#tmhfn

On my way to Vilnius for the founding meeting for Europe’s first network for bi+ activists and bi+ groups. A network that would not exist had I not met another Bi+ activist from the Netherlands at a BiCon meeting, many years ago - it’s the two of us that together ignited the spark. And it’s here on Tumblr, in this fandom, that I first heard about BiCon - thanks to this fandom and the courage and pride it gave me in being queer, that I even dared to get out in bi colours and go there.

It’s also thanks to all that I learned here, that I have been able to ignite, advise, and let go and let others run with it. All credit to others for doing all the hard work, but I’m so proud I was there at the start and am getting to see it come alive.

It’s an emotional moment, and I realize the immense impact that me being here has had on my life and that of so many others. The connections we made, the movement we created, the way we inspired and encouraged eachother was something incredibly special and it’s an experience I will never forget in my lifetime.

In one of the interviews I gave about it I was asked “what message would you want to give” and I think I said something about “try to make a difference where you are”. Trying to leave a place better than you found it - as I am writing I am pondering why this is something I can’t help but do - and I’m realising it’s something I learned from my parents.

It’s so important. I am not always sure if it’s possible to leave this fandom, let alone make it a better place before doing so. I know I’ve tried making it better. But I am sure that being here has made me a better person.

And in three days, there will be a network for bi+ people where there wasn’t one before, and it will encourage activists to keep going, and do the important work of getting better policies, and raising awareness, so fewer of us get as down as I felt when I first joined this fandom.

It feels like a turning point - a full circle moment where I feel maybe it’s getting closer to the time I want to leave this sock puppet behind, and leave the place.

It is hard to do. But I’m feeling it’s getting closer to that moment. There will be no reunion. There will only be AI getting better at linking our real life and professional accounts to the ones here and much of what I’ve experienced here is way too private and personal to me to share with the whole world.

So. The big word is out. I am pondering leaving Thisiskatsblog, and this fandom behind.

Just like I told y’all about the Larries (or whatever they are now) that run/support that shit. 

And the person that liked that bullshit about Louis, I told y’all about him long ago too. When he attacked me and Sasha.

Well, they’ve made a lukewarm statement, for what its worth.

 I prefer to see what Kat’s actions will be when she wakes up. That will determine where I go wrt to RD/TMHFN in the future - especially since I know that there are people who DO feel that way about Louis that are (or were) involved with TMHFN. Its very clear if you look at their individual social media and realize that there is NOTHING about Louis on there. 

On this day that celebrates the importance of coming out to the LGBTQIA+ community we want to send our love and warm hugs to all of our LGBTQIA+ followers in and out of the closet.

Coming out is one of the challenging things about being LGBTQIA+ . No one chooses to go hide in a closet, the closet is something forced on us as LGBTQIA+ people by a society that presumes everyone is straight and cis until they say otherwise. And this means, to be perceived as we are, and even to be perceived as "truthful", we have to do something straight cis people never have to go through: the process of "coming out".

Coming out is not an easy process for anyone involved, whichever side of the close they are on. For LGBTQIA+ people, it always comes with some uncertainty and fear, as we can never be sure about the reactions we will get. For family and friends, it may come with disbelief, and grief, as they have to say goodbye to an image they had of they loved one that does not correspond with reality.

Coming out is not a process that can be made any less difficult or fearful in the moment, but we have found that education, information and open, non-violent communication can make it a little easier for all involved.

The following posts were written years ago by this blog to address the friends and family of the person coming out, but the information is still useful and relevant,l no matter what side of the closet door you are on. In the end, love is what matters. If you can hold on to that, you can get through the rest.

The Coming Out Process

Understanding The Stages of Grief

Non-Violent Communication

Safe Space Resources

(Note: please feel free to report any dead links or outdated information in the above posts, or any new resources that you think we should add)

Last but not least, if you or a loved one has come out, or if you think a loved one might want to come out, the most important thing you can do for the LGBTQIA+ person in our life and for the LGBTQIA+ community is to be visible in your support.

For example, you could consider putting rainbow colors on your social media icon, or your pronouns in the description. This tells the LGBTQIA+ persons in your lives that you are a safe person to talk to and can take so much of the fear away!