Okay whatever. Usually nobody even goes to bed until like one am. Its not even that, and the treehouse is empty of everyone except me and synthia.
So heres the deal. Im a little tired of making the call and having three goddamn people show up. I love you guys and I understand if you are busy, but this seems to happen every time I make the call. If someone else makes it, its as if everyone is all gung ho about tinychat. Everyone shows up, but when its me asking everyone to come chat for a while, its like you're all dragging yourselves to show up if you do that at all.
It kinda makes me feel like I annoy you guys. Like if you decide to come into tc, its just to humor me, and nothing more. I shouldnt have to send out the call ten times in a night just to talk to my friends. I shouldn't. Its not fun, to sit here and beg the people I love to come talk to me, and its not fair that I should have to do so either. Its humiliating.
I don't send this call out for shits and giggles people, and I know I sent it out a bit late tonight, but that doesnt wash away the countless other times I have asked us to assemble, and gotten the same turnout.
In light of recent events, i get why were not really mulling about the Tinychat, I do. And as much as I'm staying neutral, I still feel very caught in the middle of a family gone completely and totally out of control. And Im standing here making call after call, trying to fix this, calm this, and just make sure that shit doesnt get to the point where we all absolutely hate eachother. But it is getting there. And no matter how hard I keep trying to hold us all together, were just falling apart at the seams.
I love you guys. I do. But I'm sort of......feeling like nobody cares that I want to talk, or I want to be around you guys whenever I ask everyone to come in. I feel like eyes are being rolled, and everyone is just sucking up the fact that they don't want to be here, just to amuse me. Or Im just scrolled past, like I don't matter. I feel a bit ignored when it comes to this, and I just, hate it. I already have to be loud and annoying for anyone to pay the slightest bit of attention to me in real life, I don't need it from my internet friends as well.
I'm going camping tomorrow. I need to get the fuck away from the internet and breathe, and just.....not this. I might be back on Tuesday depending if we even have a TC. But maybe not. Im sorry to throw this all at you, and then disappear for four days, but I need you guys to know How I feel, and how absolutely and incredibly annoyed I am with this "Making the call" Thing.
Have a good weekend, tinychatters. And know I'm not attacking anyone here. Just telling you how my brain is processing things.
I love you Pretty Babies. Have a good weekend.
-Cass.
