#time past

Kestrel studied the spirit and judged him truthful, especially with Cole vouching for him.  They’d both been slaves in that house, and the demon had never intentionally harmed him.  “Alright, spirit.  I...accept your apology.  I’m sorry you were forced to participate in my torture.  But forgiveness is not something I can offer you.”

The spirit smiled sadly.  “I understand.  Then I will take my leave.”

As he started to dissipate, Kestrel reached out and said, “Wait!”

Gray eyes fixed on him again, the spirit’s head tilting to the side.  “Yes?”

“When you said I had no purpose except for Dorian, was that the truth?”

“Some purposes are small and others are large.  They’re always changing, but they’re all important.”

“Is that a yes?”

“Making this man, this Dorian happy, would that be such a terrible purpose?  You know the truth.  Now, you just need to figure out how best to accomplish your purpose.”

“He’s happiest when you’re happy,” Cole said.

The other spirit nodded before popping out of existence.

“But I just want him to be happy, Cole.  It doesn’t matter what I want.  I’m already lucky enough that he’s accepted me back after...everything.  If he wants a big wedding with lots of strangers, who am I to argue?”

“His partner.  You’re his partner.  You should tell him what you want.”

Kestrel sighed.  “You’re right.  Can you do me a favor?”

Cole smiled.  “Yes.”  And then he disappeared.

Kestrel took his time alone to climb out of bed and throw on one of Dorian’s robes and began pacing.  What would Dorian say if he spoke his mind?  When had he ever been worried about speaking his mind to Dorian, though?

“Amatus?” Dorian said with a tone that indicated that wasn’t the first time he’d spoken.  “A little spirit told me you were looking for me.”

“Where were you?” Kestrel asked, unable to keep the accusatory tinge from his words.

Dorian shrugged off the tone and smiled softly.  “I was catching up with Cullen, and then Bull joined us at the table for breakfast.  I kept an eye out for you but never saw you come down.  They’re all eager to see you again, you know.”

But would they be just as eager to be around him after seeing what he’s become?  And why was he upset that Dorian was seeing their old friends instead of staying glued to his side?  It was an unhealthy expectation.

“Do you know who paid me a visit while you were out?”

Dorian frowned and shook his head.

“The demon who...who…”  Kestrel buried his face in his hand.  Why was he even telling Dorian this?  He knew it would upset him.  He knew it would cause him guilt for leaving his side.

He spotted the clenching of Dorian’s fists and the darkening of his expression.  The smoldering fireplace, reduced to mostly ashes, flared to life with Dorian’s rage.

Kestrel spoke before Dorian could vent his anger.  “I...I’m sorry, ma vhenan.  I feel like I’m falling apart and you’re the only one who’s holding me together.  Even then, I feel like I don’t deserve you.  Just like I don’t deserve their friendship.  But I’m too selfish to give you up.  Them, on the other hand, I’d rather they keep picturing me as the Inquisitor, as the Herald who wasn’t reduced to a pathetic waste after we parted ways, as the leader who wasn’t enslaved and branded.  If they see me now…”  Kestrel leaned against his desk, avoiding Dorian’s gaze and instead focusing on the stain glass doors closed against the cold.

“Everything in these past several months has been a whirlwind.  I don’t know who I am anymore, only that I want to be with you.  I’m clinging to that like a lifeline and was starting to get my footing, but here, at Skyhold, I’ve lost it again.  I’m torn between who I was and who I am now.  They’re very different people.  Is it terrible that I only want our wedding to be us?  I don’t want to focus on anyone else.  If only you and I stand beneath the Creators during the bonding ceremony, you’ll have no choice but to see the person I am now and to either accept or reject that person.  If there are others, you may fall into your usual facade to appease them; follow what they want for you.”

Dorian embraced him then.  He wrapped his arms around Kestrel so tightly, there was a minor worry about cutting off his air.  “Nothing can change the fact that I am determined to marry you, but I realize that coming here to do that wasn’t the best idea.  If you want something small and intimate, I will make it happen, but that doesn’t mean that you should sequester yourself up here and avoid our friends.  They’ve missed you, and I can assure you that, as your friends, they won’t judge you for what’s happened.  That’s what friends are.  Take me for example.  I stepped into their midst as a Tevinter magister, a rogue mage from the most hated of countries, and while there was some hesitation at first, they accepted me.  People warm to you in a heartbeat still, Kes.  These are your friends, nothing has changed that.”

Kestrel buried his face in Dorian’s neck, breathing in his sandalwood scent to calm himself.  “I...If you think it’s for the best, I suppose I can meet them again,” he murmured.

“Look, if it’s too much, too fast, let me—”

A tentative knock interrupted them.

“Dorian, did you…?”

Dorian pulled away, holding up his hands.  “It’s not me, I swear.”

“You may enter,” Kestrel called out.

“Kestrel…?” asked a smaller voice.

Kestrel immediately recognized it, but there was no way…

Dalish’s head poked up from around the stairs, hesitation quickly shifting to joy as soon as their gazes connected.  “Kestrel!” He cried and sprang forward, tackling Kestrel in the next moment.

Kestrel fell to the ground with a joyous laugh, hugging Dalish close.  “What are you…?”

“The strangest thing happened,” another familiar voice said, and Taeven cleared the stairs.

“Tae…?” Dorian asked.  “I thought you couldn’t take so much time away from running the Minrathous manor and the countryside estate.”

“The plan was to remain behind, but somehow your friend, Solas, heard about our desire to be with you, despite the time constraints, and planned travel arrangements.  I’m not exactly sure how he had us travel since we were blindfolded, but it took only a day of travel to reach this place.”

“You saw him?”

“Only briefly.  He had an elvhen escort us here, but he wanted to wish you a wonderful wedding.  And he said, ‘Despite evidence to the contrary, I want you to be happy, Kestrel.  Use what time is left to enjoy one another.’  ...He’s not the elvhen god bent on the destruction of Thedas, is he?”

Dorian frowned.  “That’s the one.”

“That was Fen’harel?  The Fen’harel?”

Kestrel nodded.

“I thought he felt a bit...wolfy,” Taeven said with a silly grin.

Dorian and Kestrel groaned while Dalish giggled.

“Enough of him, although we’ll happily accept his gift of having you two with us,” Kestrel said, hugging Dalish again.

Dalish returned the hug before climbing to his feet, bouncing on the balls.  “Can you show me around?  I’ve never seen a castle like this before.”

“What a wonderful idea!  Kes, you should introduce Dalish to our friends.  Since Taeven’s here, I’m going to enlist his help to shift a few plans around.  That is, if he doesn’t mind.”

Taeven placed a hand on Dorian’s shoulder and squeezed.  “Of course not.  I’m all yours.”

“Oooo, yes!  I want to meet Bull and Sera and all the people you’ve told me about!  Please?” Dalish clasped his hands in front of him and put on his best pout.

Kestrel rolled his eyes at the obvious manipulation, but still grinned.  “Twist my arm!”  Standing up, he took Dalish’s hand in his.  He knew this is exactly what Dorian wanted, to get him out of the room, but facing the Inquisition group didn’t seem as daunting with Dalish by his side.

***

Before Kestrel knew where the other days went, the day was upon them.

As was the custom, Dorian and Kestrel separated for the evening.  Kestrel spent the night catching up with Dalish, listening to the tales of his first several weeks at the Circle, too anxious himself to think about sleep.  Even when the boy tired and fell asleep with his head in Kestrel’s lap, his mind spun with what was to come.  He ran his hand through Dalish’s hair to soothe himself.

At some point deep into the early hours of the morning, Kestrel must’ve fallen asleep for when he woke, Dalish was gone and morning light angled through the east-facing windows.  He sat up when he thought he heard Dorian’s joyful laugh down the hallway, but it soon faded.

Taeven had been quite insistent that they remain apart for the night and day leading up to the ceremony, so their reunion was as special as it should be.  Still, was he just supposed to wait in the tower room all day?

Growing restless, Kestrel hopped out of bed and started pacing.  He had no idea what he was supposed to wear today.  Each step raised his anxiety level until he was looking at the bedroom door like it was his only escape route.  What if he tried the handle and it was locked like the Pavus Manor?  What if his prison had only changed designs?

With a panicked whimper, he ran down the flight of stairs to the door.  Just as his fingertips brushed the handle, the door swung open to reveal a happy and then suddenly startled Taeven, not expecting him to be right there.  

As soon as his eyes met Kestrel’s, he must’ve seen the panic there for he quickly said, “Aneth ara.  It’s okay.  Calm, Kes.  Breathe.”  Although his hands were full of clothes, he quickly slung them over his shoulder to take Kestrel’s shoulders in hand.  “What troubles you?”

His mind went to one person.  “Is Dorian okay?”

“A bit nervous, as you appear to be, and grumbling about a sleepless night.  Something about sharing a room with a snoring bull?”  Taeven shook his head like he didn’t understand.

“And Dalish?”

“Your boy is fine, Kestrel.  Last I saw, he was following your blonde-haired elf friend around.”

Kestrel winced.  Hopefully, he didn’t get into too much trouble with Sera.  At least, Dalish had hit it off with everyone the other night, and his presence had the added bonus of redirecting most of the attention away from Kestrel.  

“Is there something else that’s worrying you?  Your friends certainly seem happy to see you again,” Taeven said as he led Kestrel back up the stairs.

Yes, that was true.  And no one had pressed him for details on what he’d been up to over the last few years, yet he had a sneaking suspicion by the pitying glances he sometimes caught, Dorian had told them some of what had happened.  Despite that, he’d quickly reform the neglected bonds with Varric, Bull, and the rest of the gang over the last few evenings.  Vivienne and Solas were the only two of the old Inquisition companions that were unable to attend.  Vivienne had a prior engagement, and Solas, well…

Kestrel realized Taeven was staring at him, likely waiting for a response.  He tried to give a voice to the anxiety he was feeling.  “I’ve just waited for this day for so long.  So long, I’d come to believe it would never happen.  Now that it’s here, I’m waiting for something to stop it.”

“Kes, I want you to leave the worrying to me, okay?  You’re in a safe place, surrounded by people who love you and who support you.  Nothing will go wrong, and even if there is a minor hiccup, we have plenty of hands available to help out.  Now, I’m having a bath and food brought up, and you’re to take as long as you’d like to relax.  After that, I will return to help you get dressed.  I think you’ll like the outfit Dorian had made,” Taeven said, gesturing to the clothes he’d laid out on the bed.

“And Dorian…?”

Taeven smiled.  “You’ll see him soon enough.  I promise.”

***

The rest of the day passed slowly and quickly.  At one point Kestrel dozed in the tub and lost and hour, while after he dressed in the outfit Dorian picked for him, he waited for what felt like ages for Taeven to arrive.

He’d already paced on to the balcony, leaving the door open for the sun-warmed air to freshen his room.  There was lots of noise around the Keep, happy noises, but he was too far up to spot any details.  If the amount of people running around down below was any indication, Kestrel was concerned his request for a smaller ceremony had been ignored.

He took the crawling time to examine himself in the mirror.  Dorian had managed to find him a traditional Dalish robe of leather dyed a beautiful ocean blue.  Underneath the robe, an earthy brown set of cloth pants and tunic ensured he wouldn’t overheat, even with woven leather shin guards, a bracer, and a matching belt.  Fortunately, there were no shoes to go along with the outfit, leaving Kestrel’s feet blessedly bare.  

A golden collar and pendant with the same leaf design from his wedding band sat to the side.  The jewelry would have to wait until he had some help, he decided.  As if summoned from his thoughts, a soft knock heralded Taeven’s return.

As he cleared the stairs and caught sight of Kestrel, he froze, hand lifted to his lips to hold back a small gasp.  “It’s beautiful,” he murmured.  “You’re beautiful,” he quickly corrected.  Tears collected in his eyes.  “Dorian is going to be dumbstruck when he sees you, Kes.”

Kestrel flushed furiously under the praise.  “You think so?”

Taeven nodded his head.  He glided to Kestrel’s side, picking up the golden collar to secure it around Kestrel’s neck.

“How did he even know what was traditional Dalish garb for a bonding ceremony?”

Taeven grinned.  “I may have had a part to play in that.  Despite having to pull away from your people for their protection, I know you still honor their customs.”

The collar latched into place, and Kestrel was surprised it didn’t surface unpleasant memories.  Still, he thought the decoration was odd and couldn’t hold back a question.  “What about the collar?  That’s definitely not Dalish.”

“It’s a Tevinter custom.  Both parties wear a collar to signify their unwavering loyalty and servitude to one another in marriage.”  Taeven draped the necklace around Kestrel’s neck as he spoke.

“And the pendant?” Kestrel asked, holding it up to get a better look.  Two snakes entwined around each other, framing a large emerald.

“A wedding present from Dorian.  You know how he loves his snake motifs.”

Kestrel smiled.

Taeven stepped back, tears fresh in his eyes again.  “Well, my boy, are you ready?”

 The setting sun cast a warm glow over the courtyard.  Despite the chill always present in the mountains, a jungle of plants flourished under the tender touch of the resident gardener.  Flowers of all hues tilted towards the fading light, filling the air with a delicate, familiar fragrance.  A breeze rustled the plants and stirred the stillness, releasing a gentle tinkling that Kestrel immediately recognized.

Crystal grace draped the outer stone walls of the gazebo, their pale blue bells enchanted into a harder shell that chimed with each movement.  Dorian had once presented him a bouquet similarly enchanted, and Kestrel had fallen in love with the delicate bloom.  Leave it to Dorian and his steel-trap mind to never forget a detail like that.

Under the gazebo stood a sight that dwarfed all others in beauty.  More wonderful than the friends gathered to witness the ceremony, more magical than the dim sunlight glimmering off the crystal flowers, and more stunning than the fact that Kestrel would be a married man in the next hour.  The sight of Dorian waiting for him with a glorious grin on his face stole Kestrel’s breath away, freezing him under the overhang to the main keep.

The typical black and gold hugged Dorian’s form, but his outfit lacked the dramatism he normally wore in Tevinter.  A dark robe with golden borders was tied close by a wide cloth belt embellished with embroidered peacock feathers.  Golden bracers taped down billowing sleeves around his wrists, and a metal collar that matched Kestrel’s completed the look.  In that moment, Kestrel desired nothing more than to sprint Dorian up to their room and slowly peel off each garment to reveal Dorian’s true beauty beneath.

“Kestrel?”

Summoned from his dirty thoughts by Dalish’s soft prompt, Kestrel flushed, shifting his gaze to the boy before him.

Dalish offered a bouquet of unenchanted crystal grace.  “Dorian said they were your favorite,” he said.  “They don’t like the cold, but with the gardener's help, I managed to keep them alive for today.”

The sky-colored flowers were still as perky as if they had just been picked.  The magenta stamens swayed as Kestrel took them in hand and brought them to his nose.  He inhaled deeply and closed his eyes, letting the fragrance take him back to a time before all of his trauma.  He gathered his strength from back then, his bearing, his easy laughter, his naivety, and coiled them around him like an invisible shield.  He could do this.

Opening his eyes, he smiled at Dalish and said, “Thank you.  They’re beautiful.”

The smile he received back pumped more fuel into his strength.  On a whim, Kestrel asked, “Mind walking me down the aisle, Dalish?”

“Yes!  I mean, no!  I mean...I would love to!” Dalish struggled to answer, but his even wider grin spoke volumes.  He quickly grabbed Kestrel’s arm, linking them together.  “Are you ready?”

Kestrel looked past their friends, down to the gazebo, to the man patiently waiting for him.  “Yes,” he said simply.

Chest puffed with pride, Dalish began marching them down the stone path of the courtyard, following its meandering trail.

“It’s about time,” said Sera.

Right after, Bull yelled, “Made us wait forever, Boss!”

“Still, makes for an excellent tale,” said Varric.

Several people snickered in response.

Kestrel grinned, but his eyes were firmly rooted on Dorian growing ever closer.

Dorian tracked him along their path, steady gray gaze holding everything Kestrel needed to see.  There was no judgment to be found, only reassurance, acceptance, forgiveness, and love.  They could have ended the ceremony right there, and Kestrel would have had all that he needed, all that he longed for in his life.

As soon as Dalish passed him over to Dorian and their hands touched, the ceremony breezed by.  It wasn’t important, only the way Dorian looked at him was.  Kestrel remembered Divine Victoria leading the ceremony and rambling on his half of their shared vows, but he lost himself in the soothing gray of Dorian’s tearful eyes, in how warm his hands were when they exchanged rings, in the sound of is voice choked with barely restrained emotion.  And then his lips were on him, celebrating with joyous tears christening the kiss.

 Tommy however was beginning to plead, “Felicity!!! We both know that will take weeks! Laurel and I need them in four days!”

 She lowered her arms and shrugged as if the phone had eyes. “Well then I suggest you get Robert’s stolen set when he fly's back in on his broomstick.”

 “You’re really not going to help me?” Tommy asked quietly.

 Felicity’s sleepy smile would have made Sara cackle with unbridled delight. “Nope,” she spat happily as she she reached forward and slid her thumb over the button to swiftly disconnect the call. All she heard before the room fell silent was a harsh…

 “See I told you she’s the same selfish brat that she’s always been!”

 Felicity let the phone slip down her shoulder and, into her lap while she mulled over Laurel’s parting words. “Selfish brat,” she muttered, “She thinks I’m still the same selfish brat,” she repeated to the air around her angry form. Her eyes flickered to the now black screen of a computer that was about five years too old. The face looking back at her was pale, her skin seemed duller if that was possible, her lips were a muted gray and, her hair was piled atop her head in a sloppy bun. What struck her most however wasn’t the way her lips looked as she scrunched her face into an array of emotions that ranged from angry to sullen. No what struck her were the empty eyes that seemed to mock her with endless questions. She tilted her head.  Her once bright eyes shifted until all she could see swimming within her endless blue depths was another morning where Laurel Lance’s words had left a sour taste at the back of her throat.

 3 Years Ago…

 The air around her smelled sweet like freshly brewed coffee when it mixes with smell of rising cinnamon bread. She smiled absently as she rolled off her back and onto her taut stomach. She let out a strangled giggle when her soft nipples brushed gingerly over the soft cotton of the light blue sheets beneath her sated body. She nestled her face into the warmth of the pillow they’d shared, she let the smell of linen, wintergreen and something piney fill her waiting nostrils with pleasure that only a memory could provide. She rubbed her thighs together savoring the slight burn along her skin as, her mind provided the memory of how his tongue felt while it was pressed along her aroused clit. She felt the burn of desire flooding through her rapidly flowing blood until her body tingled with need from the tips of her toes to the ends of her disheveled hair.

 With her face buried within the used pillowcase her smile grew as the sunlight streamed over her slightly dewy cheek with careless abandon. Felicity brushed the back of her hand over her shut eyes in order to block out the offending rays of happy light. Her stomach growled making her grumble, “Well it looks booze and emotions are a terrible combo.” in hopes of hearing his gruff voice grumble back in happy reply.

 “Yes I happen to concur…” came the answer from the front of the room.

 Felicity’s body went still, her heart stopped and, her throat clogged as she dared to sneak a peak towards the room’s other resident. There she stood all fire and ice with her perfect lips forced into a stiff smile. Felicity’s fingers drifted towards the empty side of the bed. She searched in vain for his warmth while, the demon at the door glowered knowingly, “He ran out of here around 6:30 looking confused and awfully scared.”

 Felicity gulped sadly, “Well that answers that question.”

 “Yes but you haven’t asked the more important question,” she seemed to slither with what Felicity always imagined to be a forked tongue.

 She sighed but, went along with the verbal game, “Fine how did you find us?”

 Laurel’s head fell back in what could only be described as happy triumph. “Oh sweetie I had his phone bugged years ago. I’ve known about your little meetings for months….” her eyes slid over Felicity’s still concealed form, “Yet somehow seeing what you two have been up to does leave one feeling a bit well lost for words…” she managed to scramble out while Felicity simply remained frozen with unspoken fear.

 Laurel tapped her black and, white pump over the aging hardwood floors confidently while Felicity’s eyes roamed along the lines of a dress that looked better on the mannequin then on her. “So,” she asked coyly like they were old college friends, “not that I don’t love playing catch up but, did you finally confess to being in love with him or, did you just finally give in and fuck him?”

 Felicity’s face scrunched into a annoyed ball while she searched for the right words to use as armor given the situation. She settled for, “You’re awfully blunt for…” she realized suddenly she didn’t know the time so she peered at the clock on the small bedside table with blurred eyes until she could make out the red numbers. With meek confidence she finally rambled, “7:15 in the morning aren’t you?” The slithering blonde snake surveyed the room with her cold, lifeless eyes while she too searched for her next verbal weapon.  

 Apparently the early hour made her even less clever than usual since she settled for, “Yes it does but, so does annoyance so if you wouldn’t mind I would like to get down to the business at hand.” She spat out the quietly worded declaration while she glanced at the thrown aside clothes near the back of the quaint room. This carefree attitude made Felicity’s stomach jump like a rattlesnake primed to attack it’s prey.  

 In a vain attempt to maintain some sense of modesty Felicity kept her naked chest pressed to the soft but, still slightly hard mattress while the blanket remained placed along the skin of her lower back. She curled her arms to her sides and blurted out, “And what is that exactly?”

 Laurel’s cold eyes rolled dramatically as she stepped slowly across the room. The door behind her appeared to be locked, Oliver was still nowhere to be found and, John wouldn’t dare come near this room so there she was stuck with Laurel and, nowhere to effectively hide. Laurel took her white gloved hand and, placed her white tipped finger along the dresser. Felicity swallowed a dark laugh when she pulled her lone digit across the dust covered surface. Her face wrinkled in disgust, “This my sweet Felicity is where you decide to break his heart and then your own.”

 “What?” Felicity gaped as she fought to keep her trembling breasts hidden from view. Laurel smirked cautiously then continued her turn around the room.

 “Aww it’s playing coy…” Felicity’s brow furrowed but, Laurel was too busy gloating to notice. “It’s very simple Felicity I’ve come here to make a deal and, just like the one we made in highschool it’s going to remain strictly between us…”

 Felicity immediately paled…”I won’t lie to him again,” she snarled instantly.

 Laurel grinned through her disgust, “Oh honey if it means your career you will…”

Felicity felt her back stiffen when she forgot her sense of modesty and reared upward with force.

 Laurel snickered, “Well I can see why he’s so taken with you…” once Felicity was standing before her naked from head to toe.

 Felicity quickly grabbed for the discarded blanket; Laurel’s eyes raked along her naked frame as she shrewdly cataloged every minor flaw. “I’m in love with him and he’s in love with me so whatever you’re playing at it won’t work…” Felicity growled while swallowing the silent, “Not this time…” as she effectively hid her vulnerability beneath the scratchy cotton blend.

 “So you were in love the last time too but, alas your affections were easily diverted with a scholarship to the school of your choice,” Laurel reminded her shrewdly.

 “I wasn’t in love Laurel I was confused and, you only offered me the money once Tommy had broken up with me.”

 “True,” she sighed while Felicity wrapped her arms tightly around her chest. “But let’s be honest shall we?

 Felicity’s face dropped as Laurel’s cruel smile grew. “I mean who could forget how you looked as you ran down the rain covered street after you received that sappy, handwritten note from who you thought was Oliver.” Felicity’s skin grew paler while Laurel’s words continued to swirl around her twisted heart. “You showed up with that cheap red rose and, the note crumbled in your precious little hand. I mean I was almost overcome with laughter but then I saw your precious smile and, let’s just say it made my reveal from the shadows that much sweeter.”

 “I’m not leaving him again Laurel, I’m not giving him up for some worthless promise that you’ll never keep,” Felicity choked out as Laurel leaned steadily against the dresser.

 She crossed her arms over her small, almost skeletal chest and, glowered with glee, “Oh Felicity when will you realize that I’ll never let you have him? I separated you with the promise of a kiss when you where children, I tore you apart when I told Tommy about a tryst that never happened in highschool and…” Felicity’s body froze but Laurel continued with her cold mantra, “I drove you away from his loving arms with a scholarship and, now.” she finally took a victorious breath before she let her last cruel sentence fall. “As promised I’m going to threaten the very career I helped you achieve.”

 Felicity felt a lone tear fall when she silently put the pieces of this rather tortured jigsaw puzzle together, “Your family bought the Starling Herald didn’t they?” she breathed in torment.  

 Laurel smiled cruelly, “See Felicity I told you I’m here to make a deal so let’s say you put your clothes back on so we can discuss the terms shall we?”

 Felicity’s head fell in defeat as her body fell back down to the rumpled bed, “Why Laurel? Why are you doing this?”

She pretended to consider the question which, Felicity hated before her clipped words fell forward like verbal sewage. “It’s simple really my dear, sweet Felicity. My family tends to make bad choices and, usually they’re bad monetary ones.”

 Felicity nodded quietly before her lips could no longer be held together by sure will, “But why Laurel? Why? You don’t love him and I do! Why are you keeping us apart?”

 She smiled for once almost kindly. Felicity felt her body freeze with dread when her voice dropped to the octave of a person she might have considered a friend. “I need his name and the money that goes with it.” Felicity shuddered as her lips parted but, Laurel’s lips were faster. “Making them both fall for me was easy but, he was never able to forgive himself for hurting you… He was always being drawn back to you so it left me a bit alarmed when he sought you out for help with that pathetic math class.”

 “Yeah then he told me in was in love with me….” she whispered mostly to herself as Laurel’s heels clicked along the floor sternly.

 “Yeah and, that’s when I knew I had to remove you from the equation. As long as you were there he’d always yearn for you...he’d always pine for you. So I hatched the plan to lure you away with the scholarship money while also burning the bridge between you and, my backup plan Tommy. That way once Oliver realized he’d found his soulmate in you I’d at least be able to use the other lovelorn fool to keep the money my family so foolishly spent.”

 Felicity choked on her anger fueled words, “So what you’re using them both?”

 She nodded almost proudly, “Yes and, now that my family has gone and wasted more money on that pathetic rag you have the nerve to call a newspaper I’m even more determined to make myself a Queen.”

 “But why Oliver? Why not just go through Tommy if they’re both so in love with you?” Felicity snapped coldly.

 She growled as if she too had already considered the same alternative. “The money, the company, hell everything really goes to the blood heir which the adopted Tommy is not. So my sweet it’s really not a choice it’s Oliver or the middle American lifestyle.”

 Felicity sat there stunned while she silently connected the many tell tale dots. As children Laurel pushed her away with the promise of a simple kiss. In highschool once she found out about their growing affections she gave her the keys to her dreams if she promised to leave town. Now she was using the job she loved against the man she loved. Her heart shook like a thousand earthquakes as she realized her silent fate. If she fought she’d not only lose Oliver but she’d also lose everything she’d gained the first time she’d willingly walked away. Felicity without moving an inch let her quivering form speak perhaps louder than the words she’d chosen to say. “I’m not walking away again Laurel, I’m in love with him and, this time I know it’s not just some stupid one sided crush,” she declared with her heart slamming sharply along the muscles of her throat.

 Laurel’s head cocked to one side, “Are you suddenly forming a spine?”

 Felicity nodded numbly, “Apparently I am because, as soon as you’re gone I’m headed back to town so I can accept the other job I was offered about two weeks ago when I heard your family might be buying the Herald.”

 Laurel’s entire body went still before her back straightened into the profile of a sewing needle. “So you’re playing hardball I see?” she finally squeaked once her brain finally connected the dots.

 Felicity smiled sadly knowing that no matter her reply Laurel always had something up her devious sleeve. “I love him Laurel,” she shrugged in defeat. “I love him and, this time I’m not afraid of my feelings or what they might mean…” she finally declared as the air around them filled with unspoken tension and unrevealed plans.

 The memory washed over her like a thundering wave as she let the hollow void of the past three years enter her still broken heart. Laurel left the room seconds later with a scowl and tightly worded warning. Felicity got dressed, and scurried down the stairs towards the cab she’d called. John was in the kitchen whispering in hushed tones so she’d simply bypassed the formal goodbyes and, rushed towards  her one ticket back to town. She didn’t bother calling Oliver she figured he’d already told Laurel they were done. He might have run off that morning but, she knew her heart that his feelings for her were true. She’d marched into the newspaper that next morning with a mission. She was going to quit and, then she was going to find her knucklehead of a soulmate. She was going to tell him about everything from highschool to now, she was going to give him her entire heart until fate as usual decided to intervene. She had her hand on her editor’s door knob when the various radios and, televisions around her began crackling with what only Starling would consider as important news. Her fingers were curved over the steel handle when her heart thudded down to her feet. She could still hear the crackle of radio static between each joy, fueled word as the announcer happily snapped her heart in two.

 After hearing about Oliver and Laurel’s engagement Felicity herself sorta snapped. She quit her job with the Herald as planned and went across town to work for their smaller competitor. Sara out of solidarity and probably spite quit as well and joined her at the Starling Gazette. For the first six months she acted like a doormat with the personality to match. She barely ate, barely slept and, barely left the confines of her small, dungeon like office. Finally when she realized that the sun had indeed continued to rise each morning she decided she was done. She was done with Oliver and, she was done feeling broken over a man who’d slept with her and, then taken off in regret the next morning. She decided that his professions of love were merely a tactic to lure her into his bed; she’d decided he was out of her system until he left that frantic message on her answering machine the night he vanished.

 However as she glanced around the apartment she’d spent three wasted years in she realized as she always did whenever she became sentimental about Oliver that none of it mattered. She realized that he did love her despite all the signs that indicated otherwise. He’d called her for six months and, she’d never bothered to return one single call… He’d begged for her to talk to him but, she couldn’t. She couldn’t stomach knowing that in the end Laurel had found a way to twist the truth. She couldn’t stomach knowing that he’d come back, she couldn’t handle knowing he’d come back to find her gone…

 Knowing how this little trip down memory lane would end she shrugged off the moment of worthless dreaming. Her past was just that her past so she instead fixated on packing her overnight bag so she could drive to a place she’d carefully avoided for the past three years.

The fog created by the humidity of the night before still hugged every crevice of the bustingly city. Felicity again groaned but kept her thoughts trapped within her sleep deprived mind. When she’d finally placed her forehead over her bent knuckles it’d been around 5:30 so when her alarm went off at 8 she wasn’t exactly thrilled.

 She saw her exit was only three miles away, she glanced over shoulder before slowly edging her car into the right lane. The black SUV slowed allowing her to maneuver in between himself and the white sedan in front of her. She waved her small hand in gratitude before she placed it firmly back on the steering wheel. The driver’s face was obscured so she couldn’t tell if the he was indeed a he. She squinted but, soon gave up when another sign for her exit came into view. She settled back into her seat and lowered her hand to flip on the small recording device she had stored in her center console.

 “Today is day one of the four day trek to the scene of Oliver Queen’s disappearance. Per the files left by Sara Lance the house located off of Cliff Harbor road was the last place the subject was seen. Based on interviews from his closest friends and family Oliver Queen was suspected to have been killed on the property. Today I’m inspecting the actual home with the permission of his mother and the deeded owner Moira Queen. I suspect this will take roughly two days since the home has two separate structures. The property is located on 15 acres so day three and four will be spent exploring the estate. Per usual I’ll be taking verbal notes then transcribing them into written ones before the article goes to print.”

 She switched off the recorder just as she veered towards the dirt road that would lead her to the scene of perhaps a very grisly crime. The house was still about ten minutes out so she pressed the phone icon on her steering wheel and used her voice command to dial Sara.

 The phone rang twice before a very rough, “Yes Satan?” came drifting through her squeaky clean car speakers.

 “Awww and hello to you to my little ray of verbal sunshine!” Felicity chirped with irritating brightness.  

 She heard Sara’s mumbled, “Fucking bitch is gloating and, I don’t know why.”

 “I’m gloating because our favorite gruesome twosome called me this morning to get the summer house keys. Apparently Moira gave me the only remaining copy…” she laughed as she heard Sara’s bed springs squeak.

 “No!” she gasped happily. “They didn’t!” she continued in the same happy tone. 

 Felicity giggled as she turned onto another dirt road, “Oh yeah and, I said they’d have to ask Robert!”

 Sara snorted in approval, “Oh I’m so fucking proud!”

 “I knew you would be,” she laughed in instant reply. “Although I’m surprised he still knew my number to be honest,” she added as she passed the hummingbird tree.

 “Yeah how much you wanna bet he asked Moira after she said she gave them to you,” Sara suggested with a garbled voice.

 “You’re brushing your teeth aren’t you?” Felicity guessed when the line once again went silent.

 She heard her spit then mumble, “Yes but before you go do you think he might have called to test the waters?”

 Felicity nearly broke her neck when she slammed sharply on the brakes, “TEST THE WATERS! ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME?” she screamed as the ludicrous idea swam through her frantic brain.

 She heard the facet go off when Sara faintly replied from what sounded like her closet, “Well sweetie let’s not forget he did this once before after Oliver disappeared so…”

 “No there’s no so…. Sara Lance. He’s with the she devil that turned Oliver into a lying weasel. Tommy chose to betray his brother with her and frankly why the hell would I ever consider traveling down that rat infested hole after I spent so much time digging myself out?” she spat quickly once she started to drive again.

 Sara muttered, “Fine but I wouldn’t be surprised if he starts calling just to chat since he’s finally decided to marry my gold digger of a sister.”

 With her patented eye roll Felicity mumbled back, “Fine but, I’m almost to the house and four days of uninterrupted me time…”

 Sara cackled, “I’ll check on you in an hour.”

 “Thank you,” Felicity breathed before she swiftly ended the call. Sara was many things and, most of them left Felicity annoyed but, she was the only person she could ever count on. The house was almost in view, her fingers tightened over the gray leather of her steering wheel as she took one last steely breath. “Please don’t let me find a body,” she lowly prayed as her car crawled along the gravel driveway that led to the possibly haunted structure.

 The car wheels seemed to lumber over the sharp edges of the gravel that covered the winding drive. The tree that used to hold a ratty old swing still had roots that expanded outward toward the lower level of the wrap around deck. The lush green leaves obscured the lower and, apparently broken windows near the once beautifully ornate front door. Felicity pushed the car into park then pulled her recorder up to her mouth. She felt the cool, black outer cover brushing over her lips when she verbally cataloged the outer details of the structure. “Home appears abandoned which could be good or bad…” she mumbled slowly as the wind tousled the low lying branches of the massive oak tree. She lightly cracked her neck then continued, “The front windows are filled with shattered glass, the front door’s paint is chipped and might even have a thin layer of what appears to be mold.” She squinted but sadly knew she couldn’t determine whether it was mold until she was closer. She shifted her eyes upward to verbally capture the upper level’s decay. “The upper set of windows appears to be the same as the bottom. The upper panes are cracked but, the lower ones are completely gone with only what appears to be raised shards of broken glass.”

 She was about to switch the recorder off when something dark and almost creepy caught her roaming eye. She cocked her head then slowly recounted the observation to the recorder. “The outer white paint is gone, so the home looks gray all over; I saw what appears to be shadow moving along the windows in the upper left corner, I’m guessing it could be a stray cat or even the elongated shadow of a brave mouse.” Seeing nothing more she switched the recorder off and stowed it in her lower left, jacket pocket. She glanced over the crumbling structure and wondered aloud, “I wonder how they were going to rehab this place in a matter of days?”

 Her answer was a light breeze passing through the many overgrown trees. She shrugged in confusion but, remained focused on her goal. She grabbed her camera bag but, left her clothes bag in the back of the car. She checked the film before pushing the door open. The wind around her seemed to howl ominously, the feelings sent shivers of cold fear down her tingling spine. She shrugged off the nauseous feeling in the pit of her stomach by planting her black booted feet firmly on the soft, muddy ground. The leafs crinkled and cracked beneath her heavy footfalls as she slowly lumbered toward the front door.

 “Well so far no dead Oliver Queen markers so I’d say that’s a good sign,” she cautiously muttered before she slipped the cover of her camera lens. She peered at the large screen to check the clarity of the image. She noted the house looked even worse up close. The once breathtaking front porch now was nothing more than warped boards and decaying pieces of nailed down wood. She stepped over the holes in the steps and snapped a few shots of the overgrown weeds that had taken up residence within the floorboards of the actual home. She frowned in dismay remembering how the house used to be a palace of gray stone and white painted wood. She squinted when a stray ray of sun flashed over the glass camera screen. To the naked eye there nothing but with a camera lens on 10x zoom there appeared to be something dark and, solid beyond the shattered glass of the front entry.

 Felicity placed the lens cover back on, she then adjusted the shoulder strap of the expensive piece of equipment until it was tucked away safely by her side. She grabbed a pair of vinyl gloves from her bag and slowly advanced forward. The warped wood beneath her feet seemed to ache with each careful step she took, the wind continued to howl making the humid summer air feel like a cool autumn day. She shivered and silently thanked herself for choosing a pair of jeans instead of the shorts she’d been eying earlier. The door knob made her heart ache. She smiled sadly because she could still hear the joy in Moira’s voice whenever she talked about these once flawless silver antique door knobs. Now they were varnished with years of wear and decay from the often turbulent elements. Her small fingers slipped over the black varnish, her heart thumped thunderously like a rapidly approaching storm as her wrist slowly curved. The anticipation was killing her but, the fear was doing so as well. Her body shuddered as the hinges creaked, her eyes scoured the darkened room carefully as she slowly stepped forward…

 Felicity pulled her recorder out once more and began describing the state of the once opulent grand foyer. “The glass appears to have been broken by something man-made if not by a man himself. The paint is covered with vines from the invading flora, the floorboards are discolored, and warped by the roots of the tree outside…” her voice died down when her eyes danced over the crystal chandelier. She sighed heavily against the nearly invisible microphone and cataloged the ruined scene before her. “The crystal chandelier is cracked, it’s hanging on by a narrow thread and the ceiling above the fixture is cracked as well.”

 She stepped along the mud laden area rugs and nearly wept when the once brightly colored ornate rugs turned to dust beneath her feet. “The rugs are damaged beyond repair, the furniture appears to have been tented but most of the pieces have been destroyed by the elements due to the shattered glass,” she lowly sputtered as her journey took her towards the two flanking staircases. Her eyes swam over the darkened, wooden rods; she was about to notate the state of the object when her phone buzzed gently along her hip. She reached for the phone while placing the recorder back in her pocket. Her lips curved instantly when she answered, “Hey Sarbear.”

 “So have you seen the body of the once handsome Queen heir?” she teased softly from an otherwise soundless room.

 Felicity smirked, “You’re whispering which means Maude caught you coming in late didn’t she?”

 Sara scowled by admitted quietly, “Yes…”

 Felicity stepped around the staircase with growing interest while gently mocking Sara’s plight, “Well she was bound to catch you coming in after noon eventually…”

 “Yeah, yeah you brown noser but, that’s not why I called…”

 Felicity’s mood lightened, “Oh you’re calling about the haunted estate only then?”

 Sara’s glare could be heard in her crisp voice, “Spill it Smoak what does the lair of the fornicators look like?”

 “Well…” Felicity breathed lowly, “The house is a wreck. The windows look like they’re were dismantled by about a thousand baseball bats, the floors are destroyed, the rugs are turning to dust, the paint’s peeling and the ceiling is barely a ceiling if you catch my drift,” she rambled while she continued to inspect the surprisingly well preserved staircase.

Sara’s grunt drew her attention away from the sturdy steps, “So how were they planning to rehab the heap in four days?”

 Felicity sighed, “I asked the same question when I drove up.”

 “So are you really going to stay up there?” Sara asked shortly after Felicity replied.

 She glanced around the room, “I’ll let you know once I’ve inspected the upstairs. If Oliver’s old room is still standing I can probably set up camp there but otherwise no I’ll head back into the neighboring town and stay at the bed and breakfast off Cedar St,” she mumbled as she placed one timid foot on the solid oak step.

 “Ummm Lissy my crazy, slightly insane friend you just said the ceiling wasn’t a ceiling…” Felicity could hear the pause in her breath before she shouted, “CEILINGS ARE THERE TO MAKE SURE YOU DON’T FALL THROUGH THE SECOND STORIES FLOORS!”

 Felicity held the phone away from her ear and shouted back, “I’M NOT STUPID I WAS ACCEPTED TO  HARVARD OR HAVE YOU FORGOTTEN THAT!”

 Sara grumbled, “Touche…”

 “Thank you…” Felicity smirked as she slowly ventured upwards.

 “You’ll call me every hour?” Sara begged with worry at Felicity’s insane plan.

 “Yes worry wort, now get back to work before Maude docks both our pays,” Felicity ordered before the line went dead. She rolled her amused eyes and sighed to the drafty house, “And this is why she can’t maintain even one relationship.”

 The house seemed to creak with agreement as she neared the landing. Felicity’s eyes grew in shock when she noted that compared to the downstairs the upstairs was remarkably well preserved. She yanked the recorder out of her pocket and stowed her phone in her other pocket. She was about to switch the recorder on when a sharp thud made her heart jump.

 She mumbled to herself, “Oh don’t start...you don’t believe in ghosts!” The thudding grew louder as she stupidly stepped closer to the suspected source of the disturbance. Her heart raced, her blood pulsed, and her body shuddered as she carefully reached for her heavy camera. “Okay Felicity remember Sandra Bullock in “Miss. Congeniality”, remember SING and all will be fine…” she grunted with each stupid step she foolishly took.

 The floors beneath her creaked, the windows around her were unmarred, the walls were painted and the floors were sturdy. She crept towards the partially closed door, her fingers were shaking as she gently nudged the white oak door inward towards the hopefully empty room. She whispered nervously, “Is there anyone there?”

 Again she heard another thud followed by a low hissing creak of a slowly opening door. Her body froze as her voice grew into a rattled gasp, “Okay look I’m just here to survey the land for a story so if you’re a squatter don’t worry I won’t alert the authorities so you can come out okay?”

 A muffled howl of amusement echoed along the white painted walls. She noticed with vague interest that she’d wandered into what used to be Oliver’s old bedroom. The red tapestries on the walls looked clean, the windows weren’t cracked, the ledges were covered in dust but the rest of the space looked shockingly lived in… Her stomach gurgled as she licked her suddenly cracked lips, her fingers inched the camera forward as her arm began to rise, “Okay buddy I’m starved and I’m armed do don’t mess with me!” she groaned as she stole a line from the same movie that had taught the value of a self defense class.

 The bathroom door creaked, the muffled howl now rang like a clear, crystal bell as a small trail of steam billowed out from the once closed off space. Felicity mentally queried whether she’d heard running water. Her internal conversation was halted when her eyes swept over a small duffel bag next to a lonely nightstand and, a pair of two rumpled mattresses. She squeaked, “Ghosts don’t sleep in beds do they?” as the shadow of the amused figure loomed.

 Her camera was over her small head when the mysterious figure breathed, “I’m guessing your editor would kill you if that camera came back to her in pieces.”

 She nearly dropped the damn thing on her head when she whimpered in fear, “This is not happening…”

 She saw the outline of his rippling forearm as his veins slightly bulged around the thick cords of muscle and hidden bone. Her throat went dry when a pair of broad fingers curved over the lightly painted door, her body went slack when the strong, defined lines of his chiseled abdomen came into perfect view. She gulped audibly when small drops of water ran along the thick lines of well developed muscle and flesh. “Please tell me I’m dreaming…” she lightly panted when a familiar pair of blue eyes softened at the sight of her shell-shocked face.

 His once smooth jaw was littered with small wisps of untamed hair, his chin and upper lip had a thicker beard but, not enough to conceal  his boyish smile, or those unbelievably perfect lips. She gasped as her eyes ran along the line of his defined hips, she then gulped when the water began to collect along the border of the off white towel, “Damn you look good for a dead man…” she all but whimpered in complete shock.

 His soft gaze shifted into an amused look when he leaned along the door’s shockingly solid frame. She felt her body buzzing with anticipation when he finally said, “It’s been a long time Lissy…”

 She croaked uncontrollably, “Only my friends call me that…”

 He smirked, “And what am I?”

 She lowered her camera and, gently sighed, “I have no fucking idea…”