two boys attack them were more entertaining than when they got their grandparents. Jakey tackled Bre onto the ground, which was even better than the time he tackled Mitch.

 Both of his sisters were laughing as the boys clutched onto them. You often felt bad that they only got to see them for a few months out of the year, whereas your family could see them any time during the hockey season. Maybe it made your time together even more precious.

 “Boys, maybe try letting your aunts breathe,” Auson laughed, helping his little sister up.

 “Mommy, how long are we staying?” B finally asked you.

 “Until September, Bubby. We won’t leave until after your birthday this year,” You promised him.

 “Really?” B started bouncing where he was standing, like he was so excited that he couldn’t stand it.

 “Yeah Bubby, we don’t have to leave until hockey starts again,” Auston replied, messing up B’s hair a little.

“Can we sleep over at Grammy and Pappy’s?” Jakey asked.

 You looked over at Auston and shrugged. You knew the boys loved to spend time with their grandparents, and they hadn’t seen them in a while, so you didn’t really have a problem with it. Auston shrugged and then turned towards his parents.

 “Is that okay with you guys?” He asked.

 “Always Pappi. Why don’t we have dinner over at our house, and then you two can just leave the boys with us?” She proposed.

 “That sounds great mom,” Auston smiled.

 The boys ran right to the kitchen when you arrived at Brian and Ema’s house. You attempted to tell them to slow down, but it was no use. You couldn’t help but laugh at the way that they tried to push each other out of the way and fought to get there before the other.  

 Auston smiled fondly at both of his boys as they kept shoving one another. Ema finally told them to calm down and that there was plenty for both of them to help her with. So, they both settled on helping her gather ingredients before she actually started cooking.

 In their living room, Auston, his dad, and his sisters had all settled down and were watching golf, which you should’ve expected. You settled down on the couch next to Auston. The flight had drained all the energy you had, and it didn’t help that somehow both of your boys always remained hyper.

 In actuality, you’d been tried all week. Granted, the week had been long and emotional. The end of the season always was, and then it was stressful because of preparing to come back to Arizona for the summer. Trying to make sure Auston and both boys had everything they needed was always a major task.

 “You okay?” Auston asked, looking down at you.

 “Yeah,” You slowly nodded, “It’s just been a long week and I’m really tired.”

 “You can go up to my old room and sleep if you want,” He suggested, “I’m pretty sure the boys would be okay.”

 “Mmm, you mean in the bed with the hockey sheets?” You joked.

 Auston elbowed you slightly, a big smile playing on his face. Way back when you’d first started seriously dating, and he’d brought you to Scottsdale for the first time, he obviously brought you to his childhood home. Upon seeing his childhood bedroom, the very first thing you’d done was make fun of his bedspread, which had little hockey sticks and skates all over it. You still wouldn’t let him live it down, even after all these years. You poked fun at it every single chance you get.

 “Leave my sheets alone,” He grumbled, still smiling, “They are comfortable.”

 “Can you two stop the love fest over there? I get that you’re all married, but it’s gross,” Bree groaned, chucking a pillow at your heads.

 You stuck your tongue back out at her and threw the pillow back. She caught it and winked back at you. You loved Bree, not only because she truly was an amazing person, but she also reminded you a lot of your little sister. In fact, Bree and Erika had become best friends in the time that you and Auston had been together. Bree stated that she’d almost adopted her as another sister, which made you more than happy.

 “Isn’t your anniversary coming up soon?” Alex asked you.

 “Two weeks,” You replied.

 “So, Aus, do you have anything planned?”

 “Even if I did, I wouldn’t tell either of you,” Auston told his sisters, “You can’t keep secrets.”

 You laughed, remembering the many times his sisters had spoiled something since the two of you had been married. You loved his sisters dearly, they were the only way you’d gotten through your first off season with Auston, but it was no secret that they.. well.. couldn’t keep secrets.

 “One time,” Bree grumbled.

 “More than once,” You reminded her.

 You nudged Auston slightly, causing him to look back down at you, “Can you go check on the boys please? Just make sure they aren’t giving your mom too much trouble.”

 He slowly nodded and shifted you so he could get up. You turned your head enough to watch Auston walk into the kitchen and scoop Jakey up to hug him. You smiled as you watched your boys start to explain what they were doing to Auston. Ema started pointing to various cabinets and food items, seemingly directing Auston in what to do.

 You settled back into the couch, knowing Auston probably wouldn’t return from the kitchen until dinner was ready. Above the sound of the tv, you could hear them all talking in the kitchen. Both B and Jakey were asking all kinds of questions about what things were, and what they were supposed to do with them. At home, normally the boys would be playing hockey in the living room while you cooked, but here Ema had their undivided attention.

 You loved watching them with her though. They loved to hear stories about their dad when he was younger, as did you. They loved to hear about what it was like for her growing up in Mexico, and how you’d met Brian. You had to admit, you still loved hearing those stories too, even after years and years of hearing them.

 An hour later, all of you gathered around the table for dinner. Auston and Jakey both hilariously fought over Ema’s secret sauce. You made a mental note of needing to get more before you left for Toronto in a couple of months. Auston called Ema begging for her to send more all of the time. The boys had gotten hooked on it too, they liked to put it on everything possible.

 Jakey nudged B out of the way to reach for another taco. You laughed as he made a face of pure satisfaction as he took a bite. He even went as far as to sink down into his seat, looking like he was in pure utter bliss. Auston took note of his youngest son and smiled, reaching over to ruffle his hair.

 After dinner, you and Auston hung out for a while. But once the boys started to fall asleep on the floor, you both decided it was probably time to go back home. You helped Brian and Ema get Jakey and B upstairs to Auston’s old room, which was where they always slept.

 After you and Auston got the boys tucked into bed, you said your goodbyes to Ema and Brian and Auston’s sisters. The drive back to your house wasn’t far. When you and Auston had bought it, you wanted to be close to his family. You both liked knowing that they were just a quick call away. You took advantage of that when the boys were babies, you called Ema all the time asking if something was normal.

“I missed it here,” Auston said at a stoplight.

 “I know you did,” You whispered, “The boys missed it too.”

 He smiled and looked over at you. You could see the joy in his eyes. He loved Toronto, and he loved living there, but you knew there was no place like home for him. You knew that these off-season months were some of his favorite, because of where he got to spend them.

 “I love you,” He suddenly told you.

 You looked back over at him. With his hair all messy, and a freshly shaven face, he looked much like he did when you’d first gotten together. Your heart almost seemed to melt at the sight. He was giving you a dorky smile as he reached over to grab your hand. You smiled and leaned over to kiss him. You felt your whole body relax into his, even though you were both awkwardly leaning over the center console.

 You felt him let go of your hand and rest his hand on your back, pushing you just a little closer to him. You threaded your fingers through Auston’s hair. You slowly started to tug on his hair, something that you knew drove him crazy. You could feel him grin against your lips. You both forgot you were even in the car, until another car behind you honked.

 You broke apart quickly and looked up. The light was green, and who knew how long it was green. You laughed and bit your finger as Auston finally stepped on the gas. You’d expected that to happen when you were teenagers, but not now when you were both adults.

 “Oops,” Auston laughed.

 “You are trouble,” You shook your head.

 “Me! No no, you’re the one who kissed me,” He stated.

 “Only because you were giving me eyes,” You argued.

 “I always give you eyes,” He laughed.

 You shrugged and turned to look out the window. The two of you arrived home a few minutes later. Auston graciously took your bags for you while you unlocked the front door and flicked on the lights. Everything was just as you’d left it last summer. Ema and the girls had offered to clean before you got back, despite the fact you’d told them that they didn’t have to. You did appreciate them coming and cleaning though.

 The two of you slowly made your way upstairs. He dropped the boy’s bags that didn’t stay with Ema and Brian in their bedrooms before joining you in your bedroom. You grabbed your suitcase from him and started to unpack the few things you brought back with you. It was always strange having two separate wardrobes that you split between Toronto and Scottsdale. When you’d first started spending the off-season with him, you’d brought everything but your winter clothes with you. But once you’d gotten engaged he started buying you pieces of clothing here and there. You quickly learned that Auston loved to spoil you with clothes and next thing you knew, you had two wardrobes.

 “You don’t have to unpack tonight,” Auston reminded you.

 “No, but I want to,” You shrugged, “It never feels like home until I unpack. I’ve just always been that way.”

 “I know,” He replied softly, hugging you from behind, “I just thought I’d try.”

 You shook your head and leaned back into him. He nuzzled into the crook of your neck and started to kiss random spots. You smiled softly as he held you a little tighter. You knew what he was trying to get at, and any other night you probably would’ve jumped on him at first chance. But you were tired and all you wanted to do was snuggle up next to him and sleep.

 You hummed when he moved his hands up higher. You knew he was testing the waters, because Auston never did anything you didn’t want him to. He was still careful and considerate. He was always looking for the green light. You appreciated that about him, because he’d always been like that. Even when the two of you were just fuckbuddies and nothing more.

 “Auston,” You sighed, “Can we just go to sleep tonight?”

 You felt bad for asking. You wanted him, you always wanted him. But tonight, your longing for sleep was going to win. Auston sighed slightly and pulled away from you. You could feel his disappointment, even though he’d never really show it. You felt awful.

“I’m sorry,” You whispered, turning to face him.

 He shook his head and stepped towards you, carefully cupping your cheeks, “Never apologize for not being in the mood. Okay? Never ever apologize for that.”

 You looked down at your feet. You weren’t sure why you felt this way, but you did. You felt guilty for not wanting to have sex. You almost never turned him down, because normally you were turned on. But tonight, you just weren’t. You couldn’t explain it, you just knew that it was the last thing you wanted to do.

 “Go change,” He said softly, “I’ll finish putting your things away.”

 “Auston-”

 “And then I’m going to hold you until you fall asleep, because I know you like that,” He continued.

 He pushed you slightly towards the bathroom and tossed one of his shirts at your head. You looked back at him, he had a soft smile on his face. Almost as if he was reassuring you that he was okay. You slowly made you way into the bathroom and shut the door. You felt like crying for some reason.

 Even as you changed your clothes, you had to hold back tears. You didn’t understand why. You could only blame it on how emotionally draining the week had been, and just how tired you really were. You normally weren’t like this, except for when you were pregnant. But you’d taken a test yesterday and it had been negative. So, you knew you weren’t pregnant. But that didn’t explain why you were so emotional all of the sudden.

 “Babe,” Auston softly knocked on the door, “Are you okay in there?”

 You snapped out of your trance. You shook your head to try and clear your head a little more. You just felt off, and you didn’t know why. You rubbed your face quickly and grabbed your dirty clothes before swinging the bathroom door open. Auston was standing on the other side, you could see the worry etched all over his face.

 “Yeah,” You replied, “I’m just really tired I guess.”

 “Are you sure?” He asked.

“Yeah, I really am just tired,” You explained as you walked towards your side of the bed, “I just need a good night’s sleep, that’s all.”

 You climbed into bed without another word. You really didn’t know what was up with you, but your mood did a complete 180 in less than five minutes. You could see Auston almost shrug out of the corner of your eye and crawl into bed next to you. He pulled you close to him, tucking your head into his chest. You wrapped your arms around him. Somehow just being close to him made it a little better.

 You felt him slowly stroking your back. He switched between rubbing It and drawing little patterns on it. You fell asleep a lot faster than you thought you would. You stayed cuddled into Auston’s side all night. Somehow you could still feel his arms around you in your sleep.

 When you woke up the next morning when you woke up, Auston was still right next to you. He was already awake and was watching you. You weren’t surprised, the two of you always seemed to watch each other sleep. You always liked to see how peaceful he was in his sleep.

 “Good morning,” You whispered.

 “Hi,” He pushed a few strands of hair out of your face, “Are you feeling any better?”

 You shrugged, “I guess? I really don’t know what was wrong with me last night.”

 “You’ve had a long few weeks. I know playoffs are never easy for you. I have travel a lot, and I know the boys aren’t exactly calm when I’m gone like that.”

 “Auston,” You sighed.

 “No, I should’ve thanked you a long time ago for all of the sacrifices you’ve made to keep our family going during the season,” He stated, “I wouldn’t be able to do any of this without you by my side, you know that, right?”

 “I don’t know about all of that, I think you could manage,” You shrugged.

 “I wouldn’t want to do this without you,” He sat up, “YN, it wouldn’t mean a damn thing without you and the boys. I promise you that.”

 “Auston,” You sat up next to him.

 You tried to think of what to say. You tried to think of how to best express just how much you loved him, even though he already knew. You’d always told each other that if you ever forgot, you just had to look at either of the boys and you would instantly be reminded. You tried and tried to come up with something, but any sentimental words failed you.

 “You’re such a sap,” You joked, shoving him a little.

 “Yeah, I know, just don’t tell the guys,” He sighed, “Oh, and Alex said she’d take the boys for our anniversary.”

 “What exactly do you have planned?” You questioned.

 “You’ll see,” He shrugged, “Let’s go get some breakfast, yeah?”

 “Hey Aus,” You paused for a minute, “It wouldn’t mean anything without you either.”

  You watched Freddie as another puck snuck past him and your head fell to your hands knowing that he wasn’t going to be happy.

  “They’re pulling him!” your friend yelled beside you as you kept your head low

  “What? Shit!” you replied, looking up just in time to see him get to the bench and smash his helmet onto the ground, “I have to go down there”

  “You’re not going to get to see him” she stated and you narrowed your eyes at her before you answered

  “I know, but I have to be there for him.” She reluctantly agreed and you made your way down the stairs and out to the locker room. You stood outside the tall door, pacing back and forth, biting your nails while you waited for the guys to pile through the hallways. Every time you heard a small noise down the hallway, your head jerked in that direction but it was never them; they were loud and angry when they finally came down and you straightened your posture so fast as if you’d get in trouble. When you found Freddie’s frame in the crowd and you bit your lip waiting for him to look at you; he walked past you so furiously that the wind he created blew your hair past your shoulders.

  “He still in there?” Kristen said, finally coming back to meet you at the locker room door

  “Hey,” you sighed, eyes still focused on the door, “yeah and I can’t hear anything. It sounds completely silent. It’s freaking me out...”

  “It’ll be fine. Want me to stay?” she asked, knowing the answer

  “No. It’s probably better if it’s just me..” Kristen gave you a quick hug before heading back down the hall. You waited for a few more minutes before the guys started exiting the room and you searched for Freddie but caught Auston first

  “No No,” he tried, “he wants to be alone. Get in a cab or something, let him come to you, okay?”

  “Oh come on, Auston,” you whined, “I have to check on him”

  “He’s not a child, (Y/N)..”

  “Thank you, I know that,” you rolled your eyes, “but he is my boyfriend and I want to be there for him”

  “Be there for him at home.” You continued arguing with him for a while until the door cracked open enough for you to see Freddie on the bench and you managed to sneak in; he turned to see you and dropped his head to the ground with a sigh

  “Not now, (Y/N)” he said sadly

  “Fred...”

  “I don’t want to do this okay? We can talk later if we have to..”

  “Come on, babe,” you said, moving closer to him, your voice almost a whisper, “it’s just a game...” The second the words left your tongue, you knew it wouldn’t be received well

  “Just a game?!” he yelled, turning around to face you, his already tall body, towering over yours more and more with every step he took, “it’s also my job! And if I get pulled, or have bad games like tonight, then what the fuck happens to me?” You stepped back to try to escape the fumes coming off him but he stepped closer to you

  “That’s not wh--”

  “YOU HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA! YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW THIS AFFECTS ME AND YOU HAVE NO GOD DAMN RIGHT TO TELL ME IT’S JUST A GAME!”

  “Freddie, please..” you tried, eyes beginning to tear up

  “WHAT DID YOU EXPECT, HUH? COMING IN HERE AFTER THAT GAME? HUH?” His raised voice filled the empty locker room and you found yourself unable to look up at him for more than a minute, your eyes squeezing shut, “WHAT? DID YOU THINK I WAS GOING TO FALL INTO YOUR ARMS AND CRY TO YOU?”

  “I JUST WANTED TO BE HERE FOR YOU!” You finally yelled back and he let go of your arm that he hadn’t realized he’d grabbed onto

  “I don’t want you here,” he said, stepping back, “go home.”

  “Oh no..” you scoffed as he sat down on the bench, “I’m not leaving. Not now. Not after that. What the fuck was that?!”

  “JUST GO!”

  “NO!”

  “(Y/N) I SWEAR IF YOU DON’T LEAVE RIGHT NOW...” he stood up from where he sat and marched over to you; body so close to yours that the rise and fall of his chest almost blocked your view of his face

  “WHAT? YOU GONNA HIT ME ANDERSEN?” you challenged, looking down at his fists just in time to see him tighten them, before you looked up at him again to challenge him, “TRY IT...”

  “(Y/N)...” Your eyes started to search his face, eventually landing on his eyes and darting between them, almost frantically. Your breathing was heavy as you waited for him to speak, catching sight of the vein popping out of his neck as you dropped your gaze for a moment to give your neck a bit of a rest, “you really should go home..” Freddie finally said, firmly but also much more relaxed than before. You still didn’t want to leave because you weren’t sure what he’d do, left to his own devices

  “I told you,” you sighed, “I’m not going anywhere.” You hadn’t realized that he had walked you back to the wall until he slammed his open hand onto the wall beside your head and you flinched at how close he got to hitting you.

  “GOD DAMN IT!” he yelled, “WHY CAN’T YOU JUST EVER LISTEN T--” your hands snaked to his neck as he screamed at you, pulling him closer to you for a deep kiss, if nothing else than to shut him up; you really were tired of the yelling. He seemed to sink into the kiss, so did you, but he still hadn’t let out his frustration which was evident by the way he picked you up and threw you against the wall, making you break the kiss long enough to let out a moan, “I get it now,” he said, “you just wanted pain.” You shook your head with a smile

  “I think you forget, Fred,” you said before kissing him slowly, peeling your lips away from his to continue your thought, “I know you. I know you needed to let off some steam...” He started to lift your shirt up when you began nibbling on his ear

  “And what?” he questioned, ripping the shirt from your body, “you’re more than happy to help?”

  “Always” you whispered, gasping at the feeling of him tossing your back against the wall. Your hands made quick work of his shirt before slowly making their way down his body, searching for the waistband of his pants but he had other thoughts in mind. He let you down from where he’d had you pinned and gritted his teeth while he looked at you, his jaw clenching with every thought that passed through his mind, “Freddie...” you whined, raspy and weak, as your fingers grazed his exposed chest, his large hand grabbing your wrist to stop you and your head slowly lifted up so you could look him in the eyes. You saw his eyes go dark before he forced you to turn around, pushing your bare chest against the cold brick wall next to the wooden stall.

  “Stay still...“ he whispered in your ear as he trailed his hands down your sides, tearing off your leggings when he reached the waistband; spreading your legs apart on his way back up your body. His hands gripped your hips tightly as you felt him push himself against your body, you turned your head to look back at him to see what he was doing -- thinking -- but he turned your head to the wall and you laughed softly. His hands continued to roam your body, squeezing your waist and neck, before eventually deciding he was ready for you; letting his pants fall to the ground, he took his member out and, without warning, thrust into you, forcing a moan from you and Freddie’s hand to cover your mouth. He bucked his hips to thrust himself deep into your core and you pushed back into him to increase the friction; he took his hand away from your mouth to push you closer to the wall, “I said stay still!” Now that his hand was away from your mouth, you could let out loud moans to fill the space and encourage Freddie’s movements

  “Fuuuu-” you started but stopped when you heard him growl, letting out a small whine. You needed him to let you make noise but he was so focused on fucking you, and letting his frustration out, that he wouldn’t allow it.

  “Fuck” he moaned while his thrusts slowed down and his grip on your hips lessened. His final pumps into you allowed his head to fall to your shoulder before he took himself out and fell against the wall beside you; you bit your lip as he stared at you, letting out a small laugh when you noticed a light blush on his cheeks. You moved around him, finding your clothes that were spread across the locker room floor and picking them up in an attempt to get dressed but, much to your surprise, Freddie wasn’t done with you yet.

  “What are you doing?” you asked as he hovered over you and coaxed you into lying on the ground. Being the dutiful girlfriend you were, and knowing that Fred needed to let out some aggression, you dealt with the itchy carpet that met your back and called for Fred to come closer to you by outstretching your arms to him; throwing your clothes to the side once more. He entered you this time with as little warning as before, only this time his fingers were assisting his movements as they circled your clit and your breaths became heaves and his turned into groans before both of you began moaning. You could feel the ecstasy building inside of you with every pass of his calloused finger on your clit and every buck of his hips, each one forming a scream inside you as you waited for his speed to increase. Breathing his name occasionally with breathless ‘oh my gods’ thrown in seemed to do the trick and his thrusts got faster. Once he decided he needed better leverage, pushing himself back onto this knees and continuing to fuck you, you were finally ready to let go

  “FUCK BABY,” you yelled, “OH MY GOD, FU--” your screams were soon silenced by Freddie’s hand squeezing your throat, not stopping his movements

  “Shhh” he breathed and you looked up at him, noticing him get off on the panicked look you must have had on your face as he choked you. You gave into it though, it was the only way it wouldn’t end badly and his hold lessened with every small orgasm you had. Soon enough, your climax washed over you so ferociously that your body shook and Freddie’s body flopped onto yours, finishing with one last pump. He got up after a few seconds and seem to grab his clothes but, when you went to do the same, he stopped you and you scoffed before he threw his sweater at you, “what’s the matter? You don’t wanna cuddle?” He said as he lay back down beside you, stretching his arm to the side so you could tuck yourself into him; you smiled and did just that

  “Can I talk now?” you joked and heard him chuckle

  “Yes, you can talk”

  “You know I’m always here for you right? Whether it’s for this or for anything but this. If you wanna talk, if you wanna scream at the top of your lungs on a mountain peak!” you joked, “whatever it is, I’m here for you. Because I love you.”

  “I know,” he said plainly, his fingers drawing on your skin, “I just didn’t want to do anything else tonight. I hated not being out there and I j--” You turned slightly and put your finger on his lips to stop him

  “I know, we don’t have to talk about it but,” you said, “can we go home and cuddle? This carpet is really starting to hurt...” He smiled and agreed, helping you up and slowly dressing you as you did the same for him, making sure you both had everything before you left the room; Freddie leaned in and whispered something in your ear from behind you and you knew it was just so he could get the last word

  “We should’ve just gone to a bar” you whined to your friends around the large round table at the fancy New Year’s Eve party Morgan had roped you all into.

  “Oh come on (Y/N),” Morgan tried, “let’s just try to have a good time, k?”

  “I feel so out of place here, dude” your date for the night, Kevin, said as he held open his suit jacket, revealing the unraveling seams inside.

  “I’m shocked they let us in” Bethany joked

  “I’m not,” Shauna said, moving closer to Morgan, “we did come with Morgan.” You let out a scoff that you hoped no one noticed but sure enough, Mo caught your gaze

  “I’m sorry, Mo, you’re right,” you smiled at him before sighing, “thank you for bringing us. I’m just not used to the whole ‘fancy party’ thing for New Year’s.” He smiled back at you and you bit the inside of your cheek to stop yourself from showing your true feelings for Mo.

  “We’ll have a good time, I promise. We just have to loosen up the guests” Mo said, his eyebrow peaking up at the last words

  “Ahh, what he means is,” Shauna interjected, “we have to be the first ones taking shots...” You laughed as more nodded his head before he and Bethany headed over to the bar; only Bethany noticed you notice Mo as he walked away

  “What is going on?” she mouth from across the table and you just shook your head before Kevin could notice

  “I’m gonna go see if they need any help,” Kevin said, kissing your forehead as he stood up, “I’ll be back.”

  “Thank god! Now we can talk about this” Bethany said

  “There’s nothing to talk about” you tried

  “Uhm yes there is,” she nudged you, “you don’t check out someone’s ass when there’s nothing to talk about”

  “Beth!” you gasped

  “(Y/N).. come on, I’m not stupid. I know you brought Kevin here so you wouldn’t be alone at Midnight. What I didn’t realize is that you’re trying to make Mo jealous”

  “I’m not trying to make him jealous. He’s my friend. I don’t think of him like that. I just brought Kevin tonight because I thought we’d have a good time.” She raised her eyebrows once and dropped it. The thing was, as much as you hated to admit it, she was right. You met Morgan a little over three years ago through his brother and the two of you became fast friends but about a year ago, he practically saved your life when your ex tried to put you in the hospital. After that, he stayed very close to you -- checking on you throughout the day, scheduling lunches with him and the boys after practices, setting aside tickets for games for you and Beth and just generally being your “knight in shining armour;” ultimately making you fall in love with him. But you could never tell him because you were scared of what would happen if you did.

xx

Morgan’s P.O.V.

  You had managed to get most of the guests to take a few shots which meant the dance floor was filling up quite quickly and you sat back to watch the madness unfold. You heard (Y/N)’s laugh float across the table and you noticed Kevin pointing out something to her and you couldn’t help feeling... envious of him. When he left the table, you took the opportunity to steal his seat

  “Is this more of what you were hoping for?” you joked, leaning into (Y/N)’s ear and noticing her smile grow at your question

  “Uhm yes,” she exclaimed, “all I ever want for New Year’s Eve is to watch people embarrass themselves on the dance floor. So this is perfect!”

  “I knew it!” you laughed as did she and she turned her body to face you slightly

  “So.. what are Morgan Rielly’s New Year resolutions?” she asked and all you wanted to say was ‘to kiss you’ but instead you just said

  “Get better at my game.. you know, to win that cup..” she chuckled and shook her head, looking like she wanted to say something but Kevin came in and asked her to dance as Hold Me While You Wait played

  “Sure!” she said and hopped up as he led her to the middle of the dance floor, placing his hands gently on her hips; your head dropping when you saw her smile at him

  “You gonna tell her?” Shauna asked, much to your surprise

  “Tell who what?” you played dumb

  “Tell (Y/N) you love her...” she said matter-of-factly and you raised your eyebrows, preparing to defend yourself, “relax. I won’t tell her if you’re not going to but I can totally see it. Which means I’m probably not the only one.”

  “I thought you were.. flirting with me..” you said awkwardly and she just smiled

  “Oh I was, definitely.” she stated, “If you asked me right now, I’d meet you in the bathroom or kiss you at midnight even though I knew I’m not the one you want.”

  “I don’t get it”

  “Good guys deserve good girls. And you, Morgan Rielly, are one of the best. If we did anything, it wouldn’t go anywhere and you’re too good of a guy for me to play any kind of game with you.”

  “Thanks,” you sighed, “but all that tells me is that I’m a good friend”

  “Au contraire,” she smiled and placed her hand on your shoulder, “it means your boyfriend material.”

  “If good guys deserve good girls, why do good girls always go for bad guys?”

  “(Y/N)’s ex was a bastard, we all know this, but she doesn’t always end up with those types. This was one guy she met and couldn’t see how awful he was because of the flashy apartment and nice things he bought her.”

  “But it’s not just her. Nice girls are always falling for guys who treat them like crap. So, it’s no wonder they say nice guys finish last”

  “Nu-uh” she shook her finger at you, “don’t be that guy. The ‘I’m tired of being in the friend zone’ wah wah poor me.”

  “I didn’t mean it like that. I just... it was a genuine question. Why do good girls choose bad guys?”

  “Because we’re fixers. We think we can fix the damaged people but deep down we know we can’t.” She admitted and you gave a small scoff, looking over to where (Y/N) and Kevin were just finishing their dance, “plus, we like a little bit of danger.”

  “Who likes danger?” (Y/N) said as she sat back down, this time beside Shauna and across from you

  “Me and Beth” she said quickly with a wink to you. Shauna seemed to drop it after (Y/N) didn’t ask questions but you couldn’t stop watching her when she wasn’t looking.

  “(Y/N), Wanna dance?” you asked confidently, noticing Shauna and Bethany’s faces fill with shock

  “Let’s do it!” she laughed; jokingly bobbing her head to the music as the two of you got to the centre of the dance floor. You watched the eyes at the table follow the two of you and you tried to escape the audience

  “Come with me” you whispered

  “Wha-- where are we going?” she said before you grabbed her hand and led her out of the ballroom

  “I wanna show you something” you replied

  “Mo, it’s almost midnight”

  “I know. There’s gonna be fireworks and I know the best spot”

  “I love fireworks. Show me! show me!” she joked and you led her over to a bay window

  “This is pretty,” she cooed, jumping up onto the step to look out the window, “ooh, you know what this reminds me of. Sound of Music. You know that scene with Liesl and Rolfe are singing...”

  “Mhmm, I thought you’d say that.” You smiled because you knew she was about to dance, so you crept up behind her so she didn’t fall if she twirled

  “I am sixteen going on seventeen. I know that I’m naive. Fellows I meet, may tell me I’m sweet and willingly I believe...” she twirled just as you’d expected but came face-to-face with you and she was silent for what felt like minutes but could only have been seconds, “I am sixteen going on...” she trailed off and cleared her throat. You took a step up onto the ledge where she was, careful not to leave too much of a gap between you and her.

xx

  You could feel your heartbeat in your ears and you were sure your face was beet red but you didn’t want to look away; he was so close and his eyes were so blue and he smelled like pepper and pine trees and it reminded you of your Grandpa who always put too much pepper on all of his food. You finally had to shake yourself out of the trance you were in and turned to look out the window

  “So, where can we see the fireworks?” you stammered, feeling his front press against your back and you were surprised at how forward he was being.

  “Just passed that clearing over there,” he said, pointing to an open space a few feet from the window, his hands were beginning to roam your body now and his lips were brushing across the top of your ear as he continued whispering, “they should be setting them up soon...” You were swept up in the way his hands trailed to the hem of your dress and how his thumbs felt so rough against your skin and how steady his breathing was that you didn’t notice you had let yourself fall back into him. When his lips finally met your neck, you let out a small moan and his hand continue to lift up your dress until his hand moved inside your underwear and his fingers found their way inside of you; your eyes popped open at the sensation

  “Morgan...” you moaned as your hand roamed down his arm, heavy breaths filling the empty hallways with each pulse of his fingers. His ministrations continued as did your pleasure and you were worried that someone might hear you so you snaked your hand up to the back of his neck to pull him in for a kiss; jolting his fingers to move quicker inside of you, forcing your mouth to fall open a small scream to escape before Morgan silenced the noise by continuing the kiss, tongues dancing with each other and breathing turning into panting; your eyes finally opened and for the first time you realized how exposed you were

  “Wait wait,” you breathed, “Morgan, we shouldn’t be doing this...”

  “Huh?” he said, fingers still curled inside you, “because of Kevin?”

  “What?” you creased your forehead and looked at him, his fingers stopping until you spoke, “no, I meant we shouldn’t be doing this here. It’s too public.” And just like that, with a smile flashed across his face and your hand still hooked on the back of his neck, he slowly took his fingers out of you and you whined at the loss but he turned you around and walked you to the wall, licking his fingers with you still on them and all you could do was bite your bottom lip.

  “That’s the fun part,” he said, moving his hands across your back and down to cup your ass, “knowing that anyone could catch us?”

  “Mo..” you giggled breathlessly and his lips found their way back onto your collarbone and his hands slipped back to the hem of your dress, “what if there’s kids outside? watching the fireworks? we can’t let them see us...” He stopped long enough to take a look out the window and where the fireworks would be and then back at you

  “I don’t care.” your eyes grew wide at his response, “I want you. Here. Now. You look too damn hot right now for me to wait until we can find a proper spot...” Before you knew it, he’d lifted you up and your legs were wrapped around his waist and you were craving every inch of him; your hands made quick work of his belt and pushed his pants down just far enough for his hardened member to surprise you with its size. You pulled him in for a kiss as he guided himself into you

  “Fu--” you gasped, “oh my god”

  “I’m not hurting you am I?” he asked and you just smiled

  “No,” you said, pecking his lips, “you’re not hurting me.” His pace was steady and controlled and every thrust had your eyes rolling to the back of your head; the pleasure so intense that you didn’t even noticed that your back was scratching against the brick archway, likely leaving marks. You trailed kisses down his neck as he continued to pump into you, groans leaving his lips and nails digging into your hips where he held you.

  “Fuck..” he breathed and you could tell that he was close, and you were too, he just needed a little push. So, you trailed your fingers up his neck to his ear before sucking on the lobe and whispering to him

  “Fuck me, Morgan.” He obliged and began thrusting harder into you much more aggressively than you thought but you weren’t about to tell him to stop; it felt too good. Soon after, though, he climaxed and coaxed you to yours, leaving the two of you breathless. He let you down from where you were pinned against the wall and he noticed the marks on your back, offering his coat to you and you smiled up at him, “so sweet,” you said as he kissed your forehead.

  “Oh look, it must be midnight...” he pointed outside, “they’re lighting the fireworks.” You watched him watch the fireworks go up and the lights shine across his face before you turned around and pushed yourself up to meet his lips, bringing him in for a deep kiss

  “Happy New Year, Mr. Rielly” you smiled when you pulled away from the kiss

  It was barely snowing in Toronto but you couldn’t help yourself -- you turned on your Christmas playlist as you made your way over to Freddie’s place for date night. You took the keys out of your bag while humming along to The First Noël when Freddie opened the door to let you in.

  “You brought all this snow didn’t you?” he laughed as you stepped inside and brushed the snow out of your hair

  “It’s not even that much” you replied

  “Yeah, but it’s been going all day, non-stop”

  “It’s pretty,” you smiled, “when the moon catches it just right, it sparkles”

  “That right there,” he said, pulling you in to kiss your forehead, “that’s why I love you”

  “Why? Because I like the snow?” you asked

  “No, because of the way you talk about things,” he answered, “it’s all very poetic”

  “Oh-kay,” you giggled, “the mocking isn’t necessary”

  “I’m not mocking you, I’m serious. I like watching you when you talk about the things you love,” he smiled, guiding you to the couch so the two of you could sit down, “you get a little smile on your face that you try to hide but the more you talk about the snow or your favourite song or how you know all the words to almost every Disney movie you’ve ever seen, it grows so big that you can’t hide that beautiful smile anymore”

  “You pay close attention don’t you?” you leaned closer to him, kissing his cheek when he was within reach

  “I do,” he turned his body slightly, pecking your lips when he was positioned the way he wanted, “when it’s you.” You blushed at his words; after all this time, Freddie could still make you feel like you were the most important person in the room and it always brought you back to the first time you met.

  “I think he’s staring at me” you whispered to your friend, Mary, as the two of you sipped your cocktails at the bar

  “Who?” Mary asked excitedly and you just nodded your head in his direction, “the ginger? He’s cute. You should go over there, talk to him!”

  “Mary…” you sighed, “I can’t just go over there and talk to him. He could be crazy or something -- I mean, why is he staring at me like that?” You looked over at him to see if he was still staring when his eye caught yours and you quickly turned your gaze away. Next thing you knew, he was standing right beside you -- all 6’4” of him

  “Hi,” he said, waiting for an answer before introducing himself, “I’m Freddie.” You turned to see him smiling and you blushed when you caught his stare again

  “(Y/N)” you replied with a small smile but turned your eyes back to your drink to hide your blush

  “I’m Mary, nice to meet you,” your friend tried but Freddie was so focused on you that he snuck onto the seat beside you to get you to talk to him, “or not…”

  “It’s nice to meet you, (Y/N),” he said, “you too, Mary.” She smiled at his acknowledgment but knew she wouldn’t get more than that, so she left the two of you alone. Neither of you spoke until the bartender came to see if you needed anything, making you finally break the silence you had created

  “I’m sorry, I just…,” you faltered, “I guess I’m trying to figure out why you’ve been staring at me. Why you’d wanna talk to me or whatever…”

  “Is it so strange? For me to want to talk to you?”

  “Kind of, yeah” you laughed uncomfortably

  “I don’t think so. I haven’t been able to hold a decent conversation with anyone since you walked in the room. My friends all left because I wasn’t paying them any attention.” He smiled when you finally looked up, “I thought you would’ve noticed and come over to me but when you didn’t, I realized I’d have to make the first move.” 

  “This kind of thing doesn’t usually happen to me,” your eyes followed his as they searched your face, “I know that sounds like some kind of cheesy line or something but it’s not. I don’t usually have guys staring at me from across the bar waiting for me to notice that they’re waiting for me to talk to them. I’m usually the one telling my friends that they’ve got eyes on them at all times -- even though I know they know they’re being watched. So, I guess I’m just a little unsure of the situation.” 

  “I don’t like that” he said bluntly and you furrowed your brow

  “What?”

  “No no,” he laughed, trying to steady your concern, “I meant I don’t like that you haven’t been appreciated the way you should be”

  “Wow, what a line” you blushed and he laughed, making a smile spread across your face

  “I love your smile” he added, smiling back at you and now you were the one who couldn’t look away. You were surprised how easily the conversation flowed after that, even if you were still unsure of all the compliments he was giving you. He walked you home, gave you his number and kissed your cheek; leaving you with just a ‘this was fun’ and you couldn’t end the night like that.

  “Do you want to come inside?” you asked, biting your bottom lip hesitantly

  “I’d love to.”

  He finally brought you back to where you were by jumping up to the window to tell you to look at how much snow was outside now and you followed him to look out onto the street.

  “Looks like we’re going to get snowed in,” he said, wrapping his arms around your waist as you watched the snowflakes drift to the ground.

  “I think you might be right.” You smiled to yourself before turning around and wrapping your arms around his neck, bringing his lips close to yours to kiss him deeply. You reluctantly pulled away to ask him what he wanted to do and he replied with a simple, ‘whatever you wanna do,’ leading you to roll your eyes. He shuffled around in the kitchen while you searched through Netflix and grabbed a bunch of blankets to make yourself warm and cozy.

  “Here you go” Freddie said, coming up behind you with your favourite mug of his

  “Hot chocolate?” you said, swooning at his sweet action

  “Of course, made with milk not water. Just the way you like.” When he finally got comfortable under the blankets, you asked him what he wanted to watch

  “I’ve narrowed it down to It Takes Two or No Good Deed”

  “I have no idea what either of those are,” he said quickly before taking a sip of his hot chocolate, making you laugh and try to describe the movies to him, “okay, we can watch both. We’re gonna be here for a while. Wanna start with the second one?” You nodded and turned on the movie, adjusting your position to cuddle close to Freddie and making sure your hot chocolate wouldn’t spill on either of you. By the end of the movie, you were practically falling asleep when you felt Freddie take the mug from you and you bolted awake

  “I’m awake, wait, stop,” you tried, “I was gonna finish that”

  “It’s cold now,” Freddie smiled, kissing your forehead as he leaned back to you, “plus you seem really tired. I think it’s the perfect time for you to head to bed; get some sleep.” You tried to argue with him but he had already picked you up and began to carry you to his bedroom. When he set you down, you reached out for him

  “Lay with me” you pouted and he tilted his head, slowly pulling his shirt over his head and wandering to the other side of the bed to wrap himself around you

  If there was one thing you could say about your co-workers is that they knew how to throw a killer Office Christmas Party. They rented out an entire bar for the night, brought games and gave everyone a handful of drink tickets which meant you were likely to get very drunk before the Jenga tower fell. The only problem was, everyone in the office was part of a couple and you hated being the only single one there, so you dragged your friend Morgan with you; This was the fourth consecutive year he’d agree to join you but the first that he didn’t really seem to argue about it.

  “I was with some of my friends, waiting for practice to start, you know passin’ a baseball just to waste time,” a group gathered around Mo as he recalled the first time the two of you met, smiling with every word that left his mouth before putting his arm around your shoulders, “and this one decides that’s the perfect place to stand. Naturally, she was right in the path of a rogue baseball and it hit her square in the forehead.” You laughed as he continued, explaining that, of course, he came to check on you after the ball hit you but you had to interject; if only to defend yourself

  “First of all,” you started, “I wasn’t just standing there, I was tying my shoe and when I stood up, I saw you toss the ball to your friend across from you which was no where in my direction so I thought I was safe. Second, when you came over to ask if I was okay I believe I told you that you needed better aim...”

  “You did,” he admitted, a blush rushing his cheeks and you furrowed your brow for a second, “and you said that baseball really wasn’t my sport”

  “Clearly I didn’t know what practice he was waiting to go into” you joked to the group in front of you who laughed and then gushed over the food that was being put out; Morgan guided you over to a booth

  “You hungry?” he asked as you got settled in the booth, making you jerk your head to look at him

  “I’m always hungry but let’s wait until we see what everyone has. That way the line will die down a bit too”

  “Well I was gonna say I could just grab us both a plate and you could save the booth for us...” You raised your eyebrow questioningly but agreed, watching as he stood in line behind your co-workers before joining one of their conversations. You noticed him look back at you a few times and you couldn’t tell if he was talking about you or just checking up on you but you were starting to feel butterflies in your stomach. You’d known Morgan almost your entire life, since that day he hit you with a baseball when you were 14, but something about the way he smiled at you tonight was different. New. And you weren’t exactly sure what to do about it.

xx

Morgan’s P.O.V.

  It had been building up for a while. You went to her work Halloween Party because she couldn’t come to yours and the two of you looked very mismatched, you as Brian May from Queen while (Y/N) went as a skeleton; You couldn’t help but stare at her in the skintight outfit. From then on, the thoughts you had about her were only outweighed by the feelings that her smile gave you every time you saw it.

  So, when the time came for her to ask you to go to her annual Office Christmas Party, you agreed much less reluctantly than usual. And she noticed.

  “I just don’t want you to look pathetic” you told her and she nodded, smiling to herself a smile that made you bite your lip quickly so she wouldn’t notice. When you went to pick her up, you weren’t expecting her to be in a dress that made your knees weak.

  “Morgan Rielly, look at you!” she cooed while you stood there speechless, “you didn’t have to wear a suit for this. You’re going to be so uncomfortable. But you do look very handsome.” Her words lingered in the air as you stood in front of her, trying to muster something to say but nothing came out, “thank you, (Y/N), you’re welcome, Mo,” she joked, “now, let’s go before we’re late for this party.” When you got there, she left you to your own devices, tried to let you loose on her coworkers, but all you wanted to do was be close to her, so when she started talking to a couple people by the bar you hadn’t met yet, you introduced herself; followed closely by the story of how you met (Y/N). The party was as fun as it always was and (Y/N)’s smile was growing the more the night went on.

  “You hungry?” you asked as she hopped into the booth

  “I’m always hungry” she smiled before telling you to sit down to let the line die down a little

  “Well I was gonna say I could just grab us both a plate and you could save the booth for us...” you replied and watched her face contort into a look of confusion before she nodded and you went on your way. You started talking to a couple of her coworkers as you waited in line, looking back at (Y/N) every once in a while, just to see what she was doing; you smiled at her once when she caught your stare and her eyes snapped back to her phone and you continued talking to the group in line with you.

xx

  “Time for the food dance,” Mo said as he brought you a plate full of food, “come on, let’s see it.” A bunch of your coworkers settled into the booth with you but Morgan was sure to steal the spot right next to you

  “What’s the food dance?” someone asked

  “It’s not really a dance,” you started, “I just kind of, out of habit, do a little wiggle when I get a plate of food. Because I’m happy to have food” you looked at Mo as you explained, letting out a small laugh when he smiled at you. Someone broke out Cards Against Humanity and the group couldn’t contain their laughter and the alcohol was definitely not helping with that.

  “Is there going to be any dancing this year?” Mo asked and you were about to say no when your coworker, Lisa, grabbed him and dragged him to an opening by the bar; he looked so uncomfortable that you couldn’t help but laugh, so you grabbed her husband, Mark, and made your way out beside Mo and Lisa. The four of you were dancing horribly but having a good time nonetheless; Mark kept spinning you around until you eventually fell into Morgan

  “Sorry” you laughed as Mo helped you to your feet but didn’t let you go quite yet

  “Well...” he smiled, “since you’re here, wanna dance?” You smiled, readjusting your stance so you could dance with him when the song changed to something slow. He pulled you close to him before resting his mouth next to your ear and you felt your heart beat faster as his hands stationed themselves on your waist. You waited for him to say something, anything, since he was so close to your ear but he never did so you lifted your eyes to meet his; you watched his eyes dance across your face for a second before it looked like he was leaning in.

  “I.. I.. I have to.. I’m sorry Mo...” you stammered before running, “stay. Enjoy the night. I have to go...” You quickly grabbed a cab before Morgan could catch you but you soon realized you left your purse at the bar. Shit, you thought to yourself, trying to figure out a way to get out of it once the cab dropped you off. When he pulled up in front of your house, you tried the ol’ ‘my boyfriend just broke up with me and I’m really having a rough night’ speech but it didn’t seem to be working so you tried just getting out of the cab

  “Look, I’m sorry. My friend is on her way here and she’ll cover my fare. I’ll wait here for her, I really did leave my bag at the bar” you tried but the driver wasn’t having any of it

  “You’ve basically stolen from me. I could’ve picked up a legitimate fare!” he yelled

  “I’m sorry. When I got in, I thought I had my purse and by the time I realized I didn’t it was already too late,” you could feel yourself begin to cry, “I feel really really bad. This isn’t something that I do, like ever, I’m so so sorry.” Just then, Morgan got out of an Uber and you heard him come to your rescue, like he had done so many times before but you were still so unsure of what had happened at the bar. He walked you back to your apartment, to make sure you were okay, and you invited him in

  “Let me try to explain...” you pleaded and he obliged; walking past you to sit on the couch. You sat down next to him and let your head fall to your hands and he rubbed your back soothingly as your sighed, “I really don’t have an explanation. I thought you were, that you might.” He sat up, hand still on your back as you tried to get the words out

  “Might what?” he asked, his forehead creasing as you searched his eyes for what you saw earlier, unaware that your eyes had stopped when they reached his lips

  “Might be trying to kiss me”

  “Would that be such a bad thing?” he replied, turning his knees to yours slightly

  “Maybe” you said quietly, still not looking away from his lips

  “I don’t think so”

  “I don’t want to ruin our friendship”

  “We won’t”

  “I don’t do friends with benefits, Mo. I’ve said that...”

  “It’s just a kiss.” His words finally broke you out of your daze

  “So you were trying to kiss me!” you said definitively and he smiled

  “Yes”

  “It’s a bad idea, Mo.” He pondered your words for a second before taking off his jacket, “what are you doing?!” you exclaimed

  “Relax. I’m just getting a little more comfortable”

  “Why?” You said, stupidly, knowing that his next move would be to lean in and capture your lips in a kiss. His hand that was stationed on your back slowly moved up to cup your cheek and his thumb grazed your bottom lip as you watched his tongue peak out to wet his lips, your own hands instinctively trailing up his arms; he leaned in slowly, as if not to spook you, and you felt your back arch so your chest could meet his. When his lips finally found yours, it was intense and soft at the same time. The two of you moved in a rhythm so natural that you weren’t sure how either of you survived without it. Except, you’d always had it, just not like this. The kiss grew more heated and with every twist, you felt something build inside of you, your tongue danced with his and his hands roamed down your body, grazing your breasts lightly, before reaching your hips and pulling you on top of him; making you let out a little laugh at the awkward repositioning