#tifu

Chapter 1: A king's concern

The sun was beginning to set over pride rock signalling the end of another day.

Atop pride rock the lions were tucking into a fresh kill, meanwhile Zazu was on a high rock preening his feathrs, and Timon and Pumbaa were tucking into a massive pile of grubs they'd brought as a ''welcome home'' feast for Simba and Nala.

''Mhmm, smoky with a earth seasoning.'' Timon sighed as he chomped on a mouthful of grubs.

Zuri gagged slightly, looking at the meerkat with visible disgust.

''How can you eat those?'' She asked.

''Hey, you should have seen the way Simba used to eat these back when we were looking after him.'' Pumbaa said.

Simba's eyes immediately widened in horror and he shot his adopted fathers a firm look before they could begin (yet another) embarrassing story about Simba and his VERY unique cubhood.

''Don't. You. Dare.'' He said warningly.

''Oh come Simba. Just one grub.'' Timon said wiggling a grub in front of Simba's nose.

''I think I'll pass.'' Simba said politely.

''Your loss.'' Timon shrugged popping said grub into his mouth.

Safe to say...the lions hadn't shown any interest in the grubs whatsoever.

Not even Simba (who still privately indulged in grubs as a guilty pleasure of sorts) was interested in the grubs tonight.

Right now he only had one thing on his mind as he looked over the lions.

Nala was beside him looking as exhausted as Simba himself felt, Kiara was eating nearby with Tifu and Zuri, Sarafina was sitting nearby with Nuru, Nuru's cub Nia was sitting next to her, blue eyes constantly scanning the horizon.

But no cub with a red mane tuft.

No cub absolutely demolished his portion of food at a speed that constantly worried Simba about choking.

No excited chatter about whatever latest shenanigans Bunga had gotten up to today.

No Kion.

''Has anyone seen Kion?'' Simba asked.

The entire group went silent...even Timon and Pumbaa stopped eating to peer at the cluster of Lions.

Kiara shook her head frowning at her parents.

''Nope. I haven't seen him dad...actually, I've barely seen him all week...'' Kiara said, her voice dripping with barely concealed concern.

Simba and Nala looked at each other and frowned.

''And with you guys finally back from your trip. I honestly thought he'd be here.'' She added.

It was true, Simba and Nala had been out of the pride lands attending a gathering with the leaders of the neighbouring territories.

Meanwhile Kiara had once again been called upon to act as temporary queen, although this time she had Sarafina and Rafiki helping her...things had been hectic in the pridelands for a few weeks now so both parents agreed giving her some extra help may be beneficial.

To her credit Kiara had done amazingly all by herself, but just looking at the way she was half asleep and constantly that she was exhausted.

Kion it seemed, had practically buried himself in his lion guard duties.

Every animal Simba and Nala had come across their entire walk back to pride rock had practically been singing his praises.

Between constant patrols, dealing with threats from the outlands, handling disputes and other small crises...he had no doubt Kion had run himself absolutely ragged.

In fact, now that Simba thought back to it...Kion had looked exhausted before he and Nala left.

Energetic, yet exhausted at the same time.

Still, even at his most exhausted Kion was always back by dinnertime, and if there was one thing Kion loved after a long day (or any day really) it was a nice large meal, and a good long sleep...

...And Kion is always hungry, ALWAYS.

Kion's appetite was practically legendary, even before becoming the lion guard he was everywhere at once, and between racing Fuli, wrestling with Nia, chasing Bunga, constant Lion Guard activities, using the roar and quite frankly tearing through the savannah like a tiny hurricane...it's no wonder he could outeat Timon and Pumbaa on a good day.

Even so, there were still times when Simba was amazed (and perhaps a little afraid) at just how much meat Kion could demolish in a single meal.

Just then there was an amused snort and everyone turned to see Zuri smirking.

''Kion missing dinner? Wow, that's weird even for him.'' She snorted, giggling.

Next to her Tifu also giggled.

''He can't be full surely...he's ALWAYS hungry!'' Tifu added giggling.

It was no secret that Kion and Zuri openly despised one another.

Kion and Tifu got on well enough, they're far from being friends...but they can usually tolerate one another.

Kion and Zuri however..the odds of Janja suddenly becoming a vegetarian and opening a salad bar were higher than the chances of Kion and Zuri ever becoming friends.

In Zuri's opinion Kion is loud, reckless, irrating and a nuisance.

In Kion's opinion Zuri snobby, arrogant, bossy, and ''about as unpleasant as stepping in a thorn bush''.

He used that exact phrase once...within her earshot.

The resulting argument lasted nearly an entire hour.

They could argue worse than Kion and Kiara on their worst days...and THAT'S saying something considering the royal siblings can REALLY go at it when they argue.

At this point the entire pride had a betting pool going on just how long Kion and Zuri could argue for when left unattended...even Simba has contributed to it.

Kiara turned to the pair with a look that could have frozen lava.

''This is serious you two!'' She snapped, a faint growl rumbling in her throat.

Tifu immediately went silent and even Zuri flinched.

Simba immediately grimaced.

Kiara had inherited a lot of positive aspects from both her mother and father.

But unfortunately...she had also inherited both of their tempers combined.

Especially when it came to Kion.

The most recent incident involving Kiara's temper had only happened a couple of weeks ago.

Kion and Nia had been napping together under one of the trees at the watering hole, curled up together and utterly out cold and after spending the afternoon wrestling and playing when their naptime was disturbed by a few older cubs who clearly thought making fun of two sleeping cubs was funny.

They hadn't been laughing when Kiara (who had been sunbathing nearby with Tifu and Zuri) had overhead and immediately stormed over.

By the time Simba, Nala and Zazu heard the commotion and rushed over the older cubs were in tears, meanwhile Kiara stood over them unleashing a stream of extremely colourful language that would have made even Scar flinch.

Zazu had actually fainted when he heard the language coming from the future queen's mouth.

Meanwhile Kion and Nia had just stirred awake having (somehow) managed to sleep through the entire tirade and were both sleepy, confused...and entirely unaware of what they'd managed to sleep through.

''Huh, wha's goin' on?'' Kion had asked blinking blearily, mane tuft a mess from Nia nuzzling it in her sleep.

''Did we miss lunch?'' Nia had asked, still half asleep against Kion..

Simba had honestly been impressed when he heard just how varied Kiara's vocabulary was.

Horrified mostly...but impressed nonetheless.

Nala hadn't been as amused.

Simba's amusement had lasted up until that night...when Nala sat Kiara down and began a very long and very firm lecture about the language she'd used...and Simba had been a victim of that particular lecture too, because it hadn't taken Nala long to figure out exactly where Kiara had picked up such language from and despite what he liked to believe Simba is nowhere near as clean-mouthed as he likes to believe...especially when he thinks no one is listening

Kings above...that lecture felt like it had lasted all night.

And as for where Simba had picked up such an expansive vocabulary...let's just say when Timon and Pumbaa had been raising him he'd heard Timon utter some curses so foul they'd have reduced a whole pack of hyenas to tears.

Perhaps the worst part of that entire lecture had been the fact that Kion was ''sleeping'' nearby having gone to bed.

However judging from the terribly concealed smirk on his son's face, not to mention the snores that sounded suspiciously like muffled laughter it was clear that the little menace had been listening in on the entire lecture...and clearly enjoying every second of it.

To this day Simba still swore he could hear Kion snickering and saying ''Dad's in trouble'' under his breath before letting out another clearly exaggerated snore.

Nala shot her daughter a warning look.

''Kiara.'' She warned, firmly yet gently.

Kiara immediately took a deep breath, her anger dulling back into concern.

Just then Nia got up, the tawny cub approaching the royal family nervously.

''I saw Kion this morning your majesties. He looked tired...really tired.'' She said.

''How come you didn't say anything Nia?'' Kiara asked, looking at her.

''He told me he was fine. That he just had a late night...but he didn't come to see me at the watering hole, we always nap there after lunch.'' She said worriedly.

It was true.

In the few months Nia and her mother had been in Simba's pride (having fled their previous one) Nia and Kion had become impossibly close.

They played together.

They napped together.

They ate near each other.

They sparred together.

And based on the whispers and giggling Simba had witnessed between the two on several occasions...they also plotted mischief together.

They reminded Simba a lot of himself and Nala back when they were cubs...although thankfully despite being mischievous, Kion is still a lot more responsible than Simba had been at his age.

Kings above...Simba had been a menace as a cub...Zazu had once called him a menace to society.

He honestly had no idea how his mother, Timon and Pumbaa had survived raising him.

Mufasa had once jokingly told him ''You'll be the death of me one day son.''.

Even though Scar had been the one to kill his father...Simba still hated how painfully ironic that joke really was in the end.

Shaking his head slightly and shoving those thoughts to one side Simba looked at Nia.

''Did you notice anything strange about Kion's behaviour Nia?'' He asked kindly.

Nia hesitated for a moment clearly nervous about speaking directly to the king, but after a moment he cleared her throat and spoke.

''Just that he's been really tired, your majesty. I woke up to get some water late last night and I saw Kion standing on the ledge, he said he woke up early...but I don't even remember him coming in last night. He promised me he'd have a longer nap with me later...but he never showed up.'' She admitted.

Nuru nodded in agreement.

''The poor dear looked positvly exhausted when I last saw him.'' She said.

Simba frowned at that, then looked at Nia.

''Thank you Nia.'' He said smiling at the lioness.

He then looked at Nala.

''I don't like this Nala. Kion may be capable...but he's still only a year old. Still a cub.'' He said worriedly.

He frowned as he racked his brain, trying to decide what to do next.

''We'll give him a little longer. But if he isn't back soon, I'm going looking for him.'' He said after a few minutes.

Nala immediately nodded in agreement.

Today, my man came home to find me bent over the table with my boobs stuck inside inside two bowls and tears running down my face. But let's start from the beginning.

I accidentally forgot to put on a bra. I didn't realize it until the middle of the work day, where a weird scratchiness in my lil' gumdrops had turned into a vicious, unbearable burning, I went to the bathroom to check and saw that yup, no bra. Shit. Thankfully, the weather has cooled enough that I had decided to start wearing a jacket today, so I didn't accidentally give my students a show.

But by the end of the day I was almost crying from the pain of my blouse fucking sanding down my nipples. For a second I fully believed I would take it off and I'd have barbie boobs. Just smoothness, no bump. Like those cybertruck doors with no handle. I digress.

To make matters worse, I walk to work, so I had to endure even more scraping on the way back.

As soon as I got home, I started looking for something to soothe the pain and I guessed if chapstick is good enough for cracked lips, it's good enough for cracked nippies. I searched through the squirrel nest that is my desk and found a brand new chapstick that my friend had given to me. I lathered that thing all over my nipplerinos and went to lay down.

The relief was short-lived as it turned into tingling and then to fucking FIRE, as if Satan himself was sucking my tits. Turns out it was one of those chapsticks that plump up your lips with MINT AND CHILI OIL. I PUT CHILI AND MINT ON MY SHREDDED NIPNOPS.

Desperate to calm down the burning I cleaned it off as best as I could and tried to use milk to lessen the burn. I filled two bowls and just laid down on them, finally finding sweet, sweet relief. That's when my partner came in and, as testament to his character, he looked at me and, without missing a beat, went "I don't think that's how you're supposed to eat cereal, you could have just yold me to buy more milk."