#tiger parenting

But let me ask you this - when you were a kid, would you have liked it if adults took you to the park to feed ducks? You can do that, for the next generation.

Parents – it is a single word to describe many different types of parents. But how do parents differ from one another? Turns out, it’s their parenting style that sets them apart from each other. Two of the most prominent styles of parenting styles of parenting have recently grabbed science’s attention. Trophy parents and Tiger Parents! Although both of these parents have different dynamics, they…

When I first read Amy Chua’s controversial memoir, Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother, I was thirteen. I finished reading it in one night, drawn to the trials and tribulations of the Chua family: when Sophia performed at Carnegie Hall, I cheered; when Tiger Mom threatened to donate Lulu’s toys to the Salvation Army, I gasped in horror. As a thirteen year old, I definitely sided with the daughters. More than anything, I wanted them to be happy.

Though she was overwhelmingly strict, I did not see Tiger Mom as a monolithic monster, as so many my age might have. I saw Ms. Chua as a three-dimensional mother who simply wanted the best for her kids, as all parents do. To be dismissive of her rationales and reconciliations would be dehumanizing.

However, I didn’t know what I felt about that book. And as I am on the brink of adulthood reflecting on the past seventeen years, I still don’t. The Tiger Mom discussion was and is extremely polarized: in one camp are the supporters, and in the other are those who think Tiger Parents are robot-manufacturing maniacs.

Yes, tiger parenting can produce extremely talented children: violin, piano, math, sports, you name it — tiger children, in everything they do, hold themselves to a higher standard. And yes, there are obvious downsides often cited in the media: lack of creativity, intense fear of failure, increased risk of depression and anxiety, and stunted social skills — not traits one would particularly value in an employee or healthy member of society.

For all the debate, there is one downside not so often mentioned: tiger parenting encourages children to be extremely selfish.

It’s undeniable that high standards breed growth, but that growth quickly becomes purely personal — when your parents devote all their time to you and react so emotionally to your successes and failures, it’s easy, especially at a young age, to feel that the world revolves around you and your personal academic and extracurricular performance. Classrooms quickly become a battle field: Are you the best in your class? Are you outperforming the person siting next to you? Forget volunteering or thinking about why you’re learning what you’re learning — you have to raise your GPA.

It’s even worse when clusters of tiger cubs go to school together. Hypothetically, what would happen? Not everyone can be number one. But you can bet that there will be a tough, me-against-everyone mentality fight.

For children raised under this style of parenting, selfishness might be the default setting. Common sense tells us that before you can help others, you have to survive and thrive. Getting top grades, winning awards, and constantly attaining excellence — that can feel like survival, especially if “underperforming” yields verbal and emotional punishment. Given this, how might these individuals thrive in a community?

I do not aim to make a sweeping generalization of all Tiger Parents; I merely want to raise an issue gleaned from my observations. And occasionally, I must admit, I’ve been guilty of the sort of self-centred performance-anxiety mentioned above myself, worried whether I was finally “good enough.” But as I mature, I’m hopeful for a new kind of satisfaction. Adding as much value to the world with whatever skills you have — is that not more than good enough?

✍🏻 Written by Enshia Li, writing intern at The YUNiversity