#ticcikills

Broken from her fantasies, Lexi jerked up, temple cold from the chill of the passenger window. Despite knowing, she instinctively looked over to the driver's seat, where her mother, Bonnie, sat. Recently, Lexi had been avoiding doing so. Guilt was not an emotion she carried easily, and when she saw how miserable her mother looked, it was all she felt. Especially as this time, it was undoubtedly Lexi's fault.

A smile that didn't reach her eyes spread across Bonnie's face, "We're here."

Desperate to avoid the shame, Lexi looked onward. Ahead of them, past the frost that clung to the edges of the windshield, loomed Twisp High School. Such an ugly sight, with its plain walls and strictly corporatised landscaping—yet today, it was unpleasant for another reason. Anxiety balled in Lexi's throat as the stitches beneath her sleeves suddenly felt too tight. How many weeks had she missed? Was it four or five? Not that it mattered—nobody would have noticed her absence, much like they didn't notice her presence.

"Thanks, Mom." Lexi's tongue was dry, either from lack of use or nerves, as she slung the strap of her bag over her head.

"If you need to leave early," Bonnie abruptly said, leaning over the middle console as Lexi clamoured out of the car, "just get reception to call me. I'll come get you, okay?"

"Sure. Bye, Mom," Lexi then paused, before adding, "Love you."

Whatever response Lexi got—likely a reciprocation—she didn't hear, as the passenger door shut the moment the words left her mouth. Hearing words she didn't deserve would only worsen her mood. Which, as Lexi forced her feet across the parking lot and up the stairs, she decided would have happened anyway, the eerie silence from beyond the doors telling her she was late. With a purse of her lips, she dove into her bag, digging through stray pens, receipts and abandoned hair ties until she found a relatively unscathed timetable. Was it Monday? It had to be Monday—her mother was far too orderly to take her back to school in the middle of the week. Tracing her finger from the day, Lexi roughly estimated that she was late to English.

Not bothering to visit the office for a note—she presumed "I tried to kill myself" was a good enough excuse to hold its own footing—Lexi traversed the empty halls until she came to her classroom. The drone of the lesson abruptly paused at the squeak of the door hinges, and Lexi's hopes that she could make a relatively quiet entrance were shattered. Nevertheless, she slipped in silently, mentally cursing that each eye that fell on her would find itself blind the next morning. From the front of the room, the teacher—Ms. Briggs, a middle-aged woman with pink glasses and straw-like hair—ogled her. Why was it, Lexi wondered, that a teacher seemed to revert to microbe intelligence when faced with a late student?

"Ah, Lexi," Ms Briggs glanced the girl over, as if checking she was truly still alive, "Welcome back. You… ah, well, we're doing assigned seating this year…"

Ignoring the woman's pleasantries, Lexi turned her attention to the classroom. Most faces—of which would be waking up blind, as per her mental cursing—were familiar, including Nia, who looked absolutely furious. Whether that was because Lexi had tried to kill herself, or because that event had led to Nia getting seated next to the kid that smelt like socks, Lexi would have to find out later. Yes, all familiar—save for one. At the very back of the room, tucked into the corner seat, was a boy. Pale, almost deathly so, face framed by choppy, brown locks and his body swamped by an earthy-toned sweater. Not much else could be seen from where Lexi was standing, but she was certain that she had never seen him before.

Which, considering the fact that Twisp rarely earned any new residents, let alone teenagers, was quite hard for her to believe.

"You can sit there," Ms Briggs, comically on queue, pointed to the vacant seat beside the boy, "beside Toby."

Not that there were other options, Lexi observed. In fact, every other seat was occupied, and by the look on Nia's face, that seemed to be intentional. Strange. The last time Twisp High School had a new arrival, she had been dissected and indoctrinated into a clique by lunch. What was so different about this one that he would still be on his own? Or rather, what was wrong with him? After a brief moment of consideration, Lexi muttered a thank you to Ms Briggs and strode down the aisle until she came to her seat. With conscious effort, she avoided looking at the boy as she pulled out her chair and sat down, instead busying herself with finding her stationery. By the time she was situated, the lesson had resumed, and Lexi attempted to glue her attention to the front of the room.

Which would have been possible, if not for the nagging, prickling urge to look to her right.

As, despite how much she opposed the fact, she was no better than her nosy, self-serving peers. When it came to new students, Lexi normally didn't care much. The fight to claim them was always a bloodbath, one she didn't bother involving herself with, as even if she did, the likelihood of anyone choosing her from the masses was slim to none. She couldn't blame them—it was basically social suicide, befriending the girl who only received hatred or indifference. So, appropriately, she ignored them. This boy—Toby, as Ms Briggs had called him—was different, though. As it seemed nobody liked him, either. Now that was interesting.

Lexi folded. As Ms Briggs droned on about whatever book the class had been reading, Lexi inched her head to the right and peered at the boy from the corner of her eye. Toby had beaten her to it, and shock scuttled up her spine as Lexi's eyes latched onto his own. Such a deep brown that, in the dreary lighting of the aged fluorescents, they looked as dark as ink. And lidded, as if the world weighed them down, his insomnia marked beneath in shades of red and purple. Despite how exhausted he looked, his gaze was intense—penetrating, but not violating, as if he found her just as peculiar as she did him. Heat crawled up Lexi's neck, the kind that a child feels when caught elbow deep in the snack drawer, as she snapped her attention back to the front, albeit falsely.

Could this morning get any more embarrassing? If this was the world's way of punishing her for attempting to leave it, then she had certainly learnt her lesson. And she should be learning another, Lexi mentally scolded herself, finally forcing herself to tune in to Ms Briggs.

"—We do have a test coming up in the next few weeks, so I've organised an assignment," The spectacled woman nattered as she handed stacks of papers to the front row, who began passing them backwards, "Now that we have even numbers, I'll get you to pair up with your deskmates for this one. If you finish early…"

As the student ahead of her swivelled in their chair, and a piece of paper came into sight, Ms Brigg's voice faded into the ambience. Not out of disinterest—although Lexi didn't care much for what the teacher wanted her to do with her free time—but rather something much more corrupt. Rotten, yet empty, like the cavern left behind once bacteria ate away the heart of a fruit. Against her will, Lexi's eyes slipped up the paper, words indecipherable and unimportant, and landed on the fingers that held it. Familiar, in the way that a gunshot is familiar to a deer. Brayden—she'd know that freckle on his thumb anywhere. Yet her gaze kept crawling, up his arm, across his shoulder, until she was staring death in the face. Dead, blue eyes looked right back. The scar on her nape burst, hot blood streaming down the groove of her spine, like lava in a ravine. It scalded her skin, boiling and bubbling, until her entire body was engulfed, despite the river water that filled her lungs. Was she drowning, or burning?

Whichever it was, the sound of manhandled paper brought her from it as Toby suddenly snatched the worksheet.

"Thanks," He said, although he didn't sound particularly grateful.

From the ice-hot glare that he got in response, it seemed Brayden shared that observation. For a moment, Lexi thought he would say something in return—she knew from experience he didn't have the best temper—but as quickly as the tension boiled, it dissipated. After a quick detour back to Lexi, Brayden swivelled back around in his chair and grumbled something to his deskmate.

Had Brayden just… backed down?

Partly in disbelief and partly to distract herself, Lexi returned her gaze to Toby. Who, despite how eagerly he had taken the worksheet, appeared completely disinterested in it, and was already staring at her. It seemed he did that a lot—had he looked away from her at all? Deciding to address that thought later, Lexi took the opportunity to analyse the new student properly. Apart from his eyes, his appearance was moderately normal—at least his features were. Everything else, not so much. If he told her he had got in a tussle with a meat grinder, she would have believed him. Pin-small, scarlet scabs mottled his pale face, his bottom lip scabbed and gnawed, flanked on the right by a large adhesive bandage. Scratches, both fresh and healing, marred his neck, the culprit evident as he absentmindedly itched at his throat. As for his hands, they were heavily bandaged, fingers masticated and knuckles bruised—the latter, Lexi speculated, was the only injured part of him that was not self-inflicted.

Now she understood why he had yet to be claimed. With a quick tug at her sleeves, Lexi reminded herself that she was in no place to judge. If anything, it only gave her a reason to give him a chance. A decision she was sure Nia would be horrified by.

"Ignore him." Toby jerked his head, but not at Brayden—was that intentional? His voice certainly suited him. Low and breathy, as if he was attempting to whisper, but didn't know how. "Are you new?"

Lexi's mouth opened long before she had an answer, a few seconds ticking by until she mustered a meagre, "No."

One of Toby's thick eyebrows twitched upwards, yet he persisted, "Haven't seen you yet."

"I…" Lexi glanced in front of her. Brayden's head had tilted, his ear poised backwards. Was he listening? "…was sick."

"Right."

Silence descended, thick and intrusive. Normally Lexi wasn't apposed to silence, especially when it was between herself and a stranger. In fact, she often did it intentionally, hoping the discomfort would be enough for them to leave her be. This one, not so much. Something about Toby, besides his appearance, was unsettling, which both confused and interested her. Usually, she was on the other end of such an experience. Hoping to burn some of the tension, Lexi inched the worksheet across the desk, peering at it. As if she knew anything—the homework Nia brought her had yet to see the light of day. Which Toby seemed to know, somehow. Leaning on his elbows, he dipped his head low, until his eyes met hers once more. Lexi stifled the instinct to flinch back.

"Have you r—" A pause, as a look of detached, yet intense concentration passed Toby's face, before he proceeded, "—read it?"

Choosing to ignore whatever that was, Lexi responded, "I don't even know what book it is."

"I have," With one of his gnawed fingers, Toby swivelled the worksheet to face him, and scanned the pages, "Sorta. I skipped to the end. Heard that they kill themselves, and that sounded way more interesting."

"The build-up is what makes it interesting," Lexi replied, realising they had been covering Romeo and Juliet, "I read it ages ago. Give it here."

"Thought you said you didn't," Toby said, but didn't resist as Lexi dragged the paper back.

As Lexi scanned the page, she regretted her sacrifice. One thing she despised about English class was when they covered literature. Not because of the reading, she enjoyed that part. But rather the tests that came with it. There were certainly questions that could be asked about books, specifically Romeo and Juliet, that could be answered with absolute certainty that there was no other correct answer. Ms Briggs did not choose to ask those questions. Rather, she preferred to prompt her class with aspects of the narrative that rely on personal perception. Which wouldn't be a bad thing, if she considered a 'correct' answer to be a display of understanding, rather than a response that matched her own opinion. One that, very often, differed from Lexi's. What a wonderful welcome back—an immediate fail on her first assignment of the term.

Hopefully, her partner's outlook would be more aligned with Ms Brigg's desires.

However, as she turned to ask the boy for his opinion, the sight of blood stilled her. As usual, Toby was observing her, his face a vision of indifference as he rested his chin upon his palm. But between his teeth was the edge of his pinky finger, droplets of blood staining the cracks in his bottom lip a deep, bright scarlet. It took him a few seconds to register her expression—confusion, not disgust—but when he did, he moved his pinky from his mouth. The side of his nail was bitten to fleshy, red mush.

"What?" He asked.

"You're bleeding," Lexi pointed out.

Following her gaze, Toby's broody eyes darted downwards to assess the damage, before returning to her face, "Don't worry. Can't feel it."

"Oh," Lexi replied before she processed what he said, and couldn't stifle the curiosity that scrunched her brow, "Can I ask—?"

"No," Toby interrupted, but his tone wasn't harsh, surprisingly, "I mean it. Don't worry."

Swallowing her words, Lexi fell silent. She remained as such for a second. Then another, and another. Each one that passed by, Toby seemed to grow more restless—gaze shifting, fingers picking, throat bobbing. Through the shaggy strands of his hair, his dark eyes held the same uncertainty that one would when holding their hand in a rabid dog's mouth. This puzzled her. If he was willing to stand up to Brayden, then why on earth was he frightened of her? Despite her own instability, she certainly didn't have a violent reputation. Rather the opposite, really.

The longer she observed the boy, however, the more she came to understand. Toby wasn't worried about being harmed. He was worried about being judged. If there was anything that Lexi understood, it was that. How it felt to be born different, and for that to be all the world saw. In a strange way, meeting someone that shared such a burden brought her a sense of comfort she had never before experienced. Not even with her mother, not even with Nia.

With a quick glance around the room, Lexi couldn't judge Toby for worrying. While she hadn't been there to witness what had happened during his first few weeks, she was sure there was a reason nobody liked him, and he liked nobody. Her peers weren't the most accepting.

Turning back to Toby, she assessed him for a moment, before saying, "My name's Lexi."

Toby read her face, then grinned. His smile dominated his face, sharp and wild, "I know."

I don't know what I was planning to say to her. What could I say?

"I'm sorry I completely jacked up our relationship over the bio weapon creature we're all to some extent under the control of.... Hey you want to get back to cuddling!?" Didn't exactly roll off the tongue.

But I thought to myself, as I sat down on that rickety porch in a town I long forgot the name of, next to the girl who used to be my everything. I had to say something. But what could encapsulate all of the major fuckups I had done?

"You're going to try to win me back aren't you?" Lexi spoke softly before taking another drag of her cigarette. I forgot how beautiful she looked when smoking.

"No, I just need a lighter" I pulled out my own pack of cigs. One of the few belongings that had stayed with me through the "transfer".

"There's a lighter inside" Lexi spoke matter of factly, not looking at me as she handed me her lighter.

"I wanted to be outside" I tried to match her non interested tone as I took the lighter from her hands shivering at the brush of skin. God I missed holding that hand.

"You've been outside a lot haven't you? I mean traveling the way you have." Lexi finally looked at me. And man I wanted more than anything to reach over and try to wipe away the ever-present running makeup from her face.

"Yeah but I like it here, it's cozy" I lit up my cigarette and took a puff, as always shivering at the uncomfortable feeling of bits of smoke floating through the hole in my face. Which was made only worse by the neck cracking tic that shot through my body.

"Enjoy it while you can, because trust me as soon as this thing is over you're back on the road." Lexi grumbled wiping idly at the mascara chunks if it came off on her fist only to quickly reappear.

"Good this place smells like ass." I lied and Lexi knows I'm lying. I loved it, I think I'd stay forever if I didn't have Kate and Nina and slenderman and the mission.   Even though my master at that moment was so far away I could still hear him calling. He was begging me to do the job I was made to do and I felt awful for not being able to at the moment.

But despite all of that I let myself picture a life there. I could help Doby fix up the house, we could make it a real home, I could help Alette get all of her high school credit so she could have a real chance at life. And most of all I imagined laying with Lexi and that big bed of hers. I imagined waking up every morning to feel her tucked safely between my arms and going to sleep every night with the reassurance that she was alive. I saw a future where I was her man and she was my girl.

"You know I'm really starting to agree with Duggers, they did take out a chunk of your brain in nam..." Lexi said with a sneer and I realized that I had been staring at her. I looked away quickly as she let out a humorless chuckle, reaching for the small portable radio she always seemed to bring out here for her nightly smoke.

Though I will say I've embellished some of the details of my tale this part is 100% factual. When Lexi turned that old beat up radio on, by some dark miracle of an uncaring God a tiny rendition of hey jude filtered out through its speakers.

I know I probably got stiff at that. And Lexi definitely paused before leaving it on that station, probably out of spite. And the far off eternity of a year ago that had been our song. We had danced to it in the halls of some locked down facility in the desert. I had promised my life to that girl and that song.

But what can I say if you've learned one thing about me so far I'm shit at keeping promises.

"You say you've been all over the place and you're still obsessed with me. How pathetic." Lexi took a long drag of her cigarette. Her eyes not meeting mine. I fiddled with my own cigarette as the song continued to fill the quiet nightmare.

"I mean. Sure I've been all over the place but.." I stopped, I felt another tic coming and used it as an excuse not to finish the sentence. I mean there was so much to say.

I could tell her about Jeff and the desert, I could tell her about the way he treated his "girls". The way he had gestured over them and told me it could all be mine too if I just joined him. How I had said no because I didn't need 3 girls, I only needed one.

I could tell her about Killing Kate in the underrealm, how all I had thought when looking at that pretty prostitute was how the blood dripping from her eyes looked like Lexi's mascara even as she threatened us with a gun.

I could tell her about the spike of fear I felt as I wandered through the dark carnival and found a doll of Jason's that looked too similar to her for comfort.

I could tell her all that and more but all I said was.

“I still love you Lexi.” We met each other's eyes then and I could see it in hers she still loved me.

“I want to love you Toby. But I need you to love yourself first.” Lexi quickly looked away before taking another hit of the Cigarette now nearly burned out.

“Well once we get to wherever slender man's taking us he's going to make me-” I could feel myself starting on the spiel. The thing that had gotten me into this mess in the first place. The far off promise of normality. Of not flailing like some junkie every 5 minutes. Of not seeing things that weren't there out of the corner of my eye. Of being a normal person.

“I don't care! That thing is a monster and it's killing you the same way it's killing us!” I was shocked as Lexi grabbed my arm, her face was twisted with sorrow and hate and love all mixing into one unidentifiable emotion.

“It's made you think it can fix you but it can't because you don't need fixing!!” She looked desperate as she said a plea to a madman.

“I do!” I said with exasperation a tic hitting my body right as the hand grabbing shifted to hand holding.

“And that's why I hate you! No matter how many times I try to tell you I like you just the way you are, you think you need to change for me!” Lexi dropped my hand and I felt dead.

“I just want to be better” I looked away knowing that Lexi had moved further along the porch away from me.

“I don't care. You being “better” hurts the people I care about including you. Until you can get it through your skull, I can't be your girl Toby. ” Lexi stood up dusting herself off and throwing the cigarette away carelessly.

“I'll help you deal with Vicky, I'll help you get Kate and this Nina girl to safety” I looked down at my feet, my own cigarette having long since burned out. “ But after that I don't want you near me or anyone I care about ever again.”

I could hear Lexi walking towards the door ready to enter back into the house.

"And next time I'll make sure the axe goes all the way through your neck."  She said, slamming the door as she walked inside.

I sat there for a while as the radio played the ending of Hey Jude.