#timecop

Endgame (Original title: Bronx Lotta Finale). The oldest entry in the list comes from 1983, and it shows us a run-of-the-mill post-apocalyptic New York. Seemingly, some nuclear war has happened (around 1990, as a clever Wikipedia writer deduces based on the technology shown in the film), leaving a wasteland filled with scavengers and telepathic mutants. Oh, and hunters and gladiators who fight to death for a TV show called Endgame. A Boy And His Dog meets The Running Man, as it seems. One could start worse, I guess, though the writer/director worked under a pseudonym for this, which I admit is not the best of omens. PS: I usually look at places like Youtube and Dailymotion if someone uploaded some of the older flicks, and on this lil quest I among others found a German dubbed version with Hungarian voice-over of this originally Italian flick. So if you happen to understand Hungarian (I don't), have fun with this truly pan-european edition! Wow. I admit that this flick was a better start than I anticipated. It's still not great, but the first third is very entertaining, with some nicely choreographed fights. Very wrestling-esque, very sweet. However, then all of a sudden the whole gladiator fight TV show stuff ends, and instead we get some "Bring these guys to this place" plot instead. Entertaining The Running Man ripoff becomes less entertaining Mad Max 2 ripoff. 5 out of 10 points. Oh, and I solved the riddle of the director's pseudonym: He usually made smut films, so I guess he did not want to confuse his smut film fans by putting his smut film persona into the credits of this relatively non-smut production.

Future Hunters. A movie from 1986, and yet another post-apocalyptic world. Some rebel group search for the Spear of Destiny, which allows them to travel back in time. So, I'm afraid most of the film will not happen in 2025, but 39 years earlier, where the Spear has to be reunited with its shaft (the Shaft of Destiny, I guess?) to break its curse. Or so. Raiders of the Lost Ark seems to meet Terminator, here. And we even have Robert Patrick in one of his first leading roles, five years before becoming a real Terminator. I am indeed disappointed by how little a role the year 2025 plays. The Guy From The Future even dies within the first ten minutes, and afterwards it's The Adventures of I-Wanna-Be-an-Anthropologist-One-Day And Her Boyfriend Who Will Later Play The T-1000. Poor female protagonist hardly passes the Sexy Lamp Test – The plot needs her exactly one (1) time, and this is in fact the number an actual lamp is needed for the plot, too! I admit, though, that the final third of this wild ride is a bit entertaining. Still, a movie that makes you rethink your new year's traditions. 3 out of 10 points.

Futuresport. This one is from 1998, and it was made directly for TV. The eponymous sport of the year 2025 is a mix of basketball, baseball and hockey that uses hoverboards and rollerblades, and it is used as a less lethal alternative for gang warfare. Specifically, this sport shall be used to decide who will rule over the Hawaiian Islands. When looking at this synopsis, I can't stop thinking about one of my favourite movies, the 1975 sci-fi classic Rollerball. Rollerball is set in the year of 2018, so maybe I can spin me some head canon that has Futuresport developing from Rollerball. We'll see. Nevermind that head canon dream of mine, this has nothing in common with Rollerball. It's quite entertaining, though, I'll give it that. Of the 2025 visions so far, this one is the first to show a bit of imagination, with Borg camera operators and President Chelsea. Nice. And even a Beyond Belief moment. I liked movies for less. 6 out of 10 points.

Timecop 2: The Berlin Decision. A 2003 direct-to-video sequel to the Jean-Claude Van Damme flick of 1994. Timecop part one was set in 2004, and 21 years later, in the sequel, some guy is sent to Berlin of the past. To kill Hitler. Oh my. This could be quite the ride. I think I watched part one when I was young, but I can't remember much. So maybe this year is a good opportunity for a rewatch of this Van Damme flick - though I don't think it will be needed to understand part two. The double feature DVD box is cheap to get, so we'll see. Part one is indeed not needed to understand part two. But one scene in part one makes part two quite hilarious, so I don't regret watching both. Due to quite some mangling with the timeline, however, there's not much to learn about the year of 2025. Except that we have tazers that can fry someone's brain. And that Tesla Cybertrucks kinda exist for more than 20 years already. Quite the dystopia. Oh, and at one point they indicate that all the time crimes have their court hearings and judgements before a Time Cop is sent back in time to in fact arrest the convict. Which makes sense. They're time travelers, they can get back and grab the guy whenever they want. Why not get all the the paperwork done beforehand? Oh, and we have a flux capacitor. Which is nice. It still is at best a mildly entertaining flick, though; one that most of the time looks like an okay-ish TV episode. 5 out of 10 points.

Negadon, the Monster from Mars. A 2005 animated kaiju short film from Japan, wherein a mars mission brings some monster back to earth. Which of course has to be fought with some huge robot. Sounds okay, and we're talking about 25 minutes to spend. So why not. Aww. That one was quite lovely. I mean, the character animations were straight from the Uncanny Valley, and the story was pure cliché. But it has these clumsy indie production vibes that you don't get to see very often these days. Plus, we learn that in this version of 2025 we went to the mars to start terraforming it. With nuclear weapons that melt the poles. Get nuked, Mars! 6 out of 10 points.

Repo Men. A 2010 film that shows us a 2025 where bio-mechanical organs are rented to people in need. If they can't afford the organs any more, well, the repossession is quite bloody. So basically it's 2008's Repo! The Genetic Opera, but without the cool singing. I watched this movie when it was in cinemas, and it was okayish. So, time for a rewatch. Well. Obviously the story is a bit too optimistic regarding the 2025 state of bioengineering. On the other hand, a huge and expensive organ retrieval system is so stupid that any current supermarket's self-service checkout would easily outsmart it. Oh. And I totally forgot that this flick copies not only Repo! The Genetic Opera, but also Terry Gilliam's marvellous Brazil. If this is done deliberately, though, then it's not done well, unfortunately. Which is a terrible pity. And it's even more of a pity how Repo Men starts as a razor-sharp satire that takes cutthroat capitalism word for word and has at least one (1) indeed hilarious scene, and ends as a run of-the-mill action flick whose ending betrays the biting social commentary of the exposition. 6 out of 10 points. Well, at least the Repo Men DVD has some nice extras.

Zebraman 2: Attack on Zebra City. Some Japanese superhero flick from 2010, of course it's a sequel to a film called Zebraman, from 2004, wherein a teacher starts to fight crime in the costume of his childhood TV hero. The sequel is set 15 years after part one (so yes, Zebraman 2 is produced in the year that Zebraman 1 is set in), and Tokyo is renamed to Zebra City and now has a "Zebra Time", a daily period of five minutes where all crime is legal, but presumed criminals will be attacked by the "Zebra Police". This could be hilarious, The Purge on speed (before the first part of The Purge even existed!), but I'll keep my expectations low. And I'll try to watch part one first, because Zebraman 2 seems to use a lot of its characters. Okay. This was silly. I admit that I kinda liked the first part (although its second half was rather a let down). The idea of a daily crime legalization period is indeed not that bad; it even bears the potential for great satire, because the guys in charge treat it as an improvement of the criminal statistics. Which, of course, it is. 'Cause when you legalize crime, the statistics go down. Reminded me terribly of those "If we don't test for COVID, the COVID cases won't rise" arguments during pandemic. Nice observation, I give 'em that. However, the story quickly loses interest in this whole Zebra City idea, and instead we get to a brand-new entry for my top WTF Movie Moments list. Almost a pity. 5 out of 10 points.

Pacific Rim. A 2013 instant classic. In 2025, giant kaijus must be fought with giant mechas (just as in Negadon; see above). Gosh, I love this one, but spouse hasn't seen it yet. And is highly sceptical. But when if not this year should one give this a try, right? This revisit was just as marvellous as I had hoped for! Not only did it age very well (only the score was a bit less impressive now, but that might be due to me not being in a cinema, this time) and remind me of all the little things I loved (How the ending quite perfectly mirrors Independence Day. All those nice sounds. Mako Mori's gorgeous hair!), I also noticed something lovely I'd never had noticed twelve years ago. But best of all, spouse liked it too! She found it better than expected, a very entertaining action flick full of lovely colours. Thus, a lovely evening for two. The best of this little movie project. 8 out of 10 points.

Hot Tub Time Machine 2. Four guys are sent ten years into the future by the eponymous bathing device, to find someone who tried to kill one of them. I absolutely did not like the first part, so I really feel tempted to skip this. Okay, I d i d watch it. And to much my own surprise, I quite enjoyed it. I mean, don't get me wrong it still is a terrible flick whose majority of jokes aged like milk standing openly in a moist, moldy cellar. But watched with a focus on its predictions for the now-present, it nevertheless was an entertaining trip. President Harris (No, not her. The other one.), smart cars with a license to kill, and, best of all, fricken force fields to prevent suicide by gravity? Falling from a building? It'S NoT A pRObLEm AnYMoRE! I admit, 2025 is the best possible time to watch this movie. Some of it almost feels like genuine satire, these days. 6 out of 10 points. Oh, and it almost deserves bonus points for some trippy scenes featuring Adam Scott. Almost.

Mountains May Depart. A 2015 Chinese drama spanning a time from 1999 to 2025. The synopsis is full of love-triangles and family drama, so I don't suspect much of a vision of the future. Plus, it seems to be rather hard to get, so maybe I'll skip this one, too. The good news is I got a DVD for an okay-ish price. Bad news is, I didn't quite like it. It's an okay drama with good actors and indeed a few nice ideas of what the then-ten-years-away 2025 could bring. But it still feels a bit too long for me to actually enjoy it. 5 out of 10 points.