#tk fics

The menu for T.K.’s part was a little refined than it had been when T.K. was a kid. There were having a barbecue with different meats and a bunch of sides, enough that everyone could be satisfied with the meal. T.K. had stayed over at Carlos’ that night because while the party wasn’t a surprise, Owen had wanted the setup to be a surprise and wanted to keep T.K. from trying to influence the part arrangements. He’d been nervous all morning, fidgeting and acting like he was about to be tortured.

“Are you okay?” Carlos finally asked.

“Fine,” T.K. snapped, leaving no room for further conversation.

Carlos didn’t buy it, but with T.K., pushing issues could result in a big blow up. He let T.K. brood for a while before the birthday party.

“I’m sorry,” T.K. said in the car.

“It’s fine,” Carlos replied, his voice tight, but it was T.K.’s birthday, and he didn’t want to ruin the event with a fight, so he was biting his tongue.

“It’s not. I’m the absolute worst.”

“Don’t say that. Everyone has off moments.” Carlos knew how it felt to be short and snappy when other stressful things were happening, so he was irritated, yes, but he knew that T.K. was under a lot of stress about his birthday party for whatever reason.

“Not everyone has off moments all the time.”

Things didn’t get better while they were at the party. T.K. remained on edge. He couldn’t stand this. Any of it. Everyone was smiling and laughing, and T.K. just felt bad. No matter what he did, he couldn’t shake his sour mood. His shoulders feel tense and if Owen makes a joke about T.K. as a kid one more time, he’s going to… “When T.K. was ten, he was Jupiter in a school play about the planets and he—” Owen’s voice cut in, and T.K. couldn’t let that sentence finish because what did Owen know about that?

“I was Neptune,” T.K. yelled, unable to control the surge of resentment that filled him. “You would have known that if you were there,” he wanted to add, but he had enough self-control to keep that to himself.

Everyone went quiet, and T.K. felt hopelessly stupid. He couldn’t even control his own mouth. He looked to Owen for some kind of response. An apology, maybe, for only knowing sloppy second-hand information about T.K.’s childhood. Owen was silent, and T.K. felt angry again. “I should have known this is was a stupid idea. You’ve always been bad at birthday parties,” and he wanted that one to hurt. He wanted his dad to finally understand the gravity of what he had done because you couldn’t have kids and then act like they didn’t exist just because life got hard.

Carlos grabbed T.K.’s arm and said, “We’ll be back,” and T.K. wasn’t sure it mattered because the party had already gone to hell, and it’s because he couldn’t save his grievances for an appropriate time. After all, that’s the kind of screw up he was.

“Oh my god,” T.K. said when Carlos had sat him on the couch. “My dad’s going to hate me for this.”

Carlos handed him some water as if water could cure being crazy. “He would never hate you.”

“He dragged me here to Austin because he feels guilty for causing my issues, which he didn’t cause them, but he still feels that way. But if he didn’t feel responsible, he probably would’ve ditched me long ago. I wouldn’t want to be stuck with me either.”

“I don’t think that’s how he feels at all. I think he wants what’s best for you. I’ve seen the way he looks at you. You’re the most important part of his life.”

T.K. scoffed, “He wants me to be that important because he doesn’t want to feel like a bad dad, but the truth is that I’m not that important to him. I’m just an accessory in his neat little life.”

“T.K. that’s not—”

“No, it is. This party is so stupid. I hate birthday parties.”

Carlos looked lost. “What’s really bothering you? Because I think it’s something much bigger than the party.”

“It’s complicated.”

“I don’t need to understand it, but I’m here if you need to talk about it.”

T.K. looked away from Carlos. “My dad wasn’t always the best dad.”

“I’m starting to get that impression,” Carlos said.

“This is the first birthday party of mine he’s at since I was probably seven. He kept not showing up, so I quit having them when I was sixteen.” That’s when everything had started to go wrong. T.K. had been sixteen and fed up with his dad not paying attention.

“It’s dumb. It’s not like he was bad or anything. He just wasn’t the dad I wanted, I guess, which was my own fault for being so damn picky. Some kids didn’t have dads, but I let myself get upset just because my dad didn’t do what I expected him to.”

“It’s not a competition over who has it worse.”

“We don’t talk about it because he went through a lot when I was a kid, so it’s not fair to blame him, but when 9/11 happened, he just kind of left. He missed my birthday that year. I don’t even think he realized it happened until Mom told him, and it was just a birthday, but as a kid, you can’t tell the difference between your dad leaving you because he can’t stand to be around you and your dad leaving you because he was going out and being a hero.”

“Just because someone didn’t mean to hurt you doesn’t mean that they aren’t responsible for doing so.”

“I just wish that he would understand that he hurt me, but he acts like I’m overreacting every time I bring it up, but I can’t stop being that angry, hurt kid until he acknowledges. I’m stuck with all those feelings, and they’re messing up my life.”

Carlos gave him a sympathetic look. “That’s hard.”