Fawn

Stories

The Bunny and the Hare (Lexi and Nia’s origin)

Original Characters

Lexi Kills

Nia Vile

Shattered Sam

Currently working on

The Bunny and the Hare - Act 1, Chapter 2

Lexi Kills - poorly explained lore series

Dig Your Graves (comic series)

Para-Archives masterlist

All Lexi knows about what happened is what she has been told. She knows she had broken bones, blood loss and a severe concussion, and she knows she would have died if the paramedics had got there only a few minutes later.

But what she doesn't know is what Brayden actually did to her.

The incident gave Lexi memory loss. There are some issues with her short-term memory because of it, but mainly, she doesn't remember the attack at all, nor the few hours leading up to it. The only reason she knows it was Brayden who did it is that he had been harassing her earlier that day, and she has blurry memories that come through here and there (mostly during PTSD episodes, or when she sees him or someone mentions him).

The reason I never clarify what he actually did is precisely because of that. Lexi will never know what happened to her; therefore, nor will the reader. It's a burden she'll always have to carry. I drew from similar life experiences for this, which is why this particular event is incredibly important to Lexi's character (at least pre-proxy), and why I take how I write it very seriously.

In fact, at some point in the story, Lexi ends up confronting Brayden, promising she wouldn't take action against him and that she just wanted to know so she could finally let it go. But he denies his involvement completely. So, neither Lexi nor the audience will ever know.

"Has your mom said you can ride the bus again, or what?" Nia stood huddled at Lexi's side, mostly because she was being held there by the swarm of students around them.

Winter mornings were always rough. Despite the fact that the heating had been broken for years, and the walls were poorly insulated, students much preferred to pack inside the school rather than brave the harsh outdoors. Which put Lexi in a predicament. Firstly, because she despised the sound of coats rubbing together, and secondly, because she was looking for Toby. Casually at first, out of mere curiosity. Part of her wanted to observe how he acted when amongst the cruel masses. Perhaps it would shed some insight into why everyone avoided him like the plague, with much more subversion than they did to her. 

But now, it was bordering on urgent. Where was he?

"I've only been back two days," Replied Lexi, despite only half-listening, "She's worried about me."

"I have to sit next to Allegra now. Which would be fine, if she shut up about her boyfriend," Nia complained. "Why did you have to try killing yourself? You've subjected me to this!"

"Because I was sick of your whining," Lexi joked, then added by reflex, "Kidding."

As Lexi peered to-and-fro, Nia abruptly fell silent, which took the blonde a few moments to notice. Once she did, and cast a look down at her best friend's face, she was met with narrowed, suspicious eyes. Anxiety knotted in Lexi's gut. That was never good. 

"Who are you looking for?" Nia asked, but it sounded more like an accusation.

"Nobody," Lexi lied.

Not very well, apparently, as Nia cocked her head with a sour scowl, "You're looking for that Rogers guy! God, Lexi, I know you're not doing too good, but really?"

"What are you talking about?" Lexi didn't bother stifling the urge to defend him. "You know, what you're saying about him is what everyone else says about me."

"Er, no, it isn't. It's very different, actually. He got expelled for biting someone's ear off, Lexi, that's why he moved here!" Snapped Nia, "And attacked Smithy on, like, the third day back."

Smithy—meaning Brayden. The remainder of Nia's sentence was briefly meaningless to Lexi, as the scar on her nape boiled. Well, that explained why it seemed so tense between him and Toby the day before. But it didn't make sense. Sure, Toby had some strange mannerisms that he refused to elaborate on, and looked like he slept on a bed of razor blades, but he wasn't violent. If anything, he was the opposite. At least, he had been to her. 

But not everyone was what they seemed, she reminded herself.

After all, she hadn't known Brayden was capable of… well, whatever it was he had done to her that night. Nor had she known Randall was a lazy, abusive slob until he married her mother. Almost comically often, Lexi would expect the best in people who turned out to be the worst. It had never bugged her before—most of the time, she felt as though she deserved it—so why did she feel so disappointed?

For the remainder of the day, it was all Lexi could think about. An image of Toby haunted her mind—him hunched over one of his poor peers, digging his teeth into the thin flesh of their ear, blood splattering as he tore it from their skull. Why did he do it, if he even did it at all? And if he did, how did he react? Was he horrified with himself, or had he smiled that sharp grin of his, the one that creased the skin beneath his eyes? 

By the end of lunch, Lexi herself felt sadistic, the interior of her mind coated in the bloodshed created from her own imagination. 

"I don't get why you care so much," Nia said through a mouthful of Twizzlers, arm looped through Lexi's as they walked to class, "He's just some tweaked-out loser. Y'know, Smithy said that while they were fighting, that thing he always wears on his face came off, and—"

Lexi's stomach coiled. Was she going to throw up? "Please stop."

"I thought you were into all that gore stuff—"

"Lexi!"

Simultaneously, the girls swivelled, equally as surprised. In the entirety of their time at Twisp High School—over two years, now—the majority of the school body had never even spoken a word to Lexi. If not a target of cruelty, she was simply invisible, apart from that brief moment in time when she was everyone's favourite victim. Not once had anyone, ever, called out her name within school walls, save for Nia. As the culprit weaved through the students, Lexi entertained some possibilities—a teacher, another student angry about some stupid rumour—yet found herself unsurprised when Toby burst through the crowd. Nauseous and slightly horrified, but unsurprised.

Much like yesterday, he looked rough. Since then, new marks had appeared—scabs across his face, a burgundy split in his lower lip, and a fresh, aching bruise forming around his left eye. The right side of his neck—which he had been scratching yesterday—was now red and raw, seeping serous fluid into the collar of his tee. Instinctively, Lexi assessed it for common interest. A 'Saw' t-shirt worn beneath a flannel, graphically bloody, yet old and faded enough for it to fly under the dress code radar.

"L-Lexi!" Toby stumbled over his words as his face twitched, which Lexi wrote off as excitement. "Hey. I—"

"Um, do you mind?" Nia's voice, cruel in the way only a teenage girl's could be, sliced through his sentence, "We're trying to get to class."

Until she spoke, Toby hadn't looked at Nia once. Surprise coloured his features, as if he hadn't even noticed her standing there, which was quickly overshadowed by something deeper. Darker. Recognition, the kind that harboured no fondness, no indifference, only hate. Such strong emotion was unpredictable in anyone's hands, and shamefully, Lexi felt a sharp, guttural pang of fear. Not for herself, but for Nia. Was he going to attack her? Sure, she was being incredibly rude, but she didn't deserve—

Toby's eyes darted to Lexi, and her train of thought screeched to a halt.

 Lexi wasn't sure what she expected. But she did know what she was scared of. It had been dancing in her mind all day—the blood, the violence, the hate. None of which Lexi was scared of individually, yet when wearing Toby's face as a mask, they were terrifying. So the look Toby gave her was surprising. Rather than unhinged aggression, he looked… well, she couldn't find a word for it. Disappointed, but not irritated. In fact, he looked almost hurt.

"Sorry, I—" The boy's face spasmed, and he quickly ran a hand over it as he retreated, "—Just wanted to talk about our assignment. I didn't realise—I'll leave you alone. S—Sorry, Lexi—"

The nausea in Lexi's gut welled, straining her insides until it felt as though her skin was about to burst. As it grew bigger, pus-filled and painful, Lexi realised it wasn't nausea. It was guilt. She had become very acquainted with the emotion, especially in the past few weeks, to the point she expected she would know the feeling anywhere. It had become a part of her, the shame, cursed to forever carry the burden of disappointing those she cared for. Much like how a tree grows around whatever you place upon it, no matter how foreign, no matter how unwanted.

But feeling it towards a stranger was not something she was familiar with. And, somehow, it hurt much more.

Nia barely waited for Toby's back to turn before she scoffed, "What a creep. As if you'd—"

"I'll see you later."

Blocking out Nia's furious complaints, Lexi's feet carried her after Toby, eyes glued to the tuft of brown, shaggy hair that stuck out from above the crowd. God, he was fast, freakishly—no, not freakish, Lexi scolded herself—impressively so. Calling out was futile amidst the entire student body, so instead, she pressed herself against the lockers and moved against the crowd, until finally, she saw an opening. As she yanked Toby from the swarm, he flinched, the tension in his brow telling her he expected someone else. Once his eyes landed on her, however, his spine straightened, yet hesitance still lingered in his shoulders. 

"Hey," He mumbled.

"Hey," Lexi responded, then paused. She had been so occupied trying to catch up to him, she hadn't thought about what to say. After a stretch of silence, she grabbed the first thought she could, and blurted, "Our assignment?" 

Toby reached up, scratching the nape of his neck as his gaze gloomily moved to the distance. "Nia's waiting for you."

Following his eyes' trail, Lexi glanced over her shoulder. Through the dense forest of students, she could just make out the small, furious form of Nia, her hazel glare hot enough to make Lexi briefly reconsider her decision. Then she reminded herself that Nia was no better—how many times had she stood by while Allegra tore Lexi to shreds? If she got to have friends like that, then she could handle Lexi speaking to someone other than her for five minutes. 

"I'm… sorry about that," Lexi sighed through gritted teeth, turning back to Toby. "I wanted to talk to you. She's just—I don't know. She's like that sometimes. It doesn't excuse it, but—"

Something in her words must have been magic, as the second they left her mouth, a switch flipped within Toby. What tension remained in his posture evaporated, and a smile—unlike his usual wide, wild one—graced his face, sheepish and restrained. As if he'd never been angry to begin with, and never had been in his life. If Lexi herself wasn't so well-versed in such drastic changes in emotion, she would have been disturbed.

"I g—get that," Toby stuffed his hands into the pockets of his jeans and cocked his head. "You have a free period now, right?"

"Um—" Lexi's gaze darted to the ceiling as she strained to recall her schedule, "—Yeah, I do, actually."

"Want to work on our—" Toby cut himself off, his face screwing up as he suppressed something unseen, before he proceeded, "—our assignment?"

With anyone else, it would have been an immediate no—her free periods were sacred, used for important things, like combing through the school dumpster for rat carcasses or journaling. This one, she had already pre-planned to use as an escape route, as she intended to skip the remainder of the day. When you try to kill yourself, you're given four free skip passes before the school administration gets brave enough to question you, and Lexi intended to abuse that. Yet, the idea didn't make her feel repulsive, as it usually did when it was something she didn't want to do. 

Weird.

Lexi pursed her lips, "Don't you have class?" 

"I can skip." Toby shrugged.

One last look over her shoulder would cement it. Glancing backwards once more, Lexi combed the hall—much less populated now—for Nia. The place the girl had once occupied was empty and, surprisingly, unscorched. Well, there was her answer. 

"Sure," Lexi replied as she swivelled back around, "Library?"

It was Toby's turn to purse his lips, although his was followed by a sly grin, "Nah. Follow me."

This was a bad idea.

A really, really bad idea. Going off of campus with a boy she'd known for barely two days, a boy rumoured to have mauled someone's ear off and attacked another unprompted, was a very bad idea. For all she knew, he could have a knife tucked into the pocket of his jeans, and was just itching to get her alone. Not that it phased Lexi much—just because she hadn't been successful didn't mean she wanted to live. A dark part of her wondered if that was why she went, despite what her logic was telling her. 

But the true part of her knew Toby wasn't like that.

Which turned out to be surprisingly trustworthy—as rather than taking her to a dark, secluded section of the forest, Toby brought her to a gas station. After paying for a drink each, they wandered down the neglected asphalt until they found their resting place upon an abandoned brick garage. Only then did Toby pull up his shirt and allow the hoard of food he had stolen to rain down. 

"When did you even grab all of this?" Lexi exclaimed through a mouthful of Pepsi.

Toby snickered as he sat across from her, rifling through their stash. "Most people are too busy looking at my face to notice what I'm doing with my hands."

"Right," Lexi replied thoughtfully.

Rustling filled the silence between them as Toby searched, finally landing on a Tangy Taffy and peeling it open with his teeth. As he ate, Lexi's eyes fell to his jaw. Was he only chewing on his left side? That wasn't too weird, if you didn't account for the fact that every time his teeth separated, the plaster on his right cheek hollowed in the centre. As if there was nothing beneath it. Strange, Lexi had never—Sharply, so quickly that Lexi would have missed it if she blinked, Toby's nose scrunched. Then again. Curiously, Lexi sniffed at the air. Was there a bad smell she was unaware of? Or worse—was it her?

Toby's voice broke her from her thoughts. "Why are you friends with Nia?"

Lexi's eyelashes fluttered. "What? Um—well, why are you friends with anyone? We just get along, I guess."

"You guess?" Toby grinned, a breathy chuckle rumbling in his throat.

Which was short-lived, however, as the joy drained from his face, replaced with a swampy fog of thought. As his gaze drifted away, he reached up, scratching thoughtfully at his neck. Fluid seeped into his nailbeds, the translucent liquid blending with the blood drawn out by his itching. Yet, again, he didn't react, despite the fact he was clawing at raw flesh. Blood and flesh never phased Lexi—how could it, considering her morbid interests?—but a shudder crawled up her spine at the sight of him harming himself. Was this how it felt, to be her mother? To be Nia? Reaching across their haul of snacks, Lexi took hold of Toby's fingers and peeled them away from his throat. Blood clung to his gnawed fingernails, yet he didn't seem to notice, nor care; his gaze was much too fixated on Lexi's face.

"You're not like her, though," Toby wrapped his fingers, almost insistently, around hers, "Popular."

The tender warmth of his touch was disturbingly foreign. 

Lexi had never been one to crave affection, nor companionship, despite being surrounded by it. Always something she could observe, but would never deserve. The experience of being wanted was one she had only known vicariously. Never had it bothered her—she knew very well that none of her peers even wanted to be near her, let alone be with her, and as such didn't entertain herself with empty, targetless yearning. Resisting the raw, human desire to be loved made her feel in control.

So the rush of heat that scaled her neck was frightening. Why was her throat so dry? Could he feel the sweat gathering on her palms? 

"I might be," Lexi forced past the ball in her throat, "You don't know."

As she spoke, Toby lowered his hand, bringing her own with it, cradling her palm in his lap. She prayed for his fingers to remain where they were. Away from her wrist, away from her hammering pulse.

"Well, I do," Toby mumbled, fidgeting with her fingers thoughtfully, "Everyone talks pretty damn loud here. 'Bout each other, mostly. I'd been wondering, y'know, who Loopy Lexi was."

Lexi's hands suddenly felt ice-cold. "What?"

"She doesn't say anything when they call you that," Toby continued, "She just s—stands there."

Since the moment he had taken her hand, Lexi's attention had been undividedly fixated on Toby's face. Even his words, as heavy and hurtful as they were, were not enough to shake her from analysing every little detail—The thin crease beneath his eyes, the light freckles across the bridge of his nose, the tiny moles on his cheek. Yesterday, she hadn't noticed them, nor had she noticed how harmonious his features were. 

Yet, as his fingers abruptly jerked, Lexi's trance finally shattered.

While he spoke, Toby had been rolling Lexi's hand in his own, and had turned it palm-up. As she looked down, to her horror, so did he, which provided her no time to cover her shame. Somewhere along the way, the moth-bitten sleeve of her flannel had ridden up, exposing a slim portion of her wrist. Only a little, but enough. White gauze peered out from beneath her sleeve, thick and bright. Unavoidable and unexplainable. 

Horror licked a scalding line up Lexi's neck as she snatched her hand back. When she turned her gaze back to him, Toby was already looking at her—yet it took her a moment to make sense of it through her blurred vision.

"They talk about you, too," Lexi hissed, swallowing her tears, "About how you go around attacking people."

"That—" Toby's face, suddenly tense with irritation, spasmed. One hand came up, rubbing across his face with enough aggression to tear the split in his lip open. "That wasn't—Lexi—fuck, everyone here talks out their ass."

"Really? Do they?" She snapped.

Senseless anger raged through Lexi's mind. All the effort she put in to ensuring nobody knew what she had done—or rather tried to do—had been futile. The long sleeves, the plethora of excuses, the secrecy she had sworn Nia to adhere to—it had all been for nothing. She had intended to disappear, to be forgotten, to finally rot away and know the embrace of the earth. Not only had she failed, but now someone knew that she had. And out of all people, it was Toby.

"Tell me then," Lexi's voice didn't sound like her own—for the first time in her life, she sounded cruel, "how did you know I had a free period?"

The flush in Toby's cheeks drained, "…W-What?"

Lexi didn't know why she asked—she knew why. She had been him, once. Not knowing what to do when someone saw your murky, polluted surface and chose to stick their hands in anyway. The terror that came with it, the mistakes, the overstepping or not stepping enough. But it was her turn to search for gold in his filthy water, not his. After all, she knew that all he would find was rotten wood and old stones. 

Perhaps that was why she was angry. 

"You know, normally you fucking ask if you want to know something," Lexi snatched her bag, her eyes burning as she marched to the garage's edge, "Remember that next time you want to stick your nose in my business."

"O-Okay, I'm sorry!" Toby lurched to his feet, yet made no effort to approach her. "I saw your tuh—timetable during English, when you went to the bathroom. I—I've never had a friend. I don't know what I'm doing. I just—I wanted to know about you, Lexi."

…Shit.

Toby's words turned to blades in the air, plunging through her back, torrid and cruel. Lexi's converse scuffed at the edge of the roof, her gaze glued to the ground below. Cold wind sang through the long grass in indecipherable whispers, wafting in waves, the memory of their steps through it long whisked away. What was she doing? Was it really so evil, for him to have looked at something she had left in the open? No, it wasn't—which was exactly why it wasn't what she was angry about. Not truly. Guaze scratched at Lexi's fingertips as she ran her touch over her bandaged wrists. No, she was angry he knew. 

Punishing him for something that wasn't his fault—was that not what everyone else did to her?

When she made her way back, Toby stepped forward to meet her, dark eyes as guilty as a kicked dog's. Anxiously picking at the split in his lip, despite the blood that oozed into the cracks. Again, Lexi pulled his destructive fingers from himself, yet didn't hold onto them. 

"It's, um…" Lexi cringed, heat prickling at her cheeks. She had never been on the apologising end before, "I'm sorry. That wasn't about you."

Toby didn't look entirely convinced as he dipped his head, peering at her through his eyelashes, "Are you gonna get mad if I ask?"

For a second, Lexi felt irritated—she wasn't a wild animal!—but decided it was fair for him to be cautious. After all, he had only known her little under two days, and she had already leapt down his throat over something insignificant. But, Lexi reminded herself as an incommodious heat crawled up her neck, she only had two options. Double down, which was counterproductive, or be vulnerable, which was equivalent to torture.

Lexi settled on torture.

"Fine," Lexi exhaled a groan as she sat back down, hugging her knees close, "Just—just don't laugh. Or pity me, I hate that."

At her side, Toby seated himself, slouching to meet her gaze. That scrunch of his nose again, yet Lexi almost missed it, far too occupied with the remainder of his face. It really was quite a nice one, past the scabs and bruises, but Lexi swallowed that thought as quickly as it came. 

"How's this," Toby offered, "You tell me, and I'll tell you."

"About the ear thing?" Lexi asked hopefully.

At that, Toby pressed his lips together, "Mm, pick something else."

"That defeats the point of a trade," Lexi griped, but dwelled on it anyway. 

Many aspects of Toby were utterly interesting, yet incredibly mysterious. Why he was so violent in rumours yet so gentle in person, why he twitched and jolted, why he would pause or stumble over his words at random, or why he always wore that large bandage on his face. All things she was sure he wouldn't answer. Perhaps one she had already asked about, then. Thoughtfully, Lexi reached out, brushing her fingers over the wound on his neck. Hot and wet, with the consistency of jelly, fluid and dried blood dancing across her fingertips as she drew her hand away. Apart from flushed cheeks, Toby showed no indication that he had felt it at all.

"You can't feel that?" Asked Lexi.

"I can," Toby dipped his head as his face twitched, wiping his mess from Lexi's fingers with the hem of his shirt, "…Just not how you would."

"Tell me about that," Lexi said. When he drew his gaze back to her, she quickly added, "Please."

Thought and discomfort muddled the boy's face briefly before he answered, "F—Fine. Deal."

In the thin gap between them, Toby held out his hand, open and inviting. Ignoring the warmth that scaled her neck, Lexi took it in her own, and gave it a firm shake. How long could she ignore it, she wondered, until it became a problem?