#throwness

being-at-home in the world is made possible only through the warmth of acceptance by others

“Man is not only thrown into the world but also accepted. Acceptance is an integral part of throwness, so much so that being-at-home in the world is made possible only through the warmth of acceptance by others,” Landgrebe writes (xvii).

[Jan Patočka: The Natural World as a Philosophical Problem](https://reviews.ophen.org/2017/02/14/jan-patocka-the-natural-world-as-a-philosophical-problem/)

As high school graduate, about to spend my last night in the 724 I was sitting on the front porch with my step dad david and he said to me "when you go away to college, you never really go home"  and then he went on saying "you'll understand"  well yea I understand now. The last summer was awesome but thats because I dicked around all summer but I did take a class and did well in it. Anyway this summer I KNOW I gotta save money and I gotta pass the classes I need to for Penn State.  sounds like really boring adult stuff. I was always so concerned with being with my friends and spending the summer with friends but now I'm looking at it like wow I have shit I HAVE to do. that is, if I wanna stay on the right track that college has set our for me. 

*on a side note...I remember that when we were a children we were young and free. and now that we r adults, and gained the knowledge of the world we have to go through pain, torment, and labor just to get a taste of the freedom we once had.  sounds kinda sad to me.

and now about summer

I have absolutely no clue what im about to go into this summer. usually my intuition or foresight can give me a pretty accurate depiction of the "essence" of what im about to go forth into, but for this upcoming summer... no clue.  I'm excited about state college because I know what's gonna happen. I'm gonna live on campus, im gonna be 21, ill be united with some old altoona buddies, go to games, you know, state college stuff. Anyway im not really nervous for state, im nervous for this summer because idk what to expect!   I guess that is one of the major thing that people are afraid of is the unknown right?  (the reason why most people are afraid of death)

The only thing i can look at in terms of this summer is my throwness and projection.

throwness = the past, what we are thrown into; whether by choice or not (high school, friends, college, major, family, ethnic background)

projection = our future; what we can project ourselves into.  ex; if a little boy grows up dreaming to be a fire fighter, he will go through his life doing what he can to become a firefighter.. he projected his own future. 

So my throwness for this summer...

I'll be coming back from my second year of college. (and I hear that if you do anything for two years or more you become an expert at it) So ill be with all of my high school friends coming back as an expert college student. I'd have to admit, I was still in high school mentally freshman year. but thats what college (esp Penn State) is there for.  Penn state was seriously a big slap in the face for me like DO WELL IN SCHOOL, GET GOOD GRADES, MEET OUR EXPECTATIONS. So i feel like I already gained so much more out of it than I possibly could have wanted. I see now that Penn State is a lot harder and a lot more labor intensive than other schools but thats the point is to whip you into shape so you can say you earned that Penn State degree. I didn't get that until I was in Penn State for two years. 

I suck so bad at math so I have to take a math class over the summer as well ugh. and possibly a chemistry class GO ME   :/

and about my friends..

two of my best high school friends will be turning 21 so they will be off at the bars, however one of them is living in new york city so he won't be around. I know I'm going to be working but I don't even know where and that is also scary for me. 

Now onto my projection I found out the one really big thing that I need for my major I'm going into is experience. So this summer I would like to try and shadow someone that works for the fish and game commission. (not really what I want to do but hey its experience with Wildlife). One thing I would really like to do is Wildlife rehabilitation but its all volunteer :/  so I would need to find a job first and then go onto all that good stuff. I feel like I have so much shit to do but I have the throwness of remember how awesome and relaxing summer is. so maybe I will have a lot of stuff to do but in a "summer state of mind" so to say.  who know?!  thats why I wrote this I have no idea!  

ugh this constant angst is the stuff that kills me and makes me look back on it and makes me wish I could go back in time and have a chat with myself and tell me everything is going to be ok or give me advice.   but I guess thats the fun part like forest gump said "life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're going to get."