#tillary

celsin

I want to weigh in on the difference between compliments and street harassment, because I would be so disappointed with society if the former goes away. Real interactions I've had with middle-aged men: Man: Hey! Cool boots! Me: Thanks! Man: Keep on, rocker girl. You're working it. Have a nice day! Me: You too, sir! Thanks! Man 2: Cute outfit. Me: Thanks! Man 2: You selling cookies or something? Me: ....no. Man 2: Why don't you sit down with me. Me: *walks away* Me: *walks back by (was going to post office for work)* Man 2: I didn't mean to creep you out or some s**t. Sit down, I'll buy you a coffee. Me: *ignores* Man 2: Hey, girly, I'm talking to you. *Proceeds to follow me to the corner* I hope the differences in these interactions are GLARINGLY obvious. Honestly, I felt bad I had been guarded around the first man, because he was so kind and normal, and that exchange had me feeling awesome all afternoon. But it's pretty easy to understand why one encounter with Man 2 can make anyone feel uncomfortable -- uncomfortable enough to be suspicious of future encounters with the demographic. The truth is, these people probably aren't ever going to disappear, and that's too bad. But what I'd like to see more of us is not only appreciating, but BEING the first guy. It's so awesome to get a compliment from a stranger (a real compliment -- they're taking time to let me know they noticed my good taste!) but you know what's more awesome? Giving one and seeing that HUGE grin spread across someone's face. I try to make an effort at work to once a day tell someone I like their hair or outfit or necklace or shoes. I try to make sure I tell men at least half the time. Nine times out of ten these people beam. That's a beautiful, beautiful thing we can do for each other. On top of that, when I receive a compliment I feel powerful, valid, and SAFE. I feel like random strangers notice and care about my feelings enough to give me a minute of their time. I feel like I'm a part of a community in this space. I feel accepted and noticed. No one likes street harassment, but instead of fighting it with more anger and labeling, or worse, with silence, let's fight it with warmth and support and a sense of safeness. You look fabulous today.