#thwf

commission for @sp-rkzedup !

IGNORING THE MPREG. im using this as an excuse to infodump fuck you in specific

cw for like. suicide and death and a lot of other things

i love you butcher knife. My old man with debilitating depression and alcohol abuse and a constant need to care for someone lest he feel as if he has no purpose. my guy who has had to take care of his baby siblings since he was eight years old and knows nothing of being his own person. having to grow up with almost nothing so he has to steal for his siblings on the days when he stays at his fathers house. and then growing a quiet resentment for them because the only time he gets treated with any semblance of respect from his father is when hes not being a “sissy” and raising kids in which is supposed to be a “womans job.” especially raising kids stemmed from an affair. and then having to abandon those kids because his father gets way too abusive and its to a point where if butcher stays he doesnt know if hell Survive

and THEN during college having to drop out as he finally gets a chance to be himself because his wife gets pregnant. and as much as he loves his babies he hates the fact hes now in the same position he was in before. unable to have his own life, unable to pursue the things he found genuine joy in because now hes once again responsible for another human life. it doesnt hinder his ability to take care of them of course but it still hurts knowing hes nothing but a father, and thats majority of what people will ever really see him as. not an excelling baseball player or a man excited about history but a Father and nothing else

and THEN when his family ends up dying he feels the most blame for it because of if they had just stayed in that day they Wouldnt have died. but he wanted to hang out as a family because it was the first time quartz (his wife) was back from her college classes in a long time and theyd been due for a family hangout. if only hed let them rest one day more they wouldve still been with him and that Haunts him. hed think finally being his own person would give him some sort of freedom but it only spirals him into a worse and worse state

and on the night he tries to end his life he finds a kid (alien) stranded in the middle of the road, which helps him for a little while. gives him someone to take care of and be a father too again because its really the only identity hes ever had. and then the kid ends up leaving him too because This isnt zeir home and ze wants to be back with zeir true family. and as much as butcher Wants to understand, wants to rationalize that he wasnt really their father it hurts like hell anyways

then in one more fucked up iteration of him he ends up losing his kid, getting his leg ripped off by a robot clone of himself, and then quitting his job in an impulsive spiral in ~2 weeks. OH and he also ends up dating the guy who killed his family without knowing. and then kills the guy who kills his family 💛

and somehow hes still alive. my sixty-something year old heavily suicidal desperate man