#tiny civilization

Teddy Williams, owner of said establishment, has reported that he is starting an around-the-clock militia watch on the buried city beneath the pin retrieval area of lane five. This watch will consist of a line of patriotic volunteers, armed to the teeth and forming an unbroken perimeter along the whole of the bowling area. Teddy admits that this will make bowling slightly more difficult than usual, and league games may have to be rescheduled or made illegal. But, he adds that this is a small price to pay for safety. The other price for safety is two dollars and twenty-five cents, which is how much he would like every single good Night Vale citizen to pay him for this important defensive service against the unknown, but presumably fearsome and dangerous, aggressors from the buried city.

Witnesses have reported seeing the Apache Tracker out back of the bowling alley, in fervent discussion with a man in a tan jacket. The Sheriff's Secret Police report that the conversation was too quiet for them to hear, and reminds all citizens to please hold all conversations in a loud, declamatory manner, facing outwards, and making dramatic gestures to increase both the ease and excitement of their surveillance duties.

The Man in the Tan Jacket was described as 'impossible to remember', but presumably a man of some kind, with facial features, and limbs.

The Apache Tracker was described as a real jerk, just now, by me.

The Sheriff's Secret Police has reviewed Teddy Williams' grainy security footage from the Desert Flower Bowling Alley and Arcade Fun Complex, and they say that the nearly-indiscernible grey blotch making a slight movement near the cheese dispenser definitely proves that a lost city is moving toward war with Night Vale. A balaclava-clad man wearing a mitre, cloak, and a giant silver star, and speaking through a vocoder - you know, the man we all believe to be the Sheriff of Night Vale? - announced this morning that all citizens should prepare their town for war. This includes: fortifying porches with sandbags, training children to detect landmines, and not taking off our gas masks for means, even though it is considered polite.

We talked with Teddy himself. He told us that during last night's league bowling tournament, the jukebox malfunctioned, and would not stop playing "Mister Brownstone". Teddy says this could be a code, some kind of threatening message, or maybe even a subtle call for peace. He also asked that Night Vale citizens learn their shoe sizes. Shoe rentals are taking way too long, and it's really not that hard to memorize a one- or two-digit number.

The Sheriff's Secret Police also asks Night Vale residents to please help in their neighborhood watch program. Secret Police are in every neighborhood, watching everybody, so here are some tips on how you can help this invaluable community surveillance program.

Keep all windows open during clement weather, and if you must close them during rain, dust, or coal storms, please keep them clean, and stand near them, so cameras and microphones can clearly identify you.

When having any private conversation, whether via phone or with those in your home, turn down the tv and radio to cut down on noise pollution. Also, please try to keep your conversations lively. Maybe some local gossip, or polarizing sports opinions. Too much boring talk about plans for your garden, or where to buy good laser discs, can make the Secret Police tired, and less effective at their jobs.

Do not wear tinfoil hats. This hackneyed technique doesn't work at all. Helicopters could mind-scan you through twenty feet of lead. You shouldn't wear these homemade hats because it draws unnecessary attention to yourself. It's pathetic and paranoid. The Secret Police are embarrassed for you.