#time keeps moving

I get that time marches on regardless

But

Maybe I’m the only person who doesn’t deserve to be just that. A person.

Everyone else gets the Human Rights Pass. But should I? Do I deserve that privilege that for others is a RIGHT, like it says?

IDK. Maybe this is related to feeling like I’m lagging behind in maturing somehow.

“You should be glad you haven’t dated anyone because not many relationships at your age turn out well/people in this town are shallow when it comes to dating!” (Approximation) But I want people to like me in a different way than they already do.

I want to be more than a friend, so badly. I want someone to actually yearn for my company, or even better, ME outside of. IDK. Hanging out???

I want someone to look at me and go. “Wow. I’m going to love them forever.” And the feeling be mut.

I don’t want someone to have a crush on me, THAT’S weird, but I want to have a crush on someone who’ll reciprocate.

I want to love and be loved. (But my stupid bones are broke./Ref & Lyric, all in one.)

But I can’t love someone else while I’m staring in the mirror, admiring myself, can I?

What’s it even feel like? Love.

“You’ll want to be close/near them” What if I want space, though. Does it mean I love them AS A FRIEND?

What happens if the spark dies one day as it has before for me?

What if they hurt me irreparably?

What if I hurt them? That’s what I’m mostly scared about I think.

But I’m too picky at the same time. Nothings ever enough, is it?

Maybe I should give that ⬆️ up. (No pun intended.)

What if I’m secretly the worst person ever, and everyone just doesn’t want to tell me because they’re scared of me. For some reason.

“Easily angered”. That’s me. I’m also an artist and I’m smart, but that’s the one that leeches off my mind because it came from a friend.

I’ve gotten better, but do I need to get even better from that?

I know life IS improvement. Uphill climb, infinite mountain, whatever you want to call it, but when can you break, because time keeps going like a crashing river?

It doesn’t care if you break your back on its sudden boulders and rocks jutting out, if you get stuck under a tree and drown. It batters you while you’re down, because it just can’t change that. It’s nature.

Hhhggg. Something, something, this’ll ruin my digital footprint.