#tipsforbrides

Nothing makes a wedding reception look more successful than a happy bride. Being happy on the biggest day of your life may seem like a given, however,

FIVE TIPS FOR TODAY’S BRIDE: 1. It’s important that a man has a job—and also helps you around the house. 2. It’s important that a man makes you laugh. 3. It’s important to find a man you can trust who doesn’t lie to you. 4. It’s important that a man loves you and spoils you. 5. Finally, it’s important that those four men don’t know each other. On a more serious note, you will, no doubt, discover that organizing your wedding will be one of the most delightful and stressful and important things you will ever do. We sometimes tease brides: if you can survive the wedding, the marriage will be relatively easy. I can add, as an old marriage counselor of 55 years, if you work as hard at your marriage as you have at your wedding, your love will be amazingly rewarding and fulfilling! After getting to know the bride and groom, I like to ask “What is the theme or goal of your wedding?” At first, brides will respond: “We’re going with violet…the bridesmaids’ dresses, the flowers…” No, I have to explain: What is the focus, the key point, the heart of your celebration? What is the essential message you hope to communicate? What is unique, or special and personal about your relationship? What is the takeaway impression your wedding will offer? When we know that, we will know how to create and craft a celebration that uniquely reflects you two and your hopes or vision for the future. Too often modern weddings are simply gorgeous, costly, big productions—without lasting identity or impact. Things to Ask Yourself to Determine Your Wedding Goal Perhaps this will help: please begin by asking yourselves what is this all about for us as a couple? What do we want to accomplish? What is our overall purpose and intention? What do we hope to create for our family and friends? What will folks remember and treasure forever? Over-simplified, most weddings fall into one of two broad categories: event or experience. Which do you choose? EVENTS are usually grand and great and evidently expensive, fabulous, often flamboyant happenings. All the elements are professionally produced. They tend to be large and lush—and fairly easily and quickly forgotten! EXPERIENCES are more personal, touching and intimate celebrations—even with several hundred people—that wiggle their way into your heart and last a long time. They tend to be warm, fun, comfortable, inclusive and, best of all, involving. Events are out there. Experiences are in here Events are highly produced and self-conscious. Experiences are felt and do not call attention to themselves. Events  invite applause. Experiences invite smiles and tears. Events are WOW moments. Experiences are AHA moments. We have all seen many versions of both. If you, Dear Bride, are clear about your choice, you will probably create it. If you turn it over to the bridal industry—which of its nature is impersonal and commercial—then you will get an event. To help couples fashion a real experience, we work for some time on their unique focus (like fun, family, faith, forgiveness, kindness, optimism, or another value) and the powerful, intimate expression of their “Love Letters" to one another and their personalized vows or ring blessings, homemade readings or hopeful intentions, and meaningful music and some of the wonderful ways of elevating everyone from spectator to participant. Two Questions that Couples Enjoy Discussing Because men usually fall in love with their eyes initially (the physical) and women with their ears (the character, values, the inside), many couples enjoy discussing two questions: (1) what was the one unique, magical quality that most attracted you to this person?; and (2) what is the thing you would most like to change about the other? They both love question #1 and answer, for example, strength, beauty, humor, intelligence, leadership, honesty, generosity, empathy, playfulness, integrity, sexiness, parenting potential, careful listening, romantic nature, good cook, sincerity, and etc. They struggle with question #2 and hesitate over issues like anger, excessive worry, fear, judgment, expectation, hyper-criticism, ex-lovers, smoking, drinking, a controlling parent, and addictions like cell phones or gambling or porn or obsessive behaviors like bad driving or temper tantrums. But, at least, the air is clearer and souls are lighter afterward. Anything they can talk about openly, they can handle. It’s the secrets—the scary dark shadows that can sneak back and sabotage their love. This level of courageous candor enhances preparation for the brave act of trust and integrity known as a wedding which is always about light and love, hope and healing, faith and family, and two becoming one—and, never about revealing embarrassing confidences. I often conclude the wedding celebration of love by expressing the bride and groom’s gratitude to and for  their guests: “Thank you all for coming to the wedding—Please stay for the marriage!" Want to know how you should treat your mom and your groom at your wedding? Click here. Read the full article