Feb 17, 2020
Abraham Lincoln in comics
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Abraham Lincoln in comics
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Another GAH! Another Comic find.
Well today was different from what I expected. I expected to go in and be told "Hey Adam, when we removed your testicle we removed the cancer."
Instead, I got "we need to get you started on chemo". Those who know me, know that I deal with things mostly in jokes. Since having the left testicle removed when people ask me "How's it hanging?" (This does not happen often as we no longer live in the nineties.) I get to respond with "Just right!" I enjoy that joke.
I have no joke for this. I am however fine. I am fine because oday I discovered a comic about a time travelling President Abraham Lincoln beating up Hitler. This is a genuine comic that I am now the proud owner of! It's a wonder beautiful piece of my ever growing collection.
Check your balls men!
December 30, 2012
In the Smithsonian’s exhibit on U.S. presidents, the “A Glorious Burden” exhibit, Time Lincoln sees his steam-powered top hat in a museum case, covered with the dust of decades. He smashes the glass with his bare fist and activates it. History Crab attacks. This confrontation is brutal, with none of their prior gentlemanly fisticuffs. History Crab struggles to keep Lincoln from putting on the hat. They crash through a window, and struggle their way to the Lincoln Memorial. Lincoln’s greatest battle takes place with his own visage, wrought in white stone, staring down at him.
With one final, desperate lunge, Lincoln puts on his hat. The Lincoln Memorial stands at last, and brings one stone foot down on History Crab’s carapace. It is over, at long last. Without History Crab’s influence, this alternate timeline unravels. The Cult of the Man-Crab, the Epic Rap Battle, the blasted future of 20XX, all of it is gone from history. Abraham Lincoln awakens in the Lincoln Bedroom of the White House with Fido and Mary at his side, his entire journey reduced to a strange dream. He returns to the business of governing a nation.
December 29, 2012
Wells’ time machine crash-lands in Washington, D.C., at the National Mall. Abraham Lincoln wanders about, taking in the tall, proud monuments new and old. He walks through the Smithsonian, marveling at the achievements of Americans and of all mankind. He sees that though scars will remain, the Union will be preserved through the fury and horror of the Civil War, the only civil war America has yet known.
Over the many video recordings, over the narrating voices of Liam Neeson, Sigourney Weaver, and John Cleese, Lincoln does not hear the scuttling sound. History Crab is close. Too close.
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December 17, In the Time Vortex
The time machine shifts violently between time and un-time over and over again. Time Lincoln and the History Crab alike begin to notice that there are faces watching them. They seem like such ordinary people, but History Crab can feel it. They are the Leap Children, those born on February 29th, those who live a step removed from normal history. Sir James Wilson, the Premiere of Tasmania, and the only man to ever be born and die on February 29th, leaps into the Time Vortex. He kicks History Crab off of the time machine, and says, “You are nearly there, Mister President,” before spinning like a timenado and disappearing.
December 16, In the Time Vortex
This is when History Crab strikes. In the Time Vortex the strange creature latches onto the time machine, its claws snapping at Lincoln, ripping at the machinery, again and again. The time machine’s flight becomes erratic, and Lincoln’s struggle becomes all the more desperate. He realizes that if he can just put an end to this abomination, his mission will be complete. He tries to steer the time machine somewhere where the crash can kill them both.
December 15, Approximately 13.75 Billion Years Ago
H.G. Wells’ time machine carries Abraham Lincoln to the moment of the universe’s birth. He witnesses the Big Bang. Sitting in the un-time of the forming universe he sees galaxies and stars coalesce from proto-reality. He weeps. He weeps at the beauty of it all, of the glory of God’s creation and he, a simple President, being privileged to witness it. He writes a letter home to his wife Mary, a letter that will never arrive, because time travel is strange and cruel.