#ticklish!bones

"You know, Bones," he started, "I don't think I've ever heard you laugh. Really laugh." Bones was about to say something back when Uhura chimed in.

"You know what, he's right. I don't think I've ever heard it either."

"You sayin' my joke wasn't good enough, McCoy," Scotty asked with a poke to the side of the doctor's ribs, causing him to twitch.

"I smiled! Spock didn't do anything!"

"Yeah, but that's Spock!" Kirk earned himself a raised eyebrow from the half-Vulcan and a laugh from everyone else. Except McCoy.

"What does your real laugh sound like anyway?"

"Sulu," Chekov said, "I have a feeling you'd have to come up with the galaxy's greatest joke to find out!" McCoy, finally smiling and giving into their jests, lightheartedly agreed. The rest of the crew, other than Spock, chuckled as the doctor bid them good night and dismissed himself to his quarters.

"Come up with the greatest joke, eh, Chekov? Where would you even get that," Scotty asked. Suddenly the room went quiet as the twinkle in Kirk's eye spoke for itself.

"Why don't we find out," he asked folding his hands. "Tomorrow, time permitting, we each have all day to make Bones laugh. A real laugh. One we've never heard before. Whatever joke makes him laugh like that is the galaxy's greatest joke. Agreed?" As Kirk looked around, he noticed the twinkles in his friends' eyes, matching his. "I'll take that as a 'yes.'"

"And the prize for the funniest joke," Uhura asked. There was a beat of silence until Chekov popped out -

"Losers give their dessert to the winner at dinner tomorrow." Spock rose an eyebrow.

***

The next day, Bones was very confused as to why Sulu and Chekov waltzed into his sickbay healthy and unharmed with loopy grins on their faces as they stared at him. He put down his pen and figured his padd could wait a moment.

"Uhh...can I help you with somethin-" He was cut off by "Take Me Out to the Ballgame" playing through the room, and he didn't even know where it was coming from. His head turning, trying to find a speaker almost made the comedians in the room laugh, but they had a challenge to complete and desserts to win. Suddenly, they broke into a rendition of "Who's On First," a classic Bones knew from the twentieth century. He chuckled at the right times, smiled when he should, and lovingly shook his head at the two throughout their obviously rehearsed performance.

"What," Chekov asked when they finished and McCoy hadn't really laughed.

"It was funny," he said, "but I really do have to get back to work now." He gave his full attention back to the pen and padd and the two left just a hair disappointed.

Throughout Bones' day he was met with little incidents like that. Not as elaborate, but little incidents where his friends tried to make him laugh. Scotty had a never-ending supply of puns up his sleeve about almost every subject. When those failed, he pulled out the doctor and medical puns.

They did nothing.

Uhura, on the other hand, would start a joke, but would start laughing and could never finish it. Ironically, that got the doctor giggling more than any of the others' efforts. But still not the hearty laugh they were after.

Later, as Spock was leaving after his physical, McCoy decided to ask.

"Spock, do you happen to know what's going on?" He turned.

"I believe I am returning to my station, Doctor."

"Funny. It's just everyone has been telling me jokes all day - and that's fine, don't get me wrong - but it's all they've been saying to me - Sulu, Scotty, Uhura, and Chekov, I mean." Spock raised an eyebrow, then the other.

"Ah, yes. The Captain organized a challenge after you left last night. Whoever can make you 'really laugh' before dinner tonight wins and gets desserts from the losers."

"Of course he did," he said with a hand on his forehead. "Thank you, Spock, you're free to go." He turned again and left, and McCoy sat at his desk. He thought about what was said the previous night.

"You know, Bones, I don't think I've ever heard you laugh. Really laugh."

"You know what, he's right. I don't think I've ever heard it either."

Did he really laugh that little?

***

With two minutes until dinner, Kirk hadn't gotten his chance yet - he hadn't been able to leave the Bridge. The others had told him about their failed attempts all day, and he felt a little disappointed that he wouldn't get to at least try. He'd had a lot of "dad jokes" stored in the back of his mind since he woke up. The doors behind him opened.

"You know, Jim," said the doctor's familiar voice, "I appreciate what you're trying to do and all but, it's really not -"

"At least let him try," Scotty said.

"If you're gonna try, Captain," Sulu said, looking at his console, "you have about thirty seconds." Kirk stood and started walking toward his friend.

"So, two guys -" McCoy cut him off.

"Jim, I just don't have the same sense of humor as the rest of you, and that's okay."

"Twenty seconds."

"Come on, Bones. What do you call a -"

"Jim, really, it's okay. Besides, despite being a dad, dad jokes don't work on me."

"Ten seconds." How did he even know Kirk was going for dad jokes? He thought about last night, and the joke Scotty told. He almost smiled himself. He remembered Scotty teasing Bones and poking his ribs.

He remembered the twitch.

"Five seconds." Was he really going to try it?

"Four seconds." It wasn't a joke.

"Three." But at this point, he just wanted to hear it.

"Two." Adrenaline suddenly overtook Jim, and without a further thought, he reached out and dug into his ribs. McCoy instantly pulled up his hands to protect himself with a hearty, "HAHA!"

"One. Time."

"Hahaha! Alrihit, Jim. You gohot me," he laughed. His laugh seemed so un-Bones-like. So happy and care-free. It sounded as if all the weight that he carried was suddenly taken off him, never to return. A laugh that none of them had heard before from him.

"Do you want some help, Captain," Uhura asked. "He's held out on us for long enough," she said, gently scratching at the back of his neck.

"I'll help," said Scotty, going for his belly. Bones never protested.

"Me too!" He never asked them to stop.

"And me," said Sulu. He never regretted it. It wasn't until Kirk found his underarms and he lost the ability to stand that the rest of them started laughing too. Well, all except Spock, who had long since left the Bridge for dinner.

Speaking of which, at dinner, no one had to give away their dessert, since they couldn't find the greatest joke. Bones, however, did swipe Jim's piece of pie - "that's not on your diet card" - and walked away with it as Jim gaped and thought this was probably the first step in an attempt at revenge. At his stunt, Bones was laughing the same laugh he laughed on the Bridge.

Medbay falls quiet. Jim opens his mouth to speak, but closes it again. Bones pinches the bridge of his nose and takes a sharp breath. 

“I’m sorry. Bones, c’mere. I’m sorry. I didn’t know.” Jim reaches for him feebly. Bones inches closer and lets Jim pull him into a shaky hug. He rubs his back, carefully avoiding new bandages and old scars. 

“I can’t—you’ve got a big heart, alright? I get it. But it can’t cost you your life. Not like this.” Bones rests his forehead against the crown of Jim’s head. Every inch of him feels raw, like a fresh burn. 

“Are we good?” Jim murmurs. Bones heaves a sigh. 

“I will be, long as you don’t die on me in the next five minutes. You’re staying overnight for observation.” Bones points at him threateningly. Jim smiles. 

“Roger that.” Jim keeps his arms looped around Bones’s waist. Neither of them are ready to let go just yet.

A bright pink lump pops up out of the collar of Jim’s shirt, a tentacle slapping onto his shoulder, and Bones screams loud enough to wake the dead. He grabs the first thing he can reach—a bedpan, unfortunately—and brandishes it. 

“Woah! Friendly! Bones, he’s friendly!” Jim holds out his hand to keep Bones at bay. The furry…thing disappears behind Jim’s shoulder. It fucking scuttles. There’s a creature in his office. He’s going to burn down the entire ship. 

“You scared him.” Jim frowns. 

“I scared him?!” Bones shrieks hysterically, still clutching the bedpan. Jim gestures for him to lower the bedpan. Bones does no such thing. 

“It’s alright, lil guy. He won’t hurt you. Come say hi.” Jim looks over his shoulder at it and whistles. 

A pink tendril smacks onto Jim’s face, then another onto his shirt, and the creature peeks over his shoulder. It’s a fuzzy, fluffy thing that’s the size of a small dog. It’s shaped like a strange starfish—one side is pink and soft, the other is bright orange and covered in an unsettling array of little nubs. It uses them to get around, it looks like, judging by the way it vacuum-clings onto Jim. 

It blinks with one big eye, cartoonishly sparkly, and makes a warbly sound. 

“Bones, this is Peebles. Peebles, Bones.” Jim gestures between the two of them. The creature—Peebles chirps and waves a tendril in greeting. Bones slowly waves back, dumbstruck. 

“Can it understand you?” 

“I have no idea,” Jim coos in a proud-parent voice, the same one Bones used to use when baby Joanna would babble nonsense at him. It disarms him. 

“What…is it?” Bones puts down the bedpan and moves a bit closer. Jim offers his finger to Peebles and it wraps a tendril around it. 

“I don’t know. But he’s sweet and he was so scared, Bones. I couldn’t leave him. I just couldn’t.” Jim tugs on the edge of Bones’s lab coat. Peebles makes a quiet chirping noise and folds himself into the crook of Jim’s neck. 

“He likes you.”

“Yeah he’s a bit—“ Jim pulls Peebles off of him with a faint pop— “Clingy, but it’s cute. I don’t mind.”

“What if it’s just…suckering up to you to eat you?” Bones gestures vaguely. Peebles crawls back onto Jim’s shoulder and flops down, purring loudly. Jim raises his eyebrow.

“Don’t look at me like that! We don’t know what it is! You violated a whole chapter of regulations by bringing it on board.” Bones lowers his voice to a hiss. 

“Bones, it’s purring.” Jim reaches up and tangles his fingers in the bright pink fur. Peebles scoots down and suctions to Jim’s chest, visibly vibrating. 

“Don’t come crying to me when it burrows into your chest and…multiplies, or something.” Bones huffs and narrows his eyes at it.

“I’m begging you to stop watching those old movies. They were made centuries ago. This little guy isn’t a xenocron—“

“Xenomorph—“

“Whatever. He’s harmless and you’re paranoid.” Jim cradles the creature to his chest. 

“I’m reporting this to Spock.” Bones sniffs indignantly. 

“Narc,” Jim mutters. Bones presses his thumb slightly into one of his bruises and he yelps.

“I’m writing you up for malpractice.” Jim swats at him. 

“You do that.” Bones pats his shoulder, then gently pushes him down against the bed to rest. 

…

“Captain. Doctor.” Spock nods at them both. “I have found more information regarding the unidentified creature that you acquired.” 

Peebles perks up shyly behind Jim’s shoulder, blinking at Spock. 

“Hello.” He nods at it. Peebles chirps happily and scuttles a little further into view. 

“It seems to closely resemble the pisaster genus of sea stars, commonly hailing from Earth and other planets with similar oceanic conditions. But this creature is markedly different. I could not find any Federation record of it.” Spock takes out a holopad and taps on it. With a tossing motion, he pulls an image off the screen and brings it into the air before them. Holographic images of sea stars flash in comparison with a small 3D scan of Peebles.

“This creature--”

“His name is Peebles, Spock.” Jim smirks. Spock stares blankly before turning back to the hologram. 

“While it is true that it possesses venom, the creature is no more dangerous than a common housecat. It is incapable of administering enough toxin to cause significant damage to humanoids. Its barbs can be quite painful, but they are not life-threatening.” 

“There you have it. Thank you, Spock.” Jim grins smugly. Bones scowls. 

“Anytime, Captain. I am here to answer any additional questions as you decide on a course of action.” Spock’s face almost passes for neutral, but Bones knows his mischief too well. 

“What does it eat? Living flesh?” Bones jabs, glaring at the fuzzy pink lump trying to play with the pretty lights. 

“We are unsure at this time. It has a sensitive, porous dermal layer, but no mouth. I hypothesize that it uses the same protrusions to feed as it does to navigate. A full scan would be required to glean more.” Spock gazes at Peebles. Peebles blinks his big, sparkly eye up at Spock in wonder. He makes a swipe at Spock’s face, then his ear, trying to transfer hosts, but Spock quickly steps out of range. Peebles whimpers.

“So he’s harmless?” Jim cuddles Peebles back to him and soothes him like an infant. 

“Negligibly. I would avoid testing that hypothesis, Captain.” Spock gives Jim a very knowing look that momentarily satisfies Bones…at least until he catches Peebles reaching for him. He scowls and scoots back.

“Still shouldn’t keep it. It could carry all kinds of diseases.” 

“Thanks to Federation advancements in vaccinations, Peebles poses little risk to us by way of disease transmission. But I am sure you already knew that, doctor.” Spock’s eyebrow raises ever-so-slightly. Bones crosses his arms. Jim lights up at the use of the little guy’s name. 

“Well, that’s two against one. If you’ll excuse me, I’m gonna try and figure out what this guy eats before he stabs me. C’mon, buddy.” Jim stands and scoops him up. Peebles waves at Bones, its eye curving in some approximation of joy. Flabbergasted, he waves back.

He doesn’t get paid enough for this.

…

Bones knows Jim’s scream better than he knows himself. So when he hears it in the middle of the night, it shreds something inside of him. He’s at Jim’s door in a second, medkit in hand, using his key to unlock the door. He stumbles in before it opens all the way, chest heaving--

Jim holds Peebles aloft, face-flushed, while the little devil attempts to wriggle out of its grip. Grasping tendrils curl up Jim’s arm, way too long, and wrench for purchase. Suction-cupped indents cover his bare torso, an angry pinkish-red against his already rising blush. 

“So, uhm—“ Jim swallows nervously— “I figured out what he eats.”

“We are sending that thing back where it came from, end of discussion.” Bones seethes. 

“Sit.” Jim narrows his eyes.

“Jim—“

“Sit, Bones.” Jim risks letting go of Peebles with one hand to pat the space next to him. 

Bones does as he’s told. His eyes rove over Jim’s bare torso, checking for injuries. He doesn’t like the faint red marks smattering Jim’s skin, ones that the creature has clearly left in its wake, but…he’s unharmed. Visibly, anyhow. That brings Bones some measure of relief. 

“Watch. And don’t…just keep your mouth shut, alright?”

“I’ll do what I damn well please with my mouth,” Bones snaps, his filter waning with his stress and lack of sleep. Jim blushes a pretty pink. Some devilish urge in Bones wants to chase that expression further, but he opts to maintain his dignity. 

“Listen. Something tells me you’re already fed, you little shit--” Jim levels a finger at Peebles and it's immediately wrapped in a tendril-- “but I’ll let you have dessert. You’re lucky you’re cute.”

Peebles chirps and starts shimmying again. Jim heaves one long, belabored sigh, and lowers Peebles to his stomach. He lays on his back, shifts to get comfortable, then spreads his arms.

“Alright, have at it.” 

Peebles launches with ferocity and Jim screams. Bones screams and leaps for him, but he pauses when he hears…a snort?

Bones shifts on the bed for a better angle. Jim is twitching like a man possessed, his hand hovering over the mass of Peebles on his stomach. Jim breaks out into giggles that leap with each twist, until he finally curls up and laughs in earnest. 

Oh. Oh.

“Is it...tickling you?” Bones breaks out in a grin that he’s grateful Jim can’t see. Peebles scuttles over his side and Jim yelps, rolling over onto his stomach. He tries to answer, but all that escapes him are broken syllables and the sweetest of smiles.

Bones can’t help but smile wider. He has a certain quota of ridiculousness that he can tolerate, alright, and Jim accidentally bringing a tickle monster on board takes the cake but...it's nice to see him like this. Smiling. Jim's true joy is a rare luxury, these days.

Peebles crawls up Jim’s back, dodging his flailing hands and making soft, bouncy, strange little noises. Breathy, almost, and uncanny--

Peebles wriggles down into the space between Jim’s shoulderblades and the hypothesis is confirmed--Jim’s resulting screech echoes twice. Peebles is mimicking him. 

“Want help?” Bones has to shout over Jim’s shrieking. The whole wing must be awake by now, but Bones can’t bring himself to care about anything but that damned smile of his. 

Jim nods frantically, reaching for Bones. 

“Let him go, you greedy brat.” Bones worms his fingers under Peebles and gets another giggly shriek in return. Bones pats Jim’s arm in apology. 

Peebles dislodges with a pop and a contented purr. Jim flops over, throwing a hand over his face. Peebles slips from Bones’s fingers and nestles into Jim’s chest, just over his heartbeat. Both of them exhale together.

“See? Harmless?” Jim hums, beaming. Bones is too busy committing the expression to memory to argue with him.

…

When Peebles gets his own personnel file, Bones knows the fight is lost. He’s listed in the records as a captain’s aide, the ridiculousness of which sparks amused chatter for days. People salute Peebles as he scuttles around, and he chirps and does the same. It is…admittedly cute. A little. 

They set up little heated nests for him in nearly every corner, desperately trying to keep him out of the vents and maintenance tunnels. Eventually, Chekhov fashions him a collar with a tag on it—just to keep an eye on his whereabouts. A few scrapes with heavy machinery and slamming auto doors lead Bones to set up a med file for him too. Pisaster Tremulus--Spock’s approximation of a designation based on Peebles’s pheromone diet--gets filed under Jim. Bones starts to worry that he might need a veterinary license. 

The crew tours Peebles around the ship enough that he learns to navigate it on his own without more door mishaps. Turns out that he doesn’t need a human guide, but he prefers it. He seems to like being up high. 

His love for being up high seems to peak with Bones, who he’s imprinted on for some reason. Bones can’t go a minute without little chirps or clicks from some corner of his office It’s better than peeling him out of a doorframe, wailing a little too much like a human child. Bones has gotten used to tentacles gripping needily on his back.

Like now, for example, when Peebles has decided that his shoulder is the only place he can sit while Bones finalizes paperwork for the crew’s physicals. Everyone but Jim is done. Saving the best for last, he thinks wryly. Peebles chirps at him, then whines.

“Hey, lil fella.” Bones reaches up and gives Peebles a fond scritch. When he goes to pull his hand away, Peebles latches on and pulls it back—like a cat, demanding to be pet. Bones chuckles and obliges with one hand, but he calls Jim with the other. 

“Jim, did you feed your son today?” 

“Why?”

“He’s beeping at me.” Bones tries to pull away. Peebles does not allow it. 

“I think he just likes ya, Bones.”

“Sure. Your physical is in five. Do not be late.” Bones holds up his file. Jim rolls his eyes. 

“Aye aye, doctor.” 

The line disconnects. Bones collapses into his seat and starts sifting through the files, attempting to make a pass at organizing them. Is this his job? No. Will it drive him up the wall if he doesn’t do it himself? Absolutely.

He gets to the ‘C’s in relative peace, but by the time he hits Chekhov’s file, Peebles gets restless again. He starts shifting and making soft noises, passing feathery-soft fur just past Bones’s ears in maddening patterns. 

Bones shivers. 

The touch returns, more purposeful this time. It occurs to him that Jim did not answer his question earlier. 

“Alright, you little bathmat.” Bones tugs at Peebles. “Off ya hop.”

Peebles does not hop. Instead, he nuzzles into the crook of Bones’s neck. One appendage slaps across his throat, curving just below his Adam’s Apple. The others splay across his collarbones, chest, and back. Were they always that long? No, right…?

A smile pries its way onto his lips. He stifles a chuckle into his fist, but the intrigued chitter at his shoulder does not bode well for him. 

Bones jams his shoulders up to his ears. He reaches up to pry Peebles away again, losing his strength to laughter and caution (alright, he doesn’t want to hurt the little guy, sue him). Peebles seems to take this as an invitation to scuttle under his lab coat. 

Wiggling nubs make contact with his ribcage and Bones’s knees fully give out. He curls up at his desk, muffling his laughter into the surface of it. 

“I’m here early, I want a lollipop—“ 

“Fetch your beast.” Bones looks up from his desk, regrettably smiling, and Jim stops right in his tracks. A mischievous smirk crosses his features. 

“No, I don’t think I will.” Jim crosses his arms and leans against the counter. Bones opens his mouth to chastise him and all that comes out is a squeak. He wants to curse him out, to throw a pen at him, to do anything, but then wiggling touches find the back of his ribcage and he’s toast. 

Peebles is covered in small, tube-like protrusions on one side that are nightmarish to both the eye and skin, apparently. They move gently, independently, like a flock of curious pokes directly to his nervous system.

He writhes like a madman in his chair, torn between hiding his face and defending himself. He reaches for Peebles and the crafty little thing skitters right across his torso. He cackles, burying his face in his hands. 

“Alright, buddy. That’s enough. Let him go.” Jim pulls Peebles off of Bones. The lump of fuzz hangs in his arms like a cat that’s been scruffed before using its limbs to scuttle up Jim’s arms. 

“I forgot you could still do that.” Jim pokes Bones in the ribs with his pen. He jumps and snatches it back. 

“What?”

“Smile.” Jim darts a hand out and squeezes Bones’s thigh. Bones cackles and falls out of his chair. Jim doubles over and wheezes into a hiccuping giggle fit. 

“Laugh it up, you ass. Provoke me before your physical.” Bones cracks his knuckles. Jim stills. 

“Bones, have mercy.” Jim holds his hands out in immediate surrender. 

“No, I don’t think I will,” Bones says in a nasal mockery of Jim’s voice. Jim splutters in offense, then laughter as Bones shoves his hands under his arms. Peebles settles on Jim’s stomach and his voice spikes desperately. 

“Oh, look, I’ve got an assistant! On a scale of one to ten, how much do you regret being a little shit?” Bones scratches ruthlessly at Jim’s top rib. Jim clamps his arms down like it’ll help. Like Bones hasn’t done this dance with him for years. 

“T-Two and a half!” Jim giggles violently, more at the narrowing of Bones’s eyes than the dance of his fingers. 

“Hmm, condition could be improved. Don’t worry, I’ll fix that.” Bones grins evilly, his fingers crawling rapidly towards Jim’s back. 

“Oh god,” Jim whines, “it’s like you’re inside of my head.”

“Kid, the bridge has been tryin’ to contact you for ages,” Bones replies, “you sleep like a rock.”

“What?” Jim is suddenly jumping off the bed, grabbing a shirt from the floor and pulling it on. He tumbles to the door, not even bothering to grab shoes, hoping and praying he doesn’t step on anything sharp.

He almost runs into a wall on his way there, screeching around the corner, skipping the elevator to the bridge in favour of dashing up the stairs. 

When he gets to the top, panting and red in the face, all eyes land on him, clad in a wine-stained t-shirt and a pair of boxers. 

“What’s going on?” Jim asks, out of breath, eyes flicking between Spock and Sulu.

“Nothing, Captain,” Spock reassures, tilting his head to the side, “I believe you are meant to be on rest from yesterday’s planetary visit.”

“I was, Mr. Spock,” Jim agrees, his face still red, but this time for other reasons. “I had been informed by Dr. McCoy that the bridge had been trying to contact me.”

“That is incorrect, Captain. I believe that Dr. McCoy may have been attempting to engage in what you humans would call a ‘prank’.”

“Damn right, Spock,” Bones exclaims from behind Jim, causing the blond to turn around with a jump.

“I’m going to kill you,” Jim says, glaring daggers through Bones, “I’m actually going to kill you, today will be the actual day of your death, Bones.”

“Actually no, Jim,” Bones says with a smirk, “today is the actual day of your physical.”

“Oh my fucking god,” Jim grunts “you did not wake me up on my morning off to give me a physical.”

“Thing is, kid," Bones pauses for dramatic effect, "I did.” Jim wishes he could wipe the smirk clean off of Bones’ face, wishes he could rewind time to being asleep in his quarters, and Bones just keeps talking and talking. “You were on some mysterious planet yesterday. You gotta get a checkup.”

Jim rolls his eyes, but makes a move to obediently follow Bones, a first for the stubborn captain. 

“Nice boxers!” Uhura shouts as the elevator door closes, leaving Jim and Bones alone inside.

“I’m going to kill you,” Jim grits, looking straight ahead.

“Oh c’mon, Jimmy boy, it was just a prank,” Bones reasons, poking Jim in the ribs.

Jim jumps away with a shriek, somehow looking even angrier when he recovers. “You’re done for.”

“Whatever you say, Jim, whatever you say,” Bones brushes off.

Jim continues to follow Bones obediently throughout the hallways, and, in hindsight, this should’ve been the first sign to Bones that he might actually be in trouble. 

Jim enters the medbay without a single quip or comment, obediently sitting in the chair next to Bones’ desk. Bones turns around to shut the door behind them, and when he turns back, Jim is right there, looming in front of him.

“One of us is getting a physical today, Bones, and it’s not me,” Jim says, a menacing grin starting to form on his face.

“Jim, it’s perfectly reasonable for me to give you a physical after you nearly got stranded on some strange planet,” Bones attempts to reason, backing up, his back hitting the wall.

“Oh yeah, Bones?” Jim asks, getting closer, “was it perfectly reasonable to wake me up on my morning off? To make me enter the bridge in my pajamas?”

“Well, I- wahahait, Jihihihihim!” Bones squeals when Jim goes directly for his hips, the door supporting his body weight as he tries to grab for Jim’s hands. “STAHAP!”

“I don’t think so, Bones,” Jim says calmly, “play stupid games, win stupid prizes.”

“Stuhuhuhpid gahahames? I’d sahahay hilahahrious!” Bones giggles, squirming and wiggling in an attempt to escape the space Jim has trapped him in.

“Hilarious? You want hilarious?”

Jim’s fingers speed down to Bones’ knees, squeezing over both of them at the same time, and Bones goes boneless, collapsing to the ground with Jim looming over to of him.

“JIHIHIM!” Bones screeches, kicking his legs, “STAHAP IHIHIT YOU BRAHAHAT!”

“Now I’m just confused, Bones. You wanted hilarious and you seem pretty hysterical to me right now, shouldn’t you be glad?”

Jim very rarely tickled Bones, he never had the energy to turn the tables during a session, and he turned to jello after one, so he never could get revenge on Bones. Bones had no idea that Jim was so good at teasing, and it made his nerves feel all the more sensitive, his face turning bright red the more Jim spoke.

Jim moved his hands up to Bones’ ribs, relishing in the way the doctor snorted and flailed, before deciding to deliver the worst of the tickles. One hand went back down to Bones’ knees, while the other shot up to his armpit, and Bones absolutely howled.

“JIHIM! FUHUHUCKIN STAHAHAP!” Bones shrieked, arching his back and desperately flailing. 

“Say you’re sorry,” Jim says, reprimanding Bones like an adult would a child. Just the way Jim says it makes him want to say no, makes him want to stick out his tongue in mockery. 

Instead, Bones finds himself quickly buckling, unable to handle the sensations. “I’M SOHORRY! IHIHIM SOHOHORRY! JIHIHIM!”

Jim slows to a stop, laughing as Bones desperately tries to catch his breath, panting against the door. 

“You- you’re a menace, kid,” Bones pants.

“Me?” Jim asks indignantly, “you’re the one that decided to wake me up on my morning off!”

Bones barks out a laugh, “okay, you got me on that one.”

Jim rolls his eyes, standing up and dusting himself off. Once Bones has caught his breath, he joins Jim, leaning against the door for stability.

“So,” Bones starts, and Jim raises an eyebrow, “physical?”

With a groan and a tired chuckle, Bones rubbed at his eyes and put his hands on top of hers. Just like her brother, the enthusiasm of (Y/N) Kirk could kick in rather early on a normal day. On birthdays, it was automatically doubled and quadrupled. He hadn’t expected this to be a means to get to him, since he was a rather … broody type of person. But he’d become their personal overprotective extra brother pretty much immediately after arriving at the Academy. As if their blind enthusiasm had grown a kind of perma-worry in his chest that now linked him to these two siblings irrevocably. He’d grown accustomed to it, to them, to pulling them back by their collars when they were about to crush into things while talking excitedly, to getting jumped on, clapped on, attack-hugged or tickle attacked on a basis that could drive other people nuts. He didn’t want to be without it anymore. So as his stomach was probably turning purple from knee-onslaught and his head spinning slightly from hands shaking him on his mattress, he only smiled and said : « Happy birthday to you as well, (Y/N). »

(Y/N) Kirk let out a sound of annoyance, which only added all the more to Bones’ amusement as the shaking of his body intensified to a level that was close to making him nauseous. « That’s not how happy birthdays work, Bones. »

« No? »

« No! »

« Bugger. I was just trying to be poli- HITE. » He jolted violently when the hands on his chest wandered to his sides to tweak them, a strangled squeak escaping his lungs, making (Y/N) laugh at him. With a soft sigh he could only roll his eyes. Of course, she wouldn’t allow him a moment of preparation, before going straight for what she called the birthday tickles. Neither he nor Jim were safe from them and neither of them would have wanted a single birthday without them - but, of course, the struggle was part of the game.

« Would you at least give me the chance to regain my breathing first? » Bones asked, holding his hands up defensively, « You little flipper are much heavier now than the first time you did this. »

« Excuse me? »

It was impossible for Bones to suppress his chuckles when (Y/N) let out the most insulted howl out of nowhere, her hands trying to worm their way past his defensive ones to get at the sensitive spots on his neck. He managed to avoid her attack by interlacing their fingers, but found himself yapping for air yet again when instead, she made herself extra heavy on his stomach.

« You talk of being polite! Say that again, old man? »

« OW, ohohow, okay, OKAY! You’re not heavy! You’re strong! STRONG! And I’m SUFFOCATING! » Smirking, she shifted her weight further down to his hips, allowing him to dramatically gasp for air without letting go of her hands. He was aware that his upperbody was out in the open now with nowhere to go and nothing to protect him from her quick, agile fingers but his thin grey sleep shirt. He was already breathless from fooling around with her. How was he supposed to take what was about to come for him?

« You are just trying to distract me from my very important morningly Bones birthday duties, but that simply won’t work. »

Having grown accustomed to the darkness, he could see (Y/N) rather well now, her face looming above him with that shit eating grin plastered right on top of it. He couldn’t keep from shifting nervously. She had tickled him into hysterics numerous times already and as it was all in good fun and he always got his revenge on her, he could never quite overcome the dread that accompanied being on the receiving end. She knew exactly how to get the best reactions from him and while he did enjoy the strike-and-defend part of the game and to a degree also the laughing, he did feel his heart drop in his pants at the idea of being unprotected. He wasn’t scared of her or Jim making him uncomfortable in any way, but the anticipation of being defenseless never stopped to get his hysterics kicking in.

When (Y/N) started moving her hands now to get them out of his grip, his heart immediately pounded faster and nervous, uncontrollable chuckles escaped him.

« Can’t we just skip this part? » He started negotiating, his voice sounding breathless from the effort of holding in his panicked laughter - more or less. Jim’s younger sister grinned like it was actually her birthday and not his. Something about this ritual of theirs told him that she anticipated both days identically.

« Absolutely not. »

He puffed his cheeks out in concentration when she tried to free one hand from his grip by aiming to grasp his wrist and pulling it away. He was fortunately too strong for her to succeed. They were both partially coughing out laughs, partially gasping from their battle of strength.

« No way that we can go right to the part where I get cake and presents? »

« Out of the question. »

A yelp escaped him, when her hands suddenly shot down and he almost didn’t manage to stop her from reaching his stomach. The panicked hiccups of laughter didn’t exactly help, but at least the same giddy noises were weakening her attacks.

Suddenly Bones had an idea. « Truth, truth, truth! »

« Are you kidding me? »

He suppressed a smirk, when he saw the surprise flicker over her face in the dark.

« At least for the amount of time it takes to turn on the lights. » He explained, panting way more than he’d like to admit, simply due to the bit of wrestling.

« Hmmm. » (Y/N) made, narrowing her eyes at him quizzically. « And you promise not to pull anything while I reach for it? »

« Faithfully. » An innocent grin on his face, he opened his hands, allowing her fingers to detangle themselves from his. Oh, he would pull the biggest anything he was capable of. Self-defense and all. The only way to win a tickle fight against the Kirks was to strike back early on and render them giggly and curly without mercy before they could do the same to you.

« Fine. » (Y/N) said, glaring at him a moment longer before she made the quickest possible reach for the light switch next to his bed - a speed that would have made warp specialists gasp in admiration - and ended up squealing almost instantly when his hands shot up to attach themselves to her underarms. Like a little hedgehog she immediately curled in on herself and crumbled on his chest in a heap of shrieks and giggles. Her accusing laughter worked like magic on him, making his heart weigh lighter and his own smile spread out wider than before. That sound was one of the best gifts to receive on his birthday.

« Ohhhhh, now you’ll get it. Now, you’ll see! Not so cocky anymore, huh? »

« YOU- YOU LIAR!! » Her laughter grew in intensity as his fingers continued their wiggling under her clamped down arms. Helplessly, she was trying to hit him to get free, while also keeping her arms close to her body which looked incredibly funny and didn’t really lead to the desired results. All he had to do was continue the wiggling to turn her into a giggly mess. And he was happy to continue doing just that.

« Thanks for turning on the lights for me, sweetie. Would be a shame if I couldn’t see that shiny smile of yours. » With the widest smirk, he looked on as she danced from left to right on his chest, squeaking and laughing ceaselessly. He couldn’t really see her smile since she was burying her face in his chest, but the crinkles in the corners of her eyes, the reddened cheeks and the blinking of her teeth didn’t go unnoticed.

« Now who needs cake when I have a ticklish little Kirk right here? » (Y/N) screamed deafeningly when he leaned in closer to growl into her ticklish neck, threatening to bite it, as she kept on flopping around on his chest like a fish out of water.

« Dohoohohohon’t!!! »

« Don’t what? Don’t stop?

He was beaming as she struggled to get out another word, so close to rolling off of him and ending up in exactly the position he tried to trap her in to wreck her completely before her brother would show up. But the mechanical doors opened again before he managed to go through with his plan.

Jim gasped in utter exasperation and raced to the bed. « Did you start the birthday tickles without me?? »

« JIM!! HEHHELP ME!! » (Y/N) squealed in ticklish agony, as Bones blew the worst raspberry under her chin, almost failing at keeping him pinned under her. Getting a good look at her sparkling eyes narrow with laughter and her bright, bright smile, Bones felt such a twang of affection for Jim’s younger sister that he did not notice him sitting down on his shins, until wily, evil fingers were scribbling over his knees like armadas of spiders.

« Unhand my sister, evil older doctor! »

Bones bucked his hips up and yelled out incoherent protests at the sudden ticklish sensations, pulling his hands out from underneath (Y/N)’s arms to try and push her off. But she was back to warp speed, gripping his wrists and starting yet another fight for the upper hand. Bones was holding against her attempts of pinning his arms while his legs were trying helplessly to kick off one Jim Kirk whose ticklish onslaught was weakening him more than he liked.

« JIM! Noonononononono, » he kept shouting to prevent his stomach from giving into the twitching, bubbling urge to break out into high-pitched giggles, knowing all too well that laughing wouldn’t do him any good in his current position. But Jim knew how to push his buttons and he did not feel any obligation to leave them unpushed.

« They’re not called birthday tickles for nothing, Bones. It’s YOUR birthday. »

And with that, his younger best friend got a good grip on these two specific spots on the sides of his thighs, just above his knees, and was digging into them as if there were no tomorrow. All hell broke loose. Bones started howling with laughter, too distracted by the overwhelming sensations to successfully continue fighting off the younger Kirk. One of his arms was down in a heartbeat, his unprotected left side used as a scrapbook for (Y/N)’s scribbling fingers.

« NOHOHOHOHO, » His protests turned much louder when his laughter kicked in, his voice almost timidly high when he managed to shout out a word through the uncontrollable wave of wholehearted giggles right from the center of his chest. « I HAHAAHATE YOUU TWO!!! » He squealed, feeling his eyes turn teary as he pried them open as much as he could while laughing. His head was turning from right to left on his pillow as he sunk down deeper and deeper on the bed in his violent attempts to break free.

« As if! » Jim’s laughter mixed with his own, his fingers way too precise in the targeting of his weak spots, reminding him of just how ticklish he actually was. Unbearably so to make it short.

« JIHIHIHM STAHAHAHP!!! »

No can do. You shriek like a new alien life form when I do this. »

Yeah, but he also kicks like one. » (Y/N) added, as she was struggling to keep him pinned and tickling him at the same time, starting to squeak when he pretty much changed the roles and was the one holding her arm down, aiming at biting it.

STOP BITING ME! » She laughed, her amusement audible as she protested, turning the tickling on his side into hitting. « A LITTLE HELP HERE JIM! »

When (Y/N)s struggles didn’t diminish, Bones could feel Jim’s fingers disappear from his thighs, the young man climbing up higher on the sheets to come to her support.

At least that meant his thighs were save for now, but his upperbody wasn’t exactly an armored wonderland of steel either. He was already squirming harder simply because he could see the faces of both Kirk siblings now and their grinning, mischievous expressions weren’t exactly calming. Slumping against his sister, Jim didn’t hesitate to grab Bones’ free wrist and pin it next to his head, copying what his sister was already doing with the other hand.

Gasping for air, Bones felt too weak at the moment to resist. He was never too weak to complain though.

« Jim, you little wingnut. Did you have to ruin my victory? »

« Victory? I had everything under control. »

Bones chuckled despite his lack of breath when (Y/N) poked him in the side for his comment, both of them too fond of each other to resist the urge to smile for very long.

« I bet you did, sweetheart. » Jim said, not without a trace of irony in his voice. « But I have to say that I feel a little left out at the moment, like I have to make up for the Precious. Time. I already. Missed on this fair. Fair. Morning. » Jim teased, poking Bones in the ribs at every unnecessary break in his sentence, forcing him to squeeze his eyes shut and clench his fists in (Y/N)s grip, hisses and coughs of laughter jumping out of him. Jim stopped with a chuckle and sent a genuine smile his way. « Happy birthday, Bones. »

« Happy birthday my ass. You two are seriously my ultimate demise. » He breathed out as if in defeat. But the corners of his lips twitched when the two of them laughed gently, giving him a breather as Jim bonked his head against his sister’s in greeting.

« You shouldn’t go into battle without me, munchkin. »

« Lesson learned. » She answered, rubbing her head against his in response, as if they were two lion cubs rather than two humans.

Bones made an exceptionally annoying cooing sound at that and had their threatening glances on him again in no time. He gulped, his body growing tense again, his wrists fighting harder for their freedom.

« Now, listen. »

« I’m listening. » « Me too. Intently. »

The nervous hysterics were taking over him again as Jim crawled closer to take over the pinning duties for both of his wrists now, much stronger and much more trained at holding Bones down effectively than (Y/N) was.

« I’m- I’m sure I’ve had enough for one birthday. » Bones stammered, looking on as (Y/N) made a show of cracking her fingers.

« Enough already? Seriously? » Jim asked almost lazily, even though his eyes were glinting mischievously. « But Bones, you’re one year older now. Doesn’t that mean you need even more cheering up than before? »

Bones sent his best friend a glare, trying to pull himself up on the bed in order to get his arms down further for extended protection. But with (Y/N) sitting on his hips and Jim holding him down, he wasn’t going anywhere. And that only made him feel all the more sensitive and exposed. With a sigh he let his head fall back on the pillow.

« You two will be the death of me. »

« You love us. » (Y/N) chuckled and teasingly poked Bones’ ribs again, making him jolt and gasp and send her a glare as well. But when the glare met her giddy face, it softened immediately and he knew he was doomed, because he was all too conscious of the fact that he would do anything to see that smile. And apparently, (Y/N) and Jim had the same sentiment about his.

« Is it love though? » He asked suddenly, in a voice way too airy for his momentary position, considering the fact that he was about as helpless as a starship next to a black hole. He could see the siblings exchange a meaningful glance, but who was he to stop provoking them? « I suppose brainrot is a better word for it, or straight on a seriously questionable part of my self-care, considering the fact what I am putting up with, simply because- »

The end of his sentence fell short when (Y/N)’s fingers decided to dig right back into his sides, ten fingers wiggling into his exposed ticklish spots, causing his hips to buck up in shock and his voice to elicit a shrieky « NO! » before deep, booming laughter demanded the air in his lungs, making further commentary on brainrot impossible.

He squeezed his eyes shut against the unbearable sensations, tossed his head from left to right and pulled at his arms like crazy, but Jim merely laughed, forcing him back down and cooing, actually cooing at him, making this whole thing all the more bitter-sweet.

« You seriously have no idea how cute you look while you’re being tickled. I love the mix of murderous and giggly, it’s just perfect on you. »

« SHUUHUHUHT UHUHUP, JIM!!! » Bones squealed, when (Y/N)’s fingers found their way across his ribs, giving each of them some special attention before going for his underarms, running her fingers over them in a gentler way, driving him nuts.

« Plehehhease, » he heard himself giggle, much to his own embarrassment, « plehehhehease dohoohohn’t!! »

« Bones, you’re not really helping yourself with your adorable giggles here. » (Y/N) said, her smile audible in her voice as she started scratching at his upper ribs with her fingernails, throwing him into hysterics again, bucking and fighting under her without managing to break free or to put a halt on her attack, his brain definitely undergoing some kind of rot as he himself turned into jelly on his bed.

« JHIIHM LET ME GHOOH!! LET GOHOHO!! » His laughter made his attempted threatening tone sound way too harmless, as he pulled at his arms, tried to weasel his way out by robbing further to the right. He only succeeded in stretching his arms out more and blocking his own sight, so he quickly fell back in the middle of the bed, the tingly sensations on his stretched out stomach too intense to keep from bucking and tossing around harder than before.

« NOHOHOT THEHEHRE!! » He shrieked, his laughter kicking up a notch, when (Y/N)’s fingers brushed that one spot on the left side of his stomach that was so ticklish, he actually managed to get his left arm out of Jim’s grip.

« WOW! » Jim shouted in surprise, laughing at the doctor’s reaction and suddenly losing the other arm as well, weakening himself due to getting pretty much infected with Bones’ giddy giggles.

« JIM NO! » (Y/N) laughed, trying to keep her hands on Bones’ ticklish spots despite his struggling, slapping, grabbling hands that were eager on keeping her from doing.

« I CAN’T! I CAN’T! » Bones laughed helplessly, as (Y/N) still managed to tickle him too much to end his troubles. « NOHOOH MOHOHORE!! I CAHAHAN’T BREATHE!! »

Jim gave up trying to pin Bones back down, and instead added to the ticklish feelings on his stomach by jabbing his fingers into his ribs again, Bones’ arms not capable of protecting his entire upper body against their attacks. His laughter turned silent at that, before flowing out even louder than before, tears pricking at the corners of his eyes, overwhelmed by four hands torturing him at once.

« PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE! » Bones wheezed, his face hurting from laughing so much as the fingers were scribbling over his sides, stomach and ribs without mercy. He could only shake his head wildly anymore, all laughter having turned him defenseless against the ongoing attacks. Weakly, he extended one hand to jab at Jim’s ticklish side, succeeding in gaining a bit of air as the Captain of the Enterprise fell back with surprised yelps of laughter. But when hands were searching for his thighs again, he had to give up.

« OKAY! OKAY! PEACE! I CALL PEACE! » He yelled, his hands flailing all over his upperbody to fight off any further jabs and tweaks. With a laugh (Y/N) stopped her attack immediately, Jim complying as well, groaning at the missed opportunity to make him « shriek like a new alien life form » another time.

(Y/N) slumped down next to him immediately, curling up against his side like a sandbag, exhausted from the wrestling, fighting, tickling. Bones merely had to shrug her nose away from his neck, too riled up and sensitive still from all the ticklish feelings still ghosting over his skin. (Y/N) chuckled and buried her face in his shoulder instead.

« That was fun. »

Bones huffed, as Jim dropped down on his other side, their shoulders touching as he dramatically opened his arms and stared at the ceiling. They were all gasping for breath as smiles were clinging to their faces.

Jim eventually poked into Bones’ shoulder. « I think you cheated. »

Breathing out an airy laugh, he pushed his elbow in his side. « I doubt that’s even possible in tickle fights. Or rather tickle slaughter. » He sent (Y/N) a meaningful glare, grinning when she burst out laughing,

« You are both being very dramatic. »

« I’m allowed to. It’s my birthday and I just got tickled out of my damn mind. »

« And I’m the Captain of this ship. I can be dramatic all I want. »

« Sounds legitimate to me. » (Y/N) concluded and grinned to herself as her brothers slowly regained a normal breathing pattern.

« Happy birthday again, Bonesy. No matter how old you get, I doubt you’ll ever be too old to have us do that. »

« Well, isn’t that a happy outsight for the future. » He scoffed, shaking his head about the whole situation, before having to laugh again. « I don’t even know why, but I love you two. »

« Sure it’s not brainrot? » Jim asked.

« Oh hell, it definitely is. But I don’t mind it. Especially when I can always do this. »

« Do what? » Jim asked, his arms still dangerously far spread out as he lay unsuspectingly.

« THIS! »

Jim was a shrieking mess in seconds, Bones thumbs digging ruthlessly into his hips in retaliation while (Y/N) quickly jumped out of the danger zone.

As always, his birthday began with huge amounts of laughter.

How they managed to have these epic, and epically one-sided, tickle wars on these tiny beds without falling off and breaking several bones is a mystery, but it is almost a daily occurrence. Ever since Jim found out that his room mate, best friend, and all around grumpy asshole, was incredibly, adorably, ridiculously ticklish, Jim hadn’t left him alone. It’s been almost two weeks of nonstop pokes to McCoy’s ribs while he’s reading, or squeezing his sides while he’s reaching for the box of bran flakes on top of the fridge, or fingers wiggled inside of his ear (which doesn’t tickle, damn it Jim! It just...feels...weird!). Leonard doesn’t remember the last time he laughed this much (of course he doesn’t, he’s never laughed this much. He hasn’t had an hour of peace since Jim’s little discovery.)

It’s not as tragic as it sounds. For all that McCoy grumps and growls and yells out death threats, he’s never once asked Jim to stop; a fact that Jim has picked up on and has been waiting for the perfect opportunity to taunt him with. Jim’s pretty sure if he plays his cards right he can get his friend to blush, something he would not have thought possible two weeks ago. Judging by how alarmingly fast Bones’s face turns red when Jim is going to town on his ribs, he’s pretty sure the man has a blush hidden in there somewhere.

Naturally, Leonard’s tried to get Jim back. Several times. It’s never ended well for him.

~~

“You are fucking dead!” Jim probably would have taken Bones more seriously if he had bothered to catch his breath before threatening his life. As it were, Bones’s voice with still huffy with the remnants of his laughter, hair tousled and sticking up in the back, dimples so deep they could probably hold a pencil.

“Oh, I’m so scared, Doctor Dimples.” Jim mocked, cocky smile in place as Bones dove for his sides. The good doctor squeezed up and down, wiggling his thumbs into the front of Jim’s stomach much like Jim had done to him moments ago. Jim just reclined back into the couch cushions, hands folded behind his head, as he whistled a song he heard in a holovid the other day.

“You almost done? I have class in fifteen.”

Bones growled in response, fingers moving faster even as they got no reaction from his infuriating best friend.

He missed the way Jim’s entire body tensed up when Bones’s long index fingers wiggled into the backs of his ribs. Thankfully, Bones gave up after another minute, but not before swearing his vengeance

~~

Tuesday was the first day in a very long week that Jim hadn’t pounced on Bones, or surprised him while he was doing homework, ambushed him when he came out of the shower. Naturally, Leonard saw it as an opportunity to get some well-deserved revenge. Maybe, he figured, if he could sneak up on Jim first before Jim got it into his head to tickle him, he’d have the element of surprise on his side and he’d finally get a reaction out of his friend.

Bones was pretending to read a book at the small table in their small kitchen area, conveniently only a few feet from Jim’s bed. His patience paid off when Jim finally got up to use the bathroom, and once the door closed Bones casually readjusted his chair so it was angled facing Jim’s bed, without the table being directly in front of him. A minute later, Bones heard the sink running and then Jim emerged. Bones held his breath, stared at his book, counted to four, and then pounced, tackling Jim into his bed.

Leonard wasted no time, burying his wiggling fingers into Jim’s armpits, searching for a reaction. He heard a snort of laughter and his heart soared, before realizing Jim was laughing at him and not at the tickling sensation. 

“Really Bones?” Jim asked, face squished into his mattress. “Ambushing a guy that just left the bathroom? Have you no shame?”

“You did that to me two days ago.” Bones pointed out, pressing into Jim’s back with his hands as he settled his weight onto the backs of Jim’s thighs. He didn’t notice Jim tensing under his fingers, nor did he catch the quiet huff of relief when Bones started lightly scratching up and down Jim’s ribs.

“Just so you know,” Jim started, craning his neck so he could at least see Bones out of the corner of his eye. “Whatever you do to me right now, I’m going to do to you in about, ohhhhh, two minutes.” He smirked as the smile dropped off Bones’s face, cataloguing every renewed attempt Bones made to get him to crack. The poor guy really brought that one on himself. 

~~

“Give me your feet.” Bones demanded, earning a curiously raised eyebrow from Jim.

“Uhm, why?” Jim asked, even as he shifted sideways on their couch and swung his legs up, feet landing softly in Bones’s lap.

“Because you’ve got to be ticklish somewhere, damn it.” The way Bones said it almost sounded like he was pleading with some unknown presence, and wow he really was getting desperate to get Jim back. (He still, however, hadn’t asked Jim to stop.)

Jim watched as Bones began scratching at the arch of his foot, wrinkling his nose at the feeling. It didn’t tickle so much as it itched. After a few seconds of that Bones grunted before dancing his fingers up to Jim’s toes, making sure to wiggle into the spaces just beneath them. He glanced up at Jim and scowled at the blonde’s smirk, renewing his efforts as he tickled around his ankle.

“So,” Bones could almost hear the shit-eating grin in Jim’s voice, and his head whipped up at the inflection. “Are these all spots that you’re ticklish?” Jim asked, though he had a feeling he already knew the answer. 

Before Bones could answer, Jim had yanked his feet back and the two began an epic wrestling match that ended on the floor of their small dorm, Leonard on his stomach, Jim on the back of his thighs and facing his feet. Jim held Bones’s right foot in a headlock with his left arm as he tickled his sole viciously with his right hand. Bones was begging him to stop after literally five seconds. Jim was quick to coo that that’s the first time Bones has ever asked him to stop.

Jim was right. Bones could blush.

~~~

“Oh, good. Are you going to give me more ideas?” Jim asked, grin wide as Bones finally caught his breath enough to muster up a real glare.

“There’s no way I’m more ticklish than an actual infant.” Bones growled before uncurling from his ball and pouncing. 

“What’s with the theatrics?” Jim asked with a laugh, not doing anything to defend himself as Bones settled onto his back. “I am happy to let you explore, Bones. It’s very telling. You always go after what happens to be a great spot on you.”

Bones huffed and rolled his eyes, even though Jim couldn’t see it from his current facedown position. Bones thought about going for Jim’s neck, figuring there was no harm in that spot since Jim already knew about it. As expected, Jim just closed his eyes and relaxed onto the bed with a smile as Bones tried to take him apart, one wiggle at a time. 

He thought about trying the backs of Jim’s knees, but he wasn’t sure he could take Jim getting revenge there just now. He was too exhausted. 

Where else? Where else? 

Bones idly tapped his fingers on Jim’s back as he weighed the pros and cons of tickling the backs of Jim’s thighs, which contained a multitude of very sensitive nerve endings. It took him a minute to realize Jim had gone stiff under him, and when Bones looked down he realized Jim not had his eyes squeezed tight, and was biting his lip. Bones stilled his fingers and was going to ask what was wrong when Jim let out a sigh of relief and went limp.

And then, it clicked.

“How are you not ticklish?!” Bones growled out, louder than he intended, but he was excited damn it. It was hard to contain himself. He waited until Jim smirked and craned his neck to look back at him before he went to town.

“I guess I ju--nahahaaha-Bo-hohohoh-bones! NO!” Jim cackled, burying his head into the mattress as Bones wiggled his fingers up and down the backs of Jim’s ribs. Jim tried to reach back and knock Bones’s hands away, but he wasn’t in a great position to do so and he merely left an opening for Bones to walk his fingers up into Jim’s armpits. 

“Oh Ho! What’s this!?” Bones asked, gleefully digging into the sensitive hollows of Jim’s underarms. Jim snapped his arms down reflexively, bright bubbly laughter flowing from his mouth as Bones finally finally got his revenge.

“Bo-hohohohoho-ones!” Jim giggled, trying to squirm his way out from under Bones.

“Yeah Jimmy?” Bones asked, grinning wide as he eased up enough that Jim loosened his death grip and let him pull his hands out from under his arms. He wasted no time in reaching behind himself and digging his fingers into the tender flesh at the back of Jim’s thighs. Jim nearly bucked him off he jumped so hard, before dissolving into deep belly laughter.

“I ca-hahahahahaha-can’t!” Jim wheezed, eyes crinkling at the corners as he cackled.

“Sure ya can.” It was Bones’s turn to smirk and he walked his fingers down to the backs of Jim’s knees and lightly scratched at the thin skin there. “I just needed to find that one spot, and now the floodgates are opened.” When he said “one spot” Bones quickly went back to tickling the backs of Jim’s ribs, causing the younger man to shriek before breaking out into high pitched, slightly panicked laughter.

“Now let’s see,” Bones pretended to think as he danced his fingers lightly over the sides of Jim’s neck and ears. Jim scrunched his shoulder up, high pitched giggles falling from his mouth as Bone’s managed to tickle down onto his collarbone. “Where else have you tickled me in the past two weeks?” He asked, hands quickly darting behind himself to tickle at the backs of Jim’s thighs again and making him jump. He took the opportunity to raise up onto his knees and let Jim scramble onto his back. Bones came down hard on Jim’s thighs before he could get very far.

“Truce!” Jim shouted, smile stretched across his face as he pushed at Bones’s chest. Bones wasted no time in slipping his hands under Jim’s shirt and lightly scratching at every inch of skin he could reach. Jim once more dissolved into laughter, trying to squirm away and push at Bones’s chest. Neither was very effective, but Bones did enjoy alternating between tickling under Jim’s arms to get him to clamp them down, and then reaching back to squeeze the tops of his knees to get him to try to push Bones away again. It was a vicious circle, and Bones only let up when Jim’s face started turning pink.

“Now, what was that about more ideas?” Bones asked, grinning triumphantly as Jim collapsed onto the mattress, a tired smile on his face even as his hands hovered protectively in front of himself.

“I-” Jim huffed, gasping in more air. “-Am going-” He cracked his eyes open to watch Bones smile drop from his face at this next part. “-To wreck you.” 

           “Regret anything yet, kid?” Bones asked over the sound of Jim’s loud laughter, Bones’ fingers instantly going for one of his worst spots: his neck. There was typically led up to this point, his fingers spidering up his torso as Jim writhed around or his thumbs would hook into Jim’s hips and have the man thrash and buck. Not this time though, Bones was tired and insistent on getting his point made.

           “Nohoho!” Jim cackled, knowing what Bones was about to do next, the weight of Bones’ body shifting from his lower back to his thighs, fingers brushing down his neck to between his shoulder blades, increasing pressure as they moved. His thin shirt offered no protection from the onslaught that was Bones’ fingers, swift and meticulous.

           “You sorry now, Jim?” Bones asked, less malice than before. Jim’s magical laughter was always a decent remedy to a stressful day, or week in this case, even if Jim was the stressor itself. It didn’t take long for Jim to give in, despite how much he enjoyed the tickling. He had a breaking point, as everyone does, and Bones knew how to get there fast.

           “You’re so mean,” Jim stuck out his tongue, crossing his arms as Bones lingered above him, having gotten up to let the younger man breathe. Bones knew Jim was going to mess with him again, and honestly, Bones could not give two shits. At this point, he just wanted to go to bed in peace.

                                                                 There was very little that could keep Bones awake at night, especially after a long week. Normally it was a dying Jim or a memory of Joanna that was the only thing that warded away the doctors’ slumber, but not tonight. It was a craving. A craving to be happy.

           Tickling Jim had always made him happy, or at least smile a bit. The kid always liked the attention, the affection. He liked the sensation of being tickled, the bursts of laughter that couldn’t be withdrawn, that just flowed freely like a river. Bones had the strange feeling of jealousy, that he was jealous of Jim. He wanted to be happy, to laugh freely. Bones wanted to be tickled, though he didn’t understand why. He was never fond of being tickled, though didn’t mind it when Jim was doing it, but he never sought it out. He knew it was always a risk to be had whenever Jim was around, but he never asked for it.

           Until now.

                                                                How the hell was he going to get Jim to tickle him? It happened often enough that Bones didn’t think it would be hard, but this was different. Bones wanted it. He had never wanted it before, and goddamn was he not going to ask for it. Jim asks for it from time to time, but Bones was no Jim. There was no way he could ask for it.

           What was he going to do?

           “You good Bones?” Jim asked from the doorway. He gently tossed an empty box of gloves at Bones’ head, it bouncing to the ground after making contact. Bones barely registered what had happened, letting out a tired, startled noise from being addressed. He looked to the floor, noting the box, and had no response.

           “Hey Jim,” Bones replied as he picked up the box and tossed it in the garbage bin. The captain tilted his head slightly, knowing there was something wrong, Bones was often quiet when he was in his office, but this was different. It was like Bones wasn’t actually there, and Jim wouldn’t know what to do if Bones wasn’t there. If his best friend had turned into a ghost or a cocoon or something, Jim would rather die because he had no idea what he could do without Bones. Jim of course was jumping to conclusions here, as he always did, and he needed to get to the bottom of this before Bones went full ghost mood on him and his spirit drifted out of the ship and Jim was left with just Bones’ body and that would be disgusting and Jim would have to dispose of it and it would be scary and…

           “Bones!” Jim almost ran across the room, sliding so he was kneeling on the floor, grabbing both of Bones’ hands as if he was going to propose to the man. Bones’ eyes widened, though he did not pull away, too surprised by Jim’s actions to even process what was going on. “Are you still in there? You’re not a ghost, are you? Are you okay?”

“What the fuck are you talking about Jim?”

“You were zoned out and that’s not like you, so I got scared. Is there something wrong with you?”

“No, no,” Bones glanced down at the floor, too lost in thought to be amused by Jim’s random stream of thought. “I was just thinking of something. I’m fine.”

“You were thinking really hard,” Jim replied, pulling up a chair to get out of his uncomfortable position. “Normally you only think really hard when there is danger, or someone is about to die or something.”

“No, I don’t, I think hard all the time, jackass,” Bones retorted, then let out a soft sigh. “What are you doing?”

“I’m being annoying, I think,” Jim smiled, the conversation finally turning around. He did come to Bones’ office for a reason.

“Did you come here to just be annoying?”

“Yes,” Jim clapped his hands together, “Because I’m bored.”

“Go bother Spock or something,” Bones replied, looking over his desk, hoping to find something he could distract himself with. Maybe if he acted like he wasn’t interested in interacting with Jim that it would provoke him into attacking.

“Okay,” Jim leaped to his feet and made his way to the door.

“Wait,” Bones shot up, stretching an arm out as if he was trying to reach for the other man. He wasn’t going to let Jim get away, no. This was the perfect opportunity to get what he wanted, he craved, but how the hell was he going to get it? He couldn’t just ask, could he?

“You need something?” Jim asked as he glanced over his shoulder, body freezing in place.

“Yes,” Jim looked expectantly at the doctor, though Bones’ mind raced to find the words. He did need something, but how was he going to word it. Bones was never the best at words, unless it was based around his profession, but this was definitely not the case.

“And that would be?”

“Stay,” Bones motioned for the captain to stop as it seemed he was losing interest in the conversation. He patted his desk, beckoning Jim to sit back down. He didn’t know where he was going to go from here, but this was headway.

           “Do you want help with work or something?” Jim asked, picking up a piece of paper once he took his seat, glancing over the small words, picking out Sulu’s neat signature at the bottom of the page. “Isn’t this some sort of space HIPAA violation or something?”

           “You’re not going to help me work,” Bones snatched the paper from Jim’s hand, putting it back into the neat pile it had been resting in. “You’re going to help me get work done. I.e. talk to me or something.”

           “You want company,” Jim said, though it sounded more like a question, but Bones simply nodded. Jim had given Bones a lot of company while they were still at the academy, though it was mostly his decision. Bones never insinuated it, Jim just hanging back in the room because he wanted Bones’ company and he knew the other man didn’t mind. This was definitely a first for both of them. “So, um, what do you want to talk about?”

           “I dunno,” Bones shrugged, honestly surprised he got this far. “I’m sure you can come up with something.”

           “So, the other night,” Jim said after a long pause, his vibrant eyes flicking back and forth toward each ceiling tile. “Did I annoy you so much that you’re mad at me today?”

           “Why would you say that?” Bones asked after a brief pause, slightly taken back. This definitely wasn’t where he was expecting this conversation to go, nor was it where he wanted it to. “I told you to stay, you don’t think I would ask you to do that if I was mad at you, don’t you think?”

           “True,” Jim shrugged, rubbing the back of his neck. “You were just all out of it. I thought you were mad or something.”

           “I was just lost in thought,” It was Bones’ turn to shrug, though this was the truth. These stupid thoughts had been plaguing him all morning. “Nothing to worry about.”

           “Hmm…okay,” Jim picked up a pen and twirled it between two fingers, pressing his tongue against his cheek. “What were you thinking about?”

           “I…um…it was um…” Bones frantically searched his desk, as if he would find some miraculous answer just lying there. Lights flashed in Bones’ mind as sirens blared out, the many parts of his brain screaming at one another, all of them trying to get the fuck out of this situation without being stupid.

           Option A:

           “Food,” Bones blurted out, grabbing his stomach. “I’ve been starving all day.”

           “I could go grab you something to eat,” Jim said, pressing down on the arms of the table, preparing to stand.

           “No no no,” Bones stuttered as Jim sat back down. “I’m fine, really.”

           Option B:

           “Are you okay, Bones?”

           “Just tired, that’s all,” He drawled, feigning a yawn which turned into a real one.

           “I give you permission to take a nap or go to bed early,” Jim glanced behind him. “I don’t see anyone coming and I don’t think there is going to be a sudden outbreak of space measles, so you’re probably fine. I promise I won’t fall down some stairs or do anything stupid for the rest of the day.”

           “I can’t. What if there is an accident or something? I can’t just leave. You all are a wreck without me on standby,” Bones let out a soft laugh at his own joke, relieved to hear Jim do the same.

           “Well, take a nap here,” Jim smiled, getting out of his chair. “I’ll just leave, and you can rest for a bit.”

           “Don’t-,” Bones found himself on his feet as well, biting his lip as a faint blush rose to his cheeks. “Don’t leave.”

           “What the hell is going on, Bones?” Jim crossed his arms, shifting all his weight to one leg, looking more stern than usual. There was something wrong with a member of his crew and Bones knew damn well that Jim was going to get to the bottom of it.

           Option C:

           “God dammit,” Bones scratched the back of his head, scathing. He hated this. Why couldn’t he just tell Jim what he wanted? Why did he have to jump through all these stupid hoops to make absolutely no progress, acting like some sort of circus clown acting out some shitty charades or something? “Why can’t I just tell you?”

           “Tell me what?” Jim chewed on his lower lip, growing more concerned for his now pacing friend. It had been quite some time since Jim had seen someone go through so many emotions in a matter of a few minutes, let alone Bones do it, and frankly, it scared the shit out of him.

           “I just…ugh,” Bones covered his face with his hands, groaning in frustration. “It’s so fucking easy for you to do this. Why can’t I just fucking do it?”

           “What?” Bones’ voiced had been muffled, but Jim got the bulk of it. Jim needed answers, and he needed them now. “Bones, I order you to tell me what the hell you are talking about.”

           “Fuck,” Bones muttered softly, then his eyes widened with an idea. He looked up from the bleach stain on the floor and looked Jim dead in the eyes. “Come with me.”

           Option D:

           “Where are we going,” Jim asked for the fifth time, just hoping that Bones could give him some answers at last. Bones had locked the door to his office and led Jim down to the living quarters.

           “Sit,” Bones spoke for the first time since they left his office, opening the door to his room. Jim obliged, throwing himself onto Bones’ bed as if he owned the place, curling up at the foot of the bed. Propped up by his elbows, Jim watched Bones walk across the room, breathing deeply as if he was trying his hardest to relax. He sat himself at the corner of the bed, next to Jim’s shoulder and just stared at his dresser.

           “What’s going on Bones?” Jim’s worry came back, a bubble of anxiety rising from his stomach like a moth emerging from its cocoon. Bones ran a hand down his face then into his hair, all the gears in his head spinning as fast as they could. “Should I be scared?”

           “No,” Bones replied softly, playing with his hands, all the words in his vocabulary twisting and turning in his mind, trying to find the right sentence, the right words to express what he wants. “This is so hard for me to say. God damn, Jim, how do you do this all the damn time?”

           “Take you into my room and mumble to myself?” Jim untangled himself and sat up, legs dangling off the edge, mirroring Bones. “What’s going on?”

           “I don’t know how to say it,” Bones let out a long sigh, hating himself for being embarrassed about it. Jim never seemed embarrassed about it, why does he have to be. But this was different, wasn’t it? “You say it with such ease, I just don’t know how to say it.”

           “Say what?” Jim was completely turned so he was facing Bones, no way for him to leave his sight. Bones just sputtered incoherently, grasping for words, but was only getting jumbled sounds. He felt like a child too embarrassed to admit that he broke the vase and was trying to blame it on the dog, but he desperately wanted to tell the truth, but his tongue was twisted. His blush was growing rosier by the second, Jim was afraid the man was going to turn into the flower at this rate.

           “That thing I do to you,” Bones struggled to pronounce most of what he said, hating every second of this. “When you’re annoying.”

           Bones paused, noting Jim’s confusion. The captain’s eyes darted all over Bones’ face, trying to read between the lines, but just couldn’t do it. Bones clapped his hands together quietly like an angry child, trying to put two and two together for Jim to understand him, but not blatantly say what he wants.

           “That thing I do…” Bones said, leaning toward Jim, looking him up and down. Jim just blinked, confused. “Like last night?”

           “Yell at me?”

           “No,” Bones shook his head furiously, biting his lip. “The other thing.”

           “Tickling?” Jim flinched back when he saw how excited Bones had suddenly become, nodding like Jim had just answered a million-dollar question correctly. Jim furrowed his brow, “What about it?”

           Bones clenched his fist, wanting to hide away like a turtle in its shell, his face growing hotter.

           “I…want…” Bones’ voice shook. Did Jim ever feel this way? Bones didn’t remember Jim ever stumbling on these words, not even the first time he asked for it. Though Jim was a much different man than he was.

           “You want to tickle me?” Jim asked incredulously, leaning back with his arms supporting him, leaving his under arms and torso exposed. It was so god damn easy for him to ask for it, but why couldn’t Bones do it? “Go ahead. Though I don’t know why you’re having such an issue with it. Normally you don’t even think before just doing it. You really sure you’re okay?”

           “I don’t want to do it,” Bones strangled out, sounding like he was being held at gunpoint.

           “So, what do you want then?” Jim asked, resuming if prior position. He searched Bones’ eyes, having not the slightest idea on what he wanted until he glanced down at Bones’ hands, one of his fingers twitching inward, as if he was gesturing to himself.

           Oh.

           “No fucking way,” A wide smile spread across Jim’s lips, his bright eyes sparkling even in the dimly lit room. Bones had forgotten to turn on any of the lights when they entered, so the two of them were only illuminated by the small lamp that pointed at the pillows, which amplified the fear and anticipation Bones felt when he saw the mischievousness written on Jim’s face.

           “Yeah,” Bones’ voice lingered, his legs bouncing in anticipation as embarrassment still painted his face. “So, um…”

           “So, what do you want me to do?” Jim asked, standing up so he was looming over Bones. Bones unconsciously inched backwards, biting down on lip to hold back a smile. Once Jim had him where he wanted him, Jim pushed Bones down flat on the bed, excited fear swirling in his eyes.

           “I want you to…” Bones’ conscious screamed at him to just say the damned word. It wasn’t too hard. He said it almost everyday to fluster Jim, why did it have to fluster him now?

           “Say it,” Jim sang, forming a claw with his hand, twitching fingers hovering over Bones’ belly. A contorted smile and low chuckles emerged from the doctor; he was so close to his goal.

           “Just do it,” Bones’ fingers tightened around the bed sheets, knowing well that he will need something to stabilize himself.

           “Do what?” Jim teased, driving Bones up the wall as his fingers seemed to get closer and closer to their targets, but still too far away.

           “I can’t say it,” Bones’ voice hitched when Jim’s index finger brushed the fabric of his shirt for a split second. He thought he was going to explode as Jim repeated for him to just say it already. He knew that’s all he had to do to get what he wanted, but god dammit Jim, it was so fucking hard.

           “Bones,” Jim giggled like the demented child he was, his anticipation matching Bones’. “Just say the words and you can have everything you want.”

           “It’s so fucking hard,” Bones whined into his bed as he contorted himself to hide his face, though Jim already knew how red he was. Bones hated that he was acting like his young daughter when she was being fussy, but Jim was making everything so much harder than it already was.

           “Just repeat after me. Please tickle me oh handsome and brilliant captain of this space vessel.”

           “Jim,” Bones growled without an edge.

           “Fine,” Jim whined, making himself laugh. “Just say, please tickle me, and we’ll be all good.”

           Bones huffed, grip tightening more, throat tensing as if it was painful for him to utter the words.

           “Please tic… tick…”

           “Only a little bit more,” Jim cooed, his fingers so close to Bones’ stomach, like little phantoms reaching for him. “You can do it!”

           “Tick…”

           “Aww c’mon Bones. I can almost hear it!”

           “Please tick…”

           “So close!”

           “Please…ti…ck…”

           “Are you blushing too hard to say it? Is it embarrassing? Aww.”

           Option E:

           “God dammit Jim, just fucking tickle me already!” Bones growled out, then let out a long breath of realization. Jim was just as surprised as he was, having to pause and replay the sentence in his head a few more times until he could process it all.

           “That wasn’t too hard was it?” Jim cooed and finally launched his attack.

           The rumble of laughter that growled from the storm cloud within him was finally released, pouring from his upturned lips, a small creek morphing to a flash flood. Ten teasing fingers danced along his lower torso, a tango merging into a waltz, his laughter the song they danced to. Bubbles of anxiety that had clung to the membrane of his being popped, exploding into ticklish bliss, brilliant colors flashing before his giggly daze.

           “Having fun?” Jim’s words seemed to pop out of his mouth like a speech bubble, the two teasing words swirling around the room, intertwining with the peals of laughter being released. The meticulous fingers climbed up Bones’ torso, wedging themselves between two ribs, then the next two, then the next, as they climbed the ladder that was his body. They curled into the talons of a bird of prey, a bird that preyed on the doctor’s sensitive underarms, and dug into the hollows, magical music following suit. Thrashing was inevitable, despite how hard the man tried to stay still. Oh, did he want this, he wanted it so much, but he still couldn’t keep still. He was always more prone to struggle than Jim, that boy could be laughing his god damned ass off and still be quite still, until he was flipped over and his most ticklish spot was up to bat, and speaking of worst spots…

           “Jim!” Bones yelped out suddenly, just like a stupid screaming out the name of an answer they knew for a test that they had blanked on before. The weight on his thighs had been alleviated, which typically only meant one thing. Swirling fingers continued to cyclone back down his body, stopping briefly at the tips of the hips, loud laughter morphing into bubbly giggles for a few moments as they migrated down his thighs, then finally stopping.

           “You ready for it?” Bones just nodded, goofy grin stretching across his bliss intoxicated face. Ten fingers descended down on his knees and the entire world paused for the twenty happy minutes Jim spent tickling all around them. From pinching just above the kneecap like a mischievous crab to scratching along the backs, Bones was in ticklish heaven, and he never wanted it to end.

           Maybe, just maybe, this will become a new past time for them. Their one-sided tickle fights will now become a versus royale and everything would be even, just like Bones now wanted it to be.