#tinselstarter

Does anyone else stay up late and watch those lame ghost hunter shows on TV? I always watch them and feel completely confident that I could survive the night and make it to dawn with all the bragging rights. Until I try to sleep and suddenly the sound of my refrigerator kicking in keeps me up all night because I’m convinced the dead are coming for me. Apparently, I’m not nearly as tough as I thought I was, no matter how many horror movies I’ve been in. Speaking of horror movies though, has anyone else seen Get Out? And also, could you come hunt my fridge ghost?

Surprise Bitches, I’m back. But really The CW execs won’t stop blowing up my phone. Would it be rude to block them? Would that make me a snob? Probably all of the above. Especially because I love the CW and my job. Please don’t fire me.

So, I went surfing today and I might have had an accident. My girlfriend  is Rome and she’s going to freak out and possibly kill me. 

Confession: I could never get into FRIENDS. I tried so hard to get into it, but couldn’t bring myself to watch more than three episodes. It’s just so... blah. What’s so great about it? The only appealing thing I’ve heard about it is that Danny DeVito plays a stripper at one point. Other than that, I’m out. You can all keep your lobster inside jokes, but I’ll be in my corner watching the better show -- How I Met Your Mother. Fight me. 

The closer and closer we get to my book release the more nervous I get. But I’m also excited. Now I just think when my daughter gets old she’ll have this to look back on and read and I just hope that if she ever gets to a point where like most kids talking to your parents is so not cool she’ll be able to read it and realize yeah I’m not alone. Though I have a feeling I’ll be expected to write many more and given full license to storytime when she gets older.

Has anyone ever heard of the ball pit bar that’s now open in London? Germ worries aside ( they clean the balls every half hour, I believe ), isn’t that just the greatest thing ever? It’s like mixing your childhood with your adulthood, which I think is pretty fucking rad. Anyways, point is -- should you ever find yourself on your way to London, then feel free to invite me along. I won’t get in your way or anything; I’m just in it for the bar, but too chicken to travel alone. 

I continually go against everything I’ve ever been told. Do not go grocery shopping while hungry. I’m now home cooking mini corn dogs, pretzel bites, leftover pizza with a side of popcorn chicken while snacking on a jar of pickles. Yes, my love of pickles will never die. On a side note, everyone looked amazing at the Oscar’s and Vanity Fair events, I’m jealous, I’m half tempted to put on a sparkly gown from my closet and eat my deliciously fattening food while re-watching Orange is the New Black.

So my credit card got stolen and the jackass spent 10,000 dollars on a bunch of shit from a bunch of shotty websites. So now there’s more chance more charges could show up. Needless to say, I’ll be arguing on the phone for the next couple of days to have the charges undone. I’ll never understand why people don’t care about hurting other people.